Fun Time Friday Part VII

Well, it's that time of the week again (Friday) where I can't really be bothered to write a thousand words on here, but do need to keep up the online content engagement metric solutions going, so I need to publish something, regardless of its quality. Eh, Ran$om Note? You know what I'm saying, you dig!

Only joshing.

They know what I'm saying. Winking smiley face.

I always call Friday, "Fun Time Friday". It cheers me and my team up no end when I tap dance into the Best Promos HQ singing, "Fun Time Friday...Fun Time Friday...", to the same melody that Frank Skinner used to sing, "Fun Time Frankie", on his old chat show. On a Friday.

When I did it this morning, Pottsy took his trousers down in front of everyone to celebrate.

So, instead of doing some r-r-r-r-really boring dance music reviews, I'm going to tell some jokes to get you chortling into the weekend! LOL

An Iranian, a Jew and a Chinaman walk into a bar, carrying a ladder. The landlord says to them, "Oi, you can't CONTENT REMOVED BY BEST PROMOS LAWYERS

Ok. I'm not allowed to tell you that one because it "might" offend a few people! I'll change it up a bit, then. Think on my feet.

I say, I say, I say. An Iranian, a Jew and a Chinaman walk into Phonica Records. The Iranian says to the bloke who looks a bit like MCA behind the counter that he wants that track that goes like, "doof, doof, doof, doof, living out my feelings, doof, doof, doof, doof..."

MCA goes, without a word of a lie, "you mean that Sylvio B EP on Major Records. Last Forever. Here, it's out today", and he hands the Iranian chap a record.

The Iranian, overjoyed, goes, now forgive the accent, ladies and gentlemen, he goes, "خیلی ممنون آقای Beastie Boy."

The Chinaman pipes up. He bows his head and tells MCA that he wants the one that goes, "doof, doof, doof, doof, and it's got some nice strings on it. And a velly ruvvery bassrine aww rover it." (sorry)

MCA goes, "Ahh, the new one on Heist by Fouk. It's called Mirage and, guess what, this one is out today, and all. Here you go."

Finally, the old Jewish man, Abram, approaches the counter and tells MCA that he'd like the one that's, "a sublime seven-minute deep house odyssey with neon keys from ‘Conclave’ frontman and close friend Toribio and a sprinkling of organic percussion that harks back to the likes of François K and Pal Joey but with Vanilla's sensuous vocals soaring up top, alongside co-vocalist and co-writer Elsa Brown."

MCA goes, "you're talking about the Earthly Mix of Jennifer Vanilla's Jennifer Pastoral on Love Injection Records. It's a corker. Been out for well over a month. Here you are, sir."

Abram says, "Thank you very much, kind man. We have all journeyed to this sacred record shop in search of different things, and the three of us may not agree on what genre of dance music is the best, but we can all live with these different sounds and record collections in harmony, alongside one another for generations to come. A thousand thank you's again to you and your shop, and say hello to the rest of the Beastie Boys for us when you next see them. Oh, and just out of interest, what score out of ten would you collectively award these three releases with...if you had a gun to your head?"

MCA goes, without hesitation, and you're going to love this, ladies and gentlemen, he goes, "Ten!"

LOL! I bet you didn't see that punchline coming!!! It's the way I tell 'em.

BUY THE SYLVIO B ONE: Last Forever | Sylvio B | Major Records (bandcamp.com)

FOUKING BUY THE FOUK ONE: Mirage EP | Fouk (bandcamp.com)

BUY THE JENNIFER VANILLA ONE: Jennifer Pastoral (The Love Injection Remixes) | Jennifer Vanilla | Love Injection Records (bandcamp.com)

My old drinking partner, Seamus O'Mick, was so thick that he once got drunk on Guinness, walked into Foxton's estate agent in Notting Hill with a pair of his wife's tights pulled over his face and a sawn-off shotgun in his hand, demanding that they put Havona House into his swag bag! LOL! Seamus is still doing porridge and that poor estate agent's kids don't have a mother anymore! They can't stop us laughing!

