Making Love and Breaking Hearts

Hello.

Robotek Reagan is BACK with another 4-track EP and it's called transhuman love affair and it's on Bandcamp and I've just spent $7.77 of my left-over American money from 2008 on it and it's r-r-r-r-r-really good and and and and and and and...

...and I tried to read the PR description of it, but it looks too overwhelming. Look:

Scanning it, however, I can see reference to OnlyFans, subs, Simps, tattoos, doms, dominance, deep house and sex, so if it doesn't do the trick when you're listening to it in the bedroom department with your other half, or on your own in the toilets at work, then you are well within your rights to ask Robotek Reagan for your money back. Cashback guaranteed.

This is the sensible, serious kind of sexy music that I think, deep down, Tiga wants to be releasing. 

It's all quite introspective and moody, which is nice if you're in a bad mood and want to calm down a bit. I'm not sure if any of this EP will be played at Circo Loco, though. I reckon it'll get some air in the chill-out room at a club somewhere (I can't think of any clubs at the moment, sorry), especially the title track, transhuman love affair (æytherspace soundbath mix) because it's an ambient song with no beats. It's just a few minutes of more plinky plonky keys, droning bass and the women from that Two Full Moons & A Trout song popping up every now and again.

After many years of writing dance music reviews in one form or other, every dance music release worth it's Charlie starts off with a beat-less ambient song. I don't know why. Robotek - get in touch and tell us what's so good about ambient?

simp4u sees Robotek Reagan singing his little heart out about not wanting to wake up from a dream. We've all been there, mate. Last night I dreamt that I'd got promoted to the role of Head of Cloud Services. I had the team running like clockwork and the Head of Service for ICT was recommending me to the Director for Corporate Services to take over from him when he finally retires. I was on cloud nine and feeling fulfilled professionally. I did not want to wake up and continue my job of starting and restarting services on on-prem and cloud-based servers and looking through MECM logs for task sequence failure lines. It's a great song.

some1: like_U feat. Karina Junker sees Karina Junker (I think) singing her little heart out about someone like me whilst Robotek Reagan plays some sexy, dominant, deep and tattooed house music in the background. It's really good, and I reckon this one could get played at Circo Loco, actually. I can imagine a Mediterranean woman in a bikini and a clown wig turning one of those sirens on near the DJ booth as Tania Volcano blasts this one out.

Same goes for the fourth track, pressy (extended 'i'm peaking' mix). It's loopy and nice. Ricardo Villalobos could play this at an after-party in a club in Turkey and nobody would bat an eyelid. This song sounds like it was made in space by a space-based dance music producer. I can't understand what the singer is going on about, but it's all breathy and seductive, which, again, is probably what Tiga should be doing. Nobody wants to hear a DJ camping it up about Bugatti cars and having loads of dosh in the middle of the cost of living crisis.

So, in all, transhuman love affair by Robotek Reagan is yet another bullet in the chain gun of an already impressive arsenal of dance floor weaponry to get pulled out of the war chest of Robotek Reagan and many other DJs who have already bought into the devastating musical genius of Robotek Reagan. I think. This has to be a very solid 10/10

transhuman love affair by Robotek Reagan is OUT NOW.

Buy it here: transhuman love affair
Follow Robotek Reagan on Twitter: @robotek_reagan
Follow Robotek Reagan on Instagram: /robotek_reagan/

As promised in the previous post, here's that hilarious lookalike I noticed whilst watching Supergrass on the telly last week.

Ready? Ok.

Don't you find it weird, readers, that the only Bee Gee who isn't dead is the one who has also been stayin' alive during the time period that Supergrass have been alive and when they wrote and recorded all of their albums? And tell me this, have you EVER seen thin-skinned Barry Gibb and lamb-chopped Gaz Coombes in the same room together OR on the same stage???

I'm not being funny, but if they're not the same person, I'm Clive Anderson and YOU'RE the tosser, pal. LOL

Which one is the tosser, pal?

That wasn't as funny as I thought it could be. Maybe I should have put more Bee Gee's puns in.

If you've ever been to Italy, you'll know all about Asian Fake. They're one of Italy's biggest indie la...hang on, let me start again.

If you're really interested in indie music and read about it all the time and are involved in the indie scene in some capacity, and you're aware of the indie scene in Italy, you'll know all about Asian Fake. Same principles can apply to knowing who Lele Sacchi is and NTS. Well, Lele and Asian Fake have worked together as a team and have pulled in the same direction to create a new record label, Stolen Goods, and I've been lucky enough to receive a first edition MP3 zip folder of their first compilation. It's called Volume 0 and it's ramma jamma full of BANGERS the likes of Robotek Reagan could make if he took his nose out of his navel and cheered up a bit.

Ransom Note legend, Bawrut, has got a good song on there. Plastician, I mean, Plastikman, I mean, Plastica has got a mucky house tribute to the film, Jumanji, on it - which is fab - and Lele Sacchi, in my opinion, has the best one on it. It's an uplifting piano house thing with a man shouting "HEYYYY" on it every now and again. It really cheered me up after watching Kendrick Lamar the other night and I bet you any money it will get played at Watching Trees in September - probably by Ally McTropical. In the league of modern uplifting piano house tracks, I'd put it up there with Happy House by The Juan Maclean

I caught up with Lele whilst he was coming out of the toilet in the San Siro, Italy. There wasn't even a game on...

Lele. Hi. Best Promos here, do you mind if we ask you a couple of questions?

"Mama Mia. Hi. No, go ahead."

Your new compilation is great, we all love it over in England, but can you explain why you called your label with Asian Fake, Stolen Goods?

“Why Stolen Goods? Since the avant-garde era all contemporary arts are based on stealth and theft, especially in the DJ and clubbing scene: when your world is not represented, you write your own rules, you draw from it and make your own - that means dubbed illegal mixtapes, pirate radio, illegal parties, re-edits and ‘DJ only’ bootlegs....”

Thanks Lele. Au revoir!

