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Cowin' ada! What a week it's been, readers. I've had so much going on in Ruislip that to to to to to to to to to to I don't know how to finish this sentence, sorry. Let's get on with the hsow, I mean, show.

Word is finally getting out that I review dance music on the Internet, and I've got a scary story to tell you about it...keep reading...please keep reading...

When my mobile telephone rang the other day and I answered it, I didn’t know who to expect. When the person on the other end of the phone muffled his or her words through a vocoded sock and told me to, “listen, right”, I was shocked and scared. When they then proceeded to tell me to plug a new song by Radio Slave, I stuttered and stammered a panicky response of, “or WHAT?!” I was met with a baleful laugh and the sound of my dad in the background, tearfully pleading with an unnamed goon to stop knee-capping his knees. I said, meekly, “Ok, mate. I get it. What’s the deal then? How do I make this stop? Who is this Radio Slave?” Three seconds of hush. “No plug, no knees for daddy”, came the cruel comeback. “Ok”, I replied, “but who is Radio Slave?”

This question made whoever it was on the other end of the phone angry because I could literally hear the steam coming out of his or her ears as they roared, “WHO IS RADIO SLAVE?! Radio Slave aka Matt Edwards is one of dance music’s undisputed heavyweights. Having made his name as a DJ in the 90s, he went on to become the king of edits, twisting pop, R&B and indie cuts into essential versions that consistently set clubs alight. Since the mid-2000s, Edwards’ originals have helped define modern dance music, tackling techno, house, breakbeat, minimal and disco whilst exploring dub, Balearic sounds and ambient across the myriad of other aliases and projects. That’s who Radio fucking Slave is, so if you don’t want your dad’s knees to end up on the end of my girlfriend’s lump hammer, you’ll make a small mention of him in this week’s Best Promos. Understood?”

After mumbling, “yes ma'am”, I slammed down the receiver on my Nokia 100 by forcefully pressing the red button and curled up into a little ball in front of everyone in The Codfather and continued to eat my chips.

Have a listen to this song and save my dad's knees:

Mr. Slave, this is a 10/10 release, so please call off your goons.

Buy the whole EP to raise awareness of Radio Slave:

Buy it here: radioslave/wild-life

Follow Radio Slave on Twitter and on Instagram

Follow Will 'Lump Hammer' Hofbauer on Twitter and on Instagram

That was a scary story, wasn't it readers? I'm a bit frightened now. Let's be brave and have a listen to something else. Something pleasant, yet groovy:

Poker Flat Recordings · Steve Bug - Alto Adige

That's cheered me up, and I hope it's put the youngsters who read Best Promos at ease after that Radio Slave story.

Steve Bug has got a creepy crawly name, but a really jolly face. Look:

Actually, he looks a bit spooky in that POBLA picture, but in the other three, he looks like a right laugh. I'd love to have a drink with Steve Bug. And for that reason, more than any other, I think you should buy this new release by him. It doesn't come out until the 28 April, but you can pre-order it, and if I had a gun to my head, I'd award Alto Adige by Steve Bug a MASSIVE 10/10

Pre-order it here: Alto Adige | Steve Bug

Follow Steve Bug on Twitter and on Instagram

Follow Poker Flat on Twitter and on Instagram

Speaking of Will Hofbauer, I was going to write something about his Third Place night at Spanners, but I've just seen that the event has already happened! LOL. I'd forget my head if it wasn't sewn on, I'm tellin' ya! It looked good though, and Spanners is supposed to be a sound place. I'll try and get to the next one. Look:

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Third Place (@thirdplacerecords)

They have got some new songs coming out on the 28 April, though. Unbelievably, DJML & Jerod S. Rivera have formed a new super-group called Later Version, and Third Place are kindly releasing their debut EP, Swim Domain. Lets have a listen:

Third Place · Later Version - Swim Domain EP (incl. Doc Sleep remix) [Clips] [TPDD007] 🏊

Bit moody, that first one! "Don don don don donnnn." I like it, though. Chelating Ligand sounds like the kind of music you'd hear on an underground cave level on Super Mario Bros. 1, 2 or 3 - in a good way. "Don don don don donnnn."

Swim Domain is good, too, but my only issue with it is that there's no steady beat. I listened to it after double-dropping a couple of Garys, but I couldn't find my groove and had to put Miss Moneypenny's Glamorous One on. Still, it's a fantastic track.

