Hi readers, I've just thought of a really funny name for a character in the Beano; Welcome Matt ! :-) LOL
Welcome Matt is a little boy at primary school called Matthew (or Matt) and he's always getting walked all over by his teachers and parents. Well, he gets walked all over for most of the strip until the very end where he gets his own back. At the end, it's the grown ups who get walked all over...by Welcome Matt, his pals and their elaborate pranks!
Speaking of characters, did you know that there is a new Manni Dee podcast mix for fabric out on the world wide web (all the funniest people call the Internet the world wide web!!)? It's called fabric podcast 006.
That's a boring name for a podcast. I would have called it The Club Fabric Mega Mix: Chapter VI.
Manni Dee is one of the nicest men in industrial dance, and if you can shove the boring podcast name out of your brain and focus your brain solely on the music that Manni Dee is playing on the podcast, your brain will be in for a great big treat because it's a r-r-r-r-r-r-r-really good mix. It's the type of music you'd hear Perc play in a nightclub in Holland, but it's Manni Dee on a fabric podcast. It's all out of focus, fast and nasty, but with that trademark Manni Dee beat-matching on the transitions between the different songs.
"When it comes to beat-matching techno songs, the name Manni Dee on the mix equals a great stamp of quality for DJing in England, abroad or on a CD." - Best Promos, August 2022
It's good, isn't it? After listening to it in Eastcote last night, I sat down on the toilet and thought about what score to give it. After wiping my bottom with great poise and concentration, I decided on a STONKING 10/10 !
And if you think THAT'S good, go down to Room 2 in fabric on Sunday and watch him DJ in real life. I saw him at House of God a few years ago and had a really good time. YOU won't REGRET it.
Here's a funny story. You'll like this. The first thing I did when I got back from Spain on Sunday was hop in the blue Skoda Fabia and zoom off down to Sports Direct in Uxbridge for some brand new astro turf football boots. Weirdly, they don't have any Sports Direct shops in Jaca! Can you believe it?!
Whilst driving through Ruislip, the lady DJ on Greatest Hits Radio was re-telling a funny story she'd heard on the news about the Queen. Apparently, since she was a toddler, HRH Queen Elizabeth II has demanded - and eaten - a bacon, sausage and egg sandwich (made with fried bread and brown sauce on both sides of bread) for lunch every single day of her life. Even when she's abroad! The greedy get. LOL.
Speaking of people who I imagine probably like sandwiches, the Estonian house DJ and producer Taavi Tuisk has released a new two track, err release, for Steve Bug’s Poker Flat Recordings record label on Poker Flat Recordings!
I downloaded this a few weeks ago, I can't remember what it sounds like and I haven't got any speakers or headphones available right now to re-listen to it, but the promo man in my emails said that, "the title track of Incroyable is a deep house track with tons of cosmic disco attitude - bright sparking synths and shuffling grooves. What's more it features an outstanding spoken word vocal in French.
Also included is a rework by Mihai Popoviciu, a Poker Flat regular who turns in a tougher tech house version that's the perfect compliment to the original. All in all an unmissable release set to go over big with a lot of DJs and their dancefloors."
Proud British readers: don't let the French thing put you off, I'm sure it's still a good release - I just can't remember what it sounds like to tell you exactly - with my OWN words - what to think about it.
Still, if it's on Poker Flat, it HAS to be good, so I'm awarding it a super soar-away 10/10 on good faith!
Incroyable by Taavi Tuisk is OUT NOW on Poker Flat.
Speaking of good faith, I had a good email from faith the other day to tell me about a new playlist they've put up on Spotify. It's called DC10 - The Early Years, and it's jolly good, yah. I listened to most of it whilst unpacking my bags after getting back from Spain on Sunday and it had me wishing I'd spent the week in DC10 in the 00s, rather than Jaca in the 20s. Music does that, doesn't it? It's so emotive and special, and can take your mind and soul back in time and to places that mean so much to you. Yeah, man.
Whoops, getting a bit deep there, readers!