Stolen Good Volume 0 is an ace collection of trendy, underground dance floor songs that everyone from Dalston to Hackney will appreciate. If you live in Walsall, Wolverhampton, Moseley or Kings Heath and are still wearing a fisherman hat, thick-rimmed specs and a long beard then I'm sorry, this release is not for you. See below for the score out of ten, though...

Various Artists (incl. Bawrut, Ruff Stuff, DJ Rocca, Elisa Bee, Lele Sacchi & more)
Stolen Goods - Volume 0 - 10/10

Stolen Good Volume 0 is out on Friday 8 July, but I can't find any pre-order links or preview clips. I'll retrofit them to this post as and when they're available or someone sends them to me.

Buy Lele Sacchi's stuff on Bandcamp: Lele Sacchi
Follow Stolen Goods on Instagram: /stolengoodsrecords/
Buy stuff from Asian Fake: asianfake.com
Follow Lele Sacchi on Twitter: @djlelesacchi and Instagram: /lelesacchi/
Follow Asian Fake on Instagram: /asian_fake/

And finally, a plucky young upstart from Craggy Island, Tr One (real name, Trevor One), has got a NEW album coming out next week called From The Studio Of and it's on a NEW record label called Intrinsic Rhythm, which is intrinsically a great name for a label.

From The Studio Of kicks off with an intro track called Intro, and guess what...it's an ambient track. SEE!

The rest of the album, thankfully, is more upbeat and clubby. My favourite track on it is Minimal Nelson, but I'm not sure if that's just because I like the name.

Have a listen to the snippets and decide for yourself whether you want to buy it or not. Don't let me sway you either way. Make your own mind up.

Tr_One · Tr One - From The Studio Of LP Snippets

It's good, isn't it? You should definitely buy it. Go on. You only live once. Ahh go on. Go on, now. Ahh will you go on and buy it? Go on. Ahh go on, go on, go on, go on, go on. Now will you just go on? Go on. Go on, go on, go on. Go on.

Go on. Another reason to buy From The Studio Of is this: if you run it backwards on the limited edition b-side of the white label vinyl release, you get to hear Tr One's minimal hard house edit of My Lovey Horse. LOL.

From The Studio Of by Tr One is brilliant, and it gets a whopping great kick up the arse 10/10

Release dates: 9 July 2022 (Bandcamp) / August 2022 (Vinyl)

Pre-order it here: From The Studio Of
Follow Tr One on Twitter: @Eddie_TrOne
Follow Tr One on Instagram: /eddie_reynolds_tr_one/

I think I'm done now. From all of us here at Best Promos, we wish you a very happy Christmas and a fabulous New Year. Goodbye, everyone! Goodbye!!!

Email me on : BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com
Tweet me: @BestPromos4Eva
Instagram me: /BestPromos4Eva/

Ps. I'll be signing copies of Best Promos at the Jack White gig in Hammersmith tonight.

Drop Thy Still Dews of Quietness (Sandwell District Remix)

Let me make one thing clear: Best Promos is an emotionally safe space free of bias, conflict, criticism, or potentially threatening actions, ideas, or conversations where you can be yourself and admit to your friends, family and social media channels that it's ok to think Kendrick Lamar was boring at Glastonbury last night and that deep down, at the end of the day, to be fair, Diana Ross, Years and Years, Pet Shop Boys and Jack White were much more fun and better.

I watched the first half an hour of Kendrick Lamar and was pretending to think it was good: I even drafted up a Tweet in response to Terry Farley to say how amazing it was before I got real, deleted it and turned over to the Pet Shop Boys.

Now, this next bit is going to be a bit controversial because I'm calling people out by name, like that song by Guns 2 Roses, Get In My Ring. Read it in your head, or out loud, in an over-the-top Axl Rose voice:

This post goes out to all you punks in the press and on Twitter who don't want to cause controversy by saying Kendrick Lamar wasn't as good as everyone is saying he is, but of course that's just my personal opinion, which we're all entitled to. Maybe you really did think it was brilliant, I'm really sorry about this. I don't mind what people like really, I'm just filling space on this blog. It wasn't my cup of tea, but artists can't be all things to all people, can they? Live and let live, that's what I say in real life, I don't know why I'm being so different and weird online. Sorry. That means you Terry Farley on Twitter, Alexis Petridis, Andy Dawson at Athletico Mince, Andy Daniell at FFFFRRRRRR, Andy Secher at Hit Parader, Circus Magazine. Mick Wall at Kerrang, Bob Guccione Jr. at Spin, what, are you annoyed because I don't read Spin and your dad has snogged more women than you? Stuff you. Get lost. Stop antagonising me. Effing dipstick!

I think they should have had MC Hammer as the headliner instead. Maybe next year.

Kendrick Lamar at Glastonbury 2022 - 10/10 for all those who loved it. Best Promos is all about inclusion.

Pet Shop Boys at Glastonbury 2022 - 10/10

Follow Terry Farley on Twitter: @TerrysTuckShop

Guns 2 Roses at The Robin in Bilston last Thursday night. Great gig. They're better than the proper Guns N Roses for a number of reasons:

1. Cheaper tickets
2. Not late on stage
3. Drinks aren't as expensive as they are at a football stadium
4. Band members aren't as old/fat
5. Doesn't go on for three hours so you're able to get the last bus/train/tram
6. You're able to easily get to the front and watch up close
7. Their Axl won't call you a "bitch", jump into the audience and boot you inside out with his bouncers if you look at him funny

So, for those reasons, I am granting Guns 2 Roses in Bilston last week an effin' and a jeffin' 10/10 !

Follow Guns 2 Roses on Twitter: @Guns2RosesUK

Follow Guns 2 Roses on Instagram: /Guns2RosesOfficial/

Go and watch them: GUNS 2 ROSES

That's Kendrick Lamar and Guns 2 Roses dealt with. Let's get on with some dance music.

Ambient Babestation Meltdown has got everyone here at Best Promos r-r-r-r-r-r-really hot under the collar because of the word "Babestation" in her name. Phwoar. Babestation - remember that, fellas? Eh? Babestation. What's that, Pottsy, Babestation is still going? I'll have to check it out later on and text in for a personalised wave, if you know what I mean...

