13 O'Clock

One, two, three o'clock, four o'clock, rock. Five, six, seven o'clock, eight o'clock, rock. Nine, ten, eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock, rock. I want to rock. Around. The clock tonight, welllllllll it's that time of the week again where we take a departure from listening to dance music promos and have a look at the telly.

No, ears are not the only parts of my body that I use for consuming cultural components. I also use my eyes, and when I'm watching the telly I like to use my eyes and my ears at the same time. If I'm watching a documentary (Louis Theroux, for example) or the news (Riz Lateef on BBC London for example), I also use my brain. I find that using my brain whilst watching documentaries or the news really helps me to think about what I'm watching, and I sometimes form an opinion.

If I'm watching a broadcast by HRH Queen Elizabeth II or a party political broadcast by the Conservative Party, I use my legs, my arms, my groin, my eyes, my ears AND my brain to stand up, salute/put my hand on my heart, look, listen and think about what I'm being told by our blinged-up fruity figurehead and our leaders. In fact, I've just hung a massive Union Jack out of the front bedroom window of Best Promos HQ so that everyone who passes by can see how much we admire and respect HRH Queen Elizabeth II in this year of her massive Jubilee.

Hang on, I'll just ask Pottsy to take a picture of me with the flag...

Cheers Pottsy, now pull your bloody trousers up! LOL! Mad man.

Anyway, what have we been watching here at Best Promos lately?

There is only one episode of This Is Us left, which is a shame. This Is Us (Amazon Prime) is a bit like Defected Records. It's harmless, wholesome, full of characters who like to give big speeches and force their homespun wisdom on anyone who'll listen, and it's sometimes funny. The owner, Simon Dunmore, also looks a bit like Toby.

If you drink ten pints of lager and squint hard enough, these two people look alike

Anyway, "hey bug", I'm hoping Rebecca can miraculously survive old age and Alzheimer's in the last two episodes and find love for a third time with a dozy new chap and live to see all of her grandkids grow up. Come on, American writers, give us the happy ending we deserve!

Speaking of Defected, they've got a new song out this week. Have a listen:

Defected Records · S.A.M. featuring Sarah Ikumu 'Spotlight (Sam Divine Extended Remix)' - Out 20.05

It's nice, isn't it? I like it. It feels like a fluffy warm, rabbit-skin blanket when you compare it to the stuff coming out on the record label that I compare to Villanelle and The 12 off of Killing Eve later on in this post.

Spotlight (Sam Divine Extended Remix) by S.A.M. featuring Sarah Ikumu is out on Friday 20 May 2022, and it's a r-r-r-r-really great song. The vocals are all about being in a maximum security prison, so it's got a bit of an edge, but I don't reckon the singer really is in the house of many doors...do you? It's the kind of song Andy Daniell at FFFFFFFRRR might listen to whilst ironing his collection of cargo trousers.

On a Sunday night.

Whish is no bad thing at all.

Spotlight (Sam Divine Extended Remix) by S.A.M. featuring Sarah Ikumu is grrrrrrrrrrilliant, and it gets a very respectable 10/10 from everyone here at Best Promos.

Buy it here: Spotlight (Sam Divine Extended Remix)

Follow Sam Divine on Twitter: @samdivine

Follow Defected on Twitter: @DefectedRecords

Follow Andy Daniell on Twitter: @andydaniell

I'm currently halfway through the last series of Killing Eve (BBC iPlayer) I think I watched episode 5 last night. Villanelle got shot in the back by a bow and arrow, and I think she's definitely dead now. I reckon the last few episodes will follow Eve through the grieving process and wrap up with Carolyn inviting Eve into The 12 and getting her to murder Hélène as an initiation whilst Konstantin kills Pam in the same room for pushing him in the water a few episodes before. The killings take place in the same room because The 12 have their own killing building in Germany where they carry out killings of their own as the initiation ceremony to make way for new members (like Eve). I like to think that in an imaginary future series of Killing Eve, some new people will kill Carolyn, Konstantin and Eve in the same room for their own initiation into The 12 and the cycle of killings will continue to roll on. Maybe the dead members of The 12 end up like ghostly Cenobites and murder each other in Hell in a similar cycle of netherworld killings. 

Phoebe Waller-Bridge, if you're reading...please don't steal my ideas!!!! LOL.

My version of events in Killing Eve is very dark. What's also very dark is the new album by Scottish dance pop stars in the making,  Bless This Machine. Synthetics is the name of the album, and it's all a bit spooky. I don't know what kind of machine they're trying to bless, but if they want something blessing they need to be a bit more positive in their outlook. Whenever a priest blesses someone, they don't do it to moody electronic soundscapes, they do it to a nice hymn.

And speaking of Cenobites, the bloke on the cover of their album looks a bit like Frank from Hellraiser after he'd been skinned alive in the attic by that creepy looking piece of crumpet.

Synthetics by Bless This Machine is a tour de force in uplifting electronic soundscapes. I say uplifting because I said "moody" earlier before I'd even listened to it, but now that I have listened to the album in full I've changed my mind a bit. I say "a bit" because it's still moody in places, like a lot of their previous releases, I think, but it's also got some electro-type stuff happening in places that made me smile, rather than frown. The track, 17:44, for example, sounds like the music to a lovely kiddlywink's lullaby being played on a Funktion-One soundsystem in a cold, German forest at the height of summer. The forest that Lalo Salamanca ends up in during the latest episode of Better Call Saul. And it made me smile.

Low Battery sounds like the music to an unused bit on Brass Eye, in a good way. That made me smile, too.

Overall, most of the tracks on Synthetics have some beats on them that are guaranteed to make you smile. They're either electro beats or muffled drum and bass patterns, so you shouldn't get bored. It's NOT a full on ambient, droney sound effects album. Don't worry. It's worth buying.

In fact, I'm in a good mood because of all that smiling and I'm going to cheerfully award Synthetics by Bless This Machine a happy 10/10 !