Effigy Tumuli is another side-scrolling type level soundtrack, but this time it's for a more sophisticated game. Maybe listen to this whilst playing The Legend of Zelda. I know it's not side-scrolling, but it still works. I think.

On the next song, Aguahoja, we find Later Version getting all mystical, man. Close your eyes, open your third eye and massage your chakras as DJML & Jerod S. Rivera play with their echo machine whilst bashing bits of wood together in that little forest area of Princess Diana's Playground.

The last track is a remix of the second track, and let me tell you, it's Grrrrrrrrrilliant! Doc Sleep's remix of Swim Domain flips the script and makes you turn off Miss Moneypenny's Glamorous One and gets you back dancing to Swim Domain because she's made it more dancey. Doc has used a rim shot instead of a kick drum on the 1234, but it's still good. Amy Winehouse did the same thing on Know You Now and that's one of her best songs.

So, in summary, yes. Swim Domain EP by Later Version is a terrific release and Third Place is a record label of great standing now. Swim Domain EP by Later Version gets a WHOPPING 10/10 from us all here at Best Promos. Well done, all.

Pre-order it here: Later Version - Swim Domain EP

Follow DJML on Instagram

Follow Jerod S. Rivera on Twitter and on Instagram

Follow Doc Sleep on Instagram

Follow Third Place on Instagram

What else have I done this week? Oh! I canned the Prophet Muhammad is a DJ parody track I’ve recently completed on Ableton. I was going to showcase that on Best Promos at the end of the week, but I’ve properly bottled it. I'll just do another minimal hard house track with Gazza saying, "come on", throughout it again and send it to Man Power. Maybe he'll play it at Pikes?

Anyway, enough about me. What have YOU been up to this week? Get in touch on the means below and I'll pick out the funniest responses out of a goldfish bowl and put them up on next week's blog.

I think that's it for this week. Bye.

Email me: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com

Tweet me: @BestPromos4Eva

Instagram me: /bestpromos4eva/

Milk Chocolate Easter Eggs

As we approach the Easter holidays, and the end of my Lenten booze fast, we are all in high spirits here at Best Promos HQ. So high, in fact, that we've trawled the web archive website and lifted an old WRDM Tonka post WHOLESALE (minus the swear words) and are now passing it off as a brand new Best Promos post! we have decided to take some time out and come up with some brand new - never seen before - Hilarious Lookalikes!

Yes, today's post is all about looking at DJs who look a bit like other people. LOL. It's as simple as that.

So, get your eyeballs in front of these pictures, read the descriptions and laugh until your eyeballs fall out and you need to buy replacements from the eyeball shop.

DJ Harvey and Joey 'The Lips' Fagan out of The Commitments

Have you ever seen the super cool DJ Harvey on the same film set as the bloke who plays Joey 'The Lips' Fagan off of that motion picture, The Commitments? No? Neither have I! It might be something to do with the fact that they look EXACTLY like one another and the director might shout, "Action!", at the wrong person, with hilarious consequences! ROFLOFL!

Prosumer and the bearded bloke off of ABBA

I always used to say that the super cool DJ, Prosumer, looked like P-Thugg off of Chromeo, Mike Manumission and Eavis Glastonbury, but I was wrong. He actually looks like the one with the beard out of ABBA! Have a look at the picture above and tell me that Prosumer doesn't look like the one out of ABBA with the beard. You'd be wrong, wouldn't you, because he DOES look like the bearded one off of ABBA!! ARGHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Lee Burridge and DVS1

I've got a couple of cracking jokes for you now, ladies and gentlemen. I say, I say, I say...

Q. What's white, bald, friendly-looking and spins dance discs for a living?
A. DVS1!

Q. What's white, bald, friendly-looking and spins dance discs for a living?
A. Lee Burridge!

It's the way I tell 'em! PMSLOL!

How many have I done so far? Three? Flipping hell. That's not enough for a proper post. Right...

Prins Thomas and Justin Lee Collins

Have you ever seen super cool Prins Thomas and Justin Lee Collins booting the bejesus out of women in the same room? No? Neither have I, and that is definitely not to suggest that Prins Thomas knocks the opposite sex into the middle of next week, that was just another way of saying that Prins Thomas looks a bit like JLC, if you've had nine pints of lager and are squinting. HAHAHA!

I'm turning 43-years old this year.

Sigh.

