Meet The Team

This blog has been going for about four months now, so I think it's time our readers got to meet the team. Allow me to introduce you to various members of staff in a virtual, literary, walk around.

This is Nathan 'Pottsy' Potter. He is our Head of Communications, so he runs our social media socials. Pottsy is definitely the zany guy in the office. His pranks often have us all in tears of laughter and his funny voices also have us all in tears of laughter.

Nathan 'Pottsy' Potter

Pottsy's Fun Facts:

Age: That would be telling!
Sex: Yes please!
Favourite gadget: My mobile phone. I couldn't be without it. I have all of my apps on my mobile phone and it is a great way to stay in touch with people whilst on the go.
Favourite nightclub: It has to be Heaven in central London.
Favourite DJ: It has to be the late, great Tony de Vit. My favourite living DJ, though, is Steve Bug.
Current favourite track: It would have to be Katsu by Denny & James Dexter on Steve Bug's label, Sublease Records. It's the first track from their new EP and let me tell you something now, I love it! It's the kind of music Boris Horel used to play to us at Foreign Muck at The Key. Kids...ask your grandparents!! LOL hehehehehehehehe. The rest of the EP is great, too, but I don't know whether For You or This Groove would have got played at Foreign Muck. I might be wrong, but I think they are more Tania Vulcano at Monza.

Sublease Music · Denney & James Dexter - Katsu

I asked Pottsy what score out of ten he would give the Katsu EP by Denny & James Dexter. He winked at me, pulled his trousers and pants down, turned around, bent over and showed me the numbers 10 and 10 scrawled on each buttock in permanent marker. He is crazy! LOL!

10/10 for Denny & James Dexter, then. It's out on Friday 13 May 2022

Pre-order it here: Katsu EP

Follow Steve Bug on Twitter: @steve_bug

Follow Sublease Records on Instagram: /subleasemusic/

Follow Denny on Instagram: /denneymusic/

Follow James Dexter on Instagram: /jamesdexterdj/

This guy here is Scott MacDonald-Berger. He's the easy going, laid back member of the team, and I'm often seen screaming at him to "wake up" and to "get a f**king grip of the situation". He heads up our People Services and Equalities division. He mainly works from home in Eastcote, but comes into our Eastcote office twice a week. Scott is a keen horticulturist, and lives in a house in Eastcote with a front and back garden.

Scott MacDonald-Berger

Scott's Fun Facts:

Age: I am 29 years old.
Sex: I am a man.
Favourite gadget: Probably my watch. It's a really useful gadget, and I use it often for telling people the time and for finding out what time it is myself.
Favourite nightclub: Probably Fabric in London, but I've also heard great things about Geo Bar in Eastcote.
Favourite DJ: Probably Frankie Knuckles, but my favourite living DJ is Steve Bug.
Current favourite track: Probably Jinx by Reset Robot on Poker Flat. It's taken from his new Tired Voice EP on the classic Poker Flat label. Poker Flat is probably my all-time favourite record label, to be honest, and Tired Voice is a worthy addition to the Poker Flat canon. I don't know too much about Reset Robot other than he's based in Portsmouth. My cousin once lived in Portsmouth and I'm a huge fan of Peter Crouch's totally hilarious football podcast, so Reset Robot is alright by me.

When I asked Scott what he'd give Reset Robot's Tired Voice EP as a score out of ten, he said he'd email me the result before the close of play. He did, and he emailed me the following text:

"I'd probably give Tired Voice by Reset Robot a 10/10"

Wow! Well done, Reset Robot and Poker Flat. Tired Voice is out now.

Buy it here: Tired Voice EP
Follow Reset Robot on Instagram: /resetrobot/
Follow Poker Flat on Twitter: @Poker_Flat
Follow Poker Flat on Instagram: /pokerflat_recordings/

Last but not least is yours truly, the owner and editor of the whole blog. This picture was taken in November last year, just after I'd taken the staff induction and team bonding course in our Eastcote HQ Fun and Recreation Hub. We were in preparation for the big January launch and spirits were high. As you can see by the smile on my face, Pottsy had just pulled his trousers down again!

We are a Rights Respecting blog, and we do have women working here, but none of them agreed to be interviewed on today's post.

BP

Editor's Fun Facts:

Age: Too old!
Sex: Male.
Favourite gadget: I love drinking lager, so I always carry a bottle opener with me. I've got a basic one attached to the main ring on my set of keys, so it's always to hand whenever I need to pull a bottle of lager out of my carrier bag and have a nice big swig of lager. I never drink the little French bottles of lager, I always go for the proper ones, or the massive Cobra bottles if there are any in stock when I rock up at my local off licence. A big up and a big shout out to Oscar's in Ruislip Manor.
Favourite nightclub: If I'm not propping up the bar at Geo Bar in Eastcote drinking lager, I'm down the front at the basement of The Social drinking lager and dancing to the beats. I can't make it this Friday, but I highly recommend you go to The Social for the Confidence Man Full Tilt night. Their new album, Tilt, is a corker and they're playing down there on Friday with Ewan Pearson, Ché Wilson and RAW SILK! If I wasn't due to start my new club night in Eastcote, No Requests, I'd be down there.

Buy tickets for Full Tilt at The Social: Full Tilt at The Social
Follow The Social on Twitter: @thesocial
Follow Confidence Man on Twitter: @confidencemanTM
Follow Ewan Pearson on Twitter: @ewanpearson
Follow RAW SILK on Twitter: @rawsilkdjs

Favourite DJ: The Guv'nor, Andrew Weatherall, but my favourite living DJ is The Secret DJ. Not only does he or she DJ around the world playing really pumping dance tunes, he or she writes best selling books AND contributes to Private Eye AND Mixmag, and probably does more things that I don't know about.
Current favourite track: Easy. Whatever edit of Tryouts For The Human Race by Sparks that Erol Alkan has been playing for ages. I think it's unreleased. I tried to make my own edit in Ableton to sound exactly the same as the one that Erol plays, but my version isn't as good. Mine was too tinny.