Synthetics is out on Friday 27 May 2022

Buy it on their Bandcamp page: blessthismachine.bandcamp

Follow Bless This Machine on Twitter: @bless_machine

Better Call Saul (Netflix) is good at the moment, isn't it, readers? The only thing I hate about it is the way that little girl calls Mike "pop pop". I hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhate it when she does that. I wish they'd kill her off, but of course we know they don't. Oh well. I sometimes wonder who would win in a fight: The 12 or one of those Mexican drug cartels in the Breaking Bad universe.

I think The 12 would, but I don't know why.

Get in touch on the socials to tell us who you think would win. Let's get that conversation started, guys. We can also wonder who would win in a fight between Villanelle and Gus Fing. Hmm. Tough one. I think Villanelle would kill Gus in an amusing way whilst pulling some funny faces. Maybe by force-feeding a whole fried chicken up his jacksy until he dies and then stabbing him through the windpipe with a Rambo knife before blowing his brains out with a chain gun for good measure. No Half Measures.

The next bit of dance music I'm going to review is the new Carlton Doom (real name, Carl Doom) EP on Hypercolour, but I think I'm stretching it thin to try and compare it to Better Call Saul or any of the characters in Better Call Saul. The Down In Red Light EP by Carlton Doom is brilliant, like Better Call Saul, and a bit scary sometimes, like Better Call Saul, but it's not funny, like Better Call Saul. The only thing funny about this EP is the name of the second track on it; Flutin Tootin Dopeboy. LOL. So, maybe they're not so darn well different after all...

Hypercolour · Carlton Doom - Down In Red Light EP (HYPE096) [clips]

Wolf Whistle is a funny name for a track, too, although I dread to think what the loony left woke brigade on Twitter will have to say about it because, rightly or wrongly, you're not allowed to wolf whistle pretty ladies anymore. I found that out to my cost whilst dropping off the kids at school a couple of months ago. A son should never have to suffer the embarrassment of watching his father getting laced into by a lollipop lady. Ever. Wolf Whistle is a fab track, though. Proper heads down mental. The Reger Remix of it is a bit more laid back, but it'll still get you skanking around your living room.

And with that in mind, I'm going to score Carlton Doom's new EP a brave 10/10 for being brave enough to stand up to the social media snowflakes and bedwetters with his choice of song titles. Cheers, Carlton. We salute you.

A big thanks and a big up (do trendy people still say that?) to HYPE Filter for sending me this EP. They've been sending me too many weird ambient things lately, so these Carlton Doom bangers are a breath of fresh air. It's right up my street. 

Down In Red Light EP (+ Reger Remix) by Carlton Doom is out on Hypercolour on Friday 17 June 2022

Pre-order it here: Down In Red Light EP

Follow Carlton Doom on Twitter: @CarltonDoom

Follow Hypercolour on Twitter: @hypercolour

What a great post. Thank you all for reading. Don't forget to send me YOUR best Promos. Goodbye.

Email me: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com

Tweet me: @BestPromos4Eva

Instagram me: /bestpromos4eva/

Peter, Bjorn and Jim

I've been meaning to write a new post for the last couple of weeks, but I've been suffering with writer's block - and no, I don't mean I've been listening to that album with the one good song on it by Peter, Bjorn and John! LOL! 

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

No, readers, I've been struggling to even start a post over the last couple of weeks. I think that Meet The Team post was so strong that it knocked me off balance, and that, along with not having loads of decent new music to listen to lately (that new Arcade Fire LP isn't giving me a cultural lob on, sorry DJ Windows 98 - I love your first three albums, though) had me stuck in the mud at the bottom of a massive writing rut.

I did try to start a couple of posts, but look at how rubbish they were:

Crap

Absolute crap

As you can see, my writing went from bad to worse, and there was no way on earth I could have published them, but I think I'm better now. Life is on the up again. I've got a couple of holidays booked (one foreign) for August, got a table at the front for Frank Skinner at the Phoenix Arts Club in July, seeing my idol and spiritual Guide Dog, I mean Guide God, Russell Brand at the end of this month, I've bought a new top hat, I'm going to see Guns 2 Roses in Bilston next month with my little sister and I've got loads of good new dance music in my inbox this week.

Cost of living crisis? WHAT cost of living crisis?!

One thing I haven't got lined up is any clubbing nights or festivals. Email me any good tips to BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com or put me on your guest list and I'll write about it on THIS website, I mean, blog. Even if I don't end up going to it *shrugging emoji *

What I like about Dispersion PR is that they don't bombard me with promos every ten minutes, but the ones they do send are always right up my street. Just last week, I received an email from the bad boy of dance music promos, Will Hofbauer, with a link to the new EP called High Street by Nowt on the brilliantly illustrated-logoed Third Place Records.

Who's Nowt?

Obviously, Nowt is Chris Watson.

Who's Chris Watson?

Seriously? Chris is one half of FYI Chris. Chris Watson's edits and features could previously be spotted on Rhythm Section, Banoffee Pies, Eclipse Tribes, and his own West Friends imprint. He's now preparing his first full solo release under his new Nowt alias, and the Rye Wax mainstay delivers a set of dreamy house cuts for Will Hofbauer’s Third Place...

...hang on...

...no, it's ok. Sorry. Ignore me.

Third Place · Nowt - High Street EP [Clips] [TPDD005] ✨

The first song on the High Street EP is called Polestar and it's got them old hip-hop conga beats and a bloke rapping about the orienteering marks of a compass and telling us to "come on". I love it. It's also got some nice flute bits and a bass line that just won't stop going around in an identical loop, like a circle.

The second song is called Owt and it sees Nowt in a playfully playful mood. It's got some of them disco toms at the beginning, someone playing the triangle and a woman huffing and puffing with some phaser effects running through her. I can just imagine the funny looks on Nowt's face as he knocked this one up in his studio-cum-larder. The drum beat is strong and the low-end is very low-slung. The press release tells me that the drums are bouncy, but they're not. They're strong. And tribal. It's the kind of record Danny Tenaglia would have started one of his 72-hour New York tribal Twilo sets with in 1994.

After that one it's shimmering percussion, deep lows, and choppy breaks meet on ‘Magnasound (Lazerdub Mix).

