Monday, March 20, 2023

I've Gone Sailing

You know when you've had too much to drink and you have ideas that you think are brilliant, but in reality, these ideas, if acted on, can get your skull caved in by the bouncer you're planning on picking a fight with? Do you get me? Madcap and dangerous ideas usually come to you when you're about nine pints deep, don't they, ladies and gentlemen? Well, my stupidest ideas come when I'm stone cold sober.

Last month, I had the bright idea of UNFOLLOWING everyone on Twitter, deleting ALL of my Tweets and UNFOLLOWING everyone on Instagram - and deleting all of my IG posts. Not only that, I removed ALL of my few hundred Instagram followers thinking that it would make Best Promos look a bit mysterious and cooler than it actually is - like Burial.

I was stone cold sober.

Best Promos, last month


I called this method, Minimal Engagement Actuality Technology (M.E.A.T.), and I was hoping to integrate it into Chat-GPT and PowerShell as a new way of automating social media from a dance-based perspective. Through AI machine learning, M.E.A.T. would revolutionise the way dance bloggers manage the regular disappointments of blogging about dance music by leveraging a devil-may-care attitude to instant feedback and mindless engagement. By removing the Dance Music Sycophancy (DMS) module from social media engagement, I hoped to sit back and let M.E.A.T. take the wheel whilst I sip on an imaginary vodka martini and watch my cool-o-meter explode.

This has not happened. With regards to our ratings: they started badly, they got worse. I attribute all of the blame for this on M.E.A.T., so I have taken the executive decision to decommission this software and get back to basics. All posts will now be dictated to and hand-written by my busty secretary as a draft before being typed up on a word processer by my curvy P.A. After Pottsy has proof-read it, I will something something something. I'm losing my thread on this bit now. I can't tell if I'm being sexist, ironic or just not very funny.

What I'm trying to say is this: being aloof isn't working for us at Best Promos, so I'm going to go back to doing what I do best: top class dance music reviews and lying to the really cool people on social media about how great I think they are.


I love Scuba. Isn't he fab? When I used to write the daily blog for Hotflush, he would always stop by my desk on a Friday afternoon for a cuppa and a gossip. We'd put the world to rights, he'd ruffle my hair, tell me how pleased he was with the blog and I'd feel ten feet tall. I would have run through walls for Scuba between the years 2016 and 2018, I'll tell you that. Although I no longer write for Hotflush, I like to think that Scuba still thinks back to those 'us against the world' days when he's doing one of his DJ sets and smiles.

I was smiling when I listened to the upcoming release by Scuba; Space Park Remixes (this is why I'm the best blogger). It's released on the 25th March, but you can already buy it on Bandcamp as an exclusive. Not only is the music really good, the name of the compilation is, too. Space Park Remixes sounds futuristic and it's impressive when you're telling your pals on the playground what WAVs you've been buying recently. It's also got brilliant artwork by someone called Lando which, again, sounds good if you're telling someone about which artists you like. They'll probably not know who Lando is so you'll have the jump on them.


My favourite song on this compilation is Forgive Me (DJ Clea Remix), but I also love the Peter Ibbetson remix of Never Forget because it sounds a bit like Inspiration by Underground Resistance. All of the songs on Space Park Remixes are good, though, and don't just take my word for it: my new typist asked the average man on the street what he thought about it, too.

Did he like it? Hell yes he liked it.

When coming to judge this compilation by Scuba, I thought back to how barren my M.E.A.T. days were and wondered if it was worth scoring it any less than the ten out of ten it so fully deserves. I arrived at my conclusion with a smile: Space Park Remixes by Scuba is a solid gold 10/10 release and everyone here at Best Promos is right behind it.

Space Park Remixes by Scuba comes out on 25 March as a Bandcamp exclusi...no, sorry, it came out last year. Sorry. I've just double-checked the date and I was wrong. Forgive me. Sorry. Space Park Remixes came out on the 25 March 2022. Apologies. I thought it was this year. Sorry.

You can still buy itSpace Park Remixes | Scuba
Follow Scuba on Twitter and on Instagram
Follow Hotflush on Twitter and on Instagram

LOL. I hope I don't make any more mistakes like that. I feel like a right nelly!


Peter Polytunnel emailed me the other day to ask if I could tell my tens of readers about a new acid-themed release he's putting out on the Made Magnetic label. I remember talking highly on here about last year's Outer Earth on that label, so they must have thought I'd BIG UP their new record this time around...and they're not wrong! Best Promos is bigging this up. Large style.

All Acid Everything Vol. 1 is four tracks of slimy Irish acid that smacks you right in the bollocks and leaves you hanging for more. Do you know what I mean? It's like eating Play-Doh and and washing it down with a massive bottle of spicy Fanta. Do you feel me? This is the kind of music they'd play in the wonky disco room at House of God or in the main room at an I Heart Acid night, and the beauty of these four songs is that you don't have to be three or four pills deep for them to make any sense. I've listened to them all during Lent, I haven't touched a drop of lager for almost a month, and I still enjoyed them!

I bet Posthuman has already played these out, actually. This is my favourite song on it:

Old skool flava with a dash of 2023 futuristic acid. Is it 3am at Bugged Out! or is it 10:52am in Eastcote? Who knows? When you're listening to All Acid Everything Vol. 1 it's dance o'clock any time of day or night - wherever you are and whatever the weather. Is it a cool release? Hell yes it's a cool release. Should you buy it? Hell yes you should buy it.

All Acid Everything Vol. 1 is so good that when it comes to a score out of ten, I literally can't go lower than ten! It's a 10/10, guys! Cause for celebration, to be sure!!!

All Acid Everything Vol. 1 is OUT NOW on Made Magnetic.

Buy it heremademagnetic/all-acid-everything-vol-1
Follow Polytunnel on Twitter and on Instagram

I'm all reviewed out now, so I'll just say a quick thank you to everyone at Jenny's Restaurant on Ruislip High Street for the excellent service and fabulous food yesterday lunch time. I've eaten mega mixed grills in many cafes and eateries across the world, but that one yesterday was the best. The comically excessive portion of chips was the icing on the cake. Thanks, guys. I'll be back.

I had two sausages, two rashers of bacon, a beef burger, some gammon, two onion rings, two fried eggs loads of chips and - in exchange for promising to mention them in today's post - some extra baked beans.

Jenny's Restaurant is on Ruislip High Street and it's OPEN NOW

"Jenny's. Come on down and stuff your f*cking face."

I'll be back next week. Goodbye.

Email me: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com
Tweet me@BestPromos4Eva
Instagram me/bestpromos4eva/



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