This week on Best Promos we'll be exploring the ways in which people dance to dance music, how they listen to it and why they listen to it (dance music). And where. We'll be taking a deep dive into how house music shapes the social, political and cultural mind-thoughts of our times, and how it can change legislation, break down sexual and racial divides and create safe spaces for those zany, kooky attention-seeking kinds of guys who like to live on the fringes of society.
Not really. I'll be reviewing some songs and and providing a platform for my own dead interesting music.
"Say whaaaaaa?! Your music, Best Promos? What do you mean? What music?"
Well. When I heard the new Drake beef song the other day where he's having a pop at loads of people I'd never heard of, I thought to myself, "hmm, I'm going to have a pop at HIM!"
"Why, Best Promos?"
Well, I don't really know, but it made me smile to think about a small-time Ruislip dance blogger from West Bromwich wading into a North American rap beef.
"It's not that funny."
I know :'-(
Anyway, I contacted the only rapper in Middlesex, the West Bromwich born Toast Faced Killer, and signed him up to my gangster rap label: Eastcote Killah Rekordz, on a ten album deal and brought him into the lab (studio (box room where my computer is)) to lay down some filthy smack over the heavy beats I created.
It's called, Them Called Press Ups (Phone 999 Bitch, There 'bout 2 b Done Did a Murdahhh). Have a listen:
It's good, isn't it? Don't be surprised if you see that Drake now cancels all of his future concerts at the Birmingham NEC and the Robin in Bilston. The man will be absolutely crapping himself. Guaranteed.
The only mistake that Toast Faced Killer made was saying he's, "from London". He should have said that he, "lives in London." Hope that doesn't distract from the beef and that Drake doesn't pick up too much on that when he responds!
Grimes, I know you read Best Promos: the BPM on this song is 103
Enough about my successes in music, let's judge some other people.
"I'm telling myself the story of my life. It's stranger than fiction. Trying to capture the something something. Something about horses. Daddy loves you very much. The plane comes down behind enemy lines. Mother Theresa walks among the poor. Her voice is a bomb that gives you a name. Learn the language. Twelve days in Paris."
I'm sorry, but what the bloody hell are Man Power and Louisahhh on about in this new song on Rekids? Maybe I'm just thick, but I don't know what the bloody hell they're going on about in it.
Have a listen and tell me if you can make head or tail of what they're going on about:
Load of nonsense.
Saying that, it's a bloody good track. We Trawl The Hurts (Feat. Lousiahhh) is Man Power's first song on Rekids. Musically, it sounds like an imaginary Paul Van Dyk remix of Tunic (Song For Karen) by Sonic Youth, but with lyrics that make you wonder what the bloody hell he's going on about instead of lyrics you kind of get. Maybe the lyrics to We Trawl The Hurts make more sense when you're three or four pills deep on the dance floor. Hmm. Food for though, methinks.
"An approximation of starlight."
What the bloody hell does that mean?
Despite me not knowing what the bloody hell any of the lyrics mean, I do really like this track, and the seven hundred Deetron Remixes included in the package, and after spending a lot of time thinking about a score I should give it, I'm going to award We Trawl The Hurts (Feat. Louisahhh) a whopping 10/10 - and I'm not just saying that because Man Power scored Them Called Press Ups (Phone 999 Bitch, There 'bout 2 b Done Did a Murdahhh) a 10/10 on Twitter last night.
Grimes: This one is 129 BPM.
It's OUT NOW and you should buy it NOW.
BUY 'WE TRAWL THE HURTS' NOW: We Trawl The Hurts | Man Power & Louisahhh | Rekids (bandcamp.com)Follow Man Power on Twitter and on Instagram
Follow Louisahhh on Instagram
Follow Rekids on Twitter and on Instagram
Ahh. I meant to say at the start of that bit that Man Power puts the "man" in "tremandous dance music", but I forgot.
I've been in Canada the last couple of weeks, so haven't been clubbing, blogging, taking recreational party drugs or listening to the kind of music that ONLY makes sense when you're three or four pills deep in the main room. What I did do was eat a lot of hotdogs, speak in a posher-than-normal English accent to Canadian people and read TWO books. I read Another Planet: A Teenager in Suburbia by Tracey Thorn and Afternoons With The Blinds Drawn by Brett Anderson.
The Tracey Thorn one gets a 10/10 because I like Everything But The Girl, I used to go to Buzzin' Fly at The End, and it made me laugh out loud quite a bit. I know exactly how her mother feels about wanting a detached house.
The Brett Anderson one gets a 10/10 because I like Suede, I once saw him in a Notting Hill newsagents leafing through a computer magazine, and for hilariously using the word, "Dionysian", at least once in every chapter. I also spotted a typo, but I won't embarrass the author or the publisher by pointing it out.
See: reading books isn't just for nerds and geeks. Next week on the Best Promos Book Club, I'll be reviewing the latest Diary of a Wimpy Kid book and the 1989 Bash Street Kids annual.
I keep getting promos that say stuff like, DON'T TALK ABOUT THIS RELEASE UNTIL JULY 2026, and, ABSOLUTELY NO AIRPLAY OF THIS UNTIL CHRISTMAS, and then by the time July '26 and Christmas come around I've forgotten about the promos and they don't make it onto the blog.
One of these super mega secretive tracks I won't forget about, though, because it's so blimming good! On the 26 April 2024 (not before) look out for my review and play of the new R*man Fl*gel on CONTENT REMOVED BY DISPERSION PR LAWYERS.
#RantOver
I'll be back online next week with LOADS more Dionysian content that NOBODY reads!
Ta'ra.
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