After that one, no, I've already used that line. Erm. After that song, you're looking at and listening to an ambient track called Docks n Locks. It's really good if you like short bursts of ambient noise and quiet gunshots and a bird chattering away in the background. I unwittingly enhanced this one by having the washing machine finish its cycle downstairs as I listened. It fitted together beautifully and I'll only listen to Docks n Locks now if I'm doing my laundry (which is every Tuesday morning, fact fans).

At the very end of the High Street EP is a digital exclusive only to those who buy it on Bandcamp. Nowt has somehow got Leonard Nimoy to record some vocals for the Nimoy Mix of Magnasound. How he transferred the audio files to earth from Heaven is beyond me...LOL. Only joshing, guys! The Nimoy vocals are copied using the Any Video Converter software, I mean, sampled from an advert he did for the CRAP LaserDiscs in 1981 - and what a tune! I won't describe it here because I don't want to spoil it for you.

Overall, the High Street EP by Nowt is great. I absolutely adore it. I'd never heard of this bloke before today, but I reckon it's the kind of stuff Soul Clap and/or Wolf + Lamb would have played when they all knocked about that trendy hotel in New York. And for that reason, amongst many others, I grant the High Street EP by Nowt a WHOPPING 10/10 !

It's out on Third Place Records on Friday 10 June 2022

I can't see any previews or pre-order pages. There's "nowt" of that anywhere, but keep refreshing their Bandcamp page until "owt" appears.

Follow Third Place Records on Bandcamp: thirdplacerecords.bandcamp.com

Follow Nowt/Chris Watson on Instagram: /fyichris_/

Follow Third Place on Instagram: /thirdplacerecords/

Ben Folds Five super fan, Man Power, real name: Herman Power, is not only a nice bloke online, he's probably a nice bloke in real life, too. I can't speak from experience, and I don't know anyone who can vouch for him, but I feel like, you know, getting to the age I am now (15)...I just know people. He seems like a nice bloke and I'm sure he is. Yes, he might have his moments, we all do, but let's not let the fact that, in our heads, he may or may not have unnecessarily lost his temper at a young subordinate or two over the years for not fetching him his CONTENT REMOVED BY BEST PROMOS LAWYERS before even playing a record colour our judgement of the man, Man Power. We've all laid into the next generation from time to time. It toughens them up.

Anyway, it's all in my head, that. I bet he's a nice bloke in real life. Maybe one day I'll find out. If only there was a way of getting close to Man Power in the flesh, not just on Twitter and other inferior, and younger, social media channels. I've got it! I'll pre-order a ticket for an upcoming gig of his and force myself to the front of the mosh pit. When I'm there I'll maintain eye-contact with him for the duration of his set. I'll be smiling and I'll be holding one of them 90s "CHOON" signs aloft from beginning to end as I march on the spot to his relentlessly useful choices of music. After he's finished his set, I'll beckon him onto the dancefloor where I'll scream plaudits in his ear and scratch the back of his head, asking him repeatedly how he's feeling. I will high-five him on more than one occasion whilst nodding my head and we will hug, and with my jaw going ten to the dozen, I will turn the "CHOON" sign over to show him the side that reads, "MAN POWER = 10/10".

And when he gives me a thumbs up, only then will I know for certain that Man Power is a nice bloke in real life. I cannot fantasise any other outcome.

Man Power is playing with DJ Harvey at the World HQ in Fulchester, Newcastle on Wednesday 1 June 2022

Buy tickets for it here: Me Me Me presents DJ Harvey - All Night Long

Follow Man Power on Twitter: @Man_Power_Music

Follow Man Power on Instagram: /manpowermusic/

Buy his stuff on Bandcamp: MeMeMe.bandcamp

BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS

Additive PR have just emailed me some new music by a young man called Tim Engelhardt on Poker Flat. It's not out for a few weeks yet, but you can listen to the previews on their SoundCloud page. The EP is called Follow and it's main track is one of them moody pumpers that make you dance with your deadly serious face on. Do you know what I mean? Have a listen so that you know what I mean:

Poker Flat Recordings · Tim Engelhardt - Follow

Do you know what I mean now?

The second song on the EP, Burning, is also a bit moody. It's one of those pieces of music I can imagine Ricardo Villalobos playing at fabric around 9am before bringing George Morel in on those famous under-floor speakers. It's got the odd rising synth pad thing that always feels good when you're having a nice time with your pals on the dancefloor and there's also an orchestral vocal which wouldn't sound out of place on a Paul van Dyk song, so I'll keep hold of that "CHOON" placard for a little while longer. LOL!

Poker Flat Recordings · Tim Engelhardt - Burning

Overall, if I had a gun to my head, I'd give the Follow EP by Tim Engelhardt a respectable 10/10 because it's a right pair of really great dance music tunes.

It's out on Friday 17 June 2022

Pre-order it here: Tim Engelhardt on Bandcamp

Follow Tim Engelhardt on Instagram: /_timengelhardt_/

Follow Poker Flat on Twitter: @Poker_Flat

And finally, a "nice" band called Knice have a NICE new album (I think) coming out on 3 June and it's called Cornershop Spudgun. If it's anything like their previous releases, Surfin Skeg and Hit The Showers, then I think it's going to be a really NICE album, or EP or something.

Knice make the kind of music you'd play to annoy your stuffy dad in a wacky American sitcom, or the kind of music you'd finally snog your blonde cheerleading girlfriend to on the bonnet of a massive open-top red Cadillac as your gang of speccy nerd dweeb mates with over-the-top braces on their teeth cheer from behind a bush in an American coming-of-age sitcom. It's rock n roll with a punk edge, coated with hard rock guitars and punkish rock screaming, and it's really, really great.

There is also lots of shouting in their songs.

If I had to score the band, Knice, out of ten I would definitely give them a NICE 10/10

Follow Knice on Instagram: /kniceband/

Buy all of their stuff on Bandcamp for zero pence: knice.bandcamp

I'm done now. It feels good to be back, though. Thank you to the many tens of you who read Best Promos for keeping us going.

Logging off now. Bye.

Email me: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com

Tweet me: @BestPromos4Eva

Instagram me: /bestpromos4eva/

Meet The Team

This blog has been going for about four months now, so I think it's time our readers got to meet the team. Allow me to introduce you to various members of staff in a virtual, literary, walk around.

