With Europe on the brink of World War III, the UK limping on with a comedy Prime Minister, British storms blowing our British bins all over the road and Louis Theroux's new series not being as good as I wanted it to be, I couldn't bring myself to sit down and earnestly review anything today. Grave thoughts weigh too heavily on my massive mind, and I can't concentrate on the fab new promos I've been sent by HYPE Filter, so I'm shoving them all to one side and coming up with some light-hearted zingers, a few hilarious look-a-likes and the odd viral meme!
Today's post should really get the worldwide audience of Best Promos forgetting their troubles and laughing again.
Don't forget to share this on your social media channels to raise awareness under the hashtags: #DanceComedy and #LaughingMyHeadOff
Ok, here we go. Imagine I'm sat on a chair like Ronnie Corbett, clapping and smirking...
A young man wearing a Shamen t-shirt and carrying an A4-sized CHOON placard swaggers into a venue and sidles up to an older gentleman who's minding his own business. The youngster lifts his geometric, metal-framed sunglasses on top of his green dreadlocks and shouts with a transatlantic accent in the older man's good ear.
"Woooaaaaah there! Woooosh. Can you feel it? Yeah, man. Amazing beats in this joint!"
"Joint? You want a joint?"
"What? No thanks, man, I don't smoke. It's the only thing I don't do! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
"No, a joint. Do you want a joint or not? A joint? There is no smoking in here, except for the ham. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. But I can get you a joint if that's what you came in for."
"What? Where am I? I thought this was the Creamfields festival dance tent!"
"No, you're in the Manor Butchery in Ruislip."
"Wow. These love doves are strong, man. I didn't realise what was going on."
"I wouldn't know about that, Ted. So, a joint of beef or a joint of pork?"
"Jeepers, man, slow down. Let's just hug for a minute. I feel like we have a connection...don't you?"
The young man and the old man share a long, firm cuddle, occasionally moving their hands up to platonically massage each other's scalps, the sound of Steppa's Ball by Monkey Mafia enveloping them both as the scouse hoards lift them up, crowd surfing them towards the Big Beat stage and a state of euphoria and shared transcendence neither of them had ever experienced before. They were in the Creamfields festival dance tent after all, and the old man was actually the young female presenter of CLUBAVISION on ITV!
LOL!!! What a twist!
Have you ever noticed that we've only just finished Coronavirus-19 and now it's World War III?! What's the deal with that? Can we not have a year off, at least? When World War III is done, what's next, foot and mouth disease again, or back and neck? I mean, come on. The only foot and mouth disease I wanna see is Boris Johnson's foot...in Vladimir Putin's mouth! And did you ever notice, foot and mouth disease didn't actually do anything to your feet or mouth? As far as I could see, foot and mouth was a disease that made animals do a playground pile on and spontaneously combust! I mean, come on! Oh no, sorry, I've just Googled it, I was wrong:
Symptoms of hand, foot, and mouth disease usually include fever, mouth sores, and skin rash commonly found on the hands, mouth, and/or feet. Hand, foot, and mouth disease is common in infants and children younger than 5 years old. Most children have mild symptoms for 7 to 10 days.
LOL!!! It's the way I tell 'em!
Hell yes, I'm woke! Every morning I wake up...so I guess I'm woke!
LOL!!! You can't argue with logic!
I was buying a ticket to go and see my favourite UK rock n roll band, Guns 2 Roses in Bilston the other day when it struck me that they look just like the members of the American rock n roll band, Guns n Roses!
LOL!!! I know, I know, they're a tribute band! I'm just being silly. LOL.
Buy tickets for Guns 2 Roses at The Robin, Bilston, here: Guns 2 Roses - 23 June 2022
Follow Guns 2 Roses on Twitter: @Guns2RosesUK
I say, I say, I say, I'm listening to the latest Savage Serenity mix on Threads*Hillingdon as I write this. It's absolutely fabulous and I am very much enjoying it. However, it's not as upbeat as I need on a day like today. It's very serious, but some of it sounded like the PlayStation 4 background/loading music - so that made me feel good.
If I were to make one suggestion to the DJ...TIM: get yourself a posse. Tell some jokes and amusing anecdotes in between tracks and have your posse bigging you up on air. Trust me, it'll get you noticed. Get a few jingles. Have you ever heard of an ambient/noise DJ who does phone-ins and quizzes? No. Be the first. Here's a free joke from me for you to include in your next show:
I'm not saying ambient music is boring, but I put some Brian Eno on at nine o'clock last night, I blinked and the next thing I heard was the alarm clock. It was six o'clock in the morning! I'd fallen asleep!
LOL!!! Behind every joke, there is a little bit of truth!
Follow the best ambient/noise DJ in the whole of Hillingdon on Twitter: @tmewlsn
Listen to Threads, it's good: Threads Radio
NFTs. Everyone is talking about NFTs. I made my own unique NFT on the Best Promos blockchain with the help of the Monkey Mafia Billionaire NFT Crew in Walsall. It's called, All Kicked Off, and it's a political comment on the state of capitalism AND a unique NFT.
Please don't save it as a jpeg because it's actually retailing at £13,000 because it's unique. Join the bidding war by sending your Dogecoins and Bitcoins to dsger69-monk3y-maf1a69-crpnft-sht1980
I'm running out of steam now, here's another very funny lookalike, though...
Kramer out of Seinfeld looks a bit like Spock off of Star Trek, doesn't he?
LOL!!! If you squint!
I say, I say, I say, did you ever hear the one about the stuttering DJ?
He really liked to, "D-D-DDDD-DROP THE BASS"
LOL!!! Not sure if I'll get away with that, it's a bit offensive towards people with speech disorders. S-s-s-sorry!
I'm going to bugger off and have some lunch now. I've got some ham, some bread, some cheese and some pickle in the house. And some crisps.
Next time, I'll be getting back to the business of serious dance music reviews. I'll be looking at the new/old Earth Leakage Trip EP and some other artists I've never, ever heard of.
If YOU have any unsigned music you'd like reviewing and showcased on here, get in touch.
If YOU are a successful and established artist or DJ and want a site other than RA, Mixmag, etc. to review it, get in touch. Nobody reads this, but it'll be a more interesting write-up...I think.
Bigging myself up now, who needs a posse?!
Email me: bestpromos4eva@gmail.com
Tweet me: @BestPromos4Eva
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"Encore! Encore!!!"
Ok, ok. One last joke. This was sent to me by my best friend, and favourite stand-up comedian, Russell Howard. Hold on to your sides, guys!
LOL!!! Goodnight, everybody!
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