If not that, then Woman by Confidence Man.

Oh, what the heck, I'm going to award not only Woman, but the entire Tilt album by Confidence Man a WHOPPING 10/10 ! I'm in a good mood! :-)

Buy Tilt here: TILT
Go and see Confidence Man on tour: TILT Tour Tickets
Follow The Secret DJ on Twitter: @SecretDJBook
Buy The Secret DJ books: Books by The Secret DJ

Well, it feels good to be transparent and let you readers peek behind the curtain of our little blog. I hope it has given you a useful insight into our peculiar personalities and kooky ways of working.

If any of you have a talent for writing and want an unpaid internship or want to contribute to Best Promos for nothing but the exposure, get in touch and we WILL exploit you. Money cashback guaranteed.

Bye.

Email me: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com
Tweet me: @BestPromos4Eva
Instagram me: /bestpromos4eva/

The Frankie Knuckles Tribute Act

I'm writing this week's post from my hospital bed, readers. I've been diagnosed with severe caving in of the skull, but I should thankfully recover in time to write next week's post from the comfort of our Eastcote lair.

Over the weekend, I made an ill-advised decision to launch my DJ tribute act career with my turn as Frankie Nicholls - Ruislip's premier Frankie Knuckles tribute - at Champers on the main Eastcote drag. The night started well enough, I was playing all of his big hits one after the other, mixed, and all of the punters were raising their hands in the air in appreciation. Some of them were even dancing.

About an hour in, I received my caving in of the skull after one of the bouncers saw me crab scratching with Caucasian hands and realised that I'd blacked up and wore a brown swimming cap to portray the Godfather of House. I was dragged out of the DJ booth in the middle of his Love Hangover remix and beaten half to death on the dance floor whilst YOUR MOTHER walked over my now-purple carcass with another round of Sambuca, which was a shame - but it was fair enough, I suppose. You just can't do that anymore, and if I could turn back time, I would have just put a pair of reading glasses on and gone as my Surgeon tribute act, Doctor Doctor...I Feel Like A Surgeon!

Doing the right thing all of the time is tricky, especially when you're making things up on the Internet like I do, but I'll tell you something now, I am cancelling my booking for The Red Lion in Walsall. I was due to travel up there and perform on Sunday night as my drag Kerri Chandler tribute act, Kerry Chandler, but it's not worth the trouble.

And I've run out of CONTENT REMOVED BY LOONY LEFT WOKE BRIGADE BEST PROMOS LAWYERS

To ease the throbbing headaches I'm suffering with due to being bounced around Champers, I'm writing this with the sounds of The Rain In The Trees ringing in my ears. No, not the rain in the trees, The Rain In The Trees. It's a new ambient thing album by Graintable on Ransom Note Records. It came out the other week and I bought it from Bandcamp for just £7. You can buy it as a cassette, too, but you've got to be a bit too much of an east London try-hard to get genuinely excited about tapes these days. Come on, guys, it's 2022! LOL hehehehehehehehe.

Some people think that Ran$om Note is just a website. It is so much more than that. Ran$om Note, whilst not a way of life, is certainly a way of living, and in a world that just can't get enough of dance music and underground dance culture and DJing and producing, it (Ran$om Note) provides a great service to that underground market. But it's so much more than that. Ran$om Note also make tote bags and throw parties, like the long-running Disco Biscuit with Joe Europe and that one they used to do at Farr Festival. And they do records, and all, like The Rain In The Trees by Graintable, and podcasts. You can't move on the Internet for Ran$om Note. I think.

You can tell that Graintable has put a lot of thought into his record, and it's not thumping like the stuff R$N puts out by Bawrut, and it is breathtakingly mastered, so I'm going to award The Rain In The Trees a more than respectable 10/10

Buy it here: The Rain In The Trees
Follow Graintable on Twitter: @Graintable
Follow Ran$om Note on Twitter: @RansomNoted

If my skull wasn't caved in, I'd be listening to the brilliantly mastered Bawrut EP, In The Middle (Extended). What a record! Records always sound brilliant when they're mastered brilliantly, and this brilliantly mastered record is no exception.

In The Middle (Extended) is the add-on to last year's LP, In The Middle, but it's kind of like remixes of tracks from that album for the dance floor. Soulwax did something similar with Nite Versions, and The Human League with their Unlimited Orchestra thing. It's a great concept that works best when the music is mastered in the right way, and let me tell you now, In The Middle (Extended) is brilliantly mastered. You gotta hear it!

Mentira is my favourite track on this EP, because I think it samples Wannabe by The Spice Girls; the bit where Scary Spice shouts, "Welllllll..." before singing, "I'll tell you want, what I really, really want..." Correct me if I'm wrong, Bawrut.

Because of how great the mastering is on this, and of how much it must mean to Bawrut to be featured on a blog like Best Promos, I therefore award this release a WHOPPING 10/10 !

Buy it here: In The Middle (Extended)
Follow Bawrut on Twitter: @BawrutSilencio

I was going to do a bit where I'd had angry letters written to me from angry bin women about the use of the term, "bin men", I'd used in previous posts, and how I was now going to adjust my language and use, "bin people", from now on, but I think that was funnier in my head when I went for a wee at 3am this morning than it is on my screen now, so I'll scrap that bit and instead shine a light on an up-and-coming UK DJ called Ben Sims. Have a listen to a DJ mix that he's done for the BBC Radio 1 Essential Mix series.