This is Nathan 'Pottsy' Potter. He is our Head of Communications, so he runs our social media socials. Pottsy is definitely the zany guy in the office. His pranks often have us all in tears of laughter and his funny voices also have us all in tears of laughter.

Nathan 'Pottsy' Potter

Pottsy's Fun Facts:

Age: That would be telling!
Sex: Yes please!
Favourite gadget: My mobile phone. I couldn't be without it. I have all of my apps on my mobile phone and it is a great way to stay in touch with people whilst on the go.
Favourite nightclub: It has to be Heaven in central London.
Favourite DJ: It has to be the late, great Tony de Vit. My favourite living DJ, though, is Steve Bug.
Current favourite track: It would have to be Katsu by Denny & James Dexter on Steve Bug's label, Sublease Records. It's the first track from their new EP and let me tell you something now, I love it! It's the kind of music Boris Horel used to play to us at Foreign Muck at The Key. Kids...ask your grandparents!! LOL hehehehehehehehe. The rest of the EP is great, too, but I don't know whether For You or This Groove would have got played at Foreign Muck. I might be wrong, but I think they are more Tania Vulcano at Monza.

Sublease Music · Denney & James Dexter - Katsu

I asked Pottsy what score out of ten he would give the Katsu EP by Denny & James Dexter. He winked at me, pulled his trousers and pants down, turned around, bent over and showed me the numbers 10 and 10 scrawled on each buttock in permanent marker. He is crazy! LOL!

10/10 for Denny & James Dexter, then. It's out on Friday 13 May 2022

Pre-order it here: Katsu EP

Follow Steve Bug on Twitter: @steve_bug

Follow Sublease Records on Instagram: /subleasemusic/

Follow Denny on Instagram: /denneymusic/

Follow James Dexter on Instagram: /jamesdexterdj/

This guy here is Scott MacDonald-Berger. He's the easy going, laid back member of the team, and I'm often seen screaming at him to "wake up" and to "get a f**king grip of the situation". He heads up our People Services and Equalities division. He mainly works from home in Eastcote, but comes into our Eastcote office twice a week. Scott is a keen horticulturist, and lives in a house in Eastcote with a front and back garden.

Scott MacDonald-Berger

Scott's Fun Facts:

Age: I am 29 years old.
Sex: I am a man.
Favourite gadget: Probably my watch. It's a really useful gadget, and I use it often for telling people the time and for finding out what time it is myself.
Favourite nightclub: Probably Fabric in London, but I've also heard great things about Geo Bar in Eastcote.
Favourite DJ: Probably Frankie Knuckles, but my favourite living DJ is Steve Bug.
Current favourite track: Probably Jinx by Reset Robot on Poker Flat. It's taken from his new Tired Voice EP on the classic Poker Flat label. Poker Flat is probably my all-time favourite record label, to be honest, and Tired Voice is a worthy addition to the Poker Flat canon. I don't know too much about Reset Robot other than he's based in Portsmouth. My cousin once lived in Portsmouth and I'm a huge fan of Peter Crouch's totally hilarious football podcast, so Reset Robot is alright by me.

When I asked Scott what he'd give Reset Robot's Tired Voice EP as a score out of ten, he said he'd email me the result before the close of play. He did, and he emailed me the following text:

"I'd probably give Tired Voice by Reset Robot a 10/10"

Wow! Well done, Reset Robot and Poker Flat. Tired Voice is out now.

Buy it here: Tired Voice EP
Follow Reset Robot on Instagram: /resetrobot/
Follow Poker Flat on Twitter: @Poker_Flat
Follow Poker Flat on Instagram: /pokerflat_recordings/

Last but not least is yours truly, the owner and editor of the whole blog. This picture was taken in November last year, just after I'd taken the staff induction and team bonding course in our Eastcote HQ Fun and Recreation Hub. We were in preparation for the big January launch and spirits were high. As you can see by the smile on my face, Pottsy had just pulled his trousers down again!

We are a Rights Respecting blog, and we do have women working here, but none of them agreed to be interviewed on today's post.

BP

Editor's Fun Facts:

Age: Too old!
Sex: Male.
Favourite gadget: I love drinking lager, so I always carry a bottle opener with me. I've got a basic one attached to the main ring on my set of keys, so it's always to hand whenever I need to pull a bottle of lager out of my carrier bag and have a nice big swig of lager. I never drink the little French bottles of lager, I always go for the proper ones, or the massive Cobra bottles if there are any in stock when I rock up at my local off licence. A big up and a big shout out to Oscar's in Ruislip Manor.
Favourite nightclub: If I'm not propping up the bar at Geo Bar in Eastcote drinking lager, I'm down the front at the basement of The Social drinking lager and dancing to the beats. I can't make it this Friday, but I highly recommend you go to The Social for the Confidence Man Full Tilt night. Their new album, Tilt, is a corker and they're playing down there on Friday with Ewan Pearson, Ché Wilson and RAW SILK! If I wasn't due to start my new club night in Eastcote, No Requests, I'd be down there.

Buy tickets for Full Tilt at The Social: Full Tilt at The Social
Follow The Social on Twitter: @thesocial
Follow Confidence Man on Twitter: @confidencemanTM
Follow Ewan Pearson on Twitter: @ewanpearson
Follow RAW SILK on Twitter: @rawsilkdjs

Favourite DJ: The Guv'nor, Andrew Weatherall, but my favourite living DJ is The Secret DJ. Not only does he or she DJ around the world playing really pumping dance tunes, he or she writes best selling books AND contributes to Private Eye AND Mixmag, and probably does more things that I don't know about.
Current favourite track: Easy. Whatever edit of Tryouts For The Human Race by Sparks that Erol Alkan has been playing for ages. I think it's unreleased. I tried to make my own edit in Ableton to sound exactly the same as the one that Erol plays, but my version isn't as good. Mine was too tinny.

If not that, then Woman by Confidence Man.