Who cut your hair, mate? The council?

Hilarious lookalikes. These are always funny. LOL

Ch-ch-check this out. Have you heard Matt Le Tissier's conspiracy theory that MCA out of the Beastie Boys DIDN'T die of cancer in 2012, but he's alive and working in Phonica Records??? Methinks you might look twice the next time you're in there buying a fabric CD! LOL

Prince Harry lives in America now, but have you ever seen him and this very familiar looking Canadian waxwork in the same room??? Methinks you'll do a double-take the next time you're at Niagra Falls! LOL

I've really had enough now, and I'm sure you have, too.

Have a nice weekend. Bye!

Email me: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com

Tweet me: @BestPromos4Eva
Instagram me: /bestpromos4eva/

The Noel Edmondites

This week on Best Promos we'll be exploring the ways in which people dance to dance music, how they listen to it and why they listen to it (dance music). And where. We'll be taking a deep dive into how house music shapes the social, political and cultural mind-thoughts of our times, and how it can change legislation, break down sexual and racial divides and create safe spaces for those zany, kooky attention-seeking kinds of guys who like to live on the fringes of society.

Not really. I'll be reviewing some songs and and providing a platform for my own dead interesting music.

"Say whaaaaaa?! Your music, Best Promos? What do you mean? What music?"

Well. When I heard the new Drake beef song the other day where he's having a pop at loads of people I'd never heard of, I thought to myself, "hmm, I'm going to have a pop at HIM!"

"Why, Best Promos?"

Well, I don't really know, but it made me smile to think about a small-time Ruislip dance blogger from West Bromwich wading into a North American rap beef.

"It's not that funny."

I know :'-(

Anyway, I contacted the only rapper in Middlesex, the West Bromwich born Toast Faced Killer, and signed him up to my gangster rap label: Eastcote Killah Rekordz, on a ten album deal and brought him into the lab (studio (box room where my computer is)) to lay down some filthy smack over the heavy beats I created.

It's called, Them Called Press Ups (Phone 999 Bitch, There 'bout 2 b Done Did a Murdahhh). Have a listen:

It's good, isn't it? Don't be surprised if you see that Drake now cancels all of his future concerts at the Birmingham NEC and the Robin in Bilston. The man will be absolutely crapping himself. Guaranteed.

The only mistake that Toast Faced Killer made was saying he's, "from London". He should have said that he, "lives in London." Hope that doesn't distract from the beef and that Drake doesn't pick up too much on that when he responds!

Grimes, I know you read Best Promos: the BPM on this song is 103

Enough about my successes in music, let's judge some other people.

"I'm telling myself the story of my life. It's stranger than fiction. Trying to capture the something something. Something about horses. Daddy loves you very much. The plane comes down behind enemy lines. Mother Theresa walks among the poor. Her voice is a bomb that gives you a name. Learn the language. Twelve days in Paris."

I'm sorry, but what the bloody hell are Man Power and Louisahhh on about in this new song on Rekids? Maybe I'm just thick, but I don't know what the bloody hell they're going on about in it.

Have a listen and tell me if you can make head or tail of what they're going on about:

Load of nonsense.

Saying that, it's a bloody good track. We Trawl The Hurts (Feat. Lousiahhh) is Man Power's first song on Rekids. Musically, it sounds like an imaginary Paul Van Dyk remix of Tunic (Song For Karen) by Sonic Youth, but with lyrics that make you wonder what the bloody hell he's going on about instead of lyrics you kind of get. Maybe the lyrics to We Trawl The Hurts make more sense when you're three or four pills deep on the dance floor. Hmm. Food for though, methinks.

"An approximation of starlight."

What the bloody hell does that mean?