...Ambient Babestation Meltdown (GREAT artist living in GREAT Britain) has worked together as a team with JBS (Disco Biscuit head honcho from Europe) to release a new 4-track EP on the Optimo Music label. It's called Who Goes There and it's out THIS FRIDAY.

Is it good? Yes.

Why?

Well, the first track, Litany, whilst not having any proper beats is something you can certainly start your set with. Litany has got Ambient Babestation Meltdown whispering about fear over the sound of the wind and the noise it makes when you unplug the jack from your electric guitar and stand it up near a speaker. This is the Ambient side of Ambient Babestation Meltdown on show, and it really sets you up nicely for the rest of the EP.

"Somewhere, there is a crime happening." Yes there is, Ambient Babestation Meltdown, and it's the crime of people NOT buying this EP! LOL. I genuinely (not really, only joking) think that buying Who Goes There by Ambient Babestation Meltdown and JSB should be written into law for all Britons over the age of sixteen, with the punishment for breaking that law and not buying it: three years in prison, no parole. I don't think a judge in the land who likes beefy, dirty bass and sultry female vocals over a casual drum and snare pattern would let anyone walk free for not buying this. And I'll throw away the key! Or pull the lever. Dead or Alive is the excellent second track.

After the dance track in the club-style chaos of Dead or Alive, Ambient Babestation Meltdown and SJB slow things down a bit with The Other Place and let us all catch our breath. Plinky plonky keys and more spoken-word rapping by Ambient Babestation Meltdown that, in my opinion, is better than Kendrick Lamar, makes this the best third track on an EP I've EVER heard.

"Eyes, like sun spots. Red crystals swallows whores, save yourself. On. On. On. Brad crystals in a crimson mist." I don't know what Ambient Babestation Meltdown is going on about, to be honest, but I'm swaggering about the box room listening to it on full blast, bumping into my desk and chair with a really peculiar look on my face, and I really don't care. Listening to The Other Place makes you feel arrogant, in a good way.

Ambient Babestation Meltdown and BJS finish Who Goes There with the title track, Who Goes There. If I was in charge of this release, I would have insisted that the title track goes first on the EP. That is my only quibble with this release, but I shan't let it cloud my enjoyment of it. This track is a bit like Litany, but with occasional beats and the vocal volume turned down a bit. It's also got a sawing sound which makes it sound like your ears are being shaved off by an angry Mexican drug cartel goon in every 15+ series on Netflix. What's not to love?!

If you buy the trendy cassette version of this EP, you get a banging mix by Ambient Babestation Meltdown on the other side that, thankfully, only has an ambient bit  some tech house at the very beginning, where it should be.

Hmm. After much consideration, and the surprising realisation that I once went to a live show of Athletico Mince with JBS in Leicester Square, I'm going to give this a nepotistic and "jobs for the boys" Ransom Note alumni score of 10/10

Optimo Music · OM 51D Ambient Babestation Meltdown & JPS - Who Goes There EP

Who Goes There EP by Ambient Babestation Meltdown and JBS is out on Friday 1 July 2022 on Optimo Music.

Pre-order the digital release here: Who Goes There EP
Ask around east London for the cassette version: if you know people, you know people

Follow Ambient Babestation Meltdown on Twitter: @RachaelWilliams

Follow Ambient Babestation Meltdown on Instagram: /rachaelshevaunwilliams/

Furthermore, I hope Ambient Babestation Meltdown doesn't bottle it further on in her career when she gets more famous and change her name to something more sensible, like Rachel Steve Davis or Radio 4 Williams or something. Keep the faith.

I was going end today's post with a bit about how there seems to be a higher proportion of nutters on the streets and buses of Birmingham than there are in London, but I don't have any facts or figures to back that claim up with, so I'm going to leave it.

I also started to write something about there being no colour pictures of Regis and that I'd never seen him play live, so I thought that he was an urban myth or an NFT prank, but then I saw these pictures (below) and my bit fell apart. I also remembered that I met him at a party years ago and he was a very nice man, and nowhere near as moody or monochrome as he is in his black and white photographs.

If you ever get the chance to meet Regis, you should. He's alright *thumbs up emoji*

I also have a hilarious lookalike that I'm going to save for next week. It's the singer out of Supergrass looking a bit like the leader out of the Bee Gees. LOL

See ya!

Email me on : BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com
Tweet me: @BestPromos4Eva
Instagram me: /BestPromos4Eva/

Poetry Competition 2014

It's not often we do hilarious humour on Best Promos. It's always just dance, dance, dance...and more dance! And repeat and sleep or something, so I thought that with all the cost of living crisis, credit crunch, rave needle bastards, rail strikes, Covid-19, Monkeypox and the south western bad bouncers epidemic that's been sweeping clubland recently, I'd open up today's post with a light-hearted look at John Virgo passing off some light-hearted impressions of his contemporaries in 1984 to cheer us all up. It's on YouTube. Have a look and ease yourself into this post like you're gently sliding into a big, funny bubble bath of word lather and sentence suds.

I've just had a really funny idea, actually. For every dance review I do today, I'm going to use MS Paint to stick a giant pair of comedy glasses on the artist's face! LOL. If it works for John Virgo's Dennis Taylor take-off, it can't fail for Best Promos. Let's get reviewing...

Madonna's face after a bit more plastic surgery! LOL

Whoever is in charge of DJ Daniel Avery's public relations department must be a right MISERABLE GET because they're always making him pose for photos with a right moody face on (have a look on Google Images). He either looks cheesed off, knackered or like he's thinking about something serious. Honestly, I think he needs to smile more because his music is really good. I'm not going to quote the Alan Partridge / Nirvana thing, but that's kind of where my mind is at the moment.

He (Daniel Avery) has got a new song out at the moment called Chaos Energy. It's on Phantasy, it's only three pounds and you get a B-side called Bliss, which is the first ever shoegaze rave record ever. What's not to love?