Oh, what the heck, I'm going to award not only Woman, but the entire Tilt album by Confidence Man a WHOPPING 10/10 ! I'm in a good mood! :-)

Buy Tilt here: TILT
Go and see Confidence Man on tour: TILT Tour Tickets
Follow The Secret DJ on Twitter: @SecretDJBook
Buy The Secret DJ books: Books by The Secret DJ

Well, it feels good to be transparent and let you readers peek behind the curtain of our little blog. I hope it has given you a useful insight into our peculiar personalities and kooky ways of working.

If any of you have a talent for writing and want an unpaid internship or want to contribute to Best Promos for nothing but the exposure, get in touch and we WILL exploit you. Money cashback guaranteed.

Bye.

Email me: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com
Tweet me: @BestPromos4Eva
Instagram me: /bestpromos4eva/

The Frankie Knuckles Tribute Act

I'm writing this week's post from my hospital bed, readers. I've been diagnosed with severe caving in of the skull, but I should thankfully recover in time to write next week's post from the comfort of our Eastcote lair.

Over the weekend, I made an ill-advised decision to launch my DJ tribute act career with my turn as Frankie Nicholls - Ruislip's premier Frankie Knuckles tribute - at Champers on the main Eastcote drag. The night started well enough, I was playing all of his big hits one after the other, mixed, and all of the punters were raising their hands in the air in appreciation. Some of them were even dancing.

About an hour in, I received my caving in of the skull after one of the bouncers saw me crab scratching with Caucasian hands and realised that I'd blacked up and wore a brown swimming cap to portray the Godfather of House. I was dragged out of the DJ booth in the middle of his Love Hangover remix and beaten half to death on the dance floor whilst YOUR MOTHER walked over my now-purple carcass with another round of Sambuca, which was a shame - but it was fair enough, I suppose. You just can't do that anymore, and if I could turn back time, I would have just put a pair of reading glasses on and gone as my Surgeon tribute act, Doctor Doctor...I Feel Like A Surgeon!

Doing the right thing all of the time is tricky, especially when you're making things up on the Internet like I do, but I'll tell you something now, I am cancelling my booking for The Red Lion in Walsall. I was due to travel up there and perform on Sunday night as my drag Kerri Chandler tribute act, Kerry Chandler, but it's not worth the trouble.

And I've run out of CONTENT REMOVED BY LOONY LEFT WOKE BRIGADE BEST PROMOS LAWYERS

To ease the throbbing headaches I'm suffering with due to being bounced around Champers, I'm writing this with the sounds of The Rain In The Trees ringing in my ears. No, not the rain in the trees, The Rain In The Trees. It's a new ambient thing album by Graintable on Ransom Note Records. It came out the other week and I bought it from Bandcamp for just £7. You can buy it as a cassette, too, but you've got to be a bit too much of an east London try-hard to get genuinely excited about tapes these days. Come on, guys, it's 2022! LOL hehehehehehehehe.

Some people think that Ran$om Note is just a website. It is so much more than that. Ran$om Note, whilst not a way of life, is certainly a way of living, and in a world that just can't get enough of dance music and underground dance culture and DJing and producing, it (Ran$om Note) provides a great service to that underground market. But it's so much more than that. Ran$om Note also make tote bags and throw parties, like the long-running Disco Biscuit with Joe Europe and that one they used to do at Farr Festival. And they do records, and all, like The Rain In The Trees by Graintable, and podcasts. You can't move on the Internet for Ran$om Note. I think.

You can tell that Graintable has put a lot of thought into his record, and it's not thumping like the stuff R$N puts out by Bawrut, and it is breathtakingly mastered, so I'm going to award The Rain In The Trees a more than respectable 10/10

Buy it here: The Rain In The Trees
Follow Graintable on Twitter: @Graintable
Follow Ran$om Note on Twitter: @RansomNoted

If my skull wasn't caved in, I'd be listening to the brilliantly mastered Bawrut EP, In The Middle (Extended). What a record! Records always sound brilliant when they're mastered brilliantly, and this brilliantly mastered record is no exception.

In The Middle (Extended) is the add-on to last year's LP, In The Middle, but it's kind of like remixes of tracks from that album for the dance floor. Soulwax did something similar with Nite Versions, and The Human League with their Unlimited Orchestra thing. It's a great concept that works best when the music is mastered in the right way, and let me tell you now, In The Middle (Extended) is brilliantly mastered. You gotta hear it!

Mentira is my favourite track on this EP, because I think it samples Wannabe by The Spice Girls; the bit where Scary Spice shouts, "Welllllll..." before singing, "I'll tell you want, what I really, really want..." Correct me if I'm wrong, Bawrut.

Because of how great the mastering is on this, and of how much it must mean to Bawrut to be featured on a blog like Best Promos, I therefore award this release a WHOPPING 10/10 !

Buy it here: In The Middle (Extended)
Follow Bawrut on Twitter: @BawrutSilencio

I was going to do a bit where I'd had angry letters written to me from angry bin women about the use of the term, "bin men", I'd used in previous posts, and how I was now going to adjust my language and use, "bin people", from now on, but I think that was funnier in my head when I went for a wee at 3am this morning than it is on my screen now, so I'll scrap that bit and instead shine a light on an up-and-coming UK DJ called Ben Sims. Have a listen to a DJ mix that he's done for the BBC Radio 1 Essential Mix series.

I've abandoned the ambient Graintable music I had on because my skull isn't really caved in, so I don't really need to be listening to ambient anymore. This Ben Sims mix is a bit like having a headache, though, so it's keeping me in character. The music he's playing is fast techno, and you can tell it's fast techno because the tempo is fast and there's hardly any claps or snares on the 2 or 4 on any of the tracks. Actually, the one on 1:18 has a clap on the 2 and 4. Apologies.

The tracklist alone reads like a who's who of global underground techno, every mixed transition is beat-matched to a very high standard, and the UK dance legend Pete Tong even pops up at the beginning and end to talk about how great Ben Sims is. I can't think of many DJs Pete would do that for, so Ben should feel very proud of himself.

It's a fab mix and Ben Sims seems like a nice bloke. He's got a very friendly face, so I can't give this mix anything other than a 10/10

Follow Ben Sims on Twitter: @DJBenSims
Follow Pete Tong on Twitter: @PeteTong

I think that's all from me. Bye.

