Friday, February 4, 2022

Bore Through Books

Anyone who knows me outside of the Internet will back me up when I admit to being a total bookworm and a bit of a nerd. I love nothing more than to sit down on my comfy sofa with a massive mug of tea, a pot of custard creams on the go and a long, hard think about which high-brow book to read next. I devour poncy books (or tomes, as I like to call them) and metaphorically swallow them whole, like dogs devours cats, and I'm not one to brag; but since December I have read four and a half books.

I'm currently reading Introducing Sartre by Philip Thody and Howard Read. That's how I knew about the bloke who couldn't get drunk in the No Mercy, Part 5 post. It's 167 pages long, and most of them have drawings of Jean-Paul Sartre on them, so it's not too heavy. I don't understand most of what I'm reading, though, so I'm not sure if I'll carry on with it, to be honest.

In December, I read the Bob Mortimer autobiography, And Away... That was quite good. Once I'd finished reading that, I moved straight onto Only Here For A Visit by Alan Brazil. I highly recommend this book to all fans of The Inbetweeners because Alan Brazil is a living and breathing, grown-up Jay off of The Inbetweeners, but it's Jay with a giant snooker ball for a head. A red one.

In Only Here For A Visit, Alan Brazil spends 259 entertaining pages telling the reader about how brilliant he is and how much better at drinking he is than everyone else. He's not a comedian, but Alan Brazil's book is a lot funnier than Bob Mortimer's. Sorry, Bob.

After I'd devoured Alan Brazil's book, I started to devour Harry Hill's autobiography, Fight! by Harry Hill. I definitely enjoyed this book, but I can't remember much about it. I think he came across as a nice bloke, though, and as sure as socks follow pants, I followed one book by another; Not Dead Yet by Phil Collins. This was the book I read before starting the Sartre one, and if you like Phil Collins, you'll love devouring his autobiography!

I suppose I'd better review them now that I've got a review-based blog at my disposal.

Philip Thody and Howard Read, Introducing Sartre - 10/10

Bob Mortimer, And Away... - 10/10

Alan Brazil, Only Here For A Visit - 10/10

Harry Hill, Fight! - 10/10

Phil Collins, Not Dead Yet - 10/10

One book I haven't read yet is the new one by The Secret DJ. Nobody knows who The Secret DJ is, and I'm no exception, but it's always been a lorra, lorra fun to speculate on his/her/their identity. Every Friday night, I'll be sat in the Hop and Vine on Ruislip High Street with my chums, drinking and amusingly throwing out suggestions on who The Secret DJ could be.

"Jon of the Pleased Wimmin!", I'll shout, "the ghost of Tony de Vit!", "Judge Jules!", "Regis!", and the more we drink, the more outrageous and hilarious the names will become: "Simon Mayo!", "Chris Moyles!", "Jimmy Sa..." - no, we don't say that one - "Ivan Smagghe!", "The ghost of Terry Wogan!", "Allister Whitehead!"

I'm a right laugh.

This morning, Postman Ian pushed a book through my letterbox that I've wanted to devour ever since I ordered it from Hatchards. Tales From The Booth is the new book by The Secret DJ, and in it there are loads of other secret DJs telling tales on things like...I don't know, I haven't read it yet. When I do finish reading it, I'll do a proper review on here (or The Secret DJ Book Two, trust me, it'll be one or the other) so you can decide whether or not to buy it based on the score out of 10 I grant it. If it's 5 or below, don't buy it. If it's 6 to7, borrow it from the library. If it gets an 8 or above on this site, go to your nearest book shop immediately and buy it.

You're welcome to buy it now, to be honest. You don't have to wait for that famous Best Promos score out of ten. It's your life.

Buy Tales From The Booth on Velocity Press hereTales From The Booth

Follow The Secret DJ on Twitter here@SecretDJBook

Like The Secret DJ in the Metaversefacebook.com/secretdjbook

My book, Tales From The Booth: This Time It's Personal, will be out on Velocity Press in Q1 2023, and it's going to be a collection of shaggy-dog stories of excess and unhinged lunacy, remembering (if that's possible!) all of the times I've sat in booths up and down the country. Highlights include the insanity of an elderly couple quietly arguing in a booth behind me and my family in the Eastcote Wimpy last year, and the mad time I sat down in a booth in J.J. Moon's Wetherspoon in Ruislip Manor, ordered an Ultimate Burger meal for lunch before remembering that we were going to have burger and chips for tea that day!

Tales From The Booth: This Time It's Personal will be a no-holds-barred, psychedelic account of what it's really like to dine in a UK booth. From the highs of the something to the lows of the something else, this book will blow the lid off of your preconceptions of what a booth can, or should, be. Strap yourself in for what will be a literary romp with a capital R: a Romp.

Pre-order Tales From The Booth: This Time It's Personal by Best Promos on Velocity Press hereTales From The Booth: This Time It's Personal by Best Promos

Speaking of The Secret DJ (I didn't intend this to be a Secret DJ Special, sorry), he's done a really nice remix of Queen Bee by semi-professional Diane Morgan lookalike, Gemma Cullingford. Listen:

Good, isn't it?

Queen Bee (The Secret DJ Remix) has got a 4/4 house music beat with a nice bouncy bass, some 80s-style synth things and one of those disco toms that I've always loved: *boo boo*

I can imagine dancing to this down The Social or Dance Tunnel (is that place still going?) or in the back of Helen Marnie's black limousine.

It's also got who I presume is Gemma Cullingford telling someone off on in a breathy and mysterious way. I don't know who David is, but it sounds like he's in a lot of trouble - and I hope that blood got cleaned up.

You can buy this track on Bandcamp, along with the rest of the EP, Let Them Speak - it's really good...in fact, I'm going to go out of my way right now and award it with a WHOPPING 10/10 !!!

Buy Let Them Speak (Remix EP) hereLet Them Speak (Remix EP)

Follow Gemma Cullingford here@gemcullingford

I'll be back next week, I think.

Email me: bestpromos4eva@gmail.com

Tweet me: @BestPromos4Eva

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