In Sonic the Hedgehog terms, chaos energy is an extremely powerful and dangerous form of energy. It exists in minute quantities within just about everything on Mobius, but the most concentrated source of this power is the Chaos Emeralds. I don't know what any of that really means, but I do know that the song Daniel Avery has just released doesn't sound anything like any of the music on any of the Sonic games, so I don't know why he's called it Chaos Energy. Daniel, get in touch, lets touch base and you can let our readers know what was going on in that brain of yours when you came up with that name.

After listening to Chaos Energy a few times, I think he should have called it Ethereal Beat Manipulation (Dark Side of My Soul). It's a very dark and moody song that has some ethereal sounds and loads of beats on it. It made me feel quite contemplative. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror around the 3:30 mark when he cuts the ethereal stuff and drops the bass. I looked exactly like Daniel does in this picture, but with a short, back and sides and a retro West Bromwich Albion top on:

And that was my favourite bit on the song! Maybe that's what his music does to people; it seriousesses them up, and it's why he always looks so stony-faced himself.

Hey, readers, I know what will give Daniel Avery a belly laugh...

DJ Daniel Avery sporting a gigantic pair of "Harry Potter" glasses! LOL

It says on Bandcamp that Manni Dee added some production to this record. I once had a lovely time at House of God with Manni Dee in the olden days, so if he's involved with Chaos Energy, it's alright by me. I was going to score it highly anyway, but because of Manni Dee, and of how seriously I can see that Daniel Avery has taken it, I'm going to give it a very serious 10/10

Chaos Energy / Bliss is out now on Phantasy.

Buy it here. Seriously: Chaos Energy
Follow Daniel Avery on Twitter. Seriously: @danielmarkavery
Follow Phantasy on Twitter: @phantasysound
Follow Manni Dee on Instagram: /mannideeuk/

I can't stop laughing at that picture with the Harry Potter specs! LOL. I don't know how I'm going to get through the rest of this post, to be honehahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

Nice artwork, hilarious glasses! LOL

Up next is some music from the poshest person in PR, Genevieve Taylor-Fotheringay-Phipps. These tracks were hand delivered to me by her 6' 7" tall butler last week. I think it had the name, 'Cavendish', embroidered onto his bowler hat in a fancy Italics font. He stepped out of a burgundy Rolls-Royce Wraith with blacked out windows, a personalised licence plate (P05H 1) and pepperpot alloys.

He stepped out in a very deliberate manner, like a crane fly avoiding a patch of mosquito poo on the pavement, and issued the MP3 files to me on a little velvet cushion with tiny tassels on it. After handing them over, the words, "m'lud", stumbled slowly out of his mouth hole and he slowly made his way back to the car and out of my life.

Jordan Nocturne is BACK with a pair of LOVELY songs for the GREAT Permanent Vacation label. The Day 2 EP is brilliant and I have very much enjoyed listening to the two songs on it: Day 2 feat. Le Boom and Balearia are welcome additions to the dance music library of songs that can get played in clubs, pubs, bars, warehouses or in homes, like mine in Eastcote. They are both guaranteed to make you dance in different ways to all the other house music songs out there and you won't regret sticking your hands in your pockets and paying for them. It is important we support artists and independent record labels. #RSD22 #VinylLife #BandcampTuesday (Genevieve - please can you send me the link for the free downloads for these, so that I can play them in my back extension when I'm doing my imaginary Ruislip club night, No Requests?).

Day 2 is the type of track you'd have heard Ewan Pearson or Tiga play at The End in 2006 - which is no bad thing at all. I love the off-beat bass and weird choppy vocals about people being on top of him or something, it's fab. Balearia is a bit slower, so you're more likely to hear it played on the Poolside Infinity Mixtapes on NTS or at one of Mark's parties at Pikes in Ibiza. Mark - get in touch, lets touch base and I can come and play it at one of your parties at Pikes one day.

Thinking about it, this EP is so good that I'm going to give it a 10/10 !!!

Day 2 by Jordan Nocturne feat. Le Boom is out now on Permanent Vacation.

Buy it here: Day 2 | Jordan Nocturne feat. Le Boom
Follow Jordan Nocturne on Instagram: /jordannocturne/
Follow Le Boom on Twitter: @weareleboom
Follow Permanent Vacation on Instagram: /permanentvacationrecords/

Fatboy Slim in a pair of funny "Dame Edna" glasses!! LOL

The other track that Genevieve Taylor-Fotheringay-Phipps sent to me with her butler was a new remix of an old Fatboy Slim song: Ya Mama (Dance System's Back 2 Boutique Mix). It's funny because I was watching a programme on BBC the other night about Glastonbury and Fatboy Slim was one of the talking heads on it! It's funny when things like that happen, isn't it, readers?

Yo Mama, I mean, Ya Mama was a great dance song in the early 00s, and this new remix is a great dance song in the 20s. It's as simple as that. Dance System's remix still features a man saying "push the tempo" over and over again, but with a house beat instead of a big beat. The best bit is on 1:43 when the low bell-type bass thing comes through to the top of the mix properly (sorry, readers: a bit of producer nerd talk there).

Ya Mama (Dance System's Back 2 Boutique Mix), when Genevieve sends me the download link, will definitely be played to death on my little Pioneer DJ controller in the back extension as our black and white cat eats his crunchy food and tortures a sparrow. Let me ask him what he'd give this track out of ten. "Meow m m meowwww". That means ten out of ten (10/10) in cat language.

Ya Mama (Dance System's Back 2 Boutique Mix) is out now on Skint.

Buy or stream it here: YaMamaRemixPR
Follow Fatboy Slim on Twitter: @FatboySlim
Follow Dance System on Twitter: @DanceSystem

And finally, I'll be signing copies of Best Promos at The Robin in Bilston on Thursday night. I'm going with my sister to see Guns 2 Roses, the best Guns n Roses tribute act in England. Tickets are only £13, so why not join me for some rock n roll mayhem with the Guns n Roses tribute act, Guns 2 Roses, at The Robin in Bilston on Thursday night for only thirteen English pounds in Bilston in the West Midlands. Join me.

I'll be reviewing the gig on next week's Best Promos, so that's something to keep you all coming back, isn't it?