I've abandoned the ambient Graintable music I had on because my skull isn't really caved in, so I don't really need to be listening to ambient anymore. This Ben Sims mix is a bit like having a headache, though, so it's keeping me in character. The music he's playing is fast techno, and you can tell it's fast techno because the tempo is fast and there's hardly any claps or snares on the 2 or 4 on any of the tracks. Actually, the one on 1:18 has a clap on the 2 and 4. Apologies.

The tracklist alone reads like a who's who of global underground techno, every mixed transition is beat-matched to a very high standard, and the UK dance legend Pete Tong even pops up at the beginning and end to talk about how great Ben Sims is. I can't think of many DJs Pete would do that for, so Ben should feel very proud of himself.

It's a fab mix and Ben Sims seems like a nice bloke. He's got a very friendly face, so I can't give this mix anything other than a 10/10

Follow Ben Sims on Twitter: @DJBenSims
Follow Pete Tong on Twitter: @PeteTong

I think that's all from me. Bye.

Bye...maybe forever...? Certainly, if I'd kept the boot polish line in, this blog would have had to shut down immediately.

Email me: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com
Tweet me: @BestPromos4Eva
I don't get it, but Instagram me: instagram.com/bestpromos4eva

12 Dance Street, Eastcote, Ruislip, HA4 E567

Now then, now then. A very warm welcome to this week's Best Promos, and may I say, boys and girls, from the bottom of my tracksuit trousers, that you all look good enough to eat. Erererererere. Now then, last week I received a charming, handwritten electronic letter from a young man called Greg. Now. Young Greg lives in a place called Additive Music PR with his mum and dad in a small town called London, and he has asked Best Promos to fix it for him to please, please, please have his favourite music featured on this very blog. Now then. Let me see what old BP can do for this young man's needs.

I instructed our team of producers here, or "Nutters Incorporated" as I call them, to invite young Greg down to our Best Promos HQ in Ruislip to see how we put this blog together, and at the end, we let him write his own content.

"Roll VT."

Now then, now then, you must be Greg from Additive Music PR. Welcome to Eastcote, and may I say, what an honour it is to finally meet you in the flesh. As it happens, you look a lot flatter on paper.

"He he he he he. Thanks BP."

Now. My birdies tell me that you are here to see how a successful weekly UK dance blog is put together and then have your favourite music played on it. Is that right, young man?

"Yes."

Now then, now then, don't be shy, Gregory. Don't be shy. We don't do shy here at Best Promos, do we boys and girls? What kind of music do you like, young Greg?

"I like dance music."

Now. You're going to have to speak up, young Greg, because our microphones won't pick up that muffle. Let us hear you, young man.

"I like dance music, BP. It's really good."

Ererererererererer. Now then, as it happens, I am a big fan of the old dance music myself, and I make it a habit of mine to ram it down my reader's throats every chance I get. In fact, my case comes up next Thursday.

"What do you mean, BP?"

Erererererererererererer. Get to the bit where you talk about your favourite music. My voice is going.

"Well, BP, I'm working on a really amazing new EP from Irish experimental duo Solkatt, and wanted to get it on your radar for potential review coverage.

Gold Seal EP is their first release of 2022, a release that brings together their myriad influences and styles, with elements of techno, house, jungle and electro.

Solkatt are Leo Pearson and Peter Lawlor, a hardware synth loving duo with a penchant for danceable grooves and subtle string arrangements. Lawlor has previously released house inflected dance music under his Replete alias on labels such as Ele Records, Paper Recordings and Always Human Tapes. Pearson has released music on Howie B’s Pussyfoot Records as part of Inevidence in the 90’s, and over the years has worked on music for the likes of David Holmes and Shit Robot, and more recently has been part of Future Bones.

Release dates for the EP are as follows:

Gold Seal + Gold Seal (Leo Pearson Remix) - April 15th
Get These + Get These (Polytunnel Remix) - April 29th
Full EP - May 6th"

Now then, now then. I am glad that I could fix it for you, Young Greg, to share your wares on this enormous blog, and I've got something in my tracksuit trousers that I would like to share with you, my dear fellow. Reach into my pocket, Greg, go on. Have a rummage. Go on.

"It's very hard, BP. And cold."

Yes, young man, it is a solid score out of ten (10/10) for your most favourite music in the whole wide world on the best dance music blog this side of Consort Terrace, Young Greg, and here it is now. Ererererererer:

Buy it here: Gold Seal EP
I'm not sure about their social media channels...mysterious people...

What have I been watching this week on the telly? Well, I watched that Gazza two-parter the other day. That was good. Better Call Saul is back. I watched the first episode of the new series on my lunch hour yesterday. It's gearing up to be a good series, that. I'm almost at the end of series three of Killing Eve. People say that Killing Eve isn't as good after series two, but I'm enjoying it. I'm fully up-to-date with This Is Us. Last week was a good one, Katoby. Recommend it. I watched the Jimmy Savile Netflix documentary as well, the dirty get. It was very harrowing, but I couldn't stop thinking about and - I'm ashamed to say - laughing about, the bit where he gets out of his gold Rolls Royce at the hospital in a black silk kimono and sparks up a cigar with an enormous comedy lighter. What a nutter.

I am glad that he's dead, though. I think the world is a better place now.

That's the TV section done. On to more music...

I got chummy with a chap in Screwfix at the weekend, and when I revealed to him that I write a dance music blog, he excitedly lifted up his jumper to show off his brand new Luke Vibert t-shirt. He was jumping up and down on the spot, prodding at Luke's face with his index finger and making monkey-like toddler noises. After he'd calmed down a bit, he told me that he'd bought the t-shirt from the merchandise page on the Hypercolour website for £18.99 and that he'd overheard a pepped-up reveller at a recent I Love Acid party telling the bouncer that Luke Vibert had a new album of acid coming out on Friday 3 June 2022 whilst Posthuman played an acid song over the booming loudspeakers.