Despite me not knowing what the bloody hell any of the lyrics mean, I do really like this track, and the seven hundred Deetron Remixes included in the package, and after spending a lot of time thinking about a score I should give it, I'm going to award We Trawl The Hurts (Feat. Louisahhh) a whopping 10/10 - and I'm not just saying that because Man Power scored Them Called Press Ups (Phone 999 Bitch, There 'bout 2 b Done Did a Murdahhh) a 10/10 on Twitter last night.

Grimes: This one is 129 BPM.

It's OUT NOW and you should buy it NOW.

BUY 'WE TRAWL THE HURTS' NOW: We Trawl The Hurts | Man Power & Louisahhh | Rekids (bandcamp.com)
Follow Man Power on Twitter and on Instagram
Follow Louisahhh on Instagram
Follow Rekids on Twitter and on Instagram

Ahh. I meant to say at the start of that bit that Man Power puts the "man" in "tremandous dance music", but I forgot.

I've been in Canada the last couple of weeks, so haven't been clubbing, blogging, taking recreational party drugs or listening to the kind of music that ONLY makes sense when you're three or four pills deep in the main room. What I did do was eat a lot of hotdogs, speak in a posher-than-normal English accent to Canadian people and read TWO books. I read Another Planet: A Teenager in Suburbia by Tracey Thorn and Afternoons With The Blinds Drawn by Brett Anderson.

The Tracey Thorn one gets a 10/10 because I like Everything But The Girl, I used to go to Buzzin' Fly at The End, and it made me laugh out loud quite a bit. I know exactly how her mother feels about wanting a detached house.

The Brett Anderson one gets a 10/10 because I like Suede, I once saw him in a Notting Hill newsagents leafing through a computer magazine, and for hilariously using the word, "Dionysian", at least once in every chapter. I also spotted a typo, but I won't embarrass the author or the publisher by pointing it out.

See: reading books isn't just for nerds and geeks. Next week on the Best Promos Book Club, I'll be reviewing the latest Diary of a Wimpy Kid book and the 1989 Bash Street Kids annual.

I keep getting promos that say stuff like, DON'T TALK ABOUT THIS RELEASE UNTIL JULY 2026, and, ABSOLUTELY NO AIRPLAY OF THIS UNTIL CHRISTMAS, and then by the time July '26 and Christmas come around I've forgotten about the promos and they don't make it onto the blog.

One of these super mega secretive tracks I won't forget about, though, because it's so blimming good! On the 26 April 2024 (not before) look out for my review and play of the new R*man Fl*gel on CONTENT REMOVED BY DISPERSION PR LAWYERS.

#RantOver

I'll be back online next week with LOADS more Dionysian content that NOBODY reads!

Ta'ra.

Email me: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com

Tweet me: @BestPromos4Eva
Instagram me: /bestpromos4eva/

Studio Shine

It's quite a stretch for me to call myself a blogger these days, I mean, Managing Director of a successful online dance and culture magazine. I hardly find the time and energy to Tweet anymore, let alone pen a fantastic 1000-words essay on the state of some promos I've received in my inbox. Sometimes, I'll post a picture on Instagram that Man Power and a bloke in America called @notvnotv will like, and I think to myself, "back in the game", in a Paddy McGuinness voice. Do you know what I mean?

But I'm not back in the game, am I, ladies and gentlemen?

Or am I?

What is the game?

No. I am back in the game. I have to stop doubting myself.

I am a good creative writer. I might not have got any GSCEs above a grade C or a university education to back that up, but I am a good creative writer, and this post is proving it to the max.

Actually, I did go to university once, for a whole seven or eight months. In the mid-00s, I thought I was better than what I was and enrolled at Birkbeck University to study Politics and Society. LOL. I bought a long scarf to wear around my...neck, and a brown satchel to carry my heavy books around in. I started to drink mild ale and pretended that I preferred it to lager. I even pretended that I was interested in the printing press and the Reformation, but when push came to shove; I bottled the exam at the end of the first year and sat in the library feeling sorry for myself and reading Viz (which was, by then, definitely not as funny as it used to be, but funnier than it is now). I never went back to Birkbeck University and I have vowed to never think I'm middle-class ever again, or try and better myself. It's just not worth it.

