BRING BACK HANGING

 

Hi readers! This week's campaign is to bring back hanging. All of us here at http://pornishment.net.org.blogspot.co.uk feel that it is time, as a nation, to have a frank and open discussion about the benefits this traditional, age-old deterrent would have on our once glorious, crime-free utopia. Never mind the holiday camps we're offering crimina...oh. Sorry. Wrong blog! This is Best Promos, the dance music one. Sorry, readers! What am I doing?

Yes.

Pulp at Finsbury Park. I went to see them on Saturday night. No, that was ages ago. Sorry. Where am I?

Right.

It is Monday 7 August 2023. I am sat at my massive Best Promos mahogany writing desk. I am listening to a Wrestling With Wregret review. I am thinking about dance music. I am writing about dance music.

I am at one with myself. Let's all chant together:

"I am one with the Goddess,
And to her I will return,
Like a drop of rain, drop of rain,
Flowing to the ocean."

Ahh, that's better. I learned that song from Sada in Big Brother 1 (2000). She was only in it for a week before getting evicted, but her one-off new-age chant quickly became a meme in our household before memes were a thing. Growing up in Walsall, on the Yew Tree Estate, anyone practising self-help and wellness were, quite rightly, mocked and laughed at. Although I am now firmly rooted in leafy, well-to-do - and posh - Ruislip, I still have that working class mentality: LAUGH at anyone who takes themselves seriously and MOCK people who are vegetarian and care about the ozone layer.

LOL!

I wonder if Paul 'Special Request' Woolford cares about the ozone layer? I wonder if he's a vegetarian? I Googled it, but nothing much came back, so I asked Chat-GPT, who was useless, and all:

Paul, if you're reading this, please get in touch to let our readers know if you're one of them vegetarians or not.

Speaking of Paul Woolford, did you know that he released a single last month on Peggy Gou's record label, Gudu Records? It's called Sliver and it's got Novelist singing on it! Is it any good? Let's have a listen...

What a bloody racket! I like it, though, do you? It's good, isn't it?

"I'm a target hitter,
I'm a go-getter,
Life is better in a mirror,
Don't talk to me about the litter"

The lyrics aren't as good as the Goddess chant by Sada off of Big Brother 1, but I still found them inspiring, and they've made me re-think my small-minded, plebeian position on the environment and green house gases. After listening to Sliver, I had a walk to Bessingby Park in Eastcote with a bin bag and a litter picker. It's the kind of song Blue Peter should play to get "the yoof" out earning their Environment Blue Peter badge.

The music that Special 'Paul Woolford' Request has produced here is nothing short of breath-taking. It's simply breath-taking, and the bit he does where he slows it down before making it really fast before making it back to normal speed again is masterful. You can tell that he's been practising on the decks, and on Ableton, for many, many years, and now all of that practise is paying off...big time. I've heard that he's a great bloke, too, and in my book that counts for a lot.

I'm going to award Sliver a WHOPPING 10/10, no hesitation. It's a corker.

BUY IT NOW: Sliver (feat. Novelist) | Special Request
Follow 'Paul' Special Woolford 'Request' on Twitter and on Instagram
Follow Novelist on Twitter and on Instagram
Follow Gudu Records on Instagram

Do you want wardrobe essentials that work hard for YOU and don't compromise on style? Read on. 

If you love industrial dance music T-shirts, you'll like this new one by Perc Trax. It's called Greed Dance, and I'm currently saving up so I can buy one for myself. It's a black T-shirt with a big pound coin on the back that someone has taken a bite out of, and it's got the words, 'PERC TRAX' in gigantic white letters. There's some small print underneath the pound coin that I can read, but can't be bothered to go into any more detail on. On the front, it's just a smaller version of that pound coin. It's made from 100% cotton and some silk, and I don't know if it's machine washable - it probably is. What I can't say for certain is if it's machine dryable. If the weather is nice, hang it out; it's just safer that way. If it's raining, and you have a clothes horse, hang it on there until it's dry through. Please read the label when it comes to sticking these T-shirts in the tumble dryer; I don't want to upset Perc by giving out false washing instructions because he's a really big bloke.

