Koronation Streetz

I can't believe how near we are to the coronation of King Charles III, or Bonnie King Charlie as I like to call him! Charles has waited his entire life for this moment, and I think it's a real shame that you get loonies from the looney bin turning up at his house and lobbing shotgun cartridges and Tampax over his fence. What are they trying to achieve, exactly? You tell me. I'm absolutely stumped. And furious.

If it was up to me, I'd get the army in to round up all of the loonies in Britain ASAP (as soon as possible) and chuck them all in a massive Scottish loony bin, just until the coronation has finished and King Charles is happy. We managed to get the homeless into hotels during Covid and we put a man on the moon in the days when an iPod was the stuff of a loony's dreams, so we can clear the path for a safe and peaceful coronation this weekend, surely.

Hey - don't call me Shirley! LOL

Rant over. Richard Littlejohn and the bubble-haired bloke off of Top Gear, there's a new straight-talking man of the people in town! Me.

Speaking of me, who do you think would WIN in a fight?

King Charles III or me?

Find out on Saturday night when I'm going to FIGHT him outside Geo Bar on Eastcote High Street (Field End Road). I'm going to absolutely batter him, ladies and gentlemen.

How and why?

Well, check out the stats and the stats will then start speaking for themselves:

As you can see, I'd splatter him into the middle of next week, so I don't think he'll even turn up. If he doesn't, I'll simply pick a fight on someone else! Simples.

Sorry, Charles, but you're going down like Gillian Taylforth on the A1!

This next subject is one that's close to my heart, and I write this out of nothing but love and respect. What I am about to say may dismay some people, and you might think I'm a loony for saying it, but I truly, truly believe that it's about time that Surgeon got a hair cut. It is. I'm sorry.

I was reading that interview he did with Music Radar - well, I didn't understand half of what they were going on about, but there are some good pictures on it - and all I could think about was that he needs to sort his hair out. It's like a bloody bird's nest. When I used to live in Walsall, I'd go and get my hair cut at a place called Boo in Birmingham, underneath the McDonald's on the New Street ramp, but I think it's closed now, but there is at least one Toni & Guy in the city centre. He can afford it.

Tony, if you're reading this, you can afford it. Get down Toni & Guy and have a short, back and sides. Maybe a skin fade and a French crop. I guarantee you'll feel like a million pounds afterwards.

Readers, let me know if you agree. Should Surgeon smarten himself up or does the shabby chic look get you going? Write in to BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com or Tweet me on @BestPromos4Eva and we can share style ideas and recommend a way forward for Surgeon's hairdo.

I hope he doesn't take that bit personally. I love Surgeon.

What else? Let's check me notes.

- EastEnders last year/Platty Jubes - QUEEN Camilla's weird voice when engaging with residents on the Square.

- Scuba's record is STILL in the shops. No. Sorry. It's out of stock now. I've got a copy, though, and that's all that matters.

- Me Me Me - Man Power edits

- Bleaching Agent edits and more edits

Hmm.

There seems to be a battle of the edits going on there between Man Power and Bleaching Agent. Edits are always fun when you hear them in the club because they sound familiar to you, but they've got a dancier dance beat. I love them. Edits are like mash ups, but for cool people, so if you're cool, you should definitely follow the links I put up above for the latest edits from two of the biggest Edit Kings in the world. 10/10s all round!

Dispersion PR have sent me some new music, which is really nice of them. The first one is by those wicked and lazy funsters, X-Press 2. In a controversial move, they've fired the bloke from Talking Heads and went back in time to 1992 to sign with early 90s record label, Acid Jazz. Next you'll be telling me they're supporting Jamiroquai on their Emergency On Planet Earth UK tour!!! LOL

The PR people say that You Know (Everybody) has a carnival-like sense of energy, but I'd describe it more like being at an England friendly game against Gibraltar with the Barmy Army drummer sat directly behind you. You're trying to concentrate on the game, but the loony on your back, and the screaming kids in the crowd are causing massive GBH of the earholes and brain. It's a right bloody racket!

Saying that, the more I listen to it, the more it makes sense, and I really like it now. I like it so much that I'm going to award it a raw and raucous 10/10 !

It's OUT NOW.

Buy it here: You Know (Everybody) / X-Press 2
Follow X-Press 2 on Twitter
Follow Acid Jazz on Twitter and on Instagram

Radio Slave has got a new song out today, and all. It's called Wake Up, and I thought it was going to be a 2023 dance remix of the old Arcade Fire song, but it's not. It's got some vocals on it by an American man, but I haven't got a clue what he's going on about. It's like someone is reading that Surgeon interview over the top of a Todd Terje-type disco drum loop thing - in a good way.

I phoned Radio Slave up to ask him about Wake Up:

- bring bring - bring bring - bring bring - click -

Hello, Radio Slave speaking, how may I help you?

Alright, mate. It's Kev here, from Best Promos. You ok?

Yes, I'm alright ta. Same old, same old. Glad it's the weekend now!

Me too, mate! Got anything nice planned?

I'm bloody working this weekend, Kev. I've got to fly to Germany. I'm doing a DJ set at the Westhafen Klub in RB Leipzig. Do you fancy coming?

I can't, mate, sorry. I'm watching King Charles III get crowned and then I'm having a fight with him in Ruislip later on. Sorry!

No problem, mate. Anyway. What can I do for you?

Yeah, I was just listening to your fantastic new song, Wake Up, and I was wondering what inspired you to make it?

The latest in a series, my new single is a kaleidoscopic, back to the future, dub disco song about signing music in the music industry and I guess sometimes we all need to “wake up”.

What about the artwork? What has a plastic dolphin bin got to do with it?

I’ve tried to illustrate this with the photo of a plastic dolphin trash can.

I know, but why?

I’ve tried to illustrate this with the photo of a plastic dolphin trash can.

But why a dolphin?

I’ve tried to illustrate this with the photo of a plastic dolphin trash can.

Wouldn't a disco ball or an old photo of Andy Warhol and Grace Jones illustrate it better??

I’ve tried to illustrate this with the photo of a plastic dolphin trash can.

I'm off, mate. You're talking rubbish.

I’ve tried to illustrate this with the photo of a plastic dolphin trash can.

Goodbye.

I’ve tried to illustrate this with the photo of a plastic dolphin trash can.

- click -

What a loony!

Wake Up is a r-r-r-r-really nice song, though, and it gets a MASSIVE 10/10 from everyone here at Best Promos.

BUY IT: Radio Slave - Wake Up

Follow Radio Slave on Twitter and on Instagram

I was going to write something about the new Passarella Death Squad album, What We Are, You Shall Be, but I'm all wrote out. It's a good one, though, and I'll review it properly next week. I wrote on my PR feedback that it's, "Spooky music for the Amor Fati generation", and I stand by that.

Until then, I hope you have a brilliant and patriotic weekend, wherever you are, and I hope Surgeon gets down Toni & Guy (or any local barber, to be honest) and freshens up his look for the spring and summer season.

Bye bye.

Email me: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com

Tweet me: @BestPromos4Eva

Instagram me: /bestpromos4eva/