Tuesday, April 5, 2022

The Absolute Certainty of Death and the Grey Mystery of what Greets Us


This week's post is in memory of June Brown, who played Dot Cotton in EastEnders. She was a huge fan of UK club culture, and her kind thoughts of dance will be sorely remembered.

This week on Best Promos, we're asking the questions:

Q. What happens when you die?

and

Q. What is the best: hard house or minimal techno?

Also, coming up later on the show we'll be advertising the latest dance merch (edit - that will be next week) and reviewing the latest dance songs.

So, what does actually happen when you die? I conducted a survey with the help of Blackpool's famous Leanora Petulengro - palmist to the stars - amongst all of the ghostly DJs who have died and asked three of them to appear on Best Promos to explain to us the mysteries of what goes on after we spin our final "one more".

I also asked them what their final "one more" was in this dimension.

And I asked them to take a listen to a new promo and let me know what they'd score it out of ten if they were still alive. First up was the self-proclaimed "glam hard-bag Brummie genius of the wheels of steel", Tony de Vit...

Tony de Vit

"Hiya Best Promos. Hello Leanora. Thanks for having me. Well. My final track at my final party was Meet Him At The Blue Oyster Bar by Da Fool, and I remember it like it was yesterday. It was a Sunday afternoon at Trade. Muscle Marys were to my left, Lawrence Malice to my right, and in front of me were two decks and a sticky mixer. The crowd were squealing for one more, so I gave them what they wanted.

Meet Him At The Blue Oyster Bar was released one month before I died of bronchial failure and whilst being a cheeky play on the Da Hool song of a similar name, it's also a great track to end the night with. Its fast-paced energy, rolling rhythms and fun bells always used to get the punters up who were flagging, and the ravers who were already up, well, it gave them all the more reason to keep on going, my darling! I wish I'd lived long enough to record a few more Global Underground CDs, but it's nice up here in Heaven...I have a weekly residency on Cloud 9!


Now, my love, I've had a listen to the promo you sent up to me, the (Can You) Taste My Lick EP by Robotek Reagan. Honestly, I wouldn't play any of these out personally, but they're all very good tunes. None of the songs seem to have a standard 4/4 back beat, so I'd be a bit stuck with them all in a club setting, but they're probably nice enough to listen to when you get home. I also have a problem with the lack of high-pitch vocals and 32-bar rising snare drum fills during the non-existent build-ups. It's a very clever EP, but none of his tracks would fit into a TdV set. Sorry, Robotek Reagan!


Saying that, I'm going to give it a Heavenly 10/10 because of how clever and intentionally glitchy it all is!

Now, bab, Leanora tells me that (Can You) Taste My Lick EP by Robotek Reagan is out on the Void Space Institute record label on 29 April 2022

Void Space Institute. I wouldn't have known that was a label if you didn't say. Back when I was alive, record labels were easily identifiable because they all had the word "Trax" in their names!"

Buy everything by Robotek Reagan and Void Space Institute Trax on hereMusic | Void Space Institute
Follow Robotek Reagan on Twitter@robotek_reagan
Check out everything elsesolo.to/robotek

Thanks Tony. Was great to finally connect with you like that. I'll see you up there one day.

Frankie Knuckles


"Hiya Best Promos. Hello Leanora. Thanks for having me. Well. My final track at my final party was the Joey Negro, I mean, Dave Lee, Extended Disco mix of Haven't You Heard by Patrice Rushden. Not only is it exactly the type of track I used to play before I died due to complications with my diabetes, it actually was a track I played whilst still alive, and I ended my last ever recorded set with it at a massive rave in Miami to a room full of beaming American punters all pepped up on iced whisky cocktails and cartons of molly.

Now, sugar, I am a proud Aquarius, and I've had a listen to the promo you sent up to me, the Strange Brew EP by A Sagittariun, and I have to say I like it...even though I'm an Aquarius! He he he he he he.


Before I go on, Best Promos, I'm going to disappoint you by saying you're not going to hear this on Earth until 6 May 2022 because there's a radio embargo. Honestly, though, I would play any of these tunes out, they're all very good. All of the songs seem to have a standard 4/4 back beat, so I'd be absolutely fine with them all in a club setting, and they're probably nice enough to listen to when you get home. I also love the high-pitch "Woo" vocals on the Don't Look In The Freezer track. It's a very clever EP, and all of the tracks would fit into a Frankie Knuckles set. Well done, A Sagittariun! It gets a celestial 10/10 from me!