I asked my new friend what the album was called. He grabbed me by my long, orange lapels and pulled me close. I felt quite nervous, but I was soon put at ease when he whispered in my ear the words, "Grit. It's called Grit. A whole new album of acid...called Grit."

The man continued to whisper in my ear.

"Deeply ingrained into the fabric of the British electronic music landscape, Luke Vibert shows no sign of slowing down, after an illustrious career spanning three decades (to date!), Vibert returns to Hypercolour after 2020's hugely successful trilogy series (Amen Andrews/Modern Rave/Rave Hop) with his eighteenth album (not counting albums released under his other monikers: Kerrier District, Plug, Wagon Christ, et al)."

I asked the man what the music on the album sounds like.

"GRIT finds Vibert in playful mode (and, let’s face it, whenever isn’t he!), as twelve tracks of acidic and squelching drum machine tracks come rolling out to play. Bouncy and hypnotising 303 jams of the highest order are served up here, with rhythms pulled from the electro, garage and house pools, all delivered in Vibert’s inimitable style."

The bizarre nature of this interaction had made me forget when the album was out, so I asked him for the release details again. He lurched backwards, laughing like the Laughing Policeman, and thundered,

"Artist: Luke Vibert
Title: GRIT.
Label: Hypercolour
Cat No: HYPELP021
Release Date: June 3rd"

I asked the man if there was any way that I could listen to this album before June, even a snippet or two would satisfy my acidic needs. The man in Screwfix opened up the SoundCloud app on his mobile phone and played the following from start to finish, full blast, whilst a nearby gang of Irish workmen covered in white paint began stomping on the spot with incredibly serious looks on their faces.

Hypercolour · Luke Vibert - GRIT. (HYPELP021) [clips]

After the clip had ended, we went our separate ways. I needed to buy a 1-gang dry lining knockout box for the spare room and the man needed to leave the shop for an unknown reason. However, as he walked towards the Screwfix exit, he began to strut like Conor McGregor and started screaming, "Luke Vibert. GRIT on Hypercolour. Ten out of ten! Ten out of ten! 10/10" 

Wow. That was quite an exciting anecdote, wasn't it readers?

My favourite track on GRIT is Screwfix Typeface. What's yours? Email me on bestpromos4eva@gmail.com to discuss this album in greater detail.

Pre-order GRIT here: GRIT

Follow Luke Vibert on Instagram: /lukevibertofficial/

Follow Hypercolour on Twitter: @hypercolour

I'm not sure where to steer this post from that. I've done two promos and some telly. Is that enough, do we think?

I could do some fake news, maybe? Ivan Smagghe and Erol Alkan played back to back all night long in Hackney last week, and if I didn't have a wife and kids, and if I didn't live in Ruislip, and if I wasn't in my forties, and if I didn't have a proper job outside of this blog, and if I had the energy, and if I had the right set of friends I would definitely have gone to Ivan Smagghe and Erol Alkan playing back to back all night long in Hackney last week.

The fake news bit of this bit is the next bit.

Last week, I went to Ivan Smagghe and Erol Alkan's crucial All Night Long rave party at Studio 9294 in wicked Hackney Wick. I wore a pair of black normcore Uniqlo cords, a box-fresh pair of white Stan Smiths and a washed and ironed Luke Vibert t-shirt. I absolutely stunk of Calvin Klein's Obsession and I felt ready to party...and no mistake! I was there on the dancefloor with all of my trendy new media friends from the first beat until the very last (beat), and let me tell you: it was so good. I lost count of how many beers I drunk, but I definitely went back to the bar for a bag of crisps on more than one occasion - just don't ask me what flavour, I really can't remember...I was all over the shop! Yes, Ivan Smagghe and Erol Alkan started the night off playing slow dance music, but during the peak hours, the music was faster and more lively sounding. I don't remember what the music was like at chucking out time because my head was spinning from all the beer I'd drunk, and I was being carried across the dancefloor by my vegan friends who had all been on the water and poppers all evening. When the lights came on, I ill-advisedly picked a fight with one of the bouncers, who took pity on me and helped my embarrassed friends bundle me into an illegal taxi to be taken safely home to Eastcote where I enjoyed a Good Friday fry up at that cafe by the station. What a night!

The best track, if it was played, was that Sparks edit that I think is unreleased. Tryouts For The Human Race. Erol Alkan played it at Wide Awake last year, and it's on that Homobloc mix above. Erol, can you send me an MP3 or a WAV of it, please? Thanks.

All Night Long was a really great night, and if Ivan and our Erol choose to go back to back again next year, I'll definitely be up for dancing the night away to their music collection again. Definitely.

Ivan Smagghe and Erol Alkan: All Night Long at Studio 9294 gets a WHOPPING 10/10 from everyone here at Best Promos.

#FakeNews

LOL

Logging off. Bye.

Email me on: bestpromos4eva@gmail.com

Tweet me on: @BestPromos4Eva

I don't understand it, but Instagram me on: /bestpromos4eva/

The Absolute Certainty of Death and the Grey Mystery of what Greets Us

This week's post is in memory of June Brown, who played Dot Cotton in EastEnders. She was a huge fan of UK club culture, and her kind thoughts of dance will be sorely remembered.

This week on Best Promos, we're asking the questions:

Q. What happens when you die?

and

Q. What is the best: hard house or minimal techno?

Also, coming up later on the show we'll be advertising the latest dance merch (edit - that will be next week) and reviewing the latest dance songs.

So, what does actually happen when you die? I conducted a survey with the help of Blackpool's famous Leanora Petulengro - palmist to the stars - amongst all of the ghostly DJs who have died and asked three of them to appear on Best Promos to explain to us the mysteries of what goes on after we spin our final "one more".

I also asked them what their final "one more" was in this dimension.

And I asked them to take a listen to a new promo and let me know what they'd score it out of ten if they were still alive. First up was the self-proclaimed "glam hard-bag Brummie genius of the wheels of steel", Tony de Vit...