Listen to this, it'll blow your socks off:
faith are a bit 90s, aren't they? I think they started in the 90s. I might be wrong, might be late 80s. Anyway, for a laugh, I replied to the email about DC10 and asked faith if they'd contribute their favourite 90s joke for this blog. I haven't got a response yet, but I reckon it'll be this one:
Pamela Anderson walks into Malibu Stacey's on a Friday night, feeling a bit randy. You know? A bit saucy. She spots Jim Morrison out of The Doors in the corner, walks past Craig Richards on her way over and drops to her knees. Next thing you know, she's, you know, doing the deed on his, you know...peeling a banana and eating it, you know...? Eh? Once she's finished, Jim says thanks and she gets up, still feeling randy. She turns around and Ray Manzarek from The Doors is there, nursing a glass of whisky, on the rocks. Pamela drops to her knees again and, *boof* , Ray is on the receiving end of a bit of, you know, too. He's a very happy man, but Pamela wants more. She's still not sated. Mark Moore from S-Express nods in the direction of The Doors guitarist, Robby Krieger. Pamela Anderson walks over, gives Robby the eyes and the next thing you know she's got her mouth around his old man. One thing leads to a finish, and she still wants more. Pamela Anderson in the 90s is very randy, eh readers? John Densmore, the drummer in The Doors, is stood at the bar, pint in hand, so Pamela wanders over, squeezes his meat and two veg and before you know it, she's done him and all. She's done the same courtesy for all of the original members of The Doors, but Pamela Anderson still wants more...
...Pamela eyes The Rolling Stones on the dancefloor and creeps up on Keith Richards. She drops to her knees, unzips his leather flares and before she can go any further, Seb Fontaine crashes through the wall in a Mini and shouts, "you're only supposed to blow the bloody Doors off!!!"
LOL!!!
It's funnier if you imagine Seb Fontaine shouting that in a Michael Caine voice.
I think for the joke and the playlist, faith fanzine should get an unprecedented DOUBLE 10/10 !!
What a way to end this week's post! Next week, we'll be back with some new Carlton Doom, another Robotek Reagan one and my outrageous, unfiltered opinions on Brexit, the Credit Crunch and Squid Game.
WE'RE ALL GOING ON A SUMMER HOLIDAY, NO MORE BLOGGING FOR A WEEK OR TWO. FUN AND LAUGHTER ON OUR...SUMMER HOLIDAY, LA LA LA LA LA LAAAAAA LAAA LAA LA LA LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
WE'RE GOING WHERE THE SUN IS SHINING, WE'RE GOING WHERE THE WEATHER IS BLUE. WE'VE SEEN IT IN THE MOVIES, AND NOW WE'RE NAH NAH NAAAAAHHHHH!
WE'RE ALL GOING ON A SUMMER HOLIDAY, NO MORE BLOGGING FOR A WEEK OR TWO. FUN AND LAUGHTER ON OUR...SUMMER HOLIDAY, I'LL MAKE YOUR DREAM COME TRUE LA LA, I'LL MAKE YOUR DREAM COME TRUE!!!!!
Come on!
Hola! I've taken the team at Best Promos off on a week's jolly to a place called Spain. Hola! They deserve it. Hola! Almost forty posts in just eight months. Wow. I'm not being funny, but I never expected we'd get this far. Ch-check out the digits...hola!
202 x Twitter followers - BOSH
A mind-bloggling 81 x followers on Instagram - KABOOM
Each and every post very almost reaching triple viewing figures - BOYAKASHA
Actual insanity.
I feel a bit like Kanye West when he's on that song on one of his early albums, talking about how he's made it with Jay-Z. It's a nice track, actually. Nice music.
This one:
Anyone who thinks that this blog is under-performing or not as good as the editor thinks it is, is now sorely mistaken and sorry.
So, I'll keep this one brief because I'm in the middle of another sangria sesh with Pottsy. Today's post is all about keeping the hype alive and dishing massive shouts out and virtual fist bumps and handshakes to artists I've already reviewed this year. Just because I've stopped talking about these releases on Best Promos, doesn't mean that they're now not worth listening to or buying. Please don't think that. Por favour.
It also means that I can just copy and paste a load of stuff from previous posts. Think of this as a Best Of filler episode.
I only reviewed this next one last week, but I'm trying really hard this year to shamelessly ingratiate myself into The Social crowd. It worked a few years back with the Ransom Note and Perc Trax lot, so there's no reason why I can't creep and smarm my way into the background on everything The Social does from 2022 on, but do you remember when I favourably reviewed THIS ONE?!