Buy tickets here: Guns 2 Roses
Follow Guns 2 Roses on Twitter: @Guns2RosesUk

I think I'm done now. Some really good music for you all to be listening to. Don't forget to recommend Best Promos to all of your friends and family and share us on your social media channels. Despite a very high level of content, music, memes, jokes, grammar and spellings, the numbers and stats on this site are very poor, so we really do need your help to push Best Promos into the mainstream. I'm sick of it being underground. I'm not saying I want to be as well known as Resident Advisor or as trendy as Faith/Pogo, etc., but I don't want to be another Thump, Ransom Note or Meoko. Do you know what I mean? Anyway, keep me in mind when you're sharing things online and know that it would make me a very happy boy if you made this website famous. I'm only twelve years old and this blog is my hobby. I'm an only child who's family all left me abandoned in a disused railway station when I was ten, and the only thing I could listen to was the strains of a nearby plague rave. This harrowing experience was oddly inspiring and it made me want to write about the scene and listen to (and review) as much dance music as I can before it's all too late. I'm sorry, I've shared too much. I must get back to caring for my four-legged cat in the 3-bed semi-detached house I now rattle around in. In Eastcote. Ruislip. We're low on full fat milk.

Email me on : BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com
Tweet me: @BestPromos4Eva
Instagram me: /BestPromos4Eva/

"Say goodnight, BP."

Goodnight, BP.

Daniel Avery should pose like this more. And no, these ones are NOT comedy glasses! LOL

DJ Seinfeld - Family of Fear (Mark Moore's Marmalade Mix)

The Queen. There's life in the old dog yet.

I don't know about you, but after spending the last few weeks being cynical, miserable and downright condescending towards the people I'm close to in real life who absolutely adore Her Majesty the Queen Elizabeth II and snottily turning my snotty nose up at the prospect of her Jubilee, I am now writing these words with marmalade all around my mouth (which is upturned into a very British smile; prawn cocktail breath and wonky teeth), and - as I suspect - millions of other UK dance blog journalists around the UK will be covered in crumbs and marmalade themselves as they write their little articles and posts about music and a scene that isn't that important in the grand scheme of things, but we keep on earnestly telling ourselves that it is, don't we, people?! Especially the middle-aged ones. Tee hee!

I loved the Jubilee, and I don't care if her empty gold carriage could feed a family for a year. I had a lovely few days and she deserves our whole-hearted support and celebration for being such a brilliant beacon of hope and stability for us all. Yes, she probably had Princess Diana killed. Yes, she dipped into our sterling (I think) and paid top dollar to that CONTENT REMOVED BY BEST PROMOS LAWYERS American blonde woman to save her pervert kid. Yes, she's a lizard lady. Yes, she's had the same boring hairstyle all of her life and all she can do nowadays is wave...oh, hang on...but is any of this good reason to now whip the palaces and crowns from under her feet? I say not. But, if the response to this opinion is negative, then I'm ready to swing the other way and join in when we all ransack Buckingham Palace. Bagsy her knicker drawer!!

I wonder what Ben Klock thinks. Ben, if you're reading this: get in touch. Are you pro-monarchy or anti-establishment?

Email me on: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com

By the way, readers, if the quality of today's post is poor, it's because I spent too much time trying to do a Cold War Steve-style header picture. I've put Frank Skinner's face on Prince Charles's face (because the monarchy is a joke), Bernard Manning on the Queen's (because the monarchy is a joke AND they're all supposed to be racist) and there are punchy cultural and satirical comments on loads of other important issues for you to decipher, AND there is the obligatory Grant Mitchell and Lulu inserts, AND for the eagle-eyed; see if you can spot Jimmy Hill! It's all just a bit of fun at the end of the day. I don't think I'll be interviewed in The Guardian any time soon! It's a very sharp political piece of art, though, which says more in pictures than words ever could.

So, we're all agreed here at Best Promos (even arch-anarchist, Pottsy) that HRH Queen Elizabeth II has now pole-vaulted her way into our hearts. I do wonder what she'd think of the new Roman Flügel EP on Rekids. Shall I pretend to ask her? LOL

"Ma'am, thank you ever so much for agreeing to be interviewed on Best Promos. I know the last week would have taken a lot out of you. You're definitely knocking on a bit now. In fact, if you don't mind me saying, you looked a bit reanimated in that skit with Paddington. You looked more computer-generated than he did!

Not a problem, mate. What do you want to know?

Well, your majesty, I was wondering if you'd be kind enough to listen to the new EP by Roman Flügel and judge it for this blog. It's called Yes People. Creep creep.

Sure. What label is it on, mate?

It's on Rekids. Slither slither.

Nice one. Stick it on. Let's have a listen to it.

What do you think, ma'am? Slobber slobber.

Sound. One really likes it, but it sounds like the record is skipping at the beginning. Is it supposed to be like that?

Yes, ma'am, I thought exactly the same thing when I first heard it, but it happens throughout the track, from beginning to end. It simply has to be intentional.

Ok, One likes it. One thinks that beat skipping thing adds to the overall flava, if you know what one means.

It's got lots of other sound effects in it, your majesty, that, if you don't mind me saying, would sound not too inconsiderable on the Windsor Castle PA. I can just imagine you dancing to it around your famous handbag in the courtyard, ma'am, after one too many gin and tonics. Crawl crawl.

Yeah, I could definitely vibe to it. To be honest, the rest of the EP is ace, too. Play Simple, Jam and Mysterious Delight all carry on in that same 3am vein. None of them have any massive drops or top line melodies. It's an EP for the heads down crowd and the popper squad at the back. Proper solid marchers.

If you don't mind me saying, your majesty, maybe this is an EP for your guards with the big fuzzy hats! For when they're marching around! Hehehehehehehehehehehe grovel grovel.

I don't think so.

Sorry, ma'am. Forgive me for asking, but would you be kind enough to award Yes People by Roman Flügel a score out of ten?