Tony de Vit

"Hiya Best Promos. Hello Leanora. Thanks for having me. Well. My final track at my final party was Meet Him At The Blue Oyster Bar by Da Fool, and I remember it like it was yesterday. It was a Sunday afternoon at Trade. Muscle Marys were to my left, Lawrence Malice to my right, and in front of me were two decks and a sticky mixer. The crowd were squealing for one more, so I gave them what they wanted.

Meet Him At The Blue Oyster Bar was released one month before I died of bronchial failure and whilst being a cheeky play on the Da Hool song of a similar name, it's also a great track to end the night with. Its fast-paced energy, rolling rhythms and fun bells always used to get the punters up who were flagging, and the ravers who were already up, well, it gave them all the more reason to keep on going, my darling! I wish I'd lived long enough to record a few more Global Underground CDs, but it's nice up here in Heaven...I have a weekly residency on Cloud 9!

Now, my love, I've had a listen to the promo you sent up to me, the (Can You) Taste My Lick EP by Robotek Reagan. Honestly, I wouldn't play any of these out personally, but they're all very good tunes. None of the songs seem to have a standard 4/4 back beat, so I'd be a bit stuck with them all in a club setting, but they're probably nice enough to listen to when you get home. I also have a problem with the lack of high-pitch vocals and 32-bar rising snare drum fills during the non-existent build-ups. It's a very clever EP, but none of his tracks would fit into a TdV set. Sorry, Robotek Reagan!

Saying that, I'm going to give it a Heavenly 10/10 because of how clever and intentionally glitchy it all is!

Now, bab, Leanora tells me that (Can You) Taste My Lick EP by Robotek Reagan is out on the Void Space Institute record label on 29 April 2022

Void Space Institute. I wouldn't have known that was a label if you didn't say. Back when I was alive, record labels were easily identifiable because they all had the word "Trax" in their names!"

Buy everything by Robotek Reagan and Void Space Institute Trax on here: Music | Void Space Institute

Follow Robotek Reagan on Twitter: @robotek_reagan

Check out everything else: solo.to/robotek

Thanks Tony. Was great to finally connect with you like that. I'll see you up there one day.

Frankie Knuckles

"Hiya Best Promos. Hello Leanora. Thanks for having me. Well. My final track at my final party was the Joey Negro, I mean, Dave Lee, Extended Disco mix of Haven't You Heard by Patrice Rushden. Not only is it exactly the type of track I used to play before I died due to complications with my diabetes, it actually was a track I played whilst still alive, and I ended my last ever recorded set with it at a massive rave in Miami to a room full of beaming American punters all pepped up on iced whisky cocktails and cartons of molly.

Now, sugar, I am a proud Aquarius, and I've had a listen to the promo you sent up to me, the Strange Brew EP by A Sagittariun, and I have to say I like it...even though I'm an Aquarius! He he he he he he.

Before I go on, Best Promos, I'm going to disappoint you by saying you're not going to hear this on Earth until 6 May 2022 because there's a radio embargo. Honestly, though, I would play any of these tunes out, they're all very good. All of the songs seem to have a standard 4/4 back beat, so I'd be absolutely fine with them all in a club setting, and they're probably nice enough to listen to when you get home. I also love the high-pitch "Woo" vocals on the Don't Look In The Freezer track. It's a very clever EP, and all of the tracks would fit into a Frankie Knuckles set. Well done, A Sagittariun! It gets a celestial 10/10 from me!

ALSO, a big sassy "well done" to Will Hofbauer at Dispersion PR for using some classic promo phrases in the promo pack I've supernaturally taken a peek at with my tongue circling and prodding the inside of my cheek:

• low slung
• stomping low end
• fluttering synths
• dreamy pads

Yes, they might very well be the most overused adjectives in dance music PR over the last ten years, but that's not to say they don't accurately describe this particular EP; The Mind Blanks At The Glare utilises low-slung breakbeats, Don’t Look In The Freezer has a stomping low end, The Mind Blanks At The Glare has fluttering synths and Cosmic Trigger definitely has some dreamy pads in it.

Now, honey, Leanora tells me that Strange Brew EP by A Sagittariun is out on Rekids on 6 May 2022

Rekids sounds a bit like a northern English person saying "records". He he he he he he he he."

Buy all of the stuff on Rekids Bandcamp: Music | Rekids

Follow A Sagittariun on Twitter: @a_sagittariun

Follow Rekids on Twitter: @Rekids

Thanks Frankie. Was great to finally connect with you like that, and I'll pass on that professional (or was it?! LOL) feedback to Will! I'll see you up there one day. Who's next?

Erick Mori...no, not him. Leanora - can you summon someone else, please? Sorry!

Andrew Weatherall

"Greetings fellow lovers of abstract truth and Best Promos. And Leanora the psychic to the stars in Blackpool. Well, cosmic pilgrim, my final track at my final party was Take A Chance by Mr Flagio. Don't ask me why...I can't remember! I can't even remember where the party w..."

Readers, is this dead DJ thing ok to carry on with? I'm not too sure anymore. It felt funnier with the Tony de Vit stuff. Frankie Knuckles was stretching it, but it still verged on the alright. Doing Andrew Weatherall now feels like I've got the elastic band up to my chin and it's about to snap and whip me in the eye. It might leave a mark. Who's to say? I don't know what to do.

Stuff it.

"Oi! Best Promos, where did you go? I was about to tell you about the new compilation done in MY honour. Yes, all of my bygone wayfaring pals at the Spun Out Agency have cobbled together a colossal collection of low slung anthems, all with dreamy pads and loads of stomping low end. It's being released on vinyl in two parts and all of the proceeds go to chari, no, sorry, all of the proceeds go to the Spun Out Agency.