You must be CONTROLLED (Controller) by a SPACE man in another DIMENSION if you don't remember me reviewing THIS ONE by the very dear friend of the loudest man in dance, Mike "Fox" Boorman! LOL
Mike Boorman's voice is so loud, I can hear him all the way in Ibiza telling The Secret DJ at Pikes that he thinks this Space Dimension Controller release is still a 10/10, and who are we to disagree? Still a 10/10 !!!
Such a great EP, and such great people who made it. Well, I can only speak for JBS. He's a great bloke because he took me to see Bob Mortimer once. I can't say for certain if Ambient Babestation Meltdown would do the same. Saying that, if she's knocking about with JBS and making tunes with him, she must be alright. He's a very judge good of character, I mean, judge good of, oh sorry, can't get my words out! He's. A. Very. Good. Judge. Of. Character.
And a bloody, thoroughly, jolly, nice bloke. They're both great, actually, and this EP is still worthy of a great 10/10 !!!
Speaking of The Secret DJ (I was before), that book review I did in February was really good, wasn't it?! Do you remember it???
Unbelievably, The Secret DJ still writes books as good as he mixes records, and this book still gets a page-turning, eye-ball popping, sweaty armpit scratching, glow-in-the-dark neon papier-mâché face-mask adorning 10/10 on here!
Who else shall I brown nose? One more. I'm feeling thirsty.
Oh my God, though, it's like proper?! Can you even REMEMBER the time I reviewed THIS ONE in May??? I'm not even lying when I say that was mad savage?! Amirite?! It just hits different, you feel me?! Pure goals.
Carlton Doom (real name, Carl Doom) is well fit, and TBH this EP is still bussin' in mid-August. I ain't even being cringe.
Ahh, that was nice. A trip down memory lane. There are so many more memories to make with Best Promos, though. Let's make them together. Please don't forget to spread me all across your social media channels like strawberry jam on toast. You know I'd do the same for you.
If you're an unsigned act, DJ, producer, whatever, who wants a nice write up on a very niche blog, get in touch and I'll push you to the limit. Stick me on your promo lists (email below).
If you like the blog and fancy a beer some time, get in touch. Best Promos is based in London, and I'll gladly get you a pint in. Let's get this Best Promos community thriving in the inner-city, like what it is out here in Eastcote and Ruislip.
Hmm. I'm sounding a bit tragic and needy now. Like Fergie in The Windsors. Stuff it. I don't care.
Well, I watched the Woodstock '99 series on Netflix and listened to some brand new dance music promos.
What was it like? Well, Woodstock '99 is dead good, but remind me never to go to a late 90s nu-metal festival in America! LOL. It was all a bit scary. My favourite bit was when it showed all them American teenagers drinking poo water and brushing their teeth with poo. I also liked the bit when someone drove a van onto the dance floor when Fatboy Slim was playing. I said to myself, "only in America!", when that bit was on and treated myself to a great big satisfying slurp of tea.
It all got a bit stroppy whilst Corn played on the Friday night, and things only got worse when Limp Biscuit came on the next day. It was absolutely nothing like when I went to Bestival 2009, Sonar 2007 or Farr Festival 2014. It was a bit like when I went to the Pig and Whistle in Newcastle in 2001.
Being the busybody that I am, I looked up the line-up last night and decided that - if it were up to me - to calm things down I would have swapped Limp Biscuit for Jamiroquai on the Saturday night and flown in one of the DJs who does the Poolside Infinite mixes on NTS instead of Fatboy Slim. Simples.
Being the busybody that I am, I actually emailed the organisers last night to tell them what I would have done, but I got an auto-reply from that weird 60s robot bloke with the curly hair to say that he was dead and wouldn't be responding to emails! Oh well. I just hope that Woodstock '29 is going to be nicer. In 2029, get David Gray and The Lighthouse Family involved. Maybe even Lisa Stansfield. Do not, I repeat, do not book Corn and Limp Biscuit again.
Anyway, enough of all that nu-metal and jock talk. Let's talk about dance music and review a few new releases.
"Apart from dance music, the only other thing I care about in life is banter."
Not my words, the words of Chris Lorenzo and COBRAH in their new song, MAMI.