The Greed Dance T-shirt is well smart and I do want to get one, it's better than the usual Uni-Qlo stuff I buy, so I'm going to award it a fashionable 10/10

BUY IT HERE: Greed Dance T-Shirt | Perc Trax
Follow Perc on Twitter and on Instagram

Whilst I was on the Perc Trax Bandcamp page, I had a listen to a nasty, nasty EP with a deliciously fluffy name, and thought I should review it on here for two reasons:

1. to curry favour with Perc and his brilliant label
2. to save time looking through my inbox for promos worth reviewing

I Hope This EP Finds You Well by Somniac One is the kind of dance music EP Walter the Softy would pick out if he was down Phonica Records. It's such a well-mannered title. That title would also catch the eyes of Cuthbert Cringeworthy. However, when they get around to putting the record on and actually listening to it, the soppy softies would be scared witless and would run out of their bedrooms crying for mumsie and simpering it up...large style.

Have a listen to Buzz Pollinator (my favourite of the three tracks) and can you honestly tell me that Walter the Softy and Cuthbert Cringeworthy would like it? Seriously? You're having a laugh, mate. Listen:

They'd both CRAP themselves and squeal if they heard it. It's the kind of music Danny from the Bash Street Kids would like, or Dennis the Menace.

The rest of the EP is horrible, too, in a r-r-r-r-r-really good way, but there's honestly no way on earth Walter the Softy and Cuthbert Cringeworthy will like it. I'm tellin' ya now.

I love it. It's the kind of music I've always enjoyed stomping around to at places like House of God. In fact, if all three tracks off of I Hope This EP Finds You Well by Somniac One aren't played by Sir Real at the next House of God, I'll eat Jamiroquai's hat. Chortle!

I'm giving this EP a gnashing 10/10 for being so terrific!

BUY IT NOW: I Hope This EP Finds You Well | Somniac One | Perc Trax

Follow Somniac One on Instagram

I think that'll do it for this week. I've had enough now. Hope you're all enjoying the summer, anyway, it's been nice weather...

...for ducks!!! LOL ahhhhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

Email me: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com

Tweet me: @BestPromos4Eva

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This is brilliant. I'll review it properly next week:

NTS Friday · In Focus - Larry Heard

Never Give Up

Never give up, readers.

I r-r-r-r-r-r-r-really thought I could live without blogging, but when I wavered and looked within my soul atop the highest skyscraper in Ruislip, and embraced my final moments as a human being before committing the illegal act of rooftop suicide, I realised why I was teetering there in the first place: no blog, no reason to live. Existing without Best Promos had depressed me to pieces...I had to die.

I'd not just given up on this blog, and the loyal, single-digit gang of readers who enjoy know about it; I'd given up on living and thought that the only way to end my sadness would be to take those cloudy escalators up to Heaven via a busy High Street, maximum disruption, attention-seeking and gorily distressing body smash during home time on the last day of school.

What a fool I have been. As I looked down on the children vaping below, I shook my head and cried. I then started laughing. After that, I cried for a bit more and clambered slowly down the Wimpy sign and fell to the pavement below, laughing and spitting.

"It's time to get back to work, Kev", I said to myself. "Yes, and don't let the bastards grind you down", whispered a brown-blazered year 10 girl as I limped towards my Eastcote mansion, crying.

COME ON!!!

It's fab to be back, let me tell you, ladies and gentlemen, it really is. Now. I'm going to tell you all about a music tour by an up-and-coming young DJ. He's a smashing young man, he really is, with a lorra lorra talent, let me tell you. He's called The Secret DJ, but the only thing secret about him in my book is, err. I didn't think that sentence through properly, sorry. He's The Secret DJ, and his identity is the biggest secret in dance music since Speculoos Dance Squad were billed to play at The End in the 00s.

Nobody knows his name. Or her. Might be a her. Or a them. I don't know. I'm not sure if The Secret DJ has ever confirmed their gender, but I think it's a bloke with a massive beard, so I'll stick with "him".

