God Save Our Gracious Lizard

God Save Our Gracious Lizard. That's a very controversial title for a UK dance blog post, isn't it, readers? Quite edgy. Especially this week; the week of the royal and regal Platinum Jubilee for her seventy years sitting on the throne. Gawd bless her. When one broke one's wrist in January and was put on super-strength painkillers, the main side-effect was that they caused utmost arse blockage, or constipation.

It felt like seventy years on the throne for one every time one needed the bog! Do you know what one means? LOL.

Anyway, one does hope HRH Queen Elizabeth II doesn't get wind of this post or everyone here at Best Promos will be for the chopping block in the Tower of London! LOL.

Only Joshing, Liz, Only Joshing. One knows that you do a marvellous job. You and all of your weirdo kids deserve every penny of our money that you get. Here's to another seventy years in Buck House (Buckingham Palace) for Her Majesty The Queen!!!!

My money don't jiggle jiggle, it folds

Best Promos hereby grant HRH Queen Elizabeth II by Royal Decree with a honorary and highborn 10/10 for her services to the UK and the English dance scene. Without those bits of paper with her face on, nobody would be able to buy ecstasy, ketamine, speed, coke, poppers, balloons, mandy, squidgy black and ganja in all of them M25 Orbital raves that begat the UK, global and worldwide dance and rave scene across the world and in any of the famous English nightclubs that popped up on the back of those infamous field raves in the Summers of Love '88 and '89. To this day, you can't contribute to the vibes on the dancefloor of any nightclub in GREAT Britain without handing over cash with the Queen's face on to a scary-looking, 18-stone hooded drug dealer with a Rambo knife in one hand and a massive bag of tablets in the other. Thanks, Liz. You may not realise it, but you make our world go around.

It's also impossible to do coke without going to the toilet and rolling up a bank note with her face on.

Same goes for when you and your mates pool your remaining pills together at the after-party, crush them up with an ornament on the coffee table and share it with the strangers in your living room.

GOD SAVE OUR GRACIOUS QUEEN.

10/10 for the Queen. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN.

I'm on leave this week, so this isn't a proper post. There'll be a proper one next week with loads of promo reviews, event previews and more on the Watching Trees developments.

What Watching Trees developments?

Well, I'm submitting my application to play in the hard house tent there in September so that I can record a live CD for release on the Optimo record label. I think it's a r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-really good idea. I've even done all the artwork for it on Microsoft Paint. Look:

It's r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-really good, isn't it, readers? It only took me five minutes, and all. Fingers crossed, guys.

Excellent artwork ^ ^ ^

What I will do a quick recommendation for is the new one on Sound Du Jour. It's a r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-really good EP called Monsters by a bloke called Man 2.0.

2.0? I wonder what happened to the first version! 

Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe!

The title track uses that famous breakbeat pattern that every dance music producer has used at one point or another in their journey/career, but Man 2.0 uses it in a uniquely different and exciting way: he puts some sirens over the top of it. Have a listen and let the soothing sirens and famous breakbeats wash over your mind and soul...and body...

MAN2.0 · Monsters EP on Sound Du Jour

I bet the Queen would like that one. The remix by Vyvyan is really good, too, but I prefer the original. I reckon it would go well with one of them old Shan tracks on Running Back. DJs - thank me later.

The other track on the EP is called Synapse (not sure why, this isn't explained in the press release), and this comes with a remix by the Sound Du Jour managing director, La Mano.

What's that one like?

Well, Jake at Dispersion PR said it best when he carefully chose these moving words, "La Mano dives deep into a glistening electro ride through rich soundscapes with his remix to close the show."

If the Queen, Laurent Garnier, Paul Woolford and Jennifer Cardini loves this EP, then I reckon I have to award it a high score. Hmm. Yes. Monsters EP by Man 2.0 gets a right royal 10/10 !!!

Monsters EP by Man 2.0 is OUT NOW on Sound Du Jour.

Buy it here: Monsters EP
Follow Man 2.0 here: @manmachine201
Follow Sound Du Jour on Instagram: @sounddujour
Follow Man 2.0 on Instagram: @man2pointzero

One hopes you all enjoy your time off for the Platinum Jubilee, anyway. Just think, when she finally pegs it we'll get some more time off for the funeral and stuff. Can't wait!! Nom nom nom...

Email me YOUR best promos: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com
Tweet me: @BestPromos4Eva
Instagram me: /bestpromos4eva/

Now, all rise for our national anthem...