Hi all.
I had a nice weekend, thanks for asking.
What's that? What did I do?
Well, I watched the Woodstock '99 series on Netflix and listened to some brand new dance music promos.
What was it like? Well, Woodstock '99 is dead good, but remind me never to go to a late 90s nu-metal festival in America! LOL. It was all a bit scary. My favourite bit was when it showed all them American teenagers drinking poo water and brushing their teeth with poo. I also liked the bit when someone drove a van onto the dance floor when Fatboy Slim was playing. I said to myself, "only in America!", when that bit was on and treated myself to a great big satisfying slurp of tea.
It all got a bit stroppy whilst Corn played on the Friday night, and things only got worse when Limp Biscuit came on the next day. It was absolutely nothing like when I went to Bestival 2009, Sonar 2007 or Farr Festival 2014. It was a bit like when I went to the Pig and Whistle in Newcastle in 2001.
Being the busybody that I am, I looked up the line-up last night and decided that - if it were up to me - to calm things down I would have swapped Limp Biscuit for Jamiroquai on the Saturday night and flown in one of the DJs who does the Poolside Infinite mixes on NTS instead of Fatboy Slim. Simples.
Being the busybody that I am, I actually emailed the organisers last night to tell them what I would have done, but I got an auto-reply from that weird 60s robot bloke with the curly hair to say that he was dead and wouldn't be responding to emails! Oh well. I just hope that Woodstock '29 is going to be nicer. In 2029, get David Gray and The Lighthouse Family involved. Maybe even Lisa Stansfield. Do not, I repeat, do not book Corn and Limp Biscuit again.
Anyway, enough of all that nu-metal and jock talk. Let's talk about dance music and review a few new releases.
"Apart from dance music, the only other thing I care about in life is banter."
Not my words, the words of Chris Lorenzo and COBRAH in their new song, MAMI.
Not really. I don't know why I wrote that.
What they sing in MAMI is: "to the bourgeois beat, uhhh, to the bourgeois beat, me and my mummy doing drugs in the penthouse suite..."
I hope they're talking about paracetamol or Night Nurse, eh readers?!
No, I think they're talking about Charlie chalk or ecstasy E tablets. How the other half live! I wish I could spend all day partying in a penthouse suite, but if I could, I definitely wouldn't be doing it with my mother. That would be sus. I'd probably do it with the team here at Best Promos. Can you imagine Pottsy being let loose with a big bag of drugs in a penthouse suite?! LOL. Doesn't bear (or should I say, bare) thinking about does it?
Anyway, I promised my mate that I'd plug this video to the twenty or so of you who read Best Promos, but I bet you've all heard this song and seen the video already. It's been doing the rounds for a while. It's not my cup of tea, to be honest, but the kids all seem to like it, so I'm not going to wee on their bonfire by giving it an honest score out of ten.
MAMI by Chris Lorenzo and COBRAH gets a WHOPPING 10/10 by everyone here at Best Promos!
Buy it: MAMI by Chris Lorenzo and COBRAH
Follow Chris Lorenzo on Twitter: @Lorenzosbeats
The Idjut Boys. I'm surprised you can call them that nowadays. These loony left woke brigade fun sponge lawyers would probably have us call them the Neurological Developmental Disorder People or something, wouldn't they?! Do you know what I mean? Do you? We can't say anything anymore, can we? Eh? We can't, though, can we?! Eh? Eh?
They'll always be Idjut Boys to me, though. *creeping smiling face emoji*
They're a bit old, though, aren't they? Have you seen them lately? None of us grow young, but they're really knocking on a bit now. One of them's got a beard, I think. Very old. They still make music that sounds really good and youthful, though, even if they are very old. Despite being about forty or fifty years older than Chris Lorenzo, their new release is a lot better and more original/interesting than his and, sadly, it probably won't get played as much on Kiss or in Ibiza as MAMI. Not that it's a competition, but, you know...
Speedball by Idjut Boys is a CORKING four track EP (plus two bonus tracks if you buy it digitally) that came out the other week, and I've only just got around to listening to it. I'm a busy man.
