DJ Seinfeld - Family of Fear (Mark Moore's Marmalade Mix)

The Queen. There's life in the old dog yet.

I don't know about you, but after spending the last few weeks being cynical, miserable and downright condescending towards the people I'm close to in real life who absolutely adore Her Majesty the Queen Elizabeth II and snottily turning my snotty nose up at the prospect of her Jubilee, I am now writing these words with marmalade all around my mouth (which is upturned into a very British smile; prawn cocktail breath and wonky teeth), and - as I suspect - millions of other UK dance blog journalists around the UK will be covered in crumbs and marmalade themselves as they write their little articles and posts about music and a scene that isn't that important in the grand scheme of things, but we keep on earnestly telling ourselves that it is, don't we, people?! Especially the middle-aged ones. Tee hee!

I loved the Jubilee, and I don't care if her empty gold carriage could feed a family for a year. I had a lovely few days and she deserves our whole-hearted support and celebration for being such a brilliant beacon of hope and stability for us all. Yes, she probably had Princess Diana killed. Yes, she dipped into our sterling (I think) and paid top dollar to that CONTENT REMOVED BY BEST PROMOS LAWYERS American blonde woman to save her pervert kid. Yes, she's a lizard lady. Yes, she's had the same boring hairstyle all of her life and all she can do nowadays is wave...oh, hang on...but is any of this good reason to now whip the palaces and crowns from under her feet? I say not. But, if the response to this opinion is negative, then I'm ready to swing the other way and join in when we all ransack Buckingham Palace. Bagsy her knicker drawer!!

I wonder what Ben Klock thinks. Ben, if you're reading this: get in touch. Are you pro-monarchy or anti-establishment?

Email me on: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com

By the way, readers, if the quality of today's post is poor, it's because I spent too much time trying to do a Cold War Steve-style header picture. I've put Frank Skinner's face on Prince Charles's face (because the monarchy is a joke), Bernard Manning on the Queen's (because the monarchy is a joke AND they're all supposed to be racist) and there are punchy cultural and satirical comments on loads of other important issues for you to decipher, AND there is the obligatory Grant Mitchell and Lulu inserts, AND for the eagle-eyed; see if you can spot Jimmy Hill! It's all just a bit of fun at the end of the day. I don't think I'll be interviewed in The Guardian any time soon! It's a very sharp political piece of art, though, which says more in pictures than words ever could.

So, we're all agreed here at Best Promos (even arch-anarchist, Pottsy) that HRH Queen Elizabeth II has now pole-vaulted her way into our hearts. I do wonder what she'd think of the new Roman Flügel EP on Rekids. Shall I pretend to ask her? LOL

"Ma'am, thank you ever so much for agreeing to be interviewed on Best Promos. I know the last week would have taken a lot out of you. You're definitely knocking on a bit now. In fact, if you don't mind me saying, you looked a bit reanimated in that skit with Paddington. You looked more computer-generated than he did!

Not a problem, mate. What do you want to know?

Well, your majesty, I was wondering if you'd be kind enough to listen to the new EP by Roman Flügel and judge it for this blog. It's called Yes People. Creep creep.

Sure. What label is it on, mate?

It's on Rekids. Slither slither.

Nice one. Stick it on. Let's have a listen to it.

What do you think, ma'am? Slobber slobber.

Sound. One really likes it, but it sounds like the record is skipping at the beginning. Is it supposed to be like that?

Yes, ma'am, I thought exactly the same thing when I first heard it, but it happens throughout the track, from beginning to end. It simply has to be intentional.

Ok, One likes it. One thinks that beat skipping thing adds to the overall flava, if you know what one means.

It's got lots of other sound effects in it, your majesty, that, if you don't mind me saying, would sound not too inconsiderable on the Windsor Castle PA. I can just imagine you dancing to it around your famous handbag in the courtyard, ma'am, after one too many gin and tonics. Crawl crawl.

Yeah, I could definitely vibe to it. To be honest, the rest of the EP is ace, too. Play Simple, Jam and Mysterious Delight all carry on in that same 3am vein. None of them have any massive drops or top line melodies. It's an EP for the heads down crowd and the popper squad at the back. Proper solid marchers.

If you don't mind me saying, your majesty, maybe this is an EP for your guards with the big fuzzy hats! For when they're marching around! Hehehehehehehehehehehe grovel grovel.

I don't think so.

Sorry, ma'am. Forgive me for asking, but would you be kind enough to award Yes People by Roman Flügel a score out of ten?

