Best Promos: The Book of Maximum Volume

Just like Fernando Pessoa, I'm writing LOADS of really interesting things that HARDLY ANYONE is reading. Chuckle chuckle. But, whereas EVERYONE started reading The Book of Disquiet after Fernando pegged it, I'm hoping EVERYONE will start reading Best Promos well before I boot my bucket through the gates of Heaven and become a corpse, or a ghost or something.

Maybe I'll become an angle, I mean, angel. That would be nice.

Anyway, Best Promos really is a great read, and quite a corking wheeze when you think about it.

Think about it.

See?

It's great!

Where else can you learn about cool literary figures like Fernando Pessoa and read about enormous goofballs like Peter Ebdon singing a song about clowns (see further down) on a UK dance blog? Mixmag won't touch Peter Ebdon. VICE are skint (that's a shame). Boiler Room are too thick to know who Fernando Pessoa is, and don't talk to me about Ran$om Note. They probably think that Fernando Pessoa and Peter Ebdon are a tropical disco double act from Valencia via Stokey, and they'll try and put them on at The Social. Do me a favour!

Throwback Thursday

Can you imagine Peter Ebdon singing I Am A Clown at The Social?! If Wil at the Ran$om Note has his way, that's what will happen. And when they realise that Fernando Pessoa is dead, they'll just rope in Ally McTropical to provide the beats for Peter.

It'll be a disaster, so continue to read Best Promos, for the good of the UK/London-centric underground dance scene if nothing else.

Right, let's listen to some tunes and score them out of ten. Enno! I'm hungry, fetch me a Burrito!!

I remember when putting "2000" at the end of stuff was a signifier of something futuristic. Now, because of that bloke out of Outkast, everyone is doing "3000". There's a club in Rayners Lane called Club 2000, but I don't think that's got anything to do with the song RAVEBOT 3000 on this new release by DJ Burrito.

Doomsday Ravebot is out tomorrow on Fortune Signal, and it's a release I can really throw my weight behind.

I'm just over 11st.

<a href="https://fortunesignal.bandcamp.com/album/doomsday-ravebot">Doomsday Ravebot by DJ Burrito Boy</a>

There's a lot of music around at the moment like the stuff on Doomsday Ravebot. Mental sounding rave-type stompers that are designed to make you point in the air and laugh at your mates on the dancefloor when you're about 3 pills deep. The good looking, model type women will be blowing pouty kisses at everyone, do you know what I mean? It's top tier party music for people who can't party to the party music your grandparents used to party to, like Black Lace.

In fact, I'd go as far as to say that Doomsday Ravebot is the Crazy Party! for the Gerd Janson generation.

Crazy Party! by Black Lace

My favourite track on this DJ Burrito EP is the first one, Doomsday! I really think you should go out and buy it.

So, with all of that in mind, I'm going to award this EP an "affirmative" 3000/10 !! LOL. Only joking, it's a 10/10 from all of us here at BP.

DJ Burrito looks like a genuinely nice bloke.

Pre-order it here, it's out on Friday: DJ Burrito / Doomsday Ravebot
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"n_o, formerly known as bad internet, drops new alias and label with two timeless acid tracks."

Not my words, Carol, the words of Will Hofbauer at Top Gear Magazine, I mean, Dispersion PR. Yes, straight from the mean streets of Belgium, n_o is BACK with a new EP on the gloriously named record label, Manual Smiles. I like it.

It's called Recollecting My Protons. When I first read that, I thought it said, Recollecting My Pronouns, and I'm ashamed to say I groaned. I thought it was going to be a loony left woke brigade lecture on stuff I was going to have to pretend to understand on here, but thankfully, it's just a couple of tracks of fast-paced, brainless, top tier club acid that I bet Posthuman already knew about in January.

Is n_o posing on kid's play equipment or a Belgian fairground?

n_o often likes my stuff on Instagram, so I was well inclined to enjoy this EP from the off, but I'm not going to award it a 10/10 just because he bumps up my social media content, I'm going to award it a 10/10 because Recollecting my Protons has got me tapping my feet, nodding my head and scowling in a really serious way to the music on it. You know that face you pull when you're about 5 pills deep and the music is getting weirder and deeper?

Recollecting my Protons by n_o is OUT NOW on Manual Smiles.

BUY IT HERE: Recollecting My Protons | n_o
Follow n_o on Instagram
Follow Manual Smiles on Instagram

Hang on a minute, is n_o the Enno who fetched me a burrito earlier??? Small world.

WWF mega fan, Daniel Avery, has got some music out, which is fab, but what's even more fab is that he emailed me this week and referred to himself in the third person!

Love it. "George is getting upset!"

I think More Truth is a collection of songs he couldn't fit on Ultra Truth last year. I don't think they're bloopers.

No, I've just finished reading the description. They're B-sides and bonus tracks. This one is my favourite:

They're all good songs on it, though, as you'd expect; woozy, moody, hazy, top tier electronica that when you're about 9 pills deep at the afterparty will make even more sense, and it's created by someone who looks dead grumpy, but I bet is actually a right laugh to have a beer with. It's all a whirl of crazy contradictions! LOL

I've not bought More Truth yet, but I have added it to my Wishlist on Bandcamp for when payday comes around, and if I had a gun to my head, I'd award More Truth by Daniel Avery an ultra truthful 10/10

BUY IT NOW: Daniel Avery / More Truth

Follow Daniel Avery on Twitter and on Instagram

I think I'm done now, I can't take any more of this dance music. I'm going to listen to some nice, easy listening to see me through the rest of today...