Jennifer Cardini and Professor Brian Cox

This one's bad. Sorry, Jennifer. Sorry, Brian. I think the only resemblance here is their hairstyles in the two pictures I took about fifteen minutes scouring Google Images for. WIKILOLOLWACKA!

You can't say that this isn't content, though, can you? It's definitely dance music related content.

Definitely.

Speaking of Chromeo, I once met David Gest at a super cool Chromeo gig in Camden, in 2007. He was gladly having his picture taken with as many punters as he could. Apparently, Jude Law and Katie Melua were at the same gig, but I don't remember seeing them.

Me and David Gest in 2007, before he died

"Good times!", as JLC used to say.

I'm not sure if Best Promos will be on air next week, or on paper, or on the Internet; it's the Easter holidays and I don't think I'll be that bothered to sit down and churn out any more content.

In the mean time, have a listen to the new Chromeo song:

And then have a listen to this:

Anthony Teasdale · Tango De La Boca

I like Anthony Teasdale. He's got a very pleasant face and he's always going on about Birmingham on Twitter, even though I think he pinches hub caps.

Follow him on Twitter: @AnthonyTeasdale and on Instagram instagram/anthonyteasdale

I'm rambling. Forgive me. Have a brilliant Easter, everyone! Bye bye!!

Email me: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com

Tweet me: @BestPromos4Eva

Instagram me: /bestpromos4eva/

Frankie Howerd

Here’s a clever, faux-ignorant start to this week’s Best Promos that will DEFINITELY make you smirk: How about that Paul McCartney, eh? Macca banging on about not having much money in Can’t Buy Me Love is a MASSIVE two fingers up to all of the hard-up Beatles fans in the Cost of Living Credit Crunch Crisis who are still buying his records to make him even richer! LOL. That kind of hilarious comment crops up all the time on Twitter by people like me who are desperate to be noticed.

Anyway, I genuinely did think that would be a good Tweet as Can’t Buy Me Love blasted through the speakers at Best Promos HQ whilst I was busy writing this week’s Best Promos. Smooth FM is brilliant for writing about dance music to. No joke.

I’ve been in the offices of many hip and happening media hubs during my time as managing director of the W**kly Re**ew of Da**e Mu**c and I always used to walk away wondering how the bloody hell any work got done. I was delivering chocolate fingers to the Ran$om Note office one July afternoon in 2015 and they were all sat there, tapping away at their Macs with a constant BOOF DOOF BOOF DOOF coming out of a Funktion One rig next to the photocopier. It’s part of the reason I’m glad that I never got employed by a proper website or magazine; I’m a perfectionist writer. I need my Zen. I need a bit of easy listening to get my lit-groove on. Boiler Room, Mixmag, Ran$om Note, Pitchfork, Billboard and Thump can all GET STUFFED if they think I’m going to accept a fixed-term contract from ANY of them as a staff journalist. Ever. I’m staying in Eastcote to listen to Smooth FM, Jazz FM, Chill FM and the sound of the deadbeat twerps next door screaming and shouting at each other when their kids are at school.

No, sorry. That was when I lived in Northolt, my neighbours in Ruislip are nice.

I’ve done nothing else this week other than think about how I really fancy eating an Easter egg. It’s probably been about a year since I last ate one so I went down to Eastcote High Street and asked the man in Sainsbury's if he had any Easter Eggs in stock. He laughed his head off and told me turn around and open my eyes. I turned around, opened my eyes and literally LOL’d out loud. Easter eggs were absolutely everywhere! Chocolate ones, dark chocolate ones, white chocolate ones and normal chocolate ones in all sorts of flavours; Crunchie, Yorkie, Twirl, Double Decker, Buttons and Cream Egg. It was brilliant. I bought one of everything, went back to Best Promos HQ and scoffed the lot like what Chubby Funster out of Mixmag probably does every day of the year.

Does he still work there? I think he's moved on now, like we all should.

Speaking of Easter, this Friday sees Man Power (real name, Powerful Man) playing all of his records at The Social on Good Friday, this Friday, on Friday night at The Social in London on Friday.

Is it going to be good? Hell yes it's going to be good. Just have a look at the line-up:

As well as Man Power, you've got your Syd Minskys and your Matt Hums and your Heavenly Jukeboxes. It's going to be 10/10 brilliant, and if I wasn't off the pop for Lent, and if I didn't have a family thing on the Saturday I had to attend, I'd have definitely have gone to this because I want to have a pint with M.P. and talk about Viz. And Gazza songs.

