Link:
Rambo v Ringo
Best Promos is BACK this week WITH some exciting news FOR you.
YOU.
What I didn't let on when I first started this blog in 1994 was that we are not only a team of brilliant dance music writers, we are also a brilliant team of, no, sorry, a team of brilliant computer game developers.
Believe it or not, one of the lads here in the Finance department made Pleasure Suit Barry for Magma Games in West Bromwich; that harmless soft porn game in the early 90s about a funny old man called Barry who murders homeless men in the woods, skins their faces and wears the masks for pleasure whilst trying to pick up women in the local wine bars. He never murdered the women, though. Pleasure Suit Barry is a gentleman and just takes them for dinner in the hope of finally meeting his soulmate and settling down. The higher the tip you pay at the end of the meal, the more likely it is that Barry will get a prized second date!
If you managed to get ten dates in a row with the same woman before your skin mask dissolved, you'd advance to the High Street level to buy an engagement ring. The tricky thing there was, the more money you've spent on tips during the Dating levels, the less money you'll have to buy a nice ring.
The ground-breaking gaming mechanism went like this:
more money spent on tips = more chance of another date
more money spent on tips + more dates = less money on the High Street level
less money on the High Street level = smaller ring
smaller ring + proposal = less chance of winning the game by marrying your sweetheart
less money spent on tips = risk of not securing another date
less money spent on tips + rejection = back to murdering homeless men for new masks in the Woods level (aka back to the start!)
less money spent on tips + more dates = MORE money on the High Street level
more money on the High Street level = bigger ring
bigger ring + proposal = guarantee of winning the game by marrying your sweetheart
That C++ HTML code I've just posted above is top secret, so please don't post it anywhere else. Pleasure Suit Barry was never intended to be an open-source game.
I only clocked it once because...no, I never clocked it. Sorry. Great game, though.
That was for all you retro gamers out there in Dance Land!!!
Speaking of retro, the guys here at Best Promos have been working hard for the last two years now on the latest 64-bit retro computer game by 'Best Promos best games', the Gaming Division at Best Promos HQ. That's why I've been so CRAP at keeping the blog stacked with content. Everyone has been working so hard here. Even Pottsy has been pulling all-nighters for ages with the work experience kids. When they get tired, he just pulls his trousers down for a laugh and they all get back in the zone!
The game is called Rambo V Ringo : The Ultimate Battle
I'll talk you through the sales pitch, and this is a sales pitch if anyone from Electronic Arts, Capcom, Rockstar or Acclaim is reading Best Promos today.
Ok.
After the last Rambo film, John Rambo was sucked up into an inter-dimensional vortex to a space beach where Ringo Starr has unleashed dozens of replica Ringos across the sands so that he can take over the planet. It's up to Rambo and his massive machine gun to mow down all of the baddy Ringo Starrs. Once he's killed them all, the end of level boss appears. It's the Wealdstone Raider and he's got unlimited ammo (same as Rambo), but his ammo isn't bullets; it's lit fags. If they hit Rambo, he loses a life, so it's up to Rambo to kill the Wealdstone Raider before he lands with five cigarettes. If you manage to beat the Wealdstone Raider, you progress to Level 2...
...Level 2 finds you back in space, where Ringo Starr has now unleashed another dozen or so replica Ringos across the galaxy so that he can take over the universe. It's up to Rambo and his massive machine gun to mow down all of the baddy Ringo Starrs. Once he's killed them all, the end of level boss appears. It's Mad Dog Deon (from Jeremy Kyle) and he's got unlimited ammo (same as Rambo), but his ammo isn't bullets; it's heroin needles. If they hit Rambo, he loses a life, so it's up to Rambo to kill Mad Dog Deon before he lands with five heroin needles, which will cause addiction, leading to death.
If you manage to beat Mad Dog Deon (RIP), you progress to the final level...Level 3...the Final Battle...
The Final Battle is with Ringo Starr himself, not his replica Ringos, and it's a battle to the death in the battle of German ping pong. As John Rambo, you stand across from Ringo Starr in the famous HÖR BERLIN booth, as it is streamed live on YouTube, and play ping pong, playing to proper ping pong rules:
Final Battle is played to 11 points
Players must win by a 2-point margin if the score reaches 10-10
If you lose, Rambo is dead and the universe is Ringo Starr's for the taking. If you win, the universe is saved and Rambo gets the girl...again!!
Oh, I forgot to say. You fight the Level 1 boss in Berghain, and you fight the Level 2 boss in The Social. I don't think any other computer game has mixed respected, underground dance floors and generic outside environments like this before, except for most of the GTA games.
Anyway, it's taken the Development team here at Best Promos two years to finish this, so I hope you like it.
Oh, I also forgot to say that you can only play this on a WEB BROWSER. It's not a CRAP MOBILE PHONE GAME. This is for serious PC gamers only.
Rambo V Ringo : The Ultimate Battle
Link:
Rambo v Ringo
It's good, isn't it? Pilot testing feedback reported that 67% of users thought that it felt a bit like playing Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, whilst 69% said that they thought it was a bit like Call of Duty 4, which I'm taking as r-r-r-r-really good feedback.
For all the computer nerds out there, Rambo v Ringo: The Ultimate Battle was hard-coded using a 2025 Nvidia chip and 4 x SSD hard drives running on 137GB external RAM per CPU. We used a dynamic rule syntax linked to a modified HTML device group in Entra to generate the appropriate escalating AI difficulty for the baddies, and the haptic feedback you feel in your finger tips when you tap the keys on your keyboard are produced using the latest Windows browser gaming technology; WBGT.net. As PC gaming goes, let's just say that this is a very, very, very modern game. When my uncle played it, he said, "it's like Call of Duty 4...for the ChatGPT Generation".
Let me know in the comments below how you got on. See if you can beat my top score!! LOLoutLOUD
I'll definitely be back next week with some tip top dance music reviews.
Definitely.
No comments:
Post a Comment