Ultra Blog

Welcome to the long-awaited review of Ultra Truth by Daniel "Drone Logic" Avery on Erol Alkan's Phantasy Sound record label. It's been out for almost a month now and everywhere I go in Ruislip, people stop me on the streets and ask me when the Best Promos review of it is going to drop. I've been getting sick of it, to be honest, so I'm dragging myself away from the football today (it's only Wales) to knock this post out - "oo-er, missus!" LOL.

I was in the butcher shop on Ruislip Manor, The Manor Butchery, last week and the butcher asked me what I thought of Ultra Truth. I said, "it starts off a bit weird, doesn't it?", and he said, "what do you mean?", and I go, "well, that New Faith song is all distorted and fuzzy, and at the end there's a woman talking all breathy, like, do you know what I mean?", and he goes, "yes, I suppose you're right. Here's your eight pounds of lamb chops and chopped liver and chopped onions with all the trimmings." "Ta'ra", I replied.

That was the start of the review. I was going to carry on like that and pretend that I'd had conversations with lots of tradespeople in and around Ruislip and Eastcote about Daniel Avery and Ultra Truth, but that would get boring quickly, so I'll just do a normal review now.

Before I go on, though, Daniel, if you're reading this; get a haircut and smile a bit more in your photos. I really think that you'd be more popular if you stopped looking so moody. We're in a Cost of Living Crisis and a Credit Crunch, and your fans want to be cheered up. Do a Christmas photoshoot wearing a Santa hat with loads of tinsel around your shoulders, maybe holding a cheeky bit of mistletoe. Give the camera a wink and a smile and see what kind of reaction you get. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

Right, PR advice over, back to business.

The second song is called Ultra Truth and this one is better because it's got some beats on it. I can imagine Ivan Smagghe playing this one early doors whilst all the punters are filing in at one of his all-night parties somewhere. It's moody AND uplifting.

After that one, there's another breathy, moody but uplifting song called Wall Of Sleep, and we can all empathise with that song title! How many times have you been out boozing with your pals and ended up asleep on a wall, lads and ladettes? Eh?! It's a really good song and HAAi is out of this world on the mic. Watch out Beyonce!

The Slow Bullet sounds like a bullet whooshing past your ears in slow motion. There's no way on earth I'm going to play this at our New Year's Eve house party. Sorry, Daniel.

Devotion. This is more like it. I'm going to play this drums and bass slimy roller to my 22-year old cousin in Lichfield who goes to drum n bass nights in Birmingham every weekend to prove to him that I'm still cool. I don't know anything about D&B, but this is r-r-r-r-r-really good. I wanna give you devotion?! HELL YES! LOL

I thought my speakers were playing up when I played the next song, Only, because everything sounds all crunched up. Imagine my embarrassment when, after smashing up my speakers, throwing them out of the window and going down to PC World to replace all of my audio visual set up with more expensive gear, I realised that it's supposed to sound like that! I had to laugh.

I almost skipped the next song, Spider, because I don't like spiders, but I'm glad I didn't because it's a lovely slice of electronica pudding. It's like tucking into a big bowl of synthesised apple crumble smothered in loads of percussive custard. It filled me up and it made me as happy as when I'm crushing a real spider into a handful of bog roll and flushing it down the toilet. Mmm. Lovely.

I'm not sure what SHERELLE is talking about at the end of Near Perfect, but the track itself sounds like some bonus beats that Dr. Dre might have left over after his Compton album. It could easily sneak in on the fourth CD of a deluxe remastered Japanese import re-issue of Compton by Dr. Dre in the year 2034.

Higher is more drums and bass to impress my cousin Jozef in Lichfield. Daniel Avery has cynically added sleigh bells on this one in an attempt to grab that famous Christmas number one. Come on, guys, lets get Daniel Avery to the top spot this year! Actually, no, lets keep LadBaby there because their songs about sausage rolls are really, really, really funny. I'll never get tired of LadBaby. LOL.

I've just read that they're millionaires now. Sickening.

Anyway.

Ache isn't something I'll be playing at my New Years Eve house party, either. It's too slow and there aren't any beats.

I don't know what to make of Collapsing Sky. There are beats on this one, but you can hardly blimming well hear them. It makes me feel a little bit sad, to be honest, especially when it's on as I'm looking out of the window across the Eastcote skyline. I wonder what life was like in Ruislip and Eastcote four hundred years ago. It must have been so different.

Lone Swordsman drags the album back onto the dance train track and ties it down with that really heavy, thick rope that American baddies use to tie goodies up with and then they summon the train driver (who is also a baddie) to come and run the goodie over with the steam train of dance. The baddies have both got pencil moustaches. It's a great feeling being pummelled into the ground and murdered by Lone Swordsman and I think the Guv'nor is up there now, bopping away to the melancholy grooves with His eyes closed and a finger in the air.