The music being played by the DJs will be some, not all, of the dance music genre. Expect kick drums, claps, snares, loads of closed hi-hats, bass lines, synth pads, synth keys, those little disco tom sound effects, some vocals, and as the night goes on expect Man Power to start playing faster records that contain closed hi-hats AND hi-hats that are as open as Prince William's arsehole.

All that and it's only the price of a pint in Mayfair to get in. No excuses.

Buy tickets here: thesocial/nrg/

Follow Man Power on Twitter and on Instagram

Follow Syd Minsky on Twitter and on Instagram

Follow Matt Hum on Twitter and on Instagram

Follow Heavenly Jukebox on Twitter and on Instagram

Follow The Social on Twitter and on Instagram

I'm a bit knackered after all that linking. Time for a cup of tea. Hang on.

Back!

When I'm not watching Alien Vs. Predator or listening to Smooth FM, I like to listen to Irish dance music, and there is no better Irish dance music than the dance music coming out of Irishman Tr One's record label, Intrinsic Rhythm, lately. I don't know if the dance music on the latest release is actually by Irish people, to be honest; they're all remixes, but it's definitely on Intrinsic Rhythm, which is definitely Irish. Not that any of this matters, it's just great music. It's called Remixes Of. Have a listen to this one off of it:

Makes me feel ready for the summer, that one. Lovely stuff.

That track is one of a five track release of remixes on the most Irish label in the world. I phoned Tr One up and asked him to very briefly summarise every track on it. Here's the transcript of our conversation:

Some people have said before that I look like Rodney Trotter, but I prefer it when they say I look like Damon Albarn.

* * bring bring - bring bring - click * *

Hello, Tr One?

Yes, to be sure.

Hi, it's Kevin here at Best Promos, how are you?

Catch yourself on, now, are we going to do this thing or what?

Ok, Tr One, can you very briefly summarise every track on your new release, Remixes Of, please?

An Italo/electro tinged remix of The Swim Meet by Italian Irish man Lerosa.

A ten minute deep acid tinged journey of I'm Dreaming Again by Detroit house luminary Scott Ferguson.

A brilliant melodic driven electro crossover of Stay Offline by Irish electronic pioneers Dechord.

A Chicago influenced deep house remix of Pitchshift by Westcoast Goddess.

A brilliant instrument led downtempo remix of Minimal Nelson by Toby Kaar.

Great. Thanks Tr One, bye.

Bye, so it is.

* * beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep * *

Was that racist? I don't think so. No. It was alright, I think. I'll leave it all in. Should be fine. It was affectionate more than anything else, and I was doing Jim McDonald in my head. Is that even worse? Hmm.

Anyway, Remixes Of gets a TIPPERARY TOP OF THE MORNING 10/10 from everyone here at Best Promos.

Buy it here: Remixes Of

Follow Tr One on Twitter and on Instagram

And finally, I asked ChatGPT to tell me a joke about dance music, but the results were so poor that I can't be bothered to even screen shot it for this.

Have a lovely Easter, everyone, I'll be back on the demon drink on Easter Sunday and back on here next week with a MASSIVE hangover. I can't wait!

Email me: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com

Tweet me: @BestPromos4Eva

Instagram me: /bestpromos4eva/

This is ace. Buy it here: Fire (We Are The Horsemen Remix) | AlinaHipHarp

APHEX TWIN LOGO PROJECTED ONTO EASTCOTE TUBE STATION

Coronation booking confirmed?!

A projection of Aphex Twin's logo has been beamed onto Eastcote tube station, sparking rumours that the seminal producer will be performing at the upcoming re-opening of the old Jamaican Lounge in Ruislip Manor, renamed the Real Love Lounge.

Appearing in a green light upon the exterior of the Royal Family's favourite tube station, the logo was visible over the upper Eastern wing of the station for just 10 minutes — but was captured by a number of IDM-loving passers-by.

No, none of this is making sense. Sorry. It was a nice idea, but I can't make the joke work properly. Sorry. It was a CRAP April Fool's joke to begin with, but I've made it worse now! LOL

Twitter user @posthuman was one of the first to capture the craziness of the joke, tweeting an image of the Mixmag APRIL Fool's Day timestamp failure hell:

What does this mean???????

It means fair play to them for doing an April Fool's Day joke and a WHOPPING 0/10 for everyone here at Best Promos for this RUBBISH attempt at a parody of a parody of a parody of a parody of a parody of a parody of a...parody.