ALSO, a big sassy "well done" to Will Hofbauer at Dispersion PR for using some classic promo phrases in the promo pack I've supernaturally taken a peek at with my tongue circling and prodding the inside of my cheek:
  • low slung
  • stomping low end
  • fluttering synths
  • dreamy pads
Yes, they might very well be the most overused adjectives in dance music PR over the last ten years, but that's not to say they don't accurately describe this particular EP; The Mind Blanks At The Glare utilises low-slung breakbeats, Don’t Look In The Freezer has a stomping low end, The Mind Blanks At The Glare has fluttering synths and Cosmic Trigger definitely has some dreamy pads in it.

Now, honey, Leanora tells me that Strange Brew EP by A Sagittariun is out on Rekids on 6 May 2022

Rekids sounds a bit like a northern English person saying "records". He he he he he he he he."

Buy all of the stuff on Rekids BandcampMusic | Rekids
Follow A Sagittariun on Twitter@a_sagittariun
Follow Rekids on Twitter@Rekids

Thanks Frankie. Was great to finally connect with you like that, and I'll pass on that professional (or was it?! LOL) feedback to Will! I'll see you up there one day. Who's next?

Erick Mori...no, not him. Leanora - can you summon someone else, please? Sorry!

Andrew Weatherall


"Greetings fellow lovers of abstract truth and Best Promos. And Leanora the psychic to the stars in Blackpool. Well, cosmic pilgrim, my final track at my final party was Take A Chance by Mr Flagio. Don't ask me why...I can't remember! I can't even remember where the party w..."

Readers, is this dead DJ thing ok to carry on with? I'm not too sure anymore. It felt funnier with the Tony de Vit stuff. Frankie Knuckles was stretching it, but it still verged on the alright. Doing Andrew Weatherall now feels like I've got the elastic band up to my chin and it's about to snap and whip me in the eye. It might leave a mark. Who's to say? I don't know what to do.

Stuff it.

"Oi! Best Promos, where did you go? I was about to tell you about the new compilation done in MY honour. Yes, all of my bygone wayfaring pals at the Spun Out Agency have cobbled together a colossal collection of low slung anthems, all with dreamy pads and loads of stomping low end. It's being released on vinyl in two parts and all of the proceeds go to chari, no, sorry, all of the proceeds go to the Spun Out Agency.


The first vinyl release of More of that Frightful Oompty Boompty Music is out on 15 April 2022 and the second part is out on 29 April 2022. I don't know why they've done it like that, but as I always used to say, Caroline knows best.

I'd say if you're a fan of BPMs around the 110, Ivan Smagghe, Paranoid London, Funderground (Ivan Smagghe and Autarkic), Man Power, swaying to cosmopolitan underground house and disco, Justin Robertson and Ivan Smagghe's mate, Manfredas, you're definitely going to be a fan of More of that Frightful Oompty Boompty Music. It gets an angelic 10/10 from the Guv'nor (me) and may I add, before I go, a recommendation and an urge to all at Spun Out to promote and connect as much as you can with the Best Promos blog. I think they're a sensibly peachy voice in an otherwise washed out expanse."


Thanks Andrew and wow! I did not expect that kind of praise at the end - ignore him Spun Out! God, I'm blushing now. Thanks again, Andrew Weatherall, it was great to finally connect with you. I'll see you up there one day.

Pre-order what we were just talking about hereMore of that Frightful Oompty Boompty Music
Follow Spun Out on Twitter@Spun0ut

Well, that was a lorra, lorra fun, wasn't it, readers? I think more could have been done with the Blackpool psychic to the stars, but I'm not that competent a writer to incorporate more of her character and dialogue into the passages I did have the energy to jot down. The main thing is, I've promoted some new music to the handful of people who read this blog, and that's all that matters.

At the end of the day, that's all that matters.

We'll be looking at dance merchandise next week.

Until then...

Email me your best promos: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com
Tweet me: @BestPromos4Eva


Ps.

Q. What is the best: hard house or minimal techno?

A. Hard house in the 90s, minimal techno in the 00s.




My "one more" would be this...

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