One can take comfort in the fact that, long after I have gone, Roman Flügel will still be making trippy, dancefloor-focused slabs of peculiar and energetic heat. He is my strength and my stay, and this EP is in no way an exception to his ferocious body of work. It is with great pleasure, joy and determination that I declare this EP open, and with a Royal seal of approval from all of us here at Buckingham Palace. Yes People by Roman Flügel is a 10/10 release, and no mistake."

Blimey. Cheers Liz! Yes People by Roman Flügel presents Tracks on Delivery is OUT NOW on Rekids.

Buy it here: yes-people

Follow Roman Flügel on Twitter: @romanfluegel

Follow Rekids on Twitter: @Rekids

Follow The Queen on Twitter: @LizardLady

I was in The Hop and Vine on Ruislip High Street recently, testing out their real ales. I drank a pint of Buffle Duffle real ale. A pint of Hitler's Nose. A pint of Combined Words and a yard of Jennifer. After that, I sank a Corrupted Cat and a Flock of Toddlers before knocking back a bottle or two (or three!) of their best Blossom Hill wine. To say I was drunk would be putting it mildly: I was quite drunk! And what better state to be in whilst walking around Ruislip and Eastcote listening to the latest Phantasy release on my blue Sony headphones.

Highdive by Gramrcy and John Loveless is out now and it soundtracked my walk home from the pub on Sunday night. There is something about this track that makes you feel really cocky and arrogant as you're walking around with eight or nine pints inside you. There is a repetitive dur d d dur dur d d dur rhythm and melody to the main bits and some really weird, scary sounds that come out of nowhere every now and again. Those bits make you jump the first time you hear them, but once you get used to it, you'll be screwing your face up and nodding along as you swagger down the street, casually playing air drums as you pass the norms and the oldies coming out of Tesco with their loaves of bread and boring stuff like that. With Highdive in your ears, you're a step above everyone you walk past - even if they're richer and more sober and successful than you.

There is a Beats Mix which is just the original without the weird bits. Still good, though. The last track on the release is the Schacke Remix, which is a lot faster than the original - would be good to get one of my team to count the beats per minute on that and report back. This remix sounds nothing like the original. It's the kind of track Partiboi69 will start playing when he eventually tries to court the "serious" dance music punters...in a good way.

I am a big fan of the Phantasy label. Erol Alkan seems like a very nice man, and I think Highdive is a smashing tune. After a long think here at my desk, and a smiling stare at the calming bird artwork, I'm giving it a 10/10

Highdive by Gramrcy and John Loveless is OUT NOW on Phantasy.

Buy it here: Highdive

Follow Gramrcy on Twitter: @gramrcy

Follow John Loveless on Instagram: /mrjohnloveless/

Follow Phantasy on Twitter: @phantasysound

Hologram Teen is a genuinely brilliant name, isn't it? Like Sonic Youth and Altered Images. Hologram Teen is ace. I've just Googled it; unfortunately, it's not this artist's real name :-( Hologram Teen is the pen name of Morgane Lhote who fights out of Los Angeles, America.

A couple of years ago she BURST onto the scene with that Pizza Conspiracy album on Ransom Note Records and now she's BACK on the scene with her new album, Day-Glo Chaos; an ode to day-glo clobber and the chaos of the colour clash when you wear a lot of day-glo! We've all been there if you were a kid in the 1980s.

The first single is out today according to the R$N website, but I can't see it on Bandcamp yet. Have a listen to it on YouTube, though. It's called Valley Nights (Burnin') and, as you can see, it's already got favourable feedback in the notoriously crude and hateful YouTube comments section:

Valley Nights (Burnin') could easily have slotted into Chromeo's DJ Kicks CD, which I think is the highest accolade anyone could give this kind of track because that DJ Kicks mix is one of the best for driving around in the summer to. Lost my thread a bit here, sorry. Reset. The new single by Hologram Teen is fab, and it's enough for me to pre-order her album when it finally gets put on Bandcamp.

I particularly enjoy the sound of the car starting up at the beginning because it makes me think I'm listening to a 2ManyDJs rework of a Madness song.

Have a listen:

Now, after listening to that, listen to this:

And for that, there is only one score out of ten we can grant Valley Nights (Burnin') by Hologram Teen: 10/10

Valley Nights (Burnin') by Hologram Teen is OUT NOW on Ransom Note Records. Her new album, Day-Glo Chaos, is out on Tuesday 19 July 2022

Pre-order/buy it here (just keep refreshing the page until it appears): Hologram Teen

Follow Hologram Teen on Twitter: @HologramTeen

Follow Ransom Note on Twitter: @RansomNoted

I think we're done for today. Congratulations to the Prime Minister for winning that vote of no confidence last night. Hopefully, we can all get on witBLEUGHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Bye.

Email me on: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com

Tweet me on: @BestPromos4Eva

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