I'll be back next year with a really funny article about the new humongous goalkeeper gloves by Adidas.

Email me: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com

Tweet me: @BestPromos4Eva

Instagram me: /bestpromos4eva/

50 is the new 40

Yesterday, I knocked up a 50 minute remix of that Ricardo Villalobos remix everyone keeps talking about, and let me tell you something: my version is 10 minutes BETTER than Ricky V's. My mother said so.

Have a listen:

Best Promos · Abril Lluvias Mil (Ricardo Villalobos Remix)(Best Promos Remix)

I used the original bassline, roped in Gazza and Hawk from Legion of Doom to lay down some vocals and added a bit of piano and extra hi-hats. Simples. People make out like making dance music is difficult. It's a piece of wee.

My version is good, isn't it? AND it's longer than the original remix, so it must be better. Mustn't it?

10/10 for me.

I have nothing more to add. I'll be back later in the week with some more dance music reviews, forthright opinions and some event previews, like every other dance music website in the world! LOL

Email me: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com

Tweet me: @BestPromos4Eva

Instagram me: /bestpromos4eva/

The Krypton Craptor

I'm going to start today with a little bit of politics, ladies and gentlemen, because whenever I look at dance music social media, all of the DJs and producers I follow have got r-r-r-r-r-r-r-really big, expert and worldly opinions on what's going on in Parliament, so I thought I'd best jump on that train and prove that I can mix it with them. I read Private Eye every couple of weeks and I read the football section of The Guardian online for free every day, so I know what I'm talking about. Let's go.

Fatty Johnson was on the telly the other day. Did you see him? The big, fat, scruffy-haired birdbrain was sat on his massive arse waffling on about whether or not he'd got drunk at an office party or not in front of a room full of really boring looking politicians and lawyers. They were so boring, I turned around to watch the paint drying on the wall behind me when they started talking about acting within guidelines! LOL. Hang on a minute, that paint wasn't even wet! Politics is boring, isn't it, and it's not like anything what goes on in the news has got anything to do with you or me. Now, that Mr. Putin can do one, and all. If you ask me, we just need to strap up with a few nukes and wipe that cun...no, I'm going to stop with the political analysis now, I'm boring myself silly. Let's do some dance music reviews instead.

I love dance music. It's great.

Chez de Milo - So It Goes EP

I was having a chat with Wil at Ransom Note the other night about some beef, and when I came away from it (the chat about beef) I remembered that they (R$N) had a record label, and that it might be worth having a look at their Bandcamp for some dance music review inspo (inspiration).

At the top of the pile was this four-track release called So It Goes by a bloke called Chez de Milo (real name, Charles Miles). This is a brilliant EP, I'm just not sure about the artwork. It looks like a toddler who's CRAP at art did it. Maybe he was working to a tight deadline and was in a rush to submit it...I know what that's like, Chez! LOL.

The title track, So It Goes, sounds a little bit like Crayon Box by Virgo Four, so I'm naturally a big fan of it. I've played it so many times on my little Pioneer DDJ-SB3 that my arms have almost fallen off from punching the air because So It Goes is so good that I'm punching the air every time I hear it, and I've played it so many times that it feels as though my arms are about to fall off because of all the air punching. Do you know what I mean?

Durga Lesson is track two and it sees Charles, I mean, Chez in a playful and self-depreciating mood, muttering the word, "bugger", every now and again, laying bare his vulnerabilities for us all to bear witness to. Everyone makes mistakes, and if you're English you say the word, "bugger", when you make one, so this song endears me even more to him. Chez de Milo is relatable in a way that DJs like Roger Sanchez and Jon of the Pleased Wimmin can never be, and Durga Lesson is a lesson not only in Durga, but in humility.

With Sister Dex, Chez de Milo is using the clever juxtaposition of a feminine noun (Sister) married with the masculine name, Dex (Dexter). I interpret this track title as a subtle nod of support to the big trans debate that Best Promos is definitely not going to touch with a bargepole. To us, it's just a great song. If you're a DJ, whack it on at around 3.30am to transition (not in that way!) to a deeper, more weird and wonky, druggy section of your set. I also think this is the first ever dance music song to utilise a plastic comb as an instrument.

The last track, Wadham, is good, but it's more downbeat and introspective than the rest of the songs on this EP. No. Not introspective. I hate it when PR and reviewers use that word. Wadham is good, but it's a bit more downbeat and slower than the other songs. Maybe put this at the beginning of your set. Definitely don't play it at peak time. You'll get booed off.