One can take comfort in the fact that, long after I have gone, Roman Flügel will still be making trippy, dancefloor-focused slabs of peculiar and energetic heat. He is my strength and my stay, and this EP is in no way an exception to his ferocious body of work. It is with great pleasure, joy and determination that I declare this EP open, and with a Royal seal of approval from all of us here at Buckingham Palace. Yes People by Roman Flügel is a 10/10 release, and no mistake."

Blimey. Cheers Liz! Yes People by Roman Flügel presents Tracks on Delivery is OUT NOW on Rekids.

Buy it here: yes-people

Follow Roman Flügel on Twitter: @romanfluegel

Follow Rekids on Twitter: @Rekids

Follow The Queen on Twitter: @LizardLady

I was in The Hop and Vine on Ruislip High Street recently, testing out their real ales. I drank a pint of Buffle Duffle real ale. A pint of Hitler's Nose. A pint of Combined Words and a yard of Jennifer. After that, I sank a Corrupted Cat and a Flock of Toddlers before knocking back a bottle or two (or three!) of their best Blossom Hill wine. To say I was drunk would be putting it mildly: I was quite drunk! And what better state to be in whilst walking around Ruislip and Eastcote listening to the latest Phantasy release on my blue Sony headphones.

Highdive by Gramrcy and John Loveless is out now and it soundtracked my walk home from the pub on Sunday night. There is something about this track that makes you feel really cocky and arrogant as you're walking around with eight or nine pints inside you. There is a repetitive dur d d dur dur d d dur rhythm and melody to the main bits and some really weird, scary sounds that come out of nowhere every now and again. Those bits make you jump the first time you hear them, but once you get used to it, you'll be screwing your face up and nodding along as you swagger down the street, casually playing air drums as you pass the norms and the oldies coming out of Tesco with their loaves of bread and boring stuff like that. With Highdive in your ears, you're a step above everyone you walk past - even if they're richer and more sober and successful than you.

There is a Beats Mix which is just the original without the weird bits. Still good, though. The last track on the release is the Schacke Remix, which is a lot faster than the original - would be good to get one of my team to count the beats per minute on that and report back. This remix sounds nothing like the original. It's the kind of track Partiboi69 will start playing when he eventually tries to court the "serious" dance music punters...in a good way.

I am a big fan of the Phantasy label. Erol Alkan seems like a very nice man, and I think Highdive is a smashing tune. After a long think here at my desk, and a smiling stare at the calming bird artwork, I'm giving it a 10/10

Highdive by Gramrcy and John Loveless is OUT NOW on Phantasy.

Buy it here: Highdive

Follow Gramrcy on Twitter: @gramrcy

Follow John Loveless on Instagram: /mrjohnloveless/

Follow Phantasy on Twitter: @phantasysound

Hologram Teen is a genuinely brilliant name, isn't it? Like Sonic Youth and Altered Images. Hologram Teen is ace. I've just Googled it; unfortunately, it's not this artist's real name :-( Hologram Teen is the pen name of Morgane Lhote who fights out of Los Angeles, America.

A couple of years ago she BURST onto the scene with that Pizza Conspiracy album on Ransom Note Records and now she's BACK on the scene with her new album, Day-Glo Chaos; an ode to day-glo clobber and the chaos of the colour clash when you wear a lot of day-glo! We've all been there if you were a kid in the 1980s.

The first single is out today according to the R$N website, but I can't see it on Bandcamp yet. Have a listen to it on YouTube, though. It's called Valley Nights (Burnin') and, as you can see, it's already got favourable feedback in the notoriously crude and hateful YouTube comments section:

Valley Nights (Burnin') could easily have slotted into Chromeo's DJ Kicks CD, which I think is the highest accolade anyone could give this kind of track because that DJ Kicks mix is one of the best for driving around in the summer to. Lost my thread a bit here, sorry. Reset. The new single by Hologram Teen is fab, and it's enough for me to pre-order her album when it finally gets put on Bandcamp.

I particularly enjoy the sound of the car starting up at the beginning because it makes me think I'm listening to a 2ManyDJs rework of a Madness song.

Have a listen:

Now, after listening to that, listen to this:

And for that, there is only one score out of ten we can grant Valley Nights (Burnin') by Hologram Teen: 10/10

Valley Nights (Burnin') by Hologram Teen is OUT NOW on Ransom Note Records. Her new album, Day-Glo Chaos, is out on Tuesday 19 July 2022

Pre-order/buy it here (just keep refreshing the page until it appears): Hologram Teen

Follow Hologram Teen on Twitter: @HologramTeen

Follow Ransom Note on Twitter: @RansomNoted

I think we're done for today. Congratulations to the Prime Minister for winning that vote of no confidence last night. Hopefully, we can all get on witBLEUGHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Bye.

Email me on: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com

Tweet me on: @BestPromos4Eva

Instagram me on: /bestpromos4eva/

God Save Our Gracious Lizard

God Save Our Gracious Lizard. That's a very controversial title for a UK dance blog post, isn't it, readers? Quite edgy. Especially this week; the week of the royal and regal Platinum Jubilee for her seventy years sitting on the throne. Gawd bless her. When one broke one's wrist in January and was put on super-strength painkillers, the main side-effect was that they caused utmost arse blockage, or constipation.

It felt like seventy years on the throne for one every time one needed the bog! Do you know what one means? LOL.

Anyway, one does hope HRH Queen Elizabeth II doesn't get wind of this post or everyone here at Best Promos will be for the chopping block in the Tower of London! LOL.

Only Joshing, Liz, Only Joshing. One knows that you do a marvellous job. You and all of your weirdo kids deserve every penny of our money that you get. Here's to another seventy years in Buck House (Buckingham Palace) for Her Majesty The Queen!!!!

My money don't jiggle jiggle, it folds

Best Promos hereby grant HRH Queen Elizabeth II by Royal Decree with a honorary and highborn 10/10 for her services to the UK and the English dance scene. Without those bits of paper with her face on, nobody would be able to buy ecstasy, ketamine, speed, coke, poppers, balloons, mandy, squidgy black and ganja in all of them M25 Orbital raves that begat the UK, global and worldwide dance and rave scene across the world and in any of the famous English nightclubs that popped up on the back of those infamous field raves in the Summers of Love '88 and '89. To this day, you can't contribute to the vibes on the dancefloor of any nightclub in GREAT Britain without handing over cash with the Queen's face on to a scary-looking, 18-stone hooded drug dealer with a Rambo knife in one hand and a massive bag of tablets in the other. Thanks, Liz. You may not realise it, but you make our world go around.