That massive beard might be a prop, though, like the beard Jeremy Beadle used to wear to trick people into thinking he was a police officer...

...I've written about The Secret DJ's brilliant books before (Promos passim), but this is the first time I've whipped up a buzz around him DJing. It looks like a fluid kind of schedule because more dates are being arranged, but as Best Promos goes to press, this is where you can catch him (watch him) over the coming months on the Disunited Kingdom Tour:

Hmm. Hare and Hounds. My dad lives about 5 minutes from there. Maybe I should go up for that one with the missus. Hmm * chin stroking thinking face emoji *

Anyway, it looks like a terrifically wizard tour. Loads of fun venues and parties in that list...AND the music will be good. Have a listen to this:

It's good, isn't it?

I reckon The Secret DJ Disunited Kingdom Tour will definitely be a 10/10 job. Easy.

If you want to go and watch The Secret DJ, sort yourself out some tickets and go. Or if you've got a party you want him to play at, boink him on the bones below. He's a very nice man.

Follow The Secret DJ on Twitter, I mean, X, and on Instagram and on Facebook

Some of you will be surprised to find out that I don't just listen to old Tony De Vit mixtapes when I'm working on this blog, I listen to more contemporary stuff, too, like old Tiga and fabric CDs...LOL!

No, but seriously, I'm quite modern, ladies and gentlemen. I have a Bandcamp account. I do! Oi! Shut it (I said all that in a Frankie Howerd voice). I do, I have a Bandcamp account and this morning I actually signed into it and had a listen to some music. Let's have a listen together and score the following releases out of 10.

First up is an EP by something called Bless This Machine. Those in the know will know that Bless This Machine are an Edinburgh-based music collective (does that just mean they're a band who live in Edinburgh? Collective sounds cooler, probably) who make soft, soaring and beautifully cinematic soundscapes. Well, I love soft, soaring and beautifully cinematic soundscapes when I'm not listening to pumping hi-nrg, Ozzy Osbourne singles, minimal techno or Blur, so I am naturally inclined to love Bless This Machine.

They've got an EP out now called Cyclical Nature, and I've been playing it nonstop for the last sixteen minutes. It's a beauty! (I said that in a Bob Mortimer voice)

Cyclical Nature is a 4-track masterpiece that is 3-parts soft, soaring and beautifully cinematic soundscapes and 1-part more beats-based dance music that I liked the most. Finer Point is ace. It's like a dancier version of Optigan 1 by Blur.



It's great, isn't it? If Phil Mitchell was stood over my naked, hogtied body with a lump hammer to my face, I'd definitely score this a 10/10

BUY IT NOW: Cyclical Nature EP

Follow Bless This Machine on Twitter and on Facebook

After listening to that EP, I had a listen to the new one by Richard Norris; Music For Healing - Equinox 8. This is what I wrote down on my notepad as Bandcamp whirred away in the background:

Despite having an extremely aggressive and violent sounding, Kray-era name, Richard Norris is not a 1970s secondary school bully or a 1960s Bethnal Green murderer, he is a this-era music producer in 2023. On his pictures, Richard Norris also looks like a hard, nasty, wasp-chewing bastard, but I don't think he's ever murdered anyone and I've heard that he's quite a nice bloke.

Richard - get in touch with Best Promos to confirm that you have never murdered anyone. Silence speaks volumes, so let's please clear this up. Thanks.

Music For Healing - Equinox 8 is the 8th edition of the monthly Equinox series. From what I can gather, he's knocking out a couple of r-r-r-r-r-really long mystical ambient songs on the first of every month this year. On Equinox 8 there are two 20-minute tracks called Lammas 1 and Lammas 2. They're both absolutely brilliant, but if you were to ask me which one is which on a blind listening test, I couldn't tell you. They sound almost exactly the same, so if you were a proper rubber-gloved tight arse, or Scottish, you could get away with only buying one of the tracks from this release, saving yourself a whopping...no, hang on, I've had a look and it's a fiver whether you buy the whole EP or just the one track, so you might as well get both of them. Which is no bad thing because, like I said before, they're absolutely brilliant! (I said that in a Paul Whitehouse Fast Show voice)

Now, let me think. I need to award Music For Healing - Equinox 8 a high score because I feel blissed out and chilled by the transcendental vibes, man. Yes. I'm giving it a WHOPPING 10/10 !