All in all is all we are, and with that in mind, everyone here at Best Promos have agreed wholeheartedly that So It Goes deserves a WHOPPING 10/10! Well done, mate!

So It Goes EP by Chez de Milo is OUT NOW on Ransom Note Records

Buy it here: So It Goes EP | Chez de Milo

Follow Chez de Milo on Instagram

Follow Ransom Note on Twitter and on Instagram

The champagne will be flowing in Bristol after that review, I'm tellin' ya.

What's next in my inbox? Last Magpie? Hmm. Photonz? Pfft. That Konx-om-Pax one is good, but I've not got the energy to go into depth on it today. It's not out until May either, so I'll review it properly nearer the time. I really need to get on some better promo lists. Dispersion always sends me good stuff, but I'm only seeing emails from them about once a fortnight - if that!

Hoooooooof. It's a wind down Friday, isn't it? Not sure if I can be bothered to even review anything else now. I'll do some Hilarious Lookalikes instead. Hilarious Lookalikes are quick to do, utterly brainless and they always cheer me up :-) :-) :-)

Hilarious Lookalikes!

Has anyone ever done an Ali G and Armand Van Helden one before? If they haven't, they should have done because it's a terrifically amusing idea! LOL

Pen-pushing, yet radical and rollicking Canadian dance scribe, Andrew Ryce, spends every second of every day writing clever clogs music reviews for the shadowy powers that be at Resident Advisor, but has he ever spent all day in a blind rage chasing Spaniards around a field before? Maybe he has...look at these two pictures! LOL

I was going to do one of Patsy Kensit and a cyborg, but I couldn't find a picture of her that categorically makes her look like a cyborg, but if you watch EastEnders religiously like I do, you'll know exactly what I mean.

For all of you out there sarcastically scratching your heads and going, "errr, what is Patsy Kensit doing on a Best Promos Hilarious Lookalikes section? Errr. She's not a DJ. Errrrr." Well, all true dance fans know that Patsy Kensit was once married to Jeremy Healy, and she therefore qualifies. So back off.

What a weirdly lazy post. Sorry. Best Promos is still the best dance music blog out there, though, isn't it, readers?

Isn't it?

Readers?

Email me: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com

Tweet me: @BestPromos4Eva

Instagram me: /bestpromos4eva/

I've Gone Sailing

You know when you've had too much to drink and you have ideas that you think are brilliant, but in reality, these ideas, if acted on, can get your skull caved in by the bouncer you're planning on picking a fight with? Do you get me? Madcap and dangerous ideas usually come to you when you're about nine pints deep, don't they, ladies and gentlemen? Well, my stupidest ideas come when I'm stone cold sober.

Last month, I had the bright idea of UNFOLLOWING everyone on Twitter, deleting ALL of my Tweets and UNFOLLOWING everyone on Instagram - and deleting all of my IG posts. Not only that, I removed ALL of my few hundred Instagram followers thinking that it would make Best Promos look a bit mysterious and cooler than it actually is - like Burial.

I was stone cold sober.

Best Promos, last month

I called this method, Minimal Engagement Actuality Technology (M.E.A.T.), and I was hoping to integrate it into Chat-GPT and PowerShell as a new way of automating social media from a dance-based perspective. Through AI machine learning, M.E.A.T. would revolutionise the way dance bloggers manage the regular disappointments of blogging about dance music by leveraging a devil-may-care attitude to instant feedback and mindless engagement. By removing the Dance Music Sycophancy (DMS) module from social media engagement, I hoped to sit back and let M.E.A.T. take the wheel whilst I sip on an imaginary vodka martini and watch my cool-o-meter explode.

This has not happened. With regards to our ratings: they started badly, they got worse. I attribute all of the blame for this on M.E.A.T., so I have taken the executive decision to decommission this software and get back to basics. All posts will now be dictated to and hand-written by my busty secretary as a draft before being typed up on a word processer by my curvy P.A. After Pottsy has proof-read it, I will something something something. I'm losing my thread on this bit now. I can't tell if I'm being sexist, ironic or just not very funny.

What I'm trying to say is this: being aloof isn't working for us at Best Promos, so I'm going to go back to doing what I do best: top class dance music reviews and lying to the really cool people on social media about how great I think they are.