It's also impossible to do coke without going to the toilet and rolling up a bank note with her face on.

Same goes for when you and your mates pool your remaining pills together at the after-party, crush them up with an ornament on the coffee table and share it with the strangers in your living room.

GOD SAVE OUR GRACIOUS QUEEN.

10/10 for the Queen. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN.

I'm on leave this week, so this isn't a proper post. There'll be a proper one next week with loads of promo reviews, event previews and more on the Watching Trees developments.

What Watching Trees developments?

Well, I'm submitting my application to play in the hard house tent there in September so that I can record a live CD for release on the Optimo record label. I think it's a r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-really good idea. I've even done all the artwork for it on Microsoft Paint. Look:

It's r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-really good, isn't it, readers? It only took me five minutes, and all. Fingers crossed, guys.

Excellent artwork ^ ^ ^

What I will do a quick recommendation for is the new one on Sound Du Jour. It's a r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-really good EP called Monsters by a bloke called Man 2.0.

2.0? I wonder what happened to the first version! 

Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe!

The title track uses that famous breakbeat pattern that every dance music producer has used at one point or another in their journey/career, but Man 2.0 uses it in a uniquely different and exciting way: he puts some sirens over the top of it. Have a listen and let the soothing sirens and famous breakbeats wash over your mind and soul...and body...

MAN2.0 · Monsters EP on Sound Du Jour

I bet the Queen would like that one. The remix by Vyvyan is really good, too, but I prefer the original. I reckon it would go well with one of them old Shan tracks on Running Back. DJs - thank me later.

The other track on the EP is called Synapse (not sure why, this isn't explained in the press release), and this comes with a remix by the Sound Du Jour managing director, La Mano.

What's that one like?

Well, Jake at Dispersion PR said it best when he carefully chose these moving words, "La Mano dives deep into a glistening electro ride through rich soundscapes with his remix to close the show."

If the Queen, Laurent Garnier, Paul Woolford and Jennifer Cardini loves this EP, then I reckon I have to award it a high score. Hmm. Yes. Monsters EP by Man 2.0 gets a right royal 10/10 !!!

Monsters EP by Man 2.0 is OUT NOW on Sound Du Jour.

Buy it here: Monsters EP
Follow Man 2.0 here: @manmachine201
Follow Sound Du Jour on Instagram: @sounddujour
Follow Man 2.0 on Instagram: @man2pointzero

One hopes you all enjoy your time off for the Platinum Jubilee, anyway. Just think, when she finally pegs it we'll get some more time off for the funeral and stuff. Can't wait!! Nom nom nom...

Email me YOUR best promos: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com
Tweet me: @BestPromos4Eva
Instagram me: /bestpromos4eva/

Now, all rise for our national anthem...

This Is The Best UK Dance Blog In The World: Part XIV

I never had N-Trance down as police informers, but my very dear and very old friend, the self-styled Mad Professor of UK 2-step Garage and UK Grime, Ian "UK Grime" McQuaid whispered in my electronic ear last week and pointed me in the digital direction of some online evidence of 90s dance pop superstar snitching in Wilmslow.

As you can see from the Tweet below, I am one of nine people who Liked what they did. Shoplifting is not on, and I don't care how Northern, Scouse or Manc you are, it's just not on. The majority of people commenting on their tattle-tale ways haven't taken it seriously and make the obvious "Set You Free" joke, which admittidly, I mean, admittedly, is hilarious, but I don't see the need to repeat it on this organ.

Shoplifting hurts British business.

#SupportOurSainsburys #WeStandWithNTrance #ACAB

Proof of 90s dance music tell tale tits

Speaking of crimes, and theft, Ian "UK Underground Bashment Scene" McQuaid NICKED my early-00s hard house mixtape from the Ran$om Note headquarters during the summer of 2015. It must have been near 7:30pm. He promised me I'd get it back, but I am alas ("but Vic, you have no knockers...")...I am alas, still without the best hard house mix tape I ever made.

This crime reference number is still live with the Met Police, and everyone here at Best Promos WILL get justice.

Juuuuuuuustice.

I need cheering up now. My blood is literally boiling.

Let's check my emails for any dance music promos.

Hmm. An email from someone called Genevieve. She sounds posh. Let's have a read...

Intentional pixels

...hmm, interesting. Genevieve is writing to inform me of a fab new EP by a chap in Copenhagen called Prom Night. That's not his real name. Prom Night's real name is Shaquille Beck McGosh.

That's a much better name than Prom Night. He should have used that instead!

Anyway, Shaq, I mean, Prom Night, has got a new EP he's worked on with Brynjolfur Heygum (I don't know if that's his real name) called BDYBASIC (real name, BODY BASIC) and let me tell you now, it's GRRRRRRRRILLIANT.

I can't find any previews of either of the two tracks on BDYBASIC online anywhere, so have a listen to one of the songs he released last month and you'll get an idea of the kind of stuff he makes:

Prom Night · Prom Night & Brynjolfur - 'Freakfunk' EP

It's good, isn't it? I can imagine slowly rolling from one foot to another on the dance floor, looking up to the ceiling and smiling a lot. I bet Todd Terje and Prins Thomas would play this. Gerd Janson would play it early doors. It'd get played at Secretsundaze. It wouldn't get played by Perc, Bleaching Agent or Truss. It would get played by Dixon, Craig Richards and Move D (pronounced, "Moved". It wouldn't get played by Modeselektor, Manni Dee or Surgeon. It would get played by me in my imaginary Ruislip nightclub in my head (No Requests). It wouldn't get played at Sundissential, Tresor or House of God.

So, with all of that in mind, what does BDYBASIC sound like???

Oh, hang on. I've just realised that Freakfunk IS on the BDYBASIC EP. Sorry, Genevieve.