Well done, Richard Norris. Print this off and stick it on your fridge!

BUY IT HERE: Music For Healing - Equinox 8 | Richard Norris

Follow Richard Norris on Twitter and on Instagram

I think this is the first time anyone has ever done a bit about Richard Norris without mentioning The Gri...doh!

Right, I think I'm done for today. I'll see you next week for more dance shenanigans.

Email me: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com

Tweet me: @BestPromos4Eva

Instagram me: /bestpromos4eva/

If you've been affected by any of the issues raised in today's #BestPromos, there are details of organisations that offer advice and support at https://BestPromos/actionline

DMY · DMY Mix 006 | Man Power

I've Given Up (again)

 

:-)

Email me: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com

Tweet me: @BestPromos4Eva

Instagram me: /bestpromos4eva/

Lot 106

Thank you for having us back. I've had to stay quiet for the last couple of weeks for two reasons:

1. It's incredibly boring writing a weekly UK dance blog. Most of the music I get sent is a bit crap and the returns for the effort I put into doing this blog are minimal, disheartening, and I have a proper job that I have to do which, to be frank, is a lot more rewarding, financially.
2. I am the 20-year old man who Huw Edwards has been sending pictures of his arse to over the last few years. I was instructed by Huw's lawyers, I mean, my lawyers to not write any more posts on here until things have settled down. Since his missus dobbed him in, it's like he doesn't exist on the BBC News anymore, so I'm ok to get back on Best Promos and write about my experiences...

...but I won't. It's all too distressing. Quite funny, but very distressing.

He's got a nice bum, though, hasn't he, ladies and gentlemen? He should be proud of it.

Unless that was a deep fake? Maybe his real one is fat and hairy. And spotty. Hmm...2023 is a confusing year to be living through.

Anyway. Is everyone still on Threads? LOL.

* claps hands together and blows out cheeks (face cheeks) *

Right! Best Promos. Come on. Let's do it!

Ugh. I've just had a look at my inbox for the first time in a few weeks.

Bad, isn't it? I really can't be bothered to review anything today!

I'll do a meme instead, see if that gets my juices flowing. Hang on.

Look and laugh at this. Share it, too, so that it goes viral on WhatsApp.

Hmm. That was funnier in my head when I woke up at 3am for a wee wee this morning. It's not so good in the cold light of day.

I know! A hilarious lookalike will get Best Promos back on the road to success...let's do one now!

Hang on a minute?! Has Craig Richards been dying his hair grey or does he just look exactly like Brian Conley aka Rocky off EastEnders??? LOL! I definitely can't imagine Rocky doing a 67-hour back to back with Ricky V down Club Fabric any time soon! Can you?! LOL!

They're both wearing a dicky bow in those pictures.

Sorry, this is terrible.

I am working on a Black Lace: Superman edit to compete in the Great Edit War with Man Power and Bleaching Agent, but edits are harder to do than they sound. Look, I've got loads of unfinished demos on the go. I should focus on trying to finish one:

I should finish one of them and review it. Give myself a glowing 10/10 so that the majors come in for me.

I think I'm going to knock this post on the head now. I just wanted to put something out there so that people know Best Promos is still alive. I don't want anyone archiving it off to the Wayback Machine yet.

I'll do some proper reviews next week. Or will I? Maybe nobody will want me back after that Huw Edwards bit at the beginning of the post, but I think you should feel comfortable making light of heavy bags in real life and online. It's the British way. Don't let them stop you laughing.

Bye!

