Hi readers! This week's campaign is to bring back hanging. All of us here at http://pornishment.net.org.blogspot.co.uk feel that it is time, as a nation, to have a frank and open discussion about the benefits this traditional, age-old deterrent would have on our once glorious, crime-free utopia. Never mind the holiday camps we're offering crimina...oh. Sorry. Wrong blog! This is Best Promos, the dance music one. Sorry, readers! What am I doing?
Yes.
Pulp at Finsbury Park. I went to see them on Saturday night. No, that was ages ago. Sorry. Where am I?
Right.
It is Monday 7 August 2023. I am sat at my massive Best Promos mahogany writing desk. I am listening to a Wrestling With Wregret review. I am thinking about dance music. I am writing about dance music.
I am at one with myself. Let's all chant together:
"I am one with the Goddess,
And to her I will return,
Like a drop of rain, drop of rain,
Flowing to the ocean."
Ahh, that's better. I learned that song from Sada in Big Brother 1 (2000). She was only in it for a week before getting evicted, but her one-off new-age chant quickly became a meme in our household before memes were a thing. Growing up in Walsall, on the Yew Tree Estate, anyone practising self-help and wellness were, quite rightly, mocked and laughed at. Although I am now firmly rooted in leafy, well-to-do - and posh - Ruislip, I still have that working class mentality: LAUGH at anyone who takes themselves seriously and MOCK people who are vegetarian and care about the ozone layer.
LOL!
I wonder if Paul 'Special Request' Woolford cares about the ozone layer? I wonder if he's a vegetarian? I Googled it, but nothing much came back, so I asked Chat-GPT, who was useless, and all:
Paul, if you're reading this, please get in touch to let our readers know if you're one of them vegetarians or not.
Speaking of Paul Woolford, did you know that he released a single last month on Peggy Gou's record label, Gudu Records? It's called Sliver and it's got Novelist singing on it! Is it any good? Let's have a listen...
What a bloody racket! I like it, though, do you? It's good, isn't it?
"I'm a target hitter,
I'm a go-getter,
Life is better in a mirror,
Don't talk to me about the litter"
The lyrics aren't as good as the Goddess chant by Sada off of Big Brother 1, but I still found them inspiring, and they've made me re-think my small-minded, plebeian position on the environment and green house gases. After listening to Sliver, I had a walk to Bessingby Park in Eastcote with a bin bag and a litter picker. It's the kind of song Blue Peter should play to get "the yoof" out earning their Environment Blue Peter badge.
The music that Special 'Paul Woolford' Request has produced here is nothing short of breath-taking. It's simply breath-taking, and the bit he does where he slows it down before making it really fast before making it back to normal speed again is masterful. You can tell that he's been practising on the decks, and on Ableton, for many, many years, and now all of that practise is paying off...big time. I've heard that he's a great bloke, too, and in my book that counts for a lot.
I'm going to award Sliver a WHOPPING 10/10, no hesitation. It's a corker.
BUY IT NOW: Sliver (feat. Novelist) | Special Request
Follow 'Paul' Special Woolford 'Request' on Twitter and on Instagram
Follow Novelist on Twitter and on Instagram
Follow Gudu Records on Instagram
Do you want wardrobe essentials that work hard for YOU and don't compromise on style? Read on.
If you love industrial dance music T-shirts, you'll like this new one by Perc Trax. It's called Greed Dance, and I'm currently saving up so I can buy one for myself. It's a black T-shirt with a big pound coin on the back that someone has taken a bite out of, and it's got the words, 'PERC TRAX' in gigantic white letters. There's some small print underneath the pound coin that I can read, but can't be bothered to go into any more detail on. On the front, it's just a smaller version of that pound coin. It's made from 100% cotton and some silk, and I don't know if it's machine washable - it probably is. What I can't say for certain is if it's machine dryable. If the weather is nice, hang it out; it's just safer that way. If it's raining, and you have a clothes horse, hang it on there until it's dry through. Please read the label when it comes to sticking these T-shirts in the tumble dryer; I don't want to upset Perc by giving out false washing instructions because he's a really big bloke.
The Greed Dance T-shirt is well smart and I do want to get one, it's better than the usual Uni-Qlo stuff I buy, so I'm going to award it a fashionable 10/10
BUY IT HERE: Greed Dance T-Shirt | Perc Trax
Follow Perc on Twitter and on Instagram
Whilst I was on the Perc Trax Bandcamp page, I had a listen to a nasty, nasty EP with a deliciously fluffy name, and thought I should review it on here for two reasons:
- to curry favour with Perc and his brilliant label
- to save time looking through my inbox for promos worth reviewing
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