Who needs GCSEs or a degree, anyway? I don't! I'm absolutely raking it in as a dance music writer...it's great!

Hmm.

Gotshell and Jeroen Search have got a new EP out on Lady Tazz's Mind Medizin label which includes a remix by Cari Lekebusch! Can you believe it?!

I told the old woman behind the counter at the Sue Ryder shop on Ruislip High Street that Gotshell and Jeroen Search have got a new EP out on Lady Tazz's Mind Medizin label which includes a remix by Cari Lekebusch, and she didn't have a clue what I was talking about, so I left in a huff - without paying for the Richard Clayderman vinyl I'd dug out of one of their crates.

I bounced down the street and poked my nose into the Granero Lounge. It's quite a fashionable looking place with mis-matched wall paper and retro paintings on the...wall, so I was quite sure that the guys in there would be interested. I ordered a flat white cup of tea and proudly announced to the bloke with the over-sized glasses, "Gotshell and Jeroen Search have got a new EP out on Lady Tazz's Mind Medizin label which includes a remix by Cari Lekebusch."

He stared at me with a puzzled look on his...face, and said, "excuse me?" I said, "Gotshell and Jeroen Search have got a new EP out on Lady Tazz's Mind Medizin label which includes a remix by Cari Lekebusch. What do you reckon to that?"

He said, "I don't know what you're talking about, sir, and there's no such thing as a flat white cup of tea."

I said, quite aggressively this time, "Gotshell and Jeroen Search have got a new EP out on Lady Tazz's Mind Medizin label which includes a remix by Cari Lekebusch", and I was asked to leave the Granero Lounge.

I popped across the road to the Hop and Vine; Ruislip's trendiest bar, but before I could tell them that Gotshell and Jeroen Search have got a new EP out on Lady Tazz's Mind Medizin label which includes a remix by Cari Lekebusch, I was, God, this is a boring bit. Sorry.

All you really need to know is that Gotshell and Jeroen Search have got a new EP out on Lady Tazz's Mind Medizin label which includes a remix by Cari Lekebusch. It's called Modulations, and it's a really good release if you like your dance music serious. It's the kind of stuff Ben Klock would play, but I doubt very much you'd hear Modulation 02 in a Soul Clap set.

I don't have to do this, but I'd like to award it a 10/10

BUY IT NOW: Modulations EP | Gotshell & Jeroen Search | Mind Medizin (bandcamp.com)
Follow Gotshell on Instagram
SEARCH for Jeroen Search on Instagram
Follow Mind Medizin on Instagram

Speaking of dance music, I was listening to some (dance music) last week whilst doing my proper job. It was a continuous mix by a bloke I (honestly) had a dream about last night.

Have a listen. I won't tell you what I think about it until you've listened to the whole thing, ok?

Here:

REKIDS · HOUSE OF REKIDS MIX 02 | Man Power

It's good, isn't it?

My favourite track on it is that Hot Mess one.

I can't remember too many details about the dream I had last night, but it was something to do with me, Man Power and an unidentified woman starting up a makeshift party at the back of my Nanny Doreen's garden, in a big, metal shed. I was shifting vinyl about the place and sorting out some cables. I had a nagging feeling like I wasn't wanted there, and that I should just go inside and have a jam sandwich with my nan instead, but I carried on regardless, in awkward silence.

And was the party a great success? I don't know, my alarm went off and I had to go and sort out the bins.

Monday is bin day in Hillingdon.

What else is going on? Well, I've been trying to reach out to Frank Bruno because I need a celebrity to host the next episode of Radio Ruislip, and I know he'd be perfect for it. Know what I mean, Harry?! LOL

Also, I'm very pleased to say that Postman Pat delivered my new ACID t-shirt from the people at I Love Acid the other day. When the sun puts his hat on again, I'll start wearing it around Eastcote and Ruislip. Until then, it's stopping on that coat hanger.