I love Scuba. Isn't he fab? When I used to write the daily blog for Hotflush, he would always stop by my desk on a Friday afternoon for a cuppa and a gossip. We'd put the world to rights, he'd ruffle my hair, tell me how pleased he was with the blog and I'd feel ten feet tall. I would have run through walls for Scuba between the years 2016 and 2018, I'll tell you that. Although I no longer write for Hotflush, I like to think that Scuba still thinks back to those 'us against the world' days when he's doing one of his DJ sets and smiles.

I was smiling when I listened to the upcoming release by Scuba; Space Park Remixes (this is why I'm the best blogger). It's released on the 25th March, but you can already buy it on Bandcamp as an exclusive. Not only is the music really good, the name of the compilation is, too. Space Park Remixes sounds futuristic and it's impressive when you're telling your pals on the playground what WAVs you've been buying recently. It's also got brilliant artwork by someone called Lando which, again, sounds good if you're telling someone about which artists you like. They'll probably not know who Lando is so you'll have the jump on them.

My favourite song on this compilation is Forgive Me (DJ Clea Remix), but I also love the Peter Ibbetson remix of Never Forget because it sounds a bit like Inspiration by Underground Resistance. All of the songs on Space Park Remixes are good, though, and don't just take my word for it: my new typist asked the average man on the street what he thought about it, too.

Did he like it? Hell yes he liked it.

When coming to judge this compilation by Scuba, I thought back to how barren my M.E.A.T. days were and wondered if it was worth scoring it any less than the ten out of ten it so fully deserves. I arrived at my conclusion with a smile: Space Park Remixes by Scuba is a solid gold 10/10 release and everyone here at Best Promos is right behind it.

Space Park Remixes by Scuba comes out on 25 March as a Bandcamp exclusi...no, sorry, it came out last year. Sorry. I've just double-checked the date and I was wrong. Forgive me. Sorry. Space Park Remixes came out on the 25 March 2022. Apologies. I thought it was this year. Sorry.

You can still buy it: Space Park Remixes | Scuba
Follow Scuba on Twitter and on Instagram
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LOL. I hope I don't make any more mistakes like that. I feel like a right nelly!

Peter Polytunnel emailed me the other day to ask if I could tell my tens of readers about a new acid-themed release he's putting out on the Made Magnetic label. I remember talking highly on here about last year's Outer Earth on that label, so they must have thought I'd BIG UP their new record this time around...and they're not wrong! Best Promos is bigging this up. Large style.

All Acid Everything Vol. 1 is four tracks of slimy Irish acid that smacks you right in the bollocks and leaves you hanging for more. Do you know what I mean? It's like eating Play-Doh and and washing it down with a massive bottle of spicy Fanta. Do you feel me? This is the kind of music they'd play in the wonky disco room at House of God or in the main room at an I Heart Acid night, and the beauty of these four songs is that you don't have to be three or four pills deep for them to make any sense. I've listened to them all during Lent, I haven't touched a drop of lager for almost a month, and I still enjoyed them!

I bet Posthuman has already played these out, actually. This is my favourite song on it:

Old skool flava with a dash of 2023 futuristic acid. Is it 3am at Bugged Out! or is it 10:52am in Eastcote? Who knows? When you're listening to All Acid Everything Vol. 1 it's dance o'clock any time of day or night - wherever you are and whatever the weather. Is it a cool release? Hell yes it's a cool release. Should you buy it? Hell yes you should buy it.

All Acid Everything Vol. 1 is so good that when it comes to a score out of ten, I literally can't go lower than ten! It's a 10/10, guys! Cause for celebration, to be sure!!!

All Acid Everything Vol. 1 is OUT NOW on Made Magnetic.

Buy it here: mademagnetic/all-acid-everything-vol-1
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I'm all reviewed out now, so I'll just say a quick thank you to everyone at Jenny's Restaurant on Ruislip High Street for the excellent service and fabulous food yesterday lunch time. I've eaten mega mixed grills in many cafes and eateries across the world, but that one yesterday was the best. The comically excessive portion of chips was the icing on the cake. Thanks, guys. I'll be back.

I had two sausages, two rashers of bacon, a beef burger, some gammon, two onion rings, two fried eggs loads of chips and - in exchange for promising to mention them in today's post - some extra baked beans.

Jenny's Restaurant is on Ruislip High Street and it's OPEN NOW. 

"Jenny's. Come on down and stuff your f*cking face."

I'll be back next week. Goodbye.

Email me: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com

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