I had to check myself and then stop myself from smashing my new speakers up as Overflowing With Escape fizzled and bitcrushed around the back extension of our 3-bed semi. "It's supposed to sound like this, it's supposed to sound like this", I kept chanting to myself in a Russell Brand-style meditation mantra.

"Fresh with broken hay, atop the shadow mountain burns the fire of better days." No idea what they're talking about at the beginning of Chaos Energy, but it's a great track. It's a bit like Lone Swordsman, which is no bad thing, except on Chaos Energy it gets a bit darker and scarier the more it goes on, and it only goes on for five minutes, so you're not going to be yawning.

To finish the album, Daniel Avery plays the song, Heavy Rain, which is something I'm sick of, to be honest. It feels like every time I do the school run at the moment, me and my youngest lad are getting rained on. Honestly, I'm glad I work from home because I'm able to get back, get dry and change my clothes. I couldn't have done that if I was still going into the office every day, I'd be a right state! That glorious, climate change summer is now a distant memory. It wouldn't be so bad if the school wasn't a half an hour walk / fifteen minute cycle. If the school was around the corner, I wouldn't be that bothered by the rain. I don't know. Could be worse, I suppose. At least our front garden has got green grass again.

So, Ultra Truth by Daniel Avery is a really good album. I would definitely recommend buying it, but if you can't afford it, listen to it on Spotify or see if it's on Pirate Bay. When I spoke with the butcher on Ruislip Manor, we both wholeheartedly agreed that it was a 10/10 album.

Ultra Truth by Daniel Avery is OUT NOW on Phantasy Sound.

Buy it here: Ultra Truth | Daniel Avery
Follow Daniel Avery on Twitter and on Instagram
Follow Phantasy Sound on Twitter and on Instagram

Here's a picture of Daniel Avery that I drew to enhance and accompany the review. It's really good, isn't it?

I'll be back next week with either more dance music reviews or an interview with Man2.0 or Crozier or something.

I'm thinking of doing a Christmas remix of My World by Guns n Roses, too. We'll see if I've got time.

See ya, bab.

Email me: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com
Tweet me: @BestPromos4Eva
Instagram me: /bestpromos4eva/

Jimbles · 2022 Bangerz

REALLY BIG QUESTIONS with Man Power

Hi gang.

I've been thinking about starting off an interview series on here for a while. Viewing numbers are extremely low and getting lower, so I thought that if I interview some proper DJs and producers, they'll probably share the post on their social media channels and then I might gather more followers. It's a distastefully transparent plan that benefits absolutely everyone.

I first asked Skream if I could interview him the other night because he comes across as a sound geezer. He didn't respond because shortly after I asked him, he got dragged into a MASSIVE Twitter beef with someone in Manchester who, by all accounts, once CONTENT REMOVED BY BEST PROMOS LAWYERS for sniffing Charlie Chalk at a party in the 00s. It was all, quite frankly, a bit unbecoming and extremely embarrassing for all parties, but my big worry is that the world of dance music and international clubbing is in danger of being seen to be losing its dignity in moments like this. LOL

So yeah, interviews with major dance music stars on Best Promos. If it takes off, it takes off, if it doesn't, well, it doesn't really matter, does it? No skin off my nose. It doesn't really matter. It doesn't really matter!

I said that bit in a Reeves and Mortimer voice.

As I said, Skream didn't respond to my interview request, but somebody did...he said yes, so I jumped on the first bus out of Ruislip and set off for Newcastle Town Centre where none other than DJ Mag Underground Hero of the Year nominee Man Power met me off the bus and took me to his favourite gentlemen's club, Blue Velvet on Dean Street, for a chat about his life and his deepest desires. He really opened up to me.

We sat down in a snug to talk. I necked pint after pint of Stella Artois throughout and Man Power nursed a big jug of ice cold Vimto, on the rocks. There were strippers everywhere. After a number of high fives, loads of giggling and some nudging, I began to ask some questions...

Q. What's your name, where do you come from and what do you do?
A. My name's Geoff, I'm from Wallsend near Newcastle and I make music and DJ. I was also a composer for a bit, and I also worked in some cultural stuff for a while, but it looks like I'm back to being a DJ again for the time being.

Q. Have you always liked dance music?
A. Kind of. My mam is young and she was in to the first wave of house stuff, so I liked that a lot when I was little. Then I thought it got pretty shit around about the millennium, then I thought it got good again around about 2004 when DFA started doing stuff that fit at the indie discos I was going to at the time, and then eventually I figured out I could play my old records that I did like alongside new stuff that I liked so it was all good.