BUY ONE HERE: Acid Whooosh t-shirt | I Love Acid / Balkan (bandcamp.com)

Other than that, I've been doing bugger all to do with dance music and social media, and LOADS all to do with actual real life. How it should be, really. Oh! I finished watching Gomorra season 5 last week and I remembered that there's quite a few hilarious dance music lookalikes in it, so maybe I'll get a special Gomorra Hilarious Lookalikes post up for Friday, to keep the content flowing.

If not, I'll definitely be back next week with Frank Bruno presents...Radio Ruislip.

Let the boxer...see the blogger!!!

Bye!

Email me: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com

Tweet me: @BestPromos4Eva
Instagram me: /bestpromos4eva/

Dan Swindle

Last week's post concentrated its entire concentration on Eastern Sounding Dance Music, which - if I'm truthful with myself - was a bit narrow-minded. Last week, I thought it was a great idea, but this week it all seems a bit like walking down Walsall Market and only stopping to stare at the luggage stall when I could be taking in the sights and sounds of the fruit stall, the clothes stall and the vape stall, too.

What I'm trying to say is that there is more to dance music than clothes and vapes. You've got your luggage and your fruit, too. No. Hang on. There's more to Walsall Market than Eastern Sounding Dance Music. No. Oh dear, I am in a muddle.

This all feels like a funny Two Ronnies sketch, doesn't it? LOL

Anyway, what I'm really trying to say is that about a minute after publishing my last post about Eastern Sounding Dance Music, I went into a coma. I don't know how or why, and the NHS have been useless; they can't tell me why it happened, or how. In fact, they don't even believe that I went into a coma and have since accused me of wasting hospital time and causing a public nuisance for turning up at Northwick Park with a loud hailer and demanding to speak to both the Matron (about my condition) and the Chief Executive Officer of the NHS (about getting signed off the blog, long-term, for clinical writer's block).

I'm going to end up in the loony bin if I'm not careful.

Can I say that these days?

I suppose if I am a looney, then I can say it. I'm owning it.

Speaking of looneys, whilst I was in a coma, the lads at Dispersion PR sent me a compilation of brand new remixes on the Heist Recordings label. For those of you who aren't as trendy as me, Heist is Dan Swindle's label. For those of you who aren't as in the know and cool as me, Dan Swindle is a young, hip, up-and-coming Human Resources manager for the United States Air Force who, in his spare time, creates beats that are harder than me trying to park a Dodge in a two-car garage when the temp goes up to the mid-80s and I'm really drunk, etc. Dan is a great guy, too, he once stepped out of his comfort zone and helped out with th...no. Sorry. I got that wrong, it's not Dan Swindle, it's Dam Swindle. Sorry, guys.

Dam Swindle, obviously, are the Dutch lads who have brought this brilliant compilation into the world.

How brilliant is it, Best Promos?

Really brilliant.

It's called The Round Up Pt. 10. I've not heard parts 1 to 9 so I can't say if it's the best one of the bunch, but it is really good. In fact, I'm going to give it a WHOPPING 10/10 and suggest that you go out and buy it today!

Heist Recordings - The Round Up Pt. 10 is OUT NOW on Heist Recordings.

My favourite track on it is Owo (Crackazat Remix). Proper nice spring/summer tune.

Buy the album now: The Round Up Pt. 10 | Heist Recordings

Follow Dam Swindle on Instagram
Follow Heist Recordings on Instagram

As we're now in the market for spring/summer tunes, have a listen to this 80s reissue of Once Bitten by the flamingly 80s looking Kim Yaffa from the excellently-named LA label, Pleasure of Love. It's the kind of tune you could play anywhere there's a beach or a pool, or at an Only Fans House Party. Or on a Poolside NTS mix. Or in your back extension to impress your missus and kids.

