I bumped into Melinda Messenger in Wakey Wines last week. After I apologised for bumping into her, Melinda's eyes popped out of her face, she dropped her bottles of Prime on the floor and stuttered, "It's alright, Kev. Hang on a minute, is that a lump hammer in your pocket or are you just r-r-r-r-r-r-r-really pleased to see me?"
And then my alarm went off and I had to get up for work in the Best Promos Writing Factory in Eastcote, otherwise known as "The Dream Factory" or "The Theatre of Dreams". Whilst writing last week's poorly received post, I couldn't stop thinking about the dream I'd had and, thereupon, how brilliant it was of Miss Moneypenny's to get Melinda Messenger to pose on top of a Rolls-Royce for the cover of their Too Glamorous CD.
Have you ever seen it? It's brilliant. Look:
They don't make them like that anymore, do they? Nowadays, it's all weird, arty images that have nothing to do with the music or black and white pictures of the DJ looking all serious. When you look at that picture of Melinda Messenger as a Rolls-Royce figurine, and you see the Miss Moneypenny's logo in the corner, you know you're in for a fun couple of hours. Am I right?
"You're not wrong!"
Look at the current album covers on the RA Reviews page. Look:
BORRRRRRRRRING.
Well, to be fair, the RS Produções cover is lively, but if you have a listen to the music it's a cover for, you'll find that it's BORRRRRRRRRING dance music. If you go one further and read the review of it, you'll fall asleep half way through because it's so BORRRRRRRRRING.
I know they're not mix CDs, but I think I've gone a long way to proving my point. I think.
Yes, I definitely have.
I never went to Miss Moneypenny's in the 1990s because I couldn't afford the clothes, but I did buy their CDs, and the CD cover for Glamorous One is Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrilliant! Look:
How good is that? A blonde bombshell, a scary looking bloke with make-up on and a muscleman in his pants. Is there a better dance music mix CD cover better than this? Better still, the image is backed up with THREE CDs. One from Tony De Vit, one from Mark Moore and one from Jim 'Shaft' Ryan, and every mix is outstanding. Have a listen to them:
I can't find the Jim 'Shaft' Ryan one, but trust me: it's good.
[ Tee hee. By the way, readers, I was trying to make a clever @ColdWarSteve style comment on the relationship between Prince Harry and Prince William with the cover picture on today's blog, but I think I've gone too far with the imagery. I got worried that it'll offend the Taliban, so I've covered the Best Promos stuff on the right-hand side with logos of our rival publications, so that they'll be the subject of a revenge fatwā attack, not us. Chortle!]
It's mysterious, it's confusing, it's fun - even though it's in black and white, and the photo isn't bad either! LOL. No, that doesn't make any sense. Sorry. It's a fab cover, though, isn't it, readers? The music on the CD, whilst not as funny and upbeat as the Miss Moneypenny's mixes, is nevertheless full of great dance music with loads of drum beats on it and you'll have a lot of pleasure listening to it and, if I may say so, dancing to it if you so wish, which is not to say you have to dance to it, but if you want to, you can, if you are able to - I understand that not everybody is able to dance - so, if you can dance, listen to this mix and dance to it, but if you're not able to dance, that's fine, you don't have to. The choice, as they say, is yours.
I can't find any streams or videos of it, so again, you'll have to take my word for it when I say it's a good mix.
Trus'me.
"What's your favourite Bonkers album, then?"
"Tough one. I think I'd have to say the Best of Bonkers."
Ahh, this one just popped into my head. I used to like the cover of Seb Fontaine's Prototype CD because I always thought he looked like the Big Boss Man on it. It's quite a good mix, too. Not as 90s TOTP trancey as you'd think, especially CD 1.
Have a listen:
I enjoyed that!
Right, one more. I'm bored now. This next one is a brilliant CD, but a bit of a boring cover...or is it...?
Let's play a game of Where's Wally and see if you can spot the grumpy techno and electro DJ, Dave Clarke, on the cover of this browny, greyey, dull-looking CD cover. I bet you'll be there all night trying to find him! LOL.
Write into the team here at Best Promos on any of the means below to let us know where Dave Clarke is. Title your email, Tweet or Instagram with the words, "I Know Where Dave Clarke Is", and we'll pick a winner at random LIVE on next week's post.
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