Not really. I don't know why I wrote that.
What they sing in MAMI is: "to the bourgeois beat, uhhh, to the bourgeois beat, me and my mummy doing drugs in the penthouse suite..."
I hope they're talking about paracetamol or Night Nurse, eh readers?!
No, I think they're talking about Charlie chalk or ecstasy E tablets. How the other half live! I wish I could spend all day partying in a penthouse suite, but if I could, I definitely wouldn't be doing it with my mother. That would be sus. I'd probably do it with the team here at Best Promos. Can you imagine Pottsy being let loose with a big bag of drugs in a penthouse suite?! LOL. Doesn't bear (or should I say, bare) thinking about does it?
Anyway, I promised my mate that I'd plug this video to the twenty or so of you who read Best Promos, but I bet you've all heard this song and seen the video already. It's been doing the rounds for a while. It's not my cup of tea, to be honest, but the kids all seem to like it, so I'm not going to wee on their bonfire by giving it an honest score out of ten.
MAMI by Chris Lorenzo and COBRAH gets a WHOPPING 10/10 by everyone here at Best Promos!
The Idjut Boys. I'm surprised you can call them that nowadays. These loony left woke brigade fun sponge lawyers would probably have us call them the Neurological Developmental Disorder People or something, wouldn't they?! Do you know what I mean? Do you? We can't say anything anymore, can we? Eh? We can't, though, can we?! Eh? Eh?
They'll always be Idjut Boys to me, though. *creeping smiling face emoji*
They're a bit old, though, aren't they? Have you seen them lately? None of us grow young, but they're really knocking on a bit now. One of them's got a beard, I think. Very old. They still make music that sounds really good and youthful, though, even if they are very old. Despite being about forty or fifty years older than Chris Lorenzo, their new release is a lot better and more original/interesting than his and, sadly, it probably won't get played as much on Kiss or in Ibiza as MAMI. Not that it's a competition, but, you know...
Speedball by Idjut Boys is a CORKING four track EP (plus two bonus tracks if you buy it digitally) that came out the other week, and I've only just got around to listening to it. I'm a busy man.
Full Whip Version sounds like a souped-up Gary Numan escapade for the cost of living crisis generation. It's about seven minutes of good instrumental dance music that will sound good on a good sound system at a good party or a good festival. It's really good.
Severe Itching Mix is scarier than Full Whip Version. I had to turn it off when one of my kids walked past on the way to the bog at 3am last night. He's only eight, bless him, but if he'd seen his old man sat in the dark on his office chair in his pants, staring at the screen and listening intently to that weird, spooky bassline on Severe Itching Mix, it would have given him nightmares. And the heebie jeebies.
Strip It Off Version starts off with a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-spooky pad, which made me think it was going to be another scary song, but then the upbeat drums and funny synth bits come in to lighten it up. It's not as jolly as Inspector Norse or Hey Ya, but it's still a nice track for you to play on a Twitch stream or something to prove that you've got an eclectic taste in music.
It was when I got to Whizbang that I realised that they're all versions and mixes of the same song. I felt a bit neurologically developmentally disordered, but then remembered that we're allowed to make mistakes in life. It's ok to not be ok, and it's good to talk. I phoned Conrad out of the Idjut Brothers so that I could open up.
Hi, Conrad. I love your name. Would you have a couple of minutes to spare? I'm feeling a bit silly after thinking that the four tracks on your excellent new release, Speedball, were all separate, individual pieces of music, and not remixes/versions of the same song.
"The overexcited young men at the Droid factory up the beats per minute and channel the spirit of other sensible chaps a la John Belushi, River Phoenix and John 'I chose the best exit' Entwhistle on our latest audio laboratory assault."
Pardon?
"Less terminal, with careful use, perhaps, than a fat fully loaded speedball, we hope man and beast find some musical justice or bemusement in the latest hoedown on offer."
Ok. Erm, Conrad, have you ever done anything embarrassing that has given you the blues, and you've found it difficult to open up about it with the people close to you?
"We have various takes at various tempos, so bar mitzvah's, weddings and indeed acid house events should be covered for those game enough to get on the Droid bucking bronco...."
Are you ok, Conrad?
"Enjoy the relaxing, meditative sound of Droid!"