Now everyone knows about everything thanks to the internet, so it's a bit of a full time job pretending I've already heard everything other people like, and that I liked it first before it was cool.

Q. What's your favourite colour?
A. Green because someone asked me at school and I said that and I don't want to contradict myself.

Q. You are approached by Syco Entertainment and offered £250,000 to produce MP Matt Hancock's Christmas single, Santa's Jungle Boogie. It is not a 'ghost producer' role; your name will be all over the press and the cover art: Matt Hancock feat. Man Power - Santa's Jungle Boogie. You will appear in the music video with him. It is not a charity single, all proceeds go to Matt, with a small percentage to you. All artistic credibility you have built up over the years will vanish immediately and you will be a laughing stock on Twitter amongst your cool friends, albeit only for a short while, tomorrow's chip paper and all that. Do you accept? (I would)
A. How small is a small percentage? (I'll take that as a yes)

Q. Speaking of chip paper, when I go to the chip shop, I always order chips, two saveloy and curry sauce with a can of Dr Pepper. When you go to the chip shop, what do you always order?
A. Chips, battered sausage, curry sauce and a Dandelion and Burdock (Barrs ideally).

Friends forever, 'til the end of time

Q. Who is your best friend in dance music?
A. Juan MacLean I guess. I have other good mates who I've had sleepovers with at each others houses, like Rex The Dog, or people I text a lot like DJ Tennis or Sean Johnston, but Juan and I have a whole project together so I'll pick him. He's the most fun person to DJ and make music with, and he also is great company to travel with plus the Bostonite sense of humour gels with the Geordie sense of humour I think.

~ At this point during the interview, I was struck by how handsome Man Power is and was kicking myself for never noticing this before. "Wow. He's almost as hunky as me", I thought to myself as I began to swoon. His big, gorgeous eyes pierced my big, gorgeous eyes as we got onto the matter of promo lists. He smelled fab, too, and all the strippers fancied him ~

Q. What's the best dance music promo list to be on, and who do I need to brown-nose to get on it?
A. Mine. Me.

Q. How do you manage your digital music as a working DJ? Do you have all of your tunes in genre specific folders, on a massive hard drive? Do you then copy what you think you'll be playing that night onto a smaller USB stick? Do you back up your music often?
A. I've filled one 500gb hard drive and I'm working on a second one. I back up my sticks and work off the playlists on there until I inevitably lose everything, and / or break my computer and have to reinstall and start from scratch. (that was a boring question. Sorry readers)

Q. You wrote a symphony recently (LOL) that got played by some proper musicians for an orchestra (HAHAHAHAHAHA) in Newcastle. Do you reckon you'll do something like that again or was it, deep down, a bit too serious? It's a nice thing to have on your CV, but it's better being in a nightclub with a belly full of pingers, surely? Also, how badly did the lads down the pub take the piss out of you for doing a symphony? Pottsy once killed me ten nil in the Hogshead because I had a book in my pocket. It's all about the banter at the end of the day.

A. I don't go to pubs anymore. I only go for "drinkies" with people who have names like Toby, or Jocasta and, to be honest, I can't handle pingers since the IBS really made itself known. I'll probably make something like the symphony again if anyone lets me, but that remains to be seen.

Q. You used to live in Mexico. What was that like?
A. Middlesboro with sunshine and Tacos. (Before I upset the whole place.. It's amazing and I was made to feel right at home by almost everybody I met during my time there).

(Mexico that is, not Boro).

Q. When you're DJing, do you start off in any particular key? I've found with having the key of the track SMACK BANG in your face with digital DJing, it's hard to mentally ignore it, so I pick the next track with the same key or a key either side of it, do you know what I mean? It makes my style of DJing quite boring, which is ok because I'm just in the house.

A. I don't. I'm not actually great with CDJs beyond making them do what they used to do 15 years ago, to be honest. (that was a boring question. Sorry readers)

Q. Do you use the Sync button on CDJs? Crap question, but there's no point in using pitch faders any more, is there? It's all there on the screen anyway if you're too embarrassed to press Sync.
A. You answered your own question. (I'll go back to 2014 then) (Also, that was a boring question. Sorry readers)

Q. What does a Christmas and New Year look like for you outside of working?
A. I have my wife and daughter here from Mexico finally, and my grandparents are in their 90s, so a dinner with them and my Mam while I can still do it with everyone in the same place.

I've just got back in to DJing heavily again after taking some time off from the previously mad schedule I had, but I'm back in full bore again.