Bye...maybe forever...? Certainly, if I'd kept the boot polish line in, this blog would have had to shut down immediately.

Email me: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com
Tweet me: @BestPromos4Eva
I don't get it, but Instagram me: instagram.com/bestpromos4eva

12 Dance Street, Eastcote, Ruislip, HA4 E567

Now then, now then. A very warm welcome to this week's Best Promos, and may I say, boys and girls, from the bottom of my tracksuit trousers, that you all look good enough to eat. Erererererere. Now then, last week I received a charming, handwritten electronic letter from a young man called Greg. Now. Young Greg lives in a place called Additive Music PR with his mum and dad in a small town called London, and he has asked Best Promos to fix it for him to please, please, please have his favourite music featured on this very blog. Now then. Let me see what old BP can do for this young man's needs.

I instructed our team of producers here, or "Nutters Incorporated" as I call them, to invite young Greg down to our Best Promos HQ in Ruislip to see how we put this blog together, and at the end, we let him write his own content.

"Roll VT."

Now then, now then, you must be Greg from Additive Music PR. Welcome to Eastcote, and may I say, what an honour it is to finally meet you in the flesh. As it happens, you look a lot flatter on paper.

"He he he he he. Thanks BP."

Now. My birdies tell me that you are here to see how a successful weekly UK dance blog is put together and then have your favourite music played on it. Is that right, young man?

"Yes."

Now then, now then, don't be shy, Gregory. Don't be shy. We don't do shy here at Best Promos, do we boys and girls? What kind of music do you like, young Greg?

"I like dance music."

Now. You're going to have to speak up, young Greg, because our microphones won't pick up that muffle. Let us hear you, young man.

"I like dance music, BP. It's really good."

Ererererererererer. Now then, as it happens, I am a big fan of the old dance music myself, and I make it a habit of mine to ram it down my reader's throats every chance I get. In fact, my case comes up next Thursday.

"What do you mean, BP?"

Erererererererererererer. Get to the bit where you talk about your favourite music. My voice is going.

"Well, BP, I'm working on a really amazing new EP from Irish experimental duo Solkatt, and wanted to get it on your radar for potential review coverage.

Gold Seal EP is their first release of 2022, a release that brings together their myriad influences and styles, with elements of techno, house, jungle and electro.

Solkatt are Leo Pearson and Peter Lawlor, a hardware synth loving duo with a penchant for danceable grooves and subtle string arrangements. Lawlor has previously released house inflected dance music under his Replete alias on labels such as Ele Records, Paper Recordings and Always Human Tapes. Pearson has released music on Howie B’s Pussyfoot Records as part of Inevidence in the 90’s, and over the years has worked on music for the likes of David Holmes and Shit Robot, and more recently has been part of Future Bones.

Release dates for the EP are as follows:

Gold Seal + Gold Seal (Leo Pearson Remix) - April 15th
Get These + Get These (Polytunnel Remix) - April 29th
Full EP - May 6th"

Now then, now then. I am glad that I could fix it for you, Young Greg, to share your wares on this enormous blog, and I've got something in my tracksuit trousers that I would like to share with you, my dear fellow. Reach into my pocket, Greg, go on. Have a rummage. Go on.

"It's very hard, BP. And cold."

Yes, young man, it is a solid score out of ten (10/10) for your most favourite music in the whole wide world on the best dance music blog this side of Consort Terrace, Young Greg, and here it is now. Ererererererer:

Buy it here: Gold Seal EP
I'm not sure about their social media channels...mysterious people...

What have I been watching this week on the telly? Well, I watched that Gazza two-parter the other day. That was good. Better Call Saul is back. I watched the first episode of the new series on my lunch hour yesterday. It's gearing up to be a good series, that. I'm almost at the end of series three of Killing Eve. People say that Killing Eve isn't as good after series two, but I'm enjoying it. I'm fully up-to-date with This Is Us. Last week was a good one, Katoby. Recommend it. I watched the Jimmy Savile Netflix documentary as well, the dirty get. It was very harrowing, but I couldn't stop thinking about and - I'm ashamed to say - laughing about, the bit where he gets out of his gold Rolls Royce at the hospital in a black silk kimono and sparks up a cigar with an enormous comedy lighter. What a nutter.

I am glad that he's dead, though. I think the world is a better place now.

That's the TV section done. On to more music...

I got chummy with a chap in Screwfix at the weekend, and when I revealed to him that I write a dance music blog, he excitedly lifted up his jumper to show off his brand new Luke Vibert t-shirt. He was jumping up and down on the spot, prodding at Luke's face with his index finger and making monkey-like toddler noises. After he'd calmed down a bit, he told me that he'd bought the t-shirt from the merchandise page on the Hypercolour website for £18.99 and that he'd overheard a pepped-up reveller at a recent I Love Acid party telling the bouncer that Luke Vibert had a new album of acid coming out on Friday 3 June 2022 whilst Posthuman played an acid song over the booming loudspeakers.

I asked my new friend what the album was called. He grabbed me by my long, orange lapels and pulled me close. I felt quite nervous, but I was soon put at ease when he whispered in my ear the words, "Grit. It's called Grit. A whole new album of acid...called Grit."

The man continued to whisper in my ear.

"Deeply ingrained into the fabric of the British electronic music landscape, Luke Vibert shows no sign of slowing down, after an illustrious career spanning three decades (to date!), Vibert returns to Hypercolour after 2020's hugely successful trilogy series (Amen Andrews/Modern Rave/Rave Hop) with his eighteenth album (not counting albums released under his other monikers: Kerrier District, Plug, Wagon Christ, et al)."

I asked the man what the music on the album sounds like.

"GRIT finds Vibert in playful mode (and, let’s face it, whenever isn’t he!), as twelve tracks of acidic and squelching drum machine tracks come rolling out to play. Bouncy and hypnotising 303 jams of the highest order are served up here, with rhythms pulled from the electro, garage and house pools, all delivered in Vibert’s inimitable style."