Thanks for nothing, Conrad out of the Idjut Boys. I'll phone your mate, Dan, next time. Hopefully get more sense out of him.
What a release! I've thought long and hard about this, and I'm going to give it a clever-clogs 10/10
This is a nice t-shirt. They've only got them in Small now - all the Mediums have sold out - so I'm going to buy a Small anyway and just wear it skin-tight.
Dresden is the new high-street fashion and party line by Ivan Smagghe and Manfredas, and doesn't it look fetching? I'm going to turn a blind eye, however, and NOT mention these t-shirts to the managing director of Pacha because he'll (quite rightly) bankrupt Ivan and Man for copyright infringement violations, and I really don't think they deserve to be without money during the worst cost of living crisis any of us in dance have ever known.
I made a very amusing post on Instagram this morning about Houghton that, so far, nobody has liked or engaged with. It made me laugh, though, and that's the main thing. LOL
Houghton is this weekend (11-14 August) somewhere in the UK, and loads of good DJs are playing. If I wasn't going to Jaca in Spain on Saturday, I'd have DEFINITELY gone and no doubt given it a pretty solid 10/10.
I think there are still tickets available for resale on Resident Advisor.
LOL. I've been binge watching all of the Harry Enfield episodes on Netflix over the last week or so. What's that, readers? I don't wanna do that? LOL!
I do, it's still really funny.
I was saying on Tweeter the other day that I completely forgot that I write a weekly UK dance blog, so I'm sorry about that, readers. I wasn't there for you last week. Forgive me. I was also supposed to write some questions for Steve Bug to answer about his life, his red hot fantasies and his latest pop-tastic, vocal acid-mungus clapper, The Haze with Ali Love on Poker Flat (OUT NOW), but I forgot about that, and all. I think that ship has sailed now, and, to be honest, I doubt that I'd be any much cop at asking a dance person questions, anyway.
Maybe I should start interviewing/plugging names/releases to get more traffic to the blog? Egos get boosted in both directions; everyone's a winner. Hmm *stroking chin face emoji*
Steve - Wenn Sie es ertragen können, werde ich Ihnen diese Fragen heute noch vor Spielschluss (und Geschäftsschluss) zukommen lassen!
Bloody hell, Baldrick, I'm thick! I do wonder how and why I forgot about Best Promos for a whole week when I quite lidderally live at Best Promos HQ! Durrrrr!
Sorry, I've been watching a lot of old Harry Enfield lately.
Speaking of old things, Orbital have got a brilliant new album out! It's called 30 Something and it's an anti-Poll tax-tastic take on those looney laps of the M25 the crazy kids would make in the quite lidderal olden-days of rave by those bonkers brothers, Phil and Paul Hucknall, I mean, Hartnoll. Sorry. I have to stop watching Harry Enfield.
30 Something is brilliant, and it's testament to the pulling power of Orbital that they were able to twist Stephen Hawking's arm and get him to sing on one of the songs on the album. I am smoking a fag! Sorry.
30 Something. Brilliant. Was that a programme in the 90s? I can't remember. Maureen! Getting a bit busy down here, love! Orbital. Yes. Lovely lads and it's brilliant to see them not getting beaten up by the police any more for going to a party in Sevenoaks, or was it Eightoaks? I can't remember. Anyway, there's loads of articles about this release online, so if you want something a bit more in-depth, I suggest you go and read Pitchfork, but if you like your dance reviews peppered with Leslie Norris quotes, I suggest you don't go and read Pitchfork and stay here with me in Ruislip. What can I get you?
FUN FACT: The Orbital brothers both share the same biological parents.
I listened to the brilliant 30 Something on loop whilst orbiting the M25, drunk, in my blue Skoda Fabia on Sunday afternoon, and let me tell you: it gets more brilliant with every lap. So, with all of that in mind, I'm giving them a Tarrant-tastic 10/10, pop-pickers!!!