The first vinyl release of More of that Frightful Oompty Boompty Music is out on 15 April 2022 and the second part is out on 29 April 2022. I don't know why they've done it like that, but as I always used to say, Caroline knows best.

I'd say if you're a fan of BPMs around the 110, Ivan Smagghe, Paranoid London, Funderground (Ivan Smagghe and Autarkic), Man Power, swaying to cosmopolitan underground house and disco, Justin Robertson and Ivan Smagghe's mate, Manfredas, you're definitely going to be a fan of More of that Frightful Oompty Boompty Music. It gets an angelic 10/10 from the Guv'nor (me) and may I add, before I go, a recommendation and an urge to all at Spun Out to promote and connect as much as you can with the Best Promos blog. I think they're a sensibly peachy voice in an otherwise washed out expanse."

Thanks Andrew and wow! I did not expect that kind of praise at the end - ignore him Spun Out! God, I'm blushing now. Thanks again, Andrew Weatherall, it was great to finally connect with you. I'll see you up there one day.

Pre-order what we were just talking about here: More of that Frightful Oompty Boompty Music

Follow Spun Out on Twitter: @Spun0ut

Well, that was a lorra, lorra fun, wasn't it, readers? I think more could have been done with the Blackpool psychic to the stars, but I'm not that competent a writer to incorporate more of her character and dialogue into the passages I did have the energy to jot down. The main thing is, I've promoted some new music to the handful of people who read this blog, and that's all that matters.

At the end of the day, that's all that matters.

We'll be looking at dance merchandise next week.

Until then...

Email me your best promos: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com

Tweet me: @BestPromos4Eva

Ps.

Q. What is the best: hard house or minimal techno?

A. Hard house in the 90s, minimal techno in the 00s.

My "one more" would be this...

metal car

Will Smith v Chris Rock at the Oscars reminded me of the time Lenny Henry ran on stage at The Embassy club and uppercutted Bernard Manning in his chins for making that Live Aid joke about Dawn French. Come to think of it, that was the beginning of the end of their relationship, I think. She really took it to heart and it obviously struck a nerve with him. He started wearing trendier clothes and took up Shakespeare. It could never last, unfortunately. They were a lovely couple :-(

A man asked me what kind of car I drive. I said a metal one. More on that later.

Anyway, speaking of touchy people called Will...I had a dream last night that I was in a totally wicked bar called Wetherspoon's in fashionable Camden with the shady proprietor of Ran$om Note, Wil, an uber cool (is that term still in use? It is now...) grime journalist who specialises in grime, Ian, an Arsenal fan called Tom who is yet to become famous for eating things and doing the splits on YouTube and a whole host of other characters whose names and faces I can't remember. We were all getting absolutely Parloured, singing songs and annoying fellow diners by chucking chips at each I can't be bothered with this bit anymore. The point of it was that it wasn't a dream, but a day-dreamed memory of a Christmas p*ss-up a few years ago that actually happened. In Camden. It seemed funnier in my head when I was sat on the pan this morning.

Follow Ran$om Note on social media: @ransomnoted / /thisisransomnote/

Same with Ian: @IanMcQuaid

And Tom: /_tomusher/

And me: https://www.instagram.com/bestpromos4eva/

DANCE REVIEWS

Garen Moreno and Nacho Marco might sound like characters in GTA Vice City, but they're not. Garen Moreno and Nacho Marco are characters who make up the modern dance band, Jet Hammer, and they've got a new EP out on one of my favourite record labels, Running Back. The Last Night EP by Jet Hammer is fantastic. Buy it and you'll find out why.

By Buying the Late Night EP by Jet Hammer you'll realise just how fantastic it is because you'll be able to hear the music they made. Simply reading about music isn't the same as listening to it.

Running Back Records · 4 - Jet Hammer - On Your Side(InstrVersion)

"How much is it?"

It's only 7 euros (about £49 in pound sterling) and it'll make you feel so good inside. Really.

"'ow much?!"

I know. Absolute bargain.

Like most songs on Running Back, the music is retro AND futuristic, and my favourite track on the EP is On Your Side - Instrumental Version.

"Why?"

Because the intro reminds me of the music on Bloodsport.

"Ok, based on all the information you've just provided us with, how much out of ten would you award the Late Night EP by Jet Hammer?"

10/10

Late Night EP is out NOW on Running Back

Buy it here: Last Night EP | Jet Hammer

Follow Running Back on Twitter: @RunningBackRec

Follow them on Instagram: runningbackrecords

Ooh, hang on. I've got mail...

...what's this? Jake Price at Dispersion PR. Ok. Wow. Let me just read this out to you, readers:

“We welcome back Saved label favourite and one of Europe’s leading DJ and producer’s this month, Spencer Parker, who delivers his brand new single, ‘Kiss’. Renowned across the globe for his unique style of House, Tech House and Techno, Spencer Parker’s productions, remixes and re-edits have found homes on respected labels including Rekids, HE.SHE.THEY., Trick, Nite Grooves, Tsuba, Work Them Records, Warehouse Music and his music has been heavily supported by A-List DJ’s Ricardo Villalobos, Radio Slave, Dixon, Gerd Janson and more!

A firm favourite of label boss Nic Fanciulli’s ever since he heard the track, ‘Kiss’ emanates Spencer’s inimitable, signature sound. Sampling the infamous Sister Sledge classic, ‘One More Time’, Spencer adds his own spin on the sample incorporating funk laden drum grooves, enchanting mid-range synth melodies, crisply mixed percussion, playful bassline and a pulsating low-end, resulting in the perfect peak-time production, destined to blow up the club! Enjoy!”