Regardless of that though I'm not sure I can face a touring NYE this year so I've not accepted any offers yet and I'm trying to put together something private for me and friends in a local spot which is stumbling distance from my front door.

Hoochie mama!!!

Q. Which Spice Girl would you most like to have it off with?
A. Scary then. Sporty now.

Buy tickets for this or I will crawl through your screen and murder you

Q. Best Promos has a weekly global reach of almost 100 people, per week. What upcoming music or events would you like to plug on here, to almost a whopping 100 people?
A. We're doing a party at a social club on December 3rd with me and Prosumer and you should buy a ticket and come to it, if only for the 1980s bar prices.

Tickets are here, mate: Me Me Me Are you Affiliated 2: "The Committee Strikes Back"

"Kevin. Kevin! Wake up! There's water everywhere and the mirror is all steamed up! Kevin! Are you ok?! Kev?!?!"

When I woke up, I was in the shower and the interview was all a dream! But as I was drying myself, I looked in the mirror and said, "Man Power. What a thoroughly, jolly, bloody nice bloke."

Great ending.

Follow Man Power on Twitter

Follow Man Power on Instagram

Vote for Man Power in this year's DJ Mag Awards: djmag/best-british-awards

If you're a superstar DJ who wants some more exposure, get in touch on the means below and I'll ask you some REALLY BIG QUESTIONS as soon as I can.

Next week, I'm reviewing the new Daniel Avery album and drawing a picture of him for good measure.

Email me: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com

Tweet me: @BestPromos4Eva

Instagram me: /bestpromos4eva/

COMIN' AT YA!

Now, I'm old enough to remember Queen Elizabeth II making Liz Truss the prime minister, but I just can't get it into my thick head that youngsters today would rather spend their time in a gym than down the pub getting paralytic or in a nightclub, dancing all night with loads of ecstasy tablets in their belly.

Studies carried out by our Best Promos researchers in Ruislip tell us that 100% of the public coming out of the Harlington Hospice charity shop on the high street would rather spend their time keeping fit in a gym than taking pills and sniffing crushed up MDMA crystals on the dancefloor of a house and techno night. It beggars belief. I hhhhhhhhate the gym.

I just don't get it...do you? Write in to Best Promos to tell us why things were more fun when YOU were younger.

Email us on: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com

or write to us at:

Best Promos

PO Box 69 (LOL)

Eastcote

I was going to do a bit about going to watch the Albion DESTROY Queens Park Rangers at the weekend, and pretending I was interviewing fans outside the ground for West Brom Fan TV about their favourite songs, and they were all going to tell me about how much they like some of the new dance music releases that have come out recently, or are available to pre-order, and they were all going to give them a score of 10/10, and it was going to be really funny and different to how all the other dance music websites and blogs review new music, but I'm not sure if I can be arsed now! LOL.

I'll tell you what, though, that new Acid Arab song is a corker! It's called Ya Mahla and it features Wael Alkak on singing duties, I mean, vocals. I can't find any preview or pre-order link anywhere yet for it. I've just got a white label MP3 in my inbox from HYPE Filter, but Joyce Muniz in Austria has kicked off her fab podcast mix off with it, so if you want to have a listen to Ya Mahla, have a listen to Joyce:

Joyce Muniz · EP58 Joyce Muniz & Friends With (Fedele/Obscura/ITA)

It's good isn't it? I do like my dance music with an eastern flavour, I mean, flava, and this will fit in with all of my Disco Halal stuff, and some of the secret Amor Fati tunes. I reckon an imaginary West Brom fan outside Loftus Road would probably give this a score of 10/10, and do you know what? I will too: 10/10 for Acid Arab!

Ya Mahla feat. Wael Alkak by Acid Arab is out on Wednesday 23 November 2022 on Crammed Discs.

I reckon you should just keep refreshing this page until appears for sale: crammed-discs.bandcamp

Follow Acid Arab on Instagram

Follow Crammed Discs on Twitter and on Instagram

NEXT

Although I've only ever seen them DJ once, DRESDEN are my all-time favourite DJ duo. Here's a really cool picture I drew of them 2 minutes ago:

It's good, isn't it? Some people don't believe me when I say I got an E grade for my GSCE in Art.

I might do this every week: drawings of DJs. It's better than me just giving every promo I get sent a 10/10. It might spice up the blog a bit.

Anyway, DRESDEN are returning to Corsica Studios in December for a massive all night 10/10 mash up. Big style! Expect the unexpected, loads of good dance music and come with a big plastic bag to dump all of your scruples in. Leave the bag in a bin outside the club before you go in and retrieve your scruples out of the bin after you've finished in the club. Once you've got your scruples back, return to your normal life and live it to the max. Big style!