Full Whip Version sounds like a souped-up Gary Numan escapade for the cost of living crisis generation. It's about seven minutes of good instrumental dance music that will sound good on a good sound system at a good party or a good festival. It's really good.
Severe Itching Mix is scarier than Full Whip Version. I had to turn it off when one of my kids walked past on the way to the bog at 3am last night. He's only eight, bless him, but if he'd seen his old man sat in the dark on his office chair in his pants, staring at the screen and listening intently to that weird, spooky bassline on Severe Itching Mix, it would have given him nightmares. And the heebie jeebies.
Strip It Off Version starts off with a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-spooky pad, which made me think it was going to be another scary song, but then the upbeat drums and funny synth bits come in to lighten it up. It's not as jolly as Inspector Norse or Hey Ya, but it's still a nice track for you to play on a Twitch stream or something to prove that you've got an eclectic taste in music.
It was when I got to Whizbang that I realised that they're all versions and mixes of the same song. I felt a bit neurologically developmentally disordered, but then remembered that we're allowed to make mistakes in life. It's ok to not be ok, and it's good to talk. I phoned Conrad out of the Idjut Brothers so that I could open up.
Hi, Conrad. I love your name. Would you have a couple of minutes to spare? I'm feeling a bit silly after thinking that the four tracks on your excellent new release, Speedball, were all separate, individual pieces of music, and not remixes/versions of the same song.
"The overexcited young men at the Droid factory up the beats per minute and channel the spirit of other sensible chaps a la John Belushi, River Phoenix and John 'I chose the best exit' Entwhistle on our latest audio laboratory assault."
Pardon?
"Less terminal, with careful use, perhaps, than a fat fully loaded speedball, we hope man and beast find some musical justice or bemusement in the latest hoedown on offer."
Ok. Erm, Conrad, have you ever done anything embarrassing that has given you the blues, and you've found it difficult to open up about it with the people close to you?
"We have various takes at various tempos, so bar mitzvah's, weddings and indeed acid house events should be covered for those game enough to get on the Droid bucking bronco...."
Are you ok, Conrad?
"Enjoy the relaxing, meditative sound of Droid!"
Are you ok, Conrad?
"Enjoy the relaxing, meditative sound of Droid!"
Thanks for nothing, Conrad out of the Idjut Boys. I'll phone your mate, Dan, next time. Hopefully get more sense out of him.
What a release! I've thought long and hard about this, and I'm going to give it a clever-clogs 10/10
Buy it: Idjut Boys (bandcamp.com)
Follow Idjut Boys on Instagram: /idjut_boys/
Been a bit rambling, this post. Sorry, readers!
Let's be a little more succinct.
This is a good mix. It's by Bleaching Agent...
Best Promos official score: 10/10
Follow Bleaching Agent on Twitter and on Instagram
Buy his stuff on here: Bleaching Agent (bandcamp.com)
This is a nice t-shirt. They've only got them in Small now - all the Mediums have sold out - so I'm going to buy a Small anyway and just wear it skin-tight.
Do you?
Gorgeous clothing, guys: 10/10
Buy it here. It's only £40 ('ow much?!?!): magic-castles/dresden
Follow Dresden on Instagram
Follow Ivan Smagghe on Instagram
Follow Manfredas on Instagram
Follow Magic Castles on Instagram
I made a very amusing post on Instagram this morning about Houghton that, so far, nobody has liked or engaged with. It made me laugh, though, and that's the main thing. LOL
Houghton is this weekend (11-14 August) somewhere in the UK, and loads of good DJs are playing. If I wasn't going to Jaca in Spain on Saturday, I'd have DEFINITELY gone and no doubt given it a pretty solid 10/10.
I think there are still tickets available for resale on Resident Advisor.
Buy them here: Houghton Tickets
Follow Houghton on Instagram
Follow Craig Richards on Instagram
That's me done for this week. I'm in Spain next week, so Best Promos will be inactive until the following week.
Ta'ra, chuck.
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