Email me: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com

Tweet me: @BestPromos4Eva

Instagram me: /bestpromos4eva/

GLASTONBURY SPECIAL

When I live through bouts of writer's block, as I have been for the last two weeks, I jump in my blue Skoda Fabia and drive for two and a half hours - at maximum speed - down to my Mersea Island, beachfront bolt hole and pick this book up:

This one:

I pick it up, have a brief leaf through and then HAMMER myself in the face with it for about twenty minutes. Non-stop.

After twenty or so minutes of BELTING myself in the face with it, I am in the right mood, and space, to write Best Promos again. I've heard that the thicko writers at Mixmag use a copy of the Beano. At Resident Advisor: that's life magazine. Ran$om Note also use that's life.

The eggheads at The Quietus probably BATTER themselves on the chin with One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez - and no, I'm not a human rhubarb: I just Googled, "hardest book to read" and that was one of the results. I am quite good at writing, though.

Speaking of The Quietus, I was having a right old ding-dong with a bloke off of it on Sunday afternoon about Axl Rose's cycling shorts, and at the same time, weirdly, I saw an advert in the paper for a Blur gig I'm going to on the 8 July. I scanned down the list of support acts and the bloke's name from The Quietus I was engaging with on my phone was also flashing back at me off the page of the newspaper! Steve Davis and John Doran, DJing live at Wembley Stadium. Who'd have thunk it, I mean, thought it? Not me. In fact, you could say that I was snookered when I read it! LOL! Do you get it?

John Doran; co-founder and editor of The Quietus, and an expert in cycling shorts, LIVE at Wembley Stadium. Unbelievable. I suggested to him that he should wear cycling shorts. He said he would, but I don't think he will.

Cycling shorts or not, I'll be there in my cycling shorts with my John Doran t-shirt on at the front, waving my John Doran homemade poster and screaming all the way through his and Steve's set. I can't wait! After they've played their last song, I'll be shouting, "FOLLOW THAT, BLUR!" and laughing sarcastically.

I was going to do a bit about Mr. Methane kicking off the Pyramid Stage on Friday lunchtime, Lindisfarne getting booed off on the Saturday night and Frank Skinner raising the roof in the "Legends" slot on Sunday afternoon, but even the sketchiest suggestion of all that saddened my heart to bits, and I love Frank Skinner and Mr. Methane.

Let me plug a new song by X-Press 2 instead. I need cheering up after that CRAP Glastonbury idea.

They've got a new one out called Muse and, in my head, I phoned up Steve Davis to ask for his thoughts on it. This is how I imagined the conversation would go.

- - - bring bring - - - bring bring - - - bring bring. - - - click...

Hello, Steve Davis speaking, how may I help you?

Hi, Steve, it's Kev here at Best Promos. How's it going?

Very well, thanks, Kev, I'm just in the middle of prepping for my back to back DJ set with John Doran at Wembley Stadium in a week or so, what are you up to?

Well, I'm taking advantage of the beautiful weather, Steve, and doing some more laundry! I might mow the lawn later, see how I feel. What can I do for you?

You phoned me.

Did I?

You did, mate! Honestly.

Bloody hell, sorry. What did I want?

Not sure, Kev. Something about snooker?

No, don't think so. Errr.

Something about my upcoming gig at Wembley Stadium, supporting Blur with John Doran from The Quietus?

No, it was something good, but not that good!

Was it to rave about the book I wrote with Kavus Torabi, Medical Grade Music?

No, I've just remembered, it was to ask you if you'd heard the new X-Press 2 song, Muse. Have you?

Oh, darling, I have! House music would sound very different without the work of this legendary pair. For the last three decades, they have been serving up a broad spectrum of music that ranges from catchy and anthemic to more dark and moody via the charismatic sounds of their last single You Know (Everybody).

They're great, aren't they?

They're fabulous! They won an Ivor Novello Award for Lazy ft David Byrne and have even had their tunes synced by fashion house Givenchy, but never have they stopped evolving, as four fantastic studio albums have shown.

I know.