The bizarre nature of this interaction had made me forget when the album was out, so I asked him for the release details again. He lurched backwards, laughing like the Laughing Policeman, and thundered,

"Artist: Luke Vibert
Title: GRIT.
Label: Hypercolour
Cat No: HYPELP021
Release Date: June 3rd"

I asked the man if there was any way that I could listen to this album before June, even a snippet or two would satisfy my acidic needs. The man in Screwfix opened up the SoundCloud app on his mobile phone and played the following from start to finish, full blast, whilst a nearby gang of Irish workmen covered in white paint began stomping on the spot with incredibly serious looks on their faces.

Hypercolour · Luke Vibert - GRIT. (HYPELP021) [clips]

After the clip had ended, we went our separate ways. I needed to buy a 1-gang dry lining knockout box for the spare room and the man needed to leave the shop for an unknown reason. However, as he walked towards the Screwfix exit, he began to strut like Conor McGregor and started screaming, "Luke Vibert. GRIT on Hypercolour. Ten out of ten! Ten out of ten! 10/10" 

Wow. That was quite an exciting anecdote, wasn't it readers?

My favourite track on GRIT is Screwfix Typeface. What's yours? Email me on bestpromos4eva@gmail.com to discuss this album in greater detail.

Pre-order GRIT here: GRIT

Follow Luke Vibert on Instagram: /lukevibertofficial/

Follow Hypercolour on Twitter: @hypercolour

I'm not sure where to steer this post from that. I've done two promos and some telly. Is that enough, do we think?

I could do some fake news, maybe? Ivan Smagghe and Erol Alkan played back to back all night long in Hackney last week, and if I didn't have a wife and kids, and if I didn't live in Ruislip, and if I wasn't in my forties, and if I didn't have a proper job outside of this blog, and if I had the energy, and if I had the right set of friends I would definitely have gone to Ivan Smagghe and Erol Alkan playing back to back all night long in Hackney last week.

The fake news bit of this bit is the next bit.

Last week, I went to Ivan Smagghe and Erol Alkan's crucial All Night Long rave party at Studio 9294 in wicked Hackney Wick. I wore a pair of black normcore Uniqlo cords, a box-fresh pair of white Stan Smiths and a washed and ironed Luke Vibert t-shirt. I absolutely stunk of Calvin Klein's Obsession and I felt ready to party...and no mistake! I was there on the dancefloor with all of my trendy new media friends from the first beat until the very last (beat), and let me tell you: it was so good. I lost count of how many beers I drunk, but I definitely went back to the bar for a bag of crisps on more than one occasion - just don't ask me what flavour, I really can't remember...I was all over the shop! Yes, Ivan Smagghe and Erol Alkan started the night off playing slow dance music, but during the peak hours, the music was faster and more lively sounding. I don't remember what the music was like at chucking out time because my head was spinning from all the beer I'd drunk, and I was being carried across the dancefloor by my vegan friends who had all been on the water and poppers all evening. When the lights came on, I ill-advisedly picked a fight with one of the bouncers, who took pity on me and helped my embarrassed friends bundle me into an illegal taxi to be taken safely home to Eastcote where I enjoyed a Good Friday fry up at that cafe by the station. What a night!

The best track, if it was played, was that Sparks edit that I think is unreleased. Tryouts For The Human Race. Erol Alkan played it at Wide Awake last year, and it's on that Homobloc mix above. Erol, can you send me an MP3 or a WAV of it, please? Thanks.

All Night Long was a really great night, and if Ivan and our Erol choose to go back to back again next year, I'll definitely be up for dancing the night away to their music collection again. Definitely.

Ivan Smagghe and Erol Alkan: All Night Long at Studio 9294 gets a WHOPPING 10/10 from everyone here at Best Promos.

#FakeNews

LOL

Logging off. Bye.

Email me on: bestpromos4eva@gmail.com

Tweet me on: @BestPromos4Eva

I don't understand it, but Instagram me on: /bestpromos4eva/

The Absolute Certainty of Death and the Grey Mystery of what Greets Us

This week's post is in memory of June Brown, who played Dot Cotton in EastEnders. She was a huge fan of UK club culture, and her kind thoughts of dance will be sorely remembered.

This week on Best Promos, we're asking the questions:

Q. What happens when you die?

and

Q. What is the best: hard house or minimal techno?

Also, coming up later on the show we'll be advertising the latest dance merch (edit - that will be next week) and reviewing the latest dance songs.

So, what does actually happen when you die? I conducted a survey with the help of Blackpool's famous Leanora Petulengro - palmist to the stars - amongst all of the ghostly DJs who have died and asked three of them to appear on Best Promos to explain to us the mysteries of what goes on after we spin our final "one more".

I also asked them what their final "one more" was in this dimension.

And I asked them to take a listen to a new promo and let me know what they'd score it out of ten if they were still alive. First up was the self-proclaimed "glam hard-bag Brummie genius of the wheels of steel", Tony de Vit...

Tony de Vit

"Hiya Best Promos. Hello Leanora. Thanks for having me. Well. My final track at my final party was Meet Him At The Blue Oyster Bar by Da Fool, and I remember it like it was yesterday. It was a Sunday afternoon at Trade. Muscle Marys were to my left, Lawrence Malice to my right, and in front of me were two decks and a sticky mixer. The crowd were squealing for one more, so I gave them what they wanted.

Meet Him At The Blue Oyster Bar was released one month before I died of bronchial failure and whilst being a cheeky play on the Da Hool song of a similar name, it's also a great track to end the night with. Its fast-paced energy, rolling rhythms and fun bells always used to get the punters up who were flagging, and the ravers who were already up, well, it gave them all the more reason to keep on going, my darling! I wish I'd lived long enough to record a few more Global Underground CDs, but it's nice up here in Heaven...I have a weekly residency on Cloud 9!

Now, my love, I've had a listen to the promo you sent up to me, the (Can You) Taste My Lick EP by Robotek Reagan. Honestly, I wouldn't play any of these out personally, but they're all very good tunes. None of the songs seem to have a standard 4/4 back beat, so I'd be a bit stuck with them all in a club setting, but they're probably nice enough to listen to when you get home. I also have a problem with the lack of high-pitch vocals and 32-bar rising snare drum fills during the non-existent build-ups. It's a very clever EP, but none of his tracks would fit into a TdV set. Sorry, Robotek Reagan!