Here's what they sounded like the last time they played there:

Corsica Studios · Small Talk Live 002: Dresden (Ivan Smagghe & Manfredas) All Night

Sounds good, doesn't it?

DRESDEN at Corsica Studios is on Saturday 10 December 2022 (my sister's birthday).

Buy tickets here: DRESDEN at Corsica Studios

Follow DRESDEN on Instagram

Follow Corsica Studios on Twitter and on Instagram

One more thing to talk about. My very dear friend, Man2.0 (real name Mandy Toot), has kindly asked me to provide a guest mix for his Embryonic Soundwave radio show on Voices Radio. I don't know why he's asked me, to be honest. I'm not a proper DJ.

No, I tell a lie. I played at Sundissential for Madders once in 2001 and I've done the odd wedding and 40th birthday party in the last few years. I've got a 1TB external hard disk ramma jamma full of good stuff across all genres, so if anyone reading this wants to book me, get in touch. I'm brilliant, have a good sense of humour and am very easy to work with:

So, tune in tomorrow night at 11pm to hear me talk EXCLUSIVELY about my current favourite track, one of my own tracks and my all-time favourite track of all time. It's all about tracks.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by @man2pointzero

That's quite a good video, isn't it? Voices Radio is fab, and all. Get behind it with all of your might, especially at 11pm on Thursday 10 November 2022.

It's gonna be a 10/10 kind of show...or your money back.

Embryonic Soundwave with Man2.0 feat. 3 From Best Promos is on Thursday 10 November at 11pm - midnight.

Follow Man2.0 on Twitter and on Instagram

Follow Voices Radio on Twitter and on Instagram

Listen to it all the time: voicesradio.co.uk

I think I'm done now. I'll be back next week with some more DJ drawings and maybe a bit of dance music merchandise for the run up to Christmas...

...bye.

Email me: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com

Tweet me: @BestPromos4Eva

Instagram me: /bestpromos4eva/

Laughing Out Loud All Of The Time

Gooooooooooooooood morning, Vietnam and Ruislip!!! Woo! Yeah!!! Today's post is all about how dance music and laughter can bring people together and DEFEAT mental health for good. There's going to be some hilarious lookalikes, some really funny memes and the odd joke here and there by yours truly, Joker in Chief! And it's all in aid of making YOU feel better! LOL

Now for the serious stuff:

After car accidents, heroin overdoses (in Scotland), falling down the stairs and Harold Shipman, mental health is the biggest killer in the UK, and it is our collective responsibility to kick it's head in, so this is our contribution to battering mental needs in the United Kingdom. As bosses we all make mistakes and mis-steps when dealing with mental health in the workplace, and I'm ashamed to say that I have bullied the team here at Best Promos to work day and night to make sure today's post is not going to get us into trouble on Twitter in any way. As Hadley Freeman once said, I think, we have to make sure we have the "right take" when it comes to stuff online, I think. I apologise to the team here at Best Promos for any upset I may have caused. It won't happen again. Sorry, guys. My bad.

Right, let's have a laugh!! I'm going to kick off with a joke...

JOKES

A man walks into Panorama Bar and says, "alright, Ernie? What do you think of the new resident DJ at Berghain?" Ernie goes, "I don't know, mate, who is it?" He goes, "It's Jurgen Klopp's brother...Klipperty!"

It's the way I tell 'em! LOL

HILARIOUS LOOKALIKES

If you drink ten pints of lager at night and then squint at this picture in the dark, one of the lads out of Bicep looks a bit like the singer out of Erasure!! Ahahahahahahaha! Look:

MEMES

Here's a funny dance music meme that pokes fun at how crap Resident Advisor is compared to Best Promos. I've no idea who created it, but thanks whoever you are! Appreciate the support.

Make sure you forward this meme many, many times to all of your WhatsApp banter groups. You'll be an absolute legend!

JOKES

I say, I say, I say! What is the best website to find information about a DJ?

Wiki-wiki-wikipedia!

LOLOLOLOLOLOL

HILARIOUS LOOKALIKES

Have you ever seen Felix Dickinson and DJ Harvey in the same DJ booth? I haven't...and it's not because I haven't been clubbing properly regularly for over ten years now after starting a family! LOL

Today's post is so funny. I can't stop laughing!

Can YOU stop laughing? Get in touch and let me know if you're able to stop laughing after reading today's post. I'm hoping you're still laughing, and you continue to laugh all day today, and who knows, maybe it's cured you of your mental health!

Thank me on the socials:

Email me: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com

Tweet me: @BestPromos4Eva

Instagram me: /bestpromos4eva/