I know this is a trendy, underground blog that only three or four people in the know read, and the music I push on here is so, so edgy and avant-garde, but sometimes you (I) just want to listen to a bit of Phats & Small, don't we (I), ladies and gentlemen? The trouble is, HYPE Filter keep sending me ambient noise songs to review, which is no bad thing, but it's not exactly Phats & Small, is it?
The more I listen to ambient noise, the more I want to listen to artists like Phats & Small, or Phats & Small themselves. They should send this ambient noise stuff to people like Minimal Messages impresario, Chris SSG, or the Unsung Hunger money man, Tim Wilson. People like Chris and Tim appreciate this kind of music more than people like me...or do they? Maybe trendy wendy people pretend to enjoy ambient noise to make themselves look and sound more trendy wendy, but really - deep down - they blimmin' well hhhhhhhhhhhhate ambient noise and think it's boring, and when they're on their own, they stop scratching their beards and listen to Phats & Small, and artists like Phats & Small, with a massive Cheshire Cat grin plastered across their faces, winking at themselves conspiratorially in the mirror whilst washing their hands after going to the toilet. It's a very interesting theory, and it's one which I hope to be invited to expand on in essay form for Pitchfork, Crack Magazine, maybe, or The Quietus one day this year. Get in touch, guys.
My very dear friend, Harold "Edward" Heath wrote something equally pressing, and almost related, on his Twitter website last night that also needs addressing in the dance music community:
Why is there literally no techno made with major chords? What happens if you use like A major or something, do the techno police come round & ban you from Berlin? & why does it always have to be dystopian? How about some techno with major chords, nice melodies & jolly song titles
— Harold Heath (@HaroldHeathDJ) March 7, 2022
Interesting questions, but will they be answered by the powers that be? Whilst we wait, read the text of this promo I got sent about ambient Aussie noise gurus, Tilman Robinson and KCIN (pronounced: Kissin', I hope) and tell me you don't pine for the days when Phats & Small strode the charts:
SPIRIT LEVEL PROMO
Artist: Tilman Robinson and KCIN
Title: Requiem for the Holocene
Label: Spirit Level
Cat No: SPLE023DE
Release Date: 27th April
Requiem for the Holocene is an energetic, introspective and, at times, violent debut collaborative release from two exceptional experimental musicians. The release traverses loss, ecological lamentations, and shared visions of a chaotic future imagined long before Australia’s bushfire and Covid riddled 2020-21. The music is thick with throbbing bass and distortion heavy percussive textures but also pauses for breath with its shimmering, piano-rich title track. Collectively, the release is filled with dramatic tension and release.
Edited from live studio performances across 2018 and 2019 in Sydney and Melbourne, Requiem for the Holocene is oddly prescient in its expression of grief for the deterioration of the biosphere as pandemics and unprecedented seasonal disasters continue to ravage Australia in 2022. Requiem for the Holocene is a war cry; equally at home in the catalogues of lovers of noise, industrial techno and modern composition.
Ahh, it's about the deterioration of the biosphere in Australia. Blimey, that's a bit too heavy for this blog. Sorry readers. It's depressing when you really stop and think about it, isn't it?
I know...
Ahhhhhhhhh, that's better.
I think it's a really super release, though, so it gets a super 10/10 from everyone here at Best Promos.
Pre-order it on here when it's available to do so: Spirit Level
Follow Spirit Level on Twitter: @SpiritLevelCo
Follow Tilman Robinson on Twitter: @TilmanR
Next!
Blimmin' hell, HYPE Filter! I've got about seven more ambient noise albums in my inbox that I've promised them I'd review, but I haven't got the energy. Sorry! In fact, I think I'm going to cancel the Ambient Noise Special aspect of this post and go back to what I know best: listening to dance music songs and writing about them in a best, good and better way than what all the other dance blogs and websites write about it - and then scoring it all and them out of ten.
I've just been sent a couple of songs by a friendly, talking Bear. One of them is called Fashion Queen feat. Justin Vivien Bond (she sounds a bit rough) and the other one is called Black Pussy’s Revenge feat. Tobell von Cartier (she sounds posh), and they're both by a band called The Royal Academy Of Fierce. They're good songs and all, and I'm pretty sure Moby played them when I went to watch him DJ at Mars in 1990.
However, I took a walk down to Eastcote Library and did some research on The Royal Academy Of Fierce because I'd never blimmin' heard of them. I was down in the candle-lit Eastcote Library vaults and crypt, I was up and down them ladders with wheels on, I was sat at an old oak table, blowing dust off of loads of really thick books, or tomes as I like to call them, and I was in the music section looking for the Elton John book before remembering that I needed more information on The Royal Academy Of Fierce. Nothing. I was crestfallen and bored, so I walked to the nearest phone box and rang the Bear.
"The Royal Academy Of Fierce, Bear. I'm pulling up tree after tree here and landing on my arse each time. I need something, anything. Who the blimmin' hell are these guys? My Ambient Noise Special post this week depends on laying out exactly who this band is and why they're making such a mess of my chicken cutlets, okurrr. Oh blimmin' hell! I've not put any money in."
...ker-ching...dring dring...dring dring...
"Hunty bear, is that you? Listen, I gots to know who these mu*haf*ckas, The Royal Academy Of Fierce, are, okurrr?"
"Yas queen, I feel you, but I can't give these bitches up just like that, hunty!"
"Oh no she didn't?! Is this flock a house or just a lazy-ass pit crew? They better done got the Meryl Streep realness, bitch."
"Founded by US icon Larry Tee and Rekids label boss Radio Slave, The Royal Academy Of Fierce is a project inspired by underground drag culture and the unmistakable sound of early nineties New York house. Featuring Broadway star Justin Vivien Bond and drag sensation Tobell von Cartier, the first release from the project channels this raucous energy across a ferocious pair of club-ready tracks."
"What are they best known for?"
"Best known for writing the smash ‘Supermodel (You Better Work)’ for RuPaul, as well as a discography that includes seminal late 80s house cuts on Funtone and Quark alongside pivotal work with Princess Superstar, Scissor Sisters, Erasure’s Andy Bell, and Peaches, Larry Tee’s rep goes way beyond his coining of the ‘electroclash’ genre in the early 2000s. A literal party starter for decades, nights like Love Machine (NY), Super Electric Party Machine (London) and KRANK (Berlin), Tee’s a genuine cultural institution."
"Thanks. And when is this EP out?"
"The Royal Academy Of Fierce ‘Fashion Queen / Black Pussy’s Revenge’ drops via Rekids on 25th March 2022."
"Can I play it on this blog or on my imaginary radio station?"
"[RADIO EMBARGO] NO LISTED RADIO PLAYS BEFORE 25TH MARCH 2022"
"Oh well. Thanks Bear and all at Dispersion PR. Stay home, stay safe, protect the NHS. Oh, Bear...! Still there? Good. I score this release a WHOPPING 10/10"
Follow Rekids on Twitter: @Rekids
I'll post a link to where you can buy it when I get a link that tells you where you can buy it.
Blimmin' heck, readers, I didn't half get bored of using drag terminology in that bit! I thought it was an amusing idea, but I stopped after a couple of sentences. As a fun game you can play with yourself: see if you can notice when.
You don't meet many Germans called Ian, do you?
There are probably a lot more German people called Johannes, but I can't think of any other ones. It's probably like Jack, Oliver, Albi, Harrison, Kev, Alfie or Jacob over here (the UK).
Both of these songs are great and you'd definitely dance to them both if they came on at Secretsundaze. I don't know why, but I can just imagine these - especially the Johannes Heil one - being played at a Secretsundaze party. Call me crazy! LOL.
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