They are in fine form again here with Muse, which finds the pair sinking into deep, introverted house grooves. The dusty, scruffy drums drag like a heavy heart beneath wistful vocal sounds up top that convey real emotional pain. Subtle melodies rise up through the mix to bring a sense of hope to this most moving of tracks.

You're not wrong, Steve.

Kev, you've obviously listened to this a lot. If you had a gun to your head, what score out of ten would you give it?

Steve, I'd quite comfortably, with an easy conscience, grant Muse by X-Press 2 a 10/10

I thought you were going to say a 147 then! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

That's...interesting! Ahhhhhhhahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Bye.

Bye.

- - - click - - -

Muse by X-Press 2 is OUT NOW on Acid Jazz Records.

BUY IT HERE: Beatport/Muse/X-Press2

Follow X-Press 2 on Twitter

I can't best that. I think we need to end this post ASAP (as soon as possible).

I'll just leave you with a few quotes from that book I use to TONK myself in the face with every few months. It'll make you think...

By seeing London, I have seen as much of life as the world can show.

Dr. Samuel Johnson 1709-1784

No one is so old as to think he cannot live one more year.

Cicero 106-43 B.C.

Have you heard about the Irishman who went to night school to learn Vietnamese? He said he'd just adopted a Vietnamese baby and wanCONTENT REMOVED BY BEST PROMOS LAWYERS ON GROUNDS OF TASTE AND DECENCY

Tom O'Conner 1939-2021

He jests at scars that never felt a wound.

Romeo, Romeo and Juliet

William 'Shakey' Shakespeare 1564-1616

Make good choices. Have a good day.

Email me: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com

Tweet me: @BestPromos4Eva

Instagram me: /bestpromos4eva/

Scooby

I love t-shirts.

Last night, I cashed in all of my Bitcoins, all of my ETH, took out a loan at the local building society, dipped into my pension pot and re-mortgaged the house.

Why?

Well, Magic Castles are releasing their new Dresden t-shirt today, I r-r-r-r-really want it, and it costs £50.00 (fifty pounds).

Yes, you can buy about ten Fruit of the Loom t-shirts for that much money, but will a Fruit of the Loom t-shirt tell everyone on your council estate that you've got a cool, alternative taste in music and an ear to the underground culture floor? Of course not. If you wear a Fruit of the Loom t-shirt; yes, you'll have more money to spend on essentials, but you won't look anywhere near as trendy to strangers and disinterested family members. On balance, I'd say fifty pounds for this is well worth the wonga:

The brand new Dresden t-shirt is 100% cotton and they've pre-washed it for you so that it doesn't look like it cost fifty pounds. Ivan Smagghe always wears it when he's DJing and I'll soon be strutting around the Ruislip Manor Wetherspoon's in one.

The Dresden - Call to Rise t-shirt by Magic Castles is released at 12pm TODAY on their website and it gets an EXPENSIVE 10/10 from us all here!

Click on this at 12pm today, have all of your credit cards at the ready: DRESDEN - CALL TO RISE

Follow Magic Castles on Instagram

Follow DRESDEN on Instagram

I hope that didn't come across as sarcastic. I love Ivan Smagghe, DRESDEN are ace and Magic Castles make fun t-shirts.

Last month, Paul "Scooby" Scubington aka Scuba was generous enough, for some reason, to send me some green vinyl, some black vinyl, some stickers and a lighter which I do very much appreciate from the bottom of my grateful heart. Grovel grovel. In a previous life I wrote a disastrous - and quite pointless - daily blog for Hotflush which, whilst doing nothing at all for the advancement of the label, gave me a huge sense of self esteem, and I cannot thank Scuba and everyone at Hotflush enough for the experience. Creep creep. Having an association with a record label such as Hotflush and, by extension, with a ground-breaking artist such as Scuba provided me with a great deal of happiness and pride. Cringe cringe.

