Best Promos: Now What?

DANCE MERCHANDISE

Later.

Right now, I'm going to start the post with some fashion news.

FASHION NEWS

Kanye v Adidas

Kanye West put something on Instagram yesterday about taking down Adidas, and beating them at making trainers or something. I'm not being funny, but Kanye West trainers are rubbish, so I don't think people will suddenly switch to buying pairs of Yeezy trainers over pairs of Campus...or Samba. Do you?

Adidas stands for All Day I Dream About Sex, and I-I-I-I-I think that Kanye West should think about THAT before he starts kicking off at THEM. Do you know what I mean?

I don't.

I can't find what he said about Adidas now because he's deleted all of his Instagram posts. I do that sometimes, so I can now see both sides of the story and empathise with him. I hope they can work out their differences, and I hope that Kanye West can find peace.. We all want that for him. We're rooting for you, Ye, everyone here at Best Promos has your back. I know us guys aren't always great at talking through our issues, but it's 2022 now and I'm here for you, mate - and, in fact, anyone else who wants to open up. Write into:

Share Your Problems With The Lads

Best Promos HQ

Eastcote, Ruislip

PO BOX 96

Write in and attach a photo of yourself, explaining any wellbeing or mental needs issues you might be having at the moment. I promise to intercept your letters before Pottsy gets his hands on them. Pottsy is relentless with the banter, and will be very unforgiving with the insults he throws your way. For example, if you're grieving the loss of the queen, or any loved one, and the photo you send in is one of you with a bald head, he might call you "tennis ball head" or "bowling ball". If you write in with a sensitive relationship issue, and you're fat, I mean, overweight, he might call you "bowling ball" or "chip shifter". If you write in to say you're struggling with your sexuality, and you're old and fat, I mean, overweight, he might call you "shatter back" or "bowling ball". Actually, whatever you do, don't state your sexuality. Pottsy is very old-fashioned. He once laughed at me and screamed, "you shit sCONTENT REMOVED BY BEST PROMOS LAWYERSstard!", for tapping my feet to a Frankie Goes To Hollywood song.

Anyway, please do write in with your problems, or email us, and we'll aim to respond to as many as we can with what we think you should do about them.

DANCE MUSIC REVIEWS

The Queen's funeral was on the telly yesterday, and in between Tweeting cheeky things about it on Twitter, I watched some of it. Imagine my surprise when my ears literally pricked up and twitched at the sound of the Scots Guard playing TRANSHUMAN AGENDA, the new album by the self-styled "Beverly Hills Bitch", Robotek Reagan! It was so nice to hear the opening track, TRANSHUMAN AGENDA (‘a new paradigm’ mix), played on a bassoon. Unfortunately, there were no vocal oohs and ahhs from any of the guards, so I did that myself on the sofa. The maudlin duet between my vocal oohs and ahhs in Eastcote, and the Scots Guards bassoon as the coffin left Westminster Abbey on the telly was one of the most emotional things I'd ever been a part of. Sad times.

As the gun carriage careered past Westminster Hall towards Whitehall, the familiar tune of simp4u played out as a waltz time signature to French horns and trumpets, a peculiar arrangement, but it worked. Again, I had to sing the vocals in my living room, which was difficult because of the waltz arrangement and because I didn't know all of the lyrics off by heart. I found myself repeating the words, "Feel your heartbeat next to mine, life is too queer, spending it all alone, I need you here...", but I'm not sure if I got them right. Hopefully, up there, ma'am didn't mind! LOL!

I half expected a funeral march by an old posh composer to be played next, but as the camera zoomed in on King Charles' ECSTATIC face, a solitary trombone began to play the top-line melody of SAVE POINT ('Lucida-Culture-Matrix' Mix)!!! I genuinely couldn't believe what I was hearing. It sounded great, almost as good as the creepy, horror computer game original.

Her Majesty bowled down The Mall to a jaunty, tuba driven version of Birds On Acid Lake which, in my mind, sounded better th...I've not got the energy to finish this review. Sorry. Do you get the picture, though? I'm pretending that instead of playing funeral marches at the Queen's funeral, the Scots Guard and the band of Grenadier Guards played the new album by Robotek Reagan instead, for some reason. It started off as a funny idea, but it was getting tiresome. I'm tired. I'll just score it out of ten and be done with it.

Robotek Reagan's 47th album of the year came out yesterday and it's a right royal knockout! It's called TRANSHUMAN AGENDA, and I just can't stop listening to it! It gets a WHOPPING 10/10 from all of us here at Best Promos!

TRANSHUMAN AGENDA is OUT NOW

Buy it here: Robotek Reagan (bandcamp.com)

Follow Robotek Reagan on Twitter and on Instagram

SHORTS

1. #Justice4Waze - Gordo is a moron. Jilted John. Yeah! What everyone else is saying about him, I agree with, the bugger!!! Here's my scathing contribution:

2. Mark Broom does the best dance song title names, volume 74

WHAT'S ON IN OCTOBER?

East London's trendy Ransom Note is throwing a party at central London's trendy The Social in a few weeks. Will I be there? If I can, I will. It's been almost five years since I've gone to a Ransom Note event, so it would be nice to see a few old(er) (LOL!!!) faces and have a bit of a dance.

On the bill, in da club, is Blankson, Kate Webb, Rosie Ama, Matt Cowell and Ally McTropical, so the beats are 100% going to be relentless and they'll all be sat on the dance music genre side of the party fence. Upstairs will probably be Pete Fowler and his inimitable brand of non-stop yacht rock and proto-shoulder pad. DON'T MISS OUT, OR IT!

Not a lot else to say about this event, to be honest. The Ransom Note lot are ace, The Social lot are ace, it's bound to be a proper 10/10 corker. Tickets are on sale, I think, not sure where, though. JFGI...

Ran$om Note & Friends... at The Social is on Friday 7 October 2022

Keep refreshing this linktr.ee/ransomnote and this thesocial.com/events for tickets.

Follow The Social on Twitter and on Instagram

Follow Ransom Note on Twitter and on Instagram

Am I done now? Can I finish? No? Oh yes, I said I'd do a merchandise thing. LOL. I'd forget my head if it wasn't screwed down! LOL!

DANCE MERCHANDISE

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