Saying that, I'm going to give it a Heavenly 10/10 because of how clever and intentionally glitchy it all is!

Now, bab, Leanora tells me that (Can You) Taste My Lick EP by Robotek Reagan is out on the Void Space Institute record label on 29 April 2022

Void Space Institute. I wouldn't have known that was a label if you didn't say. Back when I was alive, record labels were easily identifiable because they all had the word "Trax" in their names!"

Buy everything by Robotek Reagan and Void Space Institute Trax on here: Music | Void Space Institute

Follow Robotek Reagan on Twitter: @robotek_reagan

Check out everything else: solo.to/robotek

Thanks Tony. Was great to finally connect with you like that. I'll see you up there one day.

Frankie Knuckles

"Hiya Best Promos. Hello Leanora. Thanks for having me. Well. My final track at my final party was the Joey Negro, I mean, Dave Lee, Extended Disco mix of Haven't You Heard by Patrice Rushden. Not only is it exactly the type of track I used to play before I died due to complications with my diabetes, it actually was a track I played whilst still alive, and I ended my last ever recorded set with it at a massive rave in Miami to a room full of beaming American punters all pepped up on iced whisky cocktails and cartons of molly.

Now, sugar, I am a proud Aquarius, and I've had a listen to the promo you sent up to me, the Strange Brew EP by A Sagittariun, and I have to say I like it...even though I'm an Aquarius! He he he he he he.

Before I go on, Best Promos, I'm going to disappoint you by saying you're not going to hear this on Earth until 6 May 2022 because there's a radio embargo. Honestly, though, I would play any of these tunes out, they're all very good. All of the songs seem to have a standard 4/4 back beat, so I'd be absolutely fine with them all in a club setting, and they're probably nice enough to listen to when you get home. I also love the high-pitch "Woo" vocals on the Don't Look In The Freezer track. It's a very clever EP, and all of the tracks would fit into a Frankie Knuckles set. Well done, A Sagittariun! It gets a celestial 10/10 from me!

ALSO, a big sassy "well done" to Will Hofbauer at Dispersion PR for using some classic promo phrases in the promo pack I've supernaturally taken a peek at with my tongue circling and prodding the inside of my cheek:

• low slung
• stomping low end
• fluttering synths
• dreamy pads

Yes, they might very well be the most overused adjectives in dance music PR over the last ten years, but that's not to say they don't accurately describe this particular EP; The Mind Blanks At The Glare utilises low-slung breakbeats, Don’t Look In The Freezer has a stomping low end, The Mind Blanks At The Glare has fluttering synths and Cosmic Trigger definitely has some dreamy pads in it.

Now, honey, Leanora tells me that Strange Brew EP by A Sagittariun is out on Rekids on 6 May 2022

Rekids sounds a bit like a northern English person saying "records". He he he he he he he he."

Buy all of the stuff on Rekids Bandcamp: Music | Rekids

Follow A Sagittariun on Twitter: @a_sagittariun

Follow Rekids on Twitter: @Rekids

Thanks Frankie. Was great to finally connect with you like that, and I'll pass on that professional (or was it?! LOL) feedback to Will! I'll see you up there one day. Who's next?

Erick Mori...no, not him. Leanora - can you summon someone else, please? Sorry!

Andrew Weatherall

"Greetings fellow lovers of abstract truth and Best Promos. And Leanora the psychic to the stars in Blackpool. Well, cosmic pilgrim, my final track at my final party was Take A Chance by Mr Flagio. Don't ask me why...I can't remember! I can't even remember where the party w..."

Readers, is this dead DJ thing ok to carry on with? I'm not too sure anymore. It felt funnier with the Tony de Vit stuff. Frankie Knuckles was stretching it, but it still verged on the alright. Doing Andrew Weatherall now feels like I've got the elastic band up to my chin and it's about to snap and whip me in the eye. It might leave a mark. Who's to say? I don't know what to do.

Stuff it.

"Oi! Best Promos, where did you go? I was about to tell you about the new compilation done in MY honour. Yes, all of my bygone wayfaring pals at the Spun Out Agency have cobbled together a colossal collection of low slung anthems, all with dreamy pads and loads of stomping low end. It's being released on vinyl in two parts and all of the proceeds go to chari, no, sorry, all of the proceeds go to the Spun Out Agency.

The first vinyl release of More of that Frightful Oompty Boompty Music is out on 15 April 2022 and the second part is out on 29 April 2022. I don't know why they've done it like that, but as I always used to say, Caroline knows best.

I'd say if you're a fan of BPMs around the 110, Ivan Smagghe, Paranoid London, Funderground (Ivan Smagghe and Autarkic), Man Power, swaying to cosmopolitan underground house and disco, Justin Robertson and Ivan Smagghe's mate, Manfredas, you're definitely going to be a fan of More of that Frightful Oompty Boompty Music. It gets an angelic 10/10 from the Guv'nor (me) and may I add, before I go, a recommendation and an urge to all at Spun Out to promote and connect as much as you can with the Best Promos blog. I think they're a sensibly peachy voice in an otherwise washed out expanse."

Thanks Andrew and wow! I did not expect that kind of praise at the end - ignore him Spun Out! God, I'm blushing now. Thanks again, Andrew Weatherall, it was great to finally connect with you. I'll see you up there one day.

Pre-order what we were just talking about here: More of that Frightful Oompty Boompty Music

Follow Spun Out on Twitter: @Spun0ut

Well, that was a lorra, lorra fun, wasn't it, readers? I think more could have been done with the Blackpool psychic to the stars, but I'm not that competent a writer to incorporate more of her character and dialogue into the passages I did have the energy to jot down. The main thing is, I've promoted some new music to the handful of people who read this blog, and that's all that matters.

At the end of the day, that's all that matters.

We'll be looking at dance merchandise next week.

Until then...

Email me your best promos: BestPromos4Eva@gmail.com

Tweet me: @BestPromos4Eva

Ps.

Q. What is the best: hard house or minimal techno?

A. Hard house in the 90s, minimal techno in the 00s.

My "one more" would be this...