I've been playing Once Bitten a lot whilst writing this post. I had to run down to Ruislip Lido in my Bermuda shorts with my laptop under my arm because of how blissful and sunny it is. Everyone in the pirate ship playground loved it. Have a listen:

You can't. Sorry. There's a radio embargo on it until Friday 8 March.

I'll tell you what, though, I asked the GamesMaster if he had any Kim Yaffa cheats and he said that if you load up the Pleasure of Love Bandcamp page, press up down down down left A A A B Select up up left right B and Select, a preview button appears for the 1988 Original Mix which you can listen to.

If I had a gun to my head, I'd give this release a MASSIVE 10/10.because of how pleasurable it is to write a dance music blog to.

Pre-order it now: Once Bitten | Kim Yaffa | Pleasure of Love

Follow Pleasure of Love on Instagram

The first thing I did when I came out of my coma was ask how many Ran$om Note releases I'd missed. The pepped up junior doctor rushing through A&E didn't have a clue what a Ran$om Note Records was. I told you the NHS is useless. They're on their knees, mate. I'm going to Bupa the next time I trip into a coma.

Do you remember Coma Cat? Great tune.

When I got home from the hospital, I asked ChatGPT what the latest release on Ran$om Note Records is and they came back with a right load of old codswallop!

There's been more since that Earthquake compilation, but my favourite is the latest Bawrut remix pack called Bawrut Remix Pack. It's four ace remixes of four of his ace tunes.

Can you imagine being three or four pills deep in a basement when this one comes on?

It would send you round the bend...in a good way.

Every track on this pack is r-r-r-r-r-really good, but that Nandele Noize one is my fave. It reminds me of the type of stuff I used to hear at Foreign Muck at The Key.

Ahh, the good old days. Do you remember that dance floor with the flashing lights on it?

So, for bringing back memories of light-up dance floors, Ivan Smagghe and Boris Horel, I hereby award Bawrut Remix Pack a SEXY 10/10!

Buy it now: Remix Pack | Bawrut

Follow Bawrut on Instagram
Follow Ran$om Note on Instagram

Walsall Market, yesterday

That was a good post, wasn't it? I think I feel better after that writer's block induced coma. I'm raring to go again.

I feel in such a good mood that I need to scream about these cool new dance t-shirts I saw down Walsall Market at the weekend. I liked them so much that I bought one for me, one for my dad and one for the Bounce By The Ounce man to model. Have a look:

They're made of 100% cotton and some wool, and come in black or grey. Whatever colour takes your fancy, and they have all sorts of sizes, so you can get one if you're a slim, fit fella like me OR if a big, fat, lazy get on a mobility scooter like most of the young people I saw trundling around Walsall Market. It's the new fashion sensation that is sweeping the nation: ACID t-shirts by I Love Acid / Balkan.

But don't just take our word for it. Everyone in dance is raving about them...

"You'll be the belle of the ball in these fantastic, fashionable ACID t-shirts." - Erol Alkan

"10/10" - Best Promos

"If you're not wearing one this summer, you're just NOT cool. Sorry, not sorry." - Allister Whitehead

"When I wear my ACID t-shirt in the DJ booth, I feel like a million dollars...and no mistake!" - Allister Whitehead

"Come on." - Man Power

"Say whaaaa?! These terrific ACID t-shirts are only fifteen pounds?! You're kidding me! You're serious? Wow. Where can I buy a few for me and my friends? The I Love Acid / Balkan Bandcamp page? It's that simple? Ok! I gotta get them all!" - Allister Whitehead

Why not join in the ACID t-shirt craze this year and buy one for yourself? I haven't yet...but I will!

Buy one now: Acid Whooosh t-shirt | I Love Acid / Balkan

Follow I Love Acid on Instagram
Follow Posthuman on Instagram (I thought I was already, but I wasn't. Soz!)

I'm off now. Bye. See you next week. Bye. Bye.

Bye bye * waving emoji *

Email me: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com

Tweet me: @BestPromos4Eva
Instagram me: /bestpromos4eva/