Dance War IX

I hate the Internet. I was going to start this post with the hilarious premise that I'd just seen Ronnie Pickering, Jason Wells and the Wealdstone Raider at Heathrow, buying return (because they're definitely coming back, mate) tickets for Moscow. I found the idea of them going to knock out Putin in his own backyard, giving it the big 'un to the Russian soldiers, stopping World War III before it's already begun (oh, it has) and then swaggering back to the UK highly amusing.

I typed "Ronnie Pickering" into the search box on Twitter and about fourteen million people have already had him rocking up at the Ukrainian border. I don't think anyone has done a Jason Wells joke, though, so that makes me feel better about myself.

I remembered Jason Wells *proud face emoji*

Let's check out my inbox. Lots of emails from HYPE Filter that I haven't dealt with yet. Sorry, guys.

Hey, I was skateboarding around Shoreditch last night and I overheard a couple of hipsters in Hoxton Square bigging up the upcoming release on Fine Grains Records. One of them was casually styling his Hoxton fin and using a lot of trendy slang words; "Herman's upcoming r-r-r-r-release on Fine Grains R-R-R-R-R-Records is so bad - as in good!"

His mate arrogantly adjusted his Erol Makes The Kids Dance t-shirt, tucking it into his flared green and white houndstooth Farah trousers, his breath stinking of CK One; "Yeah, man. With pumping clubs like Egg, The End, The Cross and Plastic People starting to re-open, the Narcissus EP by Herman lands at the perfect moment. It is definitely not meh, you get me? What did you think of the tracks, bro?"

Then they just went back and forth a bit;

"Well, I r-r-r-r-r-r-really like Sol because it takes on a heady m-m-m-m-m-mix of tribal drums, haunting distorted vocal snippets and teasing breakbeats."

"And this is the essence of the Narcissus EP, as we go further down the rabbit hole into Herman’s world of deep myoclonus percussion. It's all that AND a bag of chips!"

"Yeah, it's r-r-r-r-r-r-r-really phat, man. Herman’s tale is furthered with r-r-r-r-r-remixes by two exciting emergent production talents - Holloway from the UK and Zohar in the Netherlands. The emphasis r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-remains on drums, slipping into some classic drums and bass flavour with Holloway and a powerful m-m-m-m-modern breakbeat r-r-r-r-re-shake from Zohar - her first ever r-r-r-r-r-r-r-remix!

"Let's NOT take a chill pill here, buddy, I'm totally buggin'. Narcissus is a call to arms for a return to those dark and sweaty nights we once shared with strangers on dance floors and dingy basements across the globe. Let’s get back to it. Anyway, let's bounce now...that dweeb from Best Promos is watching us again. He looks a bit evil."

I smirked, winked at them and evaporated, rematerialising shortly afterwards back at the Best Promos office in Eastcote to write up what I'd just overheard.

I really wanted Herman to be from Germany, but he's not. Herman the...Dutch, Surrey-based producer has got his Narcissus EP coming out on Thursday 24 March 2022 on Fine Grain Records, and I give it a M-M-M-M-M-MASSIVE 10/10

Pre-order it here: Narcissus EP
Follow Fine Grains on Twitter: @FineGrainsLabel

I received an email from Soul Clap yesterday with the subject header, New release from Soul Clap Records. I talked about this two weeks ago, regarding Disco Halal. I love the effort and the personalisation that my favourite record labels put in these days with me. Maybe it's because they know I'm writing a dance music review blog and they want me on side. People say that Andrew Weatherall was the first person in dance to write personalised notes to his fans, but I never received one. Did you?

Case closed.

I'm not on a Soul Clap Records promo list, so after clicking on the link that Bamboozle and Lonely C sent to me, I spent $6 on pre-ordering the EP and $2 on the one digital track available to purchase pre-release of the EP in full by the artist before the rest of the EP is available to purchase in full ahead of when that is. I hadn't even had a look to see who the artist is or what the song sounds like, THAT'S how much I trust Soul Clap Records and Soul Clap and Wolf + Lamb. Like Disco Halal and Running Back, you really can't go wrong with anything they put out.

After downloading the MP3, I had a listen and conducted some valuable research. It's a chap from Israel called Orio who made some really good music in Hong Kong during the 2020 Coronavirus-19 Pandemic.

Lost Dog is vocal funky shoulder-pad techno at it's very best, with licking guitar licks, a bassline that will live in your tummy for at least a month and a couple of people telling you to be gentle over and over and over again. I'll go gentle with the score I'm about to award it...a 10/10 !!!

It's out on Friday 25 March 2022

Pre-order Lost Dog by Orio here: Lost Dog EP

Follow Soul Clap on Twitter: @SoulClap

I do love a Kit Kat, so imagine how pleased I was to receive a promotional copy of the latest Vigliensoni album on Chez.Kito.Kat Records.

Kito Kat sounds a bit like Kit Kat, doesn't it, readers?

However, Clastic Music by Vigliensoni is as far away removed from taking a well-earned break at work with a Kit Kat as I am from a cuddle with 90s heart-throbs, Jordan and Jo Guest - it's that different and unobtainable. No, not unobtainable. That's not the word I was looking for, but I hope you understand what I mean.

Listening to Clastic Music is NOTHING like eating a Kit Kat. See if you can sit through this until the end:

vigliensoni ▂▂▅▅▇▇▓▓ · Shale (Edit)

That gave me a headache, and I'm not being funny, but the rest of the album is like this.

The promo letter that came with the music says that the album’s narrative progression is smooth, yet relentless, building large sonic spaces through deep rhythmic atmospheres, thick walls of bass, and incrementally layered melodies and textures, but if you ask me, it's the kind of music you'd enthusiastically play to a psychiatrist in order to get sectioned and chucked in the loony bin, and for that reason alone it has to be a 10/10

It's out on Thursday 7 March 2022

Pre-order it here: Clastic Music

I can't find Chez.Kito.Kat or Vigliensoni on Twitter, but if anyone reading this knows them, please forward this review on with my kindest regards. Ta.

I'll finish today's sermon with a pictorial review of the avant-garde, incredibly well-rehearsed and definitely not boring Damon Albarn gig I went to at The Barbican on Tuesday night (which gets a 10/10 from me for, if nothing else, blowing a digeridoo at the front row for a couple of minutes at the beginning).

I wasn't asleep, I was resting my eyes.

Email me YOUR best promos on: bestpromos4eva@gmail.com

Tweet me YOUR best promos on: @BestPromos4Eva

See you next time...or will I?