Last week, Scuba released a couple of tunes off of that green vinyl (only) release digitally, so even the saddos who don't own a record player could bask in his breath-taking brilliance. Crawl crawl. Have a listen to Zap! and tell me that you're not now in love with Scuba:

It's totes amaze-balls, isn't it? (I love that phrase) My favourite bit in Zap! is when Scuba starts rapping after inhaling the helium from a birthday balloon. I can't tell what he's rapping about, but I'm sure he's carrying a deep meaning that would make us all think and change if we could tell what he's going on about.

I love it. Zap! gets a HOT(flush) 10/10 from everyone here at Best Promos!!! Well done, Scuba, you beautiful, beautiful, kind-hearted soul. Never change. Bow. Scrape.

Buy it here: Hardcore Heaven | Scuba (bandcamp.com)

Follow Scuba on Twitter and on Instagram

Follow Hotflush on Twitter and on Instagram

"Ooh, you're hard"

I was going to do a review on the upcoming Third Culture EP, U Move, but I haven't got the energy for it after all of that toadying up at Scuba. U Move doesn't come out until 30 June, so I'll do a proper review nearer the time. It's good, though. I promise. Check out the rest of the stuff on Lone Romantic until then:

Music | Lone Romantic (Bandcamp.com)

Soundcloud / Lone Romantic

To be honest, I only wrote this post today because I had that email from Magic Castles and I liked the idea of saying something about how silly it is to pay fifty pounds for a t-shirt.

No. Or maybe it's not silly at all? Maybe it's ok to be silly? Just because I wouldn't pay fifty pounds for a 100% cotton t-shirt (I'd want some silk in it for that price), it doesn't mean that I should write about it in a passive aggressive, snarky way, especially when it's a good looking t-shirt advertising the work of a genuinely beloved artist of mine and his moustachioed mate. I feel bad now. I should have just kept my trap shut. Buy it if you want to.

Live and let live from now on, guys. It's your money, you do what you want with it. You don't take it with you! It is a good t-shirt.

Live and let live. Get the bloody t-shirt, go on!!!

Maybe I should delete the t-shirt stuff? No, I'll keep it in. Stuff it.

Have a nice weekend, all.

Email me: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com

Tweet me: @BestPromos4Eva

Instagram me: /bestpromos4eva/

One Written Psalm is Fortune’s Book

After last week's, quite frankly, ludicrous campaign to have all domestic dogs in the UK destroyed, the offices here at Best Promos HQ have been swarmed by packs of angry dogs from all across the UK and their meek, subservient owners following twenty yards behind them, looking embarrassed. It was a weekend demonstration to rival anything by the Just Stop Oil lot, and they set out to cause Best Promos maximum disruption. One dog shouted through the letter box that it should be ME that gets despatched, and that SHE'D gladly pull the lever, the bitch. Another one fouled on the parking space marked, EDITOR OF BEST PROMOS, and his owner did not pick it up. I had to send Pottsy out to deal with it, and he did so in typical Pottsy style: as he bent over to pick up the dog muck, he pulled his trousers down and did a big, loud, smelly pump in the direction of the angriest-looking Doberman on the protest. Pottsy is as mad as a box of wasps, but he's loyal, and a terrific character to have on side in situations like this. He doesn't care if you're a cross dog, a juiced-up bouncer or a simple copper; if you're getting on my nerves, he's going to pull his trousers down at you for me. He's a great bloke.

Eventually, the dogs and their "owners" went back home and the furore was no more. A furore doesn't last that long anymore, does it?

So, with that all cleared up, we are now able to settle down and get on with the important task of reviewing some dance music. Let's review some dance music! Let's review some dance music! Let's review some dance music! Come on, sing along with me...Let's review some dance music! Let's review some dance music! Let's review some dance music!

Let's review some dance music.

This is not so much a dance music release review, but more of a nod towards a radio show that I think you should be listening to. It's on NTS, and it's called the Giles Smith Radio Show, I think? It might not be called that, but if he wanted to use that name, I wouldn't take legal action.

Have a listen to this and then continue reading the rest of the post:

NTS Thursday · Giles Smith 010623

It's good isn't it? I wrote to Giles the other night to congratulate him on his success and to thank him for playing a track by Los Amigos Invisibles, who I'd never heard of before listening to this episode. I've had one of their albums on loop all week since. It's perfect summer music. Giles was kind enough to take the time out of his day to write back, too, so that was nice.