So, with all of that in mind, what does BDYBASIC sound like???

Well, BDYBSC (the title track, not the name of the EP) has some lovely congas at the beginning to get you in the mood for some conga-based percussion before some jolly, Carribean-sounding keys plop on top of it to get you in the mood for some sorry, this is a rubbish review. It's brilliant music, but I'm not doing it justice.

Juuuuuuuustice.

BDYBSC is what I'd call tropical house. Ally McTropical will probably play it during his tropical house set at Watching Trees in September whilst Kieran and his brother, Tom, prepare for their set by digging in their pockets for CONTENT REMOVED BY BEST PROMOS LAWYERS and laughing their heads off whilst jogging on the spot like they're desperate for a wee.

I'm not sure if there is a pre-order link or anything for this EP, either, but if you keep refreshing Prom Night's Bandcamp page over and over and over again, I'm sure it'll appear for sale at some point.

BDYBASIC is properly fab and after much deliberation, all of us here at Best Promos agree that anything less than a tropical 10/10 would be a MASSIVE miscarriage of justice.

Juuuuuuuustice.

BDYBASIC is out on Friday 10 June 2022 on Prom Night Records.

Buy Prom Night music on the Bandcamp page: promnightmp3.bandcamp
Follow Prom Night on Instagram: /promnight.mp3/
And the record label: /promnightrecords/

Ps. Have a listen to this Ran$om Note mix by Prom Night and then go to Watching Trees to see how many tracks Ally McTropical has Shazammed off of it...LOL! Only joshing, guys!

Ransom Note · Prom Night: The Ransom Note Mix

Tresor now.

Tresor. Nightclub royalty. Like Real Madrid, AC Milan, West Bromwich Albion and Bayern Munich in football. Tresor sits in that very elite name of (night) clubs that combine contemporary quality, longevity, respect, a global fanbase and a history only enjoyed and understood by their peers: Ministry of Sound, fabric, Geo Bar, that German one with the celebrity bouncer who won't let anyone in, House of God, Atomic Jam, The Social, Heaven, Sundissential, Bugged Out!, Circo Loco, Foreign Muck, Torture Garden and I Love Acid.

Hmm, quite a bit of nightclub royalty there. Hope I haven't diluted the superior bloodstream.

What I'm trying to say is that there is a new EP coming out in July on Tresor by Gerald "Brunson" Brunson, and it's exactly the kind of music that Posthuman would play at one of his regal I Love Acid parties in and around the Commonwealth. Lots of acid noises on it. The name of the EP is Hug Your Friends, and I can really identify with that message because I have lots of friends here at Best Promos and I've actually written a policy document (approved by our People Services) that outlines the importance and the need to hug the editor (me) at the beginning and end of each working day. No hug, no pay.

It's the private sector, we can get away with all sorts here, so if any budding young or old women, I mean, people, want to come and no...I'm not carrying on with that bit, sorry. This is a dance music blog.

Hug Your Friends by Brunson is fab. All of the tracks on it are ace, but Hoffman's S.O.S. is probably the most accessible. It's the one that you could play to the missus and she wouldn't be as upset as she would be if you played her Morf. Morf is the one you'd probably need to be wide awake, hugging your friends, at 5am for it to make sense.

The press release talks a lot about "acid melodies", "mutant funk" and "effective rhythmic structures", which are all very nice words (except: "The synths move squeakily as if the machine got jammed into enlightenment." LOL! Whoever wrote that has something missing.), but to be honest, Hug Your Friends is just extremely good banging acid and techno. All the right people will play it at all the right places and you'll have a brilliant time dancing to it with your pals, and that's what it's all about, isn't it, readers?

I grant this EP a WHOPPING and "effective" 10/10

Hug Your Friends by Brunson is out on Tresor on Friday 8 July 2022

Pre-order it here: Hug Your Friends
Follow Tresor on Twitter: @TresorBerlin
Follow Dance Sacred (I think that's Brunson) on Instagram: /dance_sacred_records_/

Speaking of UK dance music festivals in the woods, Ran$om Note and Optimo have got a new one coming up in September. It's called Watching Trees, and if you think it's a festival where you just go to look at some trees for three days, then you can LOOK again! LOL.

No, Watching Trees is all about going into some UK woods and listening to loads of DJs play repetitive music until God knows what time in the morning and at volumes that would strip paint. It's the wildlife I feel sorry for. Not really. I don't care about the wildlife, I only care about sharing the link to this festival and encouraging people to go to it because I'm passionate about punters going to a wood with their mates and dancing for a few days to the sounds of Ivan Smagghe, Ally McTropical, Optimo, Kieran and Tom, Joy Orbison, Ellie Stokes, Scratchclart and much, much, many more.

It looks great. They've got a website for it that looks a bit rubbish and really good at the same time (I think it's the fashion these days for websites and stuff online to look like they're really old and retro), it's near Bristol so the weather should be alright (I think), there'll be food there so no need to bring a packed lunch and the friendly, long-haired layabout house music history buff, Aiden, will be running a vinyl hut where you can enter it to talk with him and buy records off of him, and tickets for the festival are only £139.00!

£139 is nothing these days. It's the price of a round of drinks in Notting Hill. LOL.

I can't say for certain, but I reckon Watching Trees, for Ivan Smagghe alone, will score a 10/10 by me in the September issue of Best Promos.

Watching Trees is on the 2nd, 3rd and 4th of September 2022 in a Gloucestershire wood.

Buy tickets here: watching-trees-txts
Follow Ran$om Note on Twitter: @ransomnoted
Follow Ran$om Note on Instagram: /thisisransomnote/
Follow Aiden on Twitter: @Aiden_dAraujo
Follow Ivan Smagghe on Instagram: /ivan_smggh_jmm/

Today's post was dedicated to the memories of Howard Hamlin and Rebecca Pearson. And Nacho.

"You may be gone from sight but you are never gone from our hearts. May the winds of Heaven blow softly and whisper in your ear."

Rest in Heavenly Peace.

Please stand for our final hymn...