Best Promos: The Krypton Craptor

I'm going to start today with a little bit of politics, ladies and gentlemen, because whenever I look at dance music social media, all of the DJs and producers I follow have got r-r-r-r-r-r-r-really big, expert and worldly opinions on what's going on in Parliament, so I thought I'd best jump on that train and prove that I can mix it with them. I read Private Eye every couple of weeks and I read the football section of The Guardian online for free every day, so I know what I'm talking about. Let's go.

Fatty Johnson was on the telly the other day. Did you see him? The big, fat, scruffy-haired birdbrain was sat on his massive arse waffling on about whether or not he'd got drunk at an office party or not in front of a room full of really boring looking politicians and lawyers. They were so boring, I turned around to watch the paint drying on the wall behind me when they started talking about acting within guidelines! LOL. Hang on a minute, that paint wasn't even wet! Politics is boring, isn't it, and it's not like anything what goes on in the news has got anything to do with you or me. Now, that Mr. Putin can do one, and all. If you ask me, we just need to strap up with a few nukes and wipe that cun...no, I'm going to stop with the political analysis now, I'm boring myself silly. Let's do some dance music reviews instead.

I love dance music. It's great.

Chez de Milo - So It Goes EP

I was having a chat with Wil at Ransom Note the other night about some beef, and when I came away from it (the chat about beef) I remembered that they (R$N) had a record label, and that it might be worth having a look at their Bandcamp for some dance music review inspo (inspiration).

At the top of the pile was this four-track release called So It Goes by a bloke called Chez de Milo (real name, Charles Miles). This is a brilliant EP, I'm just not sure about the artwork. It looks like a toddler who's CRAP at art did it. Maybe he was working to a tight deadline and was in a rush to submit it...I know what that's like, Chez! LOL.

The title track, So It Goes, sounds a little bit like Crayon Box by Virgo Four, so I'm naturally a big fan of it. I've played it so many times on my little Pioneer DDJ-SB3 that my arms have almost fallen off from punching the air because So It Goes is so good that I'm punching the air every time I hear it, and I've played it so many times that it feels as though my arms are about to fall off because of all the air punching. Do you know what I mean?

Durga Lesson is track two and it sees Charles, I mean, Chez in a playful and self-depreciating mood, muttering the word, "bugger", every now and again, laying bare his vulnerabilities for us all to bear witness to. Everyone makes mistakes, and if you're English you say the word, "bugger", when you make one, so this song endears me even more to him. Chez de Milo is relatable in a way that DJs like Roger Sanchez and Jon of the Pleased Wimmin can never be, and Durga Lesson is a lesson not only in Durga, but in humility.

With Sister Dex, Chez de Milo is using the clever juxtaposition of a feminine noun (Sister) married with the masculine name, Dex (Dexter). I interpret this track title as a subtle nod of support to the big trans debate that Best Promos is definitely not going to touch with a bargepole. To us, it's just a great song. If you're a DJ, whack it on at around 3.30am to transition (not in that way!) to a deeper, more weird and wonky, druggy section of your set. I also think this is the first ever dance music song to utilise a plastic comb as an instrument.

The last track, Wadham, is good, but it's more downbeat and introspective than the rest of the songs on this EP. No. Not introspective. I hate it when PR and reviewers use that word. Wadham is good, but it's a bit more downbeat and slower than the other songs. Maybe put this at the beginning of your set. Definitely don't play it at peak time. You'll get booed off.

All in all is all we are, and with that in mind, everyone here at Best Promos have agreed wholeheartedly that So It Goes deserves a WHOPPING 10/10! Well done, mate!

So It Goes EP by Chez de Milo is OUT NOW on Ransom Note Records

Buy it here: So It Goes EP | Chez de Milo

Follow Chez de Milo on Instagram

Follow Ransom Note on Twitter and on Instagram

The champagne will be flowing in Bristol after that review, I'm tellin' ya.

What's next in my inbox? Last Magpie? Hmm. Photonz? Pfft. That Konx-om-Pax one is good, but I've not got the energy to go into depth on it today. It's not out until May either, so I'll review it properly nearer the time. I really need to get on some better promo lists. Dispersion always sends me good stuff, but I'm only seeing emails from them about once a fortnight - if that!

Hoooooooof. It's a wind down Friday, isn't it? Not sure if I can be bothered to even review anything else now. I'll do some Hilarious Lookalikes instead. Hilarious Lookalikes are quick to do, utterly brainless and they always cheer me up :-) :-) :-)

Hilarious Lookalikes!

Has anyone ever done an Ali G and Armand Van Helden one before? If they haven't, they should have done because it's a terrifically amusing idea! LOL

Pen-pushing, yet radical and rollicking Canadian dance scribe, Andrew Ryce, spends every second of every day writing clever clogs music reviews for the shadowy powers that be at Resident Advisor, but has he ever spent all day in a blind rage chasing Spaniards around a field before? Maybe he has...look at these two pictures! LOL

I was going to do one of Patsy Kensit and a cyborg, but I couldn't find a picture of her that categorically makes her look like a cyborg, but if you watch EastEnders religiously like I do, you'll know exactly what I mean.

For all of you out there sarcastically scratching your heads and going, "errr, what is Patsy Kensit doing on a Best Promos Hilarious Lookalikes section? Errr. She's not a DJ. Errrrr." Well, all true dance fans know that Patsy Kensit was once married to Jeremy Healy, and she therefore qualifies. So back off.