This is Giles Smith's first solo show for NTS after the conscious uncoupling from James Priestly recently, and I think he should be very proud of himself. I bet he was a bag of nerves, but it's a fun couple of hours and he comes across as a really sound bloke.

I was going to do a bit about him being the only Giles in dance music, but then I remembered Giles Peterson.

I'm rambling a bit now, sorry. To conclude, I'll say that this is the best radio show on the planet at the moment, and if you don't give it a go you're thick. The Giles Smith Radio Show on NTS gets a ROLLICKING 10/10 ! Give it a go.

Listen to it here: Giles Smith | NTS

Follow Giles Smith on Instagram

When I'm not listening to rock n roll, I'm listening to dance music, and right now, I'm not listening to rock n roll, so I must be listening to dance music, and I am (listening to dance music), and the dance music that I'm listening to is a song called M25160 by a bloke called The Maghreban featuring King Kashmere. That sounds a bit more exciting than Giles Smith, doesn't it, readers?

I am a long time supporter of The Maghreban, I think he's absolutely fantastic, and I'm not just saying that because he's mates with the bloke who played Avery in EastEnders and I'd love to meet him one day (Avery, not The Maghreban), but what I really love about this new track is that The Maghreban is openly admitting to being lazy in the press release:

"The first 3 12”s I released were jungle records, in the mid 90s. I’ve not really gone back there creatively since, but the genre definitely informs many of my productions.

I felt like speeding up a tune I put out a few months ago to see how it sounded at 160 bpm. It worked so I made a bit more of an intro and outro on it and am presenting it here. Very little money for old rope."

I can identify with this because I often go to the Wayback Machine and lift entire paragraphs, bits, and whole articles I wrote years ago from the now defunct Weekly Review of Dance Music and Tonka's Week on Ran$om Note. LOL.

M25160 is an Aldi knock off, speeded up version of this:

I've just had a look and this new song isn't even out until 28 June, and I don't think there are any ways of listening to it publicly yet, so this review is a bit of a waste of time for two reasons:

1) I can't play you the track and you'll have forgotten about this review by the 28 June

2) Nobody reads this blog anyway

It's a brilliant track, though, and it's got everyone here at Best Promos rockin'! We've had a team meeting and have settled on a score of 10/10 for it.

M25160 by The Maghreban feat. King Kashmere is out on Wednesday 28 June on Zoot Records.

Pre-order it here: ZootRecords / TheMaghreban / M25160

Follow The Maghreban on Twitter and on Instagram

The third and final tune I'm reviewing today is called Bubblin, and it's by a bloke called Julio Bashmore. To be honest, it's been out for a few weeks now, and I've only just got around to downloading the promo! 

It's a right bloody racket. Have a listen, and if you hate your neighbours, pump up the volume on it:

Bubblin is almost as stupid as Tiga's Mind Dimension. Not as stupid, but it's in the same classroom...in a good way! It's the kind of track you'd put on after peak time to start warping the punter's brains a bit, and to make them laugh at the same time. It's the good kind of stupid dance music, and the whole team here at Best Promos has had a lot of fun downing Dutch pingers whilst listening to it on their lunch hour. Pottsy even pulled his trousers down and slapped his bare bum in a 4/4 time signature during the break down!

I love Bubblin because it's stupid, and the lyrics are easy to remember. I hereby grant it a scholarly 10/10 !

Bubblin by Julio Bashmore is OUT NOW on Local Action.

Buy it here: Bubblin | Julio Bashmore (bandcamp.com)

Follow Julio Bashmore on Twitter and on Instagram

Follow Local Action on Instagram

Now...EFF OFF!!!

Email me: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com

Tweet me: @BestPromos4Eva

Instagram me: /bestpromos4eva/

Best Promos · Anne Clark feat. JSO - Our Darkness (Best Promos "More Soup, Vicar?!" Remix)