Thanks for that, Jake. Appreciate it. I have to say, though, when I first read the subject header:

NEWS RELEASE: Spencer Parker returns to Nic Fanciulli’s Saved imprint for new single, ‘Kiss’

I thought this was going to be a Spencer Parker remix of Kiss by Prince, so I was a bit disappointed, but, to be honest, this song is even better after seven or eight listens. Kiss by Spencer Parker sounds nothing like the Prince version. It sounds to me like it samples One More Time by Sister Sledge.

Oh, that's what Jake Price said. Sorry, mate. Have a listen:

It sounds to me like a record you'd hear David Morales play at Space in Ibiza in the late-90s. Which is no bad thing at all. It certainly put a smile on my face this morning and has distracted me from the horror of the Oscars atrocity. Which is no bad thing at all.

Spencer Parker is a Wolverhampton Wanderers fan, apparently, and he's used loads of the filter dial on this track to ramp up the good vibes and keep us dancing like cartoon wolves at an afternoon forest wolf disco on the Tiny Tots TV channel.

Just had it confirmed, he is a Wolves fan. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I won't hold that against him, and to prove it I'm awarding Kiss a WHOPPING 10/10 + 1 !!!

Ten out of ten plus one. I don't think any dance music website has ever granted anything bigger than that. Well done, Spencer.

Kiss by Spencer Parker is out NOW on Saved Records.

Buy Kiss by Spencer Parker here: /release/kiss/

Follow Spencer Parker on social media: @spencer_parker / /spencerparkermusic/

Follow Saved Records, too: @savedrecords /saved_records/

I usually do three reviews on here each week, but loads of the stuff I've had from HYPE Filter PR isn't out until late April / May / June. Seems a bit of a waste to review it all now. All good stuff though. Loads of artists I've never heard of releasing more industrial noise and large ambient soundscapes. Great stuff, so look out for all of them reviews over the coming months. I'm looking at you, Void Complet. Zanshin. Sangre Voss. Mysterious supergroup, Protect Ryan (that has to be Ryan Elliott and DJ Protect, surely?). Sunshine Life Emulator. All brilliant stuff.

I love dance music. It's great.

So, yes, anyway, I was talking with a man the other day and he asked me what kind of cars I like. I said I like metal ones and he started to laugh. I said, "what you laughing at?" He said, "metal cars". I said, "what's so funny about that?" He said, "I thought you were going to say a Porsche or a Ferrari." I said, "but I don't drive a Ferrari." He said, "I know, but I didn't expect you to say metal". I said, "but all cars are metal." He said, "I know, but I meant what type of car." I said, "I know, and I said a metal one." He said, "I know, but not many people say they like metal cars. They'll say they like a Porsche or a Ferrari". I said, "but I don't drive a Ferrari. I drive a normal car." He said, "what kind of normal car?" I said, "it's a metal one." He started to laugh, so I asked him what he was laughing at...

I'm trying to get into comedy writing, and I sent that bit of material to Charlie Chuck last night, but he hasn't replied yet. I think it would fit right in on one of his monologues for Vic and Bob. Fingers crossed he gets back soon and accepts my offer. I want to be the next Barry Cryer. Wish me luck, readers!

I think I'm done now. Back next week.

Email me YOUR best promos: bestpromos4eva@gmail.com

Follow me on social media: @BestPromos4Eva / /bestpromos4eva/

Sorry, readers, this is probably the worst post I've, I mean, we've ever done on here. Little to no effort, rushed it. Sincere apologies. I have, I mean, we have a life outside of this blog. Best Promos means very little to me, it's just a hobby, so actually, I'm not sorry. Bye.

Be lucky, yeah?

One Does Not Simply Write Best Promos

After the blazing success of last week's Best Promos cover shot of Matt Hancock in the GMB Morning Britain television studios talking about how great Best Promos is, he's been invited to all sorts of showbiz (show-business) events and Public Relations (PR) parties. On Sunday night, he was invited to the screening of Oxide Ghosts: The Brass Eye Tapes by Michael Cumming at The Gate Cinema in posh Notting Hill - not far away from where Hugh Grant was famously, ahem, kissed down below by Liz Hurley in a posh car park and then arrested for, ahem...hmm, this is a family blog. I'll stop that particular, ahem, anecdote. Anyway, you get the picture! LOL

I caught up with Matt about Oxide Ghosts when he was walking back to the tube. He'd had a few sherberts by himself in The Uxbridge Arms and could hardly string a sentence together.

"Matt, what did you think of Oxide Ghosts, then, mate?"

"Oh, it was, you know, really, r-r-r-r-r-r-r-really good, I mean, great. You feel me?"

"Brilliant. Did you learn anything new about Brass Eye?"

"Yes. I learned that there were a lot of out-takes and bloopers that never made it to air in the original series. And I l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-learned that Michael Cumming didn't direct the 2001 Special. It was so good, you get me?"

"Excellent. And did you ask a question at the end, Matt?"

"I wanted to, but I was too sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-shy."

"Oh, Matt, you silly thing. What did you want to ask, you daft apeth?"

"I r-r-r-r-r-r-really wanted to ask what percentage of the audience in the Kilroy bit on the Sex episode thought they were there for the filming of a serious talk show."

"I suppose you'll never know now, will you Matt? You silly thing. Did you meet any celebs?"

"Oh yes. I had my picture taken with David Walliams and The League of Gentlemen. I wanted to ask David Walliams if he's still in touch with Big Boy Barry, but I was too sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-shy."

"Oh! You are silly, Matt. What are you?! Anyway, I'll let you get on the tube, it's cold when the sun goes in, isn't it?"

"Yes, it's c-c-c-c-c-c-c-freezing now. Before I go down the steps, I'd just like to ask you to review Oxide Ghosts: The Brass Eye Tapes on the blog and award it a whopping 10/10 from me, MP Matt Hancock MP. Thanks Best Promos, and I'll see you later. Bye!"

"Thanks Matt."