30 Something by Orbital is OUT NOW on London Records
Speaking of artists who use that acid sound in loads of their songs, Posthuman has got a brilliant new album out! It's called Echo Almaz East (that's a weird name for a dance album! LOL), and I can best describe it as ten tracks of the very best 2022 misery acid and contemplative danger-core this side of Timbuktu all wrapped up in one handy USB-sized MP3 or WAV collection. It's the perfect gift for that special someone who loves to curl up on the windowsill with an old P.G. Wodehouse book and a lit candle squeezed into the top of an empty wine bottle, and stare out of the kitchen window with a lemonade vape and a massive glass of Vimto on the go, pretending they're a struggling actor with a heavy smoking and drinking habit in late-80s, stormy, Budapest, but with all the trappings and comfort of a right-on, aggressively vegan east London party bedsit in the middle of the hottest summer we've enjoyed in, like, forever?!
My favourite track on Echo Almaz East is Directive 74 because it sounds like Posthuman is watching a scary Better Call Saul scene whilst rinsing a plastic bottle of paint stripper down the kitchen sink hole. LOL. Love it! Posthuman has also got dance legend, Stephen Hawking, in to sing some numbers on Contact Response. It's a real testament to the pulling power of Posthuman that he could, etc. etc.
FUN FACT: Posthuman has a beard.
It's a brilliant album, but it's a bit weird and I don't reckon much of it would get played at an I Love Acid party, maybe at the beginning of the night. There are no massive bangers or full-on acid anthems on it, unfortunately, but that's no bad thing. We'll leave the bangers (this time) to Orbital and Galaxy Brain. Every banger needs a break from time to time.
Like 30 Something, though, Echo Almaz East is an album that gets better with every listen. When I first listened to it, my instinct was to award it 1/10, but after now listening to it ten times in a row, I've come to the conclusion that it actually merits a WHOPPING 10/10 !!!
I was flicking through the Yellow Pages yesterday, trying to find the telephone number for Galaxy Brain so that I could ring them up and thank them for the MP3 promo EP they very kindly had delivered to my inbox this week. Postman Pat was a little bit late because this EP came out last Friday, but never mind, it's still getting played on my little Pioneer DDJ-SB3 controller in the back extension tonight with a couple of cans of lager and an active imagination. Sorry, that was a rubbish introduction to an EP review of a brilliant new EP that came out last Friday on Fair Maiden Records by Galaxy Brain called Night Dad and it's out now and it's brilliant!
FUN FACT: Night Dad is a four track EP.
I don't know why it's called Night Dad, but it's a very amusing name for an EP. Maybe I should interview Galaxy Brain and ask them what it means, and if it was meant to be funny or not. The interview might bring much needed traffic to a moribund Best Promos blog and it would provide an adrenalin shot of dopamine directly into the massive brain of Galaxy Brain. It might even be such a good interview that they print it off and stick it on the fridge!
The music on Night Dad is very cool and trendy. I can imagine playing Night Dad, Aurora, Galaxy's Revenge and JDX00 one after the other in a boozy back to back to back to back free for all at The Social with DJ Pete Fowler, the tall boy with the moustache behind the bar and Galaxy Brain herself at my imaginary Best Promos night. All the best people in London will be there, laughing and smirking and drinking and chatting and having the best times of their lives. The warmth of the bassline on Galaxy's Revenge smothers the, err, air, making everyone nod, point their fingers in the, err, air and pull a serious, scrunched up face to let us know that we're playing a really brilliant song and they approve. I'd probably let JDX00 play out until the very end and not mix anything into it. I'd let it end so that there's no music being played any more. Everyone would turn towards me, Pete, Galaxy and the lad with the moustache and we'd be acting all quizzical and looking at one another like it was their fault the music had stopped without another track blending in. Everyone would know that we're joking, the atmosphere wouldn't have soured, it's not that kind of place, but people would be very curious as to what was going to happen next. After about 20 seconds, I'd cup my hand to my ear and mime, "I can't hear you", then make that Gallic shrugging gesture before cupping my ear again. I'd then suddenly scream, "ONE TWO THREE FOUR" and press Play on Bachman-Turner Overdrive's rock classic, You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet!
Just before the vocals come in, I'd do a spin-back and quickly transition to the Night Dad EP again and play it from start to finish. Again. It's THAT good.
So, in summary, Night Dad EP by Galaxy Brain is grrrrrrrrrrilliant, and it gets a corking 10/10 from everyone here at Best Promos!
Night Dad EP by Galaxy Brain is OUT NOW on Fair Maiden Records.