Oxide Ghosts: The Brass Eye Tapes is still on tour. Buy tickets here.

Follow massive Matty Hancock on Twitter: @MattHancock

Follow Steve Pemberton on Twitter: @SP1NightOnly

Follow David Walliams on Twitter: @DavidWalliams

Follow ReeceShearsmith on Twitter: @ReeceShearsmith

I didn't mean to start this week's post like that, but I liked the picture that Matt Hancock texted me last night so much, I just haaaaaaaad to start with it.

Anyway...memes are great. Check out this example meme I created using Google Images, Snipping Tool and Microsoft Paint (my three artistic tools of choice) and tell me that memes aren't great.

The title of this post is a little bit of a red herring, though, boys and girls, because today's post is not just a platform to shpwcase, I mean, showcase, the very best - and funniest - dance music memes; I'm also throwing in some hilarious lookalikes!

Here's one now, look:

Who do you reckon did this mix for Ran$om Note, Fleabag or Azo?

Ransom Note · Azo: The 'Shine A Light On' Mix

I'll give you a clue: the person who did that mix was NOT the one who worked on Killing Eve, but it MIGHT have been the one who acted in this video here, now:

I don't think Fleabag would do an interview with a website like Ran$om Note, but you never know! It's a really good website (Wil, I owe you an Apple Sourz one day - reach out), so she might! LOL

The point of that bit was to let you, the readers, know that I think Azo looks a bit like Fleabag. She does, though, doesn't she?! LOL. They can't stop us laughing, and where do my hilarious lookalikes get you? Right in the funny bones!

Have a mooch around Azo's fun website: azomusic.com

Follow Azo on Twitter: @AzoMusic

Want another lookalike? A hilarious lookalike??? Yes?????

You asked for it...strap your sides in...!!!

DJ Windows 98 out of Arcade Fire doesn't half look a lot like Martin out of Deutschland 83, Deutschland 86 and Deutschland 89, do you know what I mean? LOL

Pre-order the new Arcade Fire CD from HMV: WE CD by Arcade Fire at HMV

Follow Arcade Fire on Twitter: @ArcadeFire

Follow Jonas Nay on Twitter: @Nay_Jonas

Hey. One of my many male mates (he/him) in one of my toxic masculinity WhatsApp banter groups has just sent me a horrible meme. I don't think it's funny, so I'm calling him out on it.

Corky - you really shouldn't have shared this one, mate.

Sorry about that, guys.

Follow Nina Kraviz on Twitter: @NinaKraviz

Let's have a look at a wholesome (but still hilarious) funny meme that doesn't turn our stomachs.

Hmm, a bit cheeky, but it's not nasty like the Nina Kraviz one. You can laugh at this one in front of your mother. I used to love the Tidy Boys and the Tidy Girls. The good old days. Things were more simple, weren't they? I'm sure they're nice lads with fab personalities, but I can't imagine the balding, speccy Tidy Boys would be surrounded by top-class DJ crumpet like Anne Savage, Lisa Pin-Up, Rachel Auburn and Lisa Lashes if they weren't international hard house DJs...

Follow The Tidy Boys on Twitter: @TheTidyBoys

...look at this hilarious lookalike, guys! These two, long-haired layabout, homeless-chic DJs are really cool, but which one is which??? LOL

Before I forget, today's post is sponsored by DISCOLIDAYS, the new vinyl label by my new best friend, The Reflex.

Look at the Bandcamp page: DISCOLIDAYS

DISCOLIDAYS will be knocking out remixes that use the original multitrack (I don't know what that means) from established and underground artists (I don't know which artists), plus exclusive material (I don't know what material).

My favourite thing about DISCOLIDAYS is the logo.

It's a lorra, lorra fun. Very colourful, visually breathtaking and it really conveys that sense of breathtakingly colourful fun that The Reflex brings to every single one of his remixes.

My favourite thing about DISCOLIDAYS is the music.

Excellent stuff, and both tracks on DISCOLIDAYS 001 are at an eye-watering 118 bpm, meaning that if you stop dancing, a bouncer will wander over to where you've sat down and boot you repeatedly in the eyes until you clamber to your feet and begin to jig again.

Whilst writing all of that fluff, my mind couldn't help telling my brain that The Reflex looks a bit like the singer out of Frankie Goes to Hollywood! He also looks like my next door neighbour, but I'm not going to put a picture of him on here.

God works in mysterious ways, but my head works in even weirder ways!!! LOL

The first release on DISCOLIDAYS is brilliant, and all of us here at Best Promos can give it no less than the respectable 10/10 it so richly deserves.

It's out on Friday 1 April 2022. No, seriously. I'm not trying to trick you. 1 April.

Pre-order it here: DISCOLIDAYS 001

Follow The Reflex on Twitter: @TheReflexMusic

This next hilarious lookalike is a good one.

If you're short-sighted, remove your glasses or contact lenses. If you've got 20/20 vision, drink 8-10 pints of strong Polish lager and spend half an hour spinning as fast as you can on a roundabout in your nearest playground.

Done? Great. Now, if you sit on a rocking chair with your screen set to the lowest brightness setting and squint hard enough at this image I've mocked up, Irish blog-house dance music enthusiasts, Bicep, look exactly like the singing hard man out of Erasure with the army hard man and Purple Heart winner, Sergeant Major Ant Middleton, out of the SAS fourth battalion, third marines...

Follow Bicep on Twitter: @FeelMyBicep

Follow Ant Middleton on Twitter: @AntMiddleton

Follow Andy Bell out of Erasure: @AndyBell_Info

This meme really speaks to me...LOL...

I think I'm done now. Don't forget to send me your Best Promos to review...

Email me to the max: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com

Tweet me up big style: @BestPromos4Eva

The Reflex · The Blessed Madonna BBC6 The Reflex Sweatbox Mix

And finally...