An offer of employment for anyone here at Best Promos is a Walford-like cause for celebration, and I’m still wriggling with delight at the idea of writing for a grown-up website, even if this bit is hidden behind a 16-foot-tall mystery “pay wall”. How many people will read about my love of eastern sounding dance music? Will anyone care if I prefer eastern sounding dance music to normal dance music? Who am I? Will I turn anyone onto eastern sounding dance music by writing this? I suppose if I can get just one Quietus reader into eastern sounding dance music, then I can move on with my life knowing that I’m now not the only person in the world who likes eastern sounding dance music.
Today's 'EXCLUSIVE only to Best Promos' post is all about eastern sounding dance music. Do you know what I mean? Eastern sounding dance music, or ESDM as the American candy kids are now calling it, is dance music with a melody that sounds a bit eastern, like something out of Aladdin or Prince of Persia.
Do you know what I mean? My kids don't.
When I sat my children down last week and gently opened up about my love for eastern sounding dance music, they said, "What? Do you mean The Egyptian Dance from the opera, Samson and Delilah?" After I'd calmed down and put my belt back around my waist, I said, "kind of, girls, but with a dance beat behind it."
Liking eastern sounding dance music is difficult to explain; there are so many genres of electronic music that have eastern sounding sections and phrases in them, which is why I always wear my Disco Halalt-shirt now. When dance fans stop me in Ruislip and ask me what kind of music I like, I just lift my shirt, I mean, jumper and point at the t-shirt underneath. Say no more.
I want to spread the joy, so I am today listing five eastern sounding dance music tracks that will set you off on your journey of eastern sounding dance music discovery, and I’m going to love every minute of it because listing eastern sounding dance music tracks for The Quietus on Best Promos is like making love to a beautiful woman: you start off slow and speaking Turkish, and by the end of the list you’re urgently, and extremely seriously, going at it like the clappers at around 140bpm.
Will you ever see that beautiful woman again? I reckon that after reading this, you’ll be eyeing up engagement rings in the Argos catalogue before the end of January.
Modern Folk Üçlüsü featuring Aysegul Aldinc - Dönme Dolap (Barış K Edit)
At only 104 beats per minute (and with loads of Turkish vocals on it) Dönme Dolap (Barış K Edit) by Modern Folk Üçlüsü is the perfect track to open this list with. Modern Folk Üçlüsü are an old-fashioned, boring looking band from donkeys years ago who made mostly rubbish music in Turkey (I don’t know who Aysegul Aldinc is).
Nobody had ever heard of them until the corking Barış K edit of their jaunty Dönme Dolap song was included in the Barış K-compiled Istanbul 70 compilation in 2011, and now EVERYBODY has heard of them! It’s a great warm up track for a trendy disco and if you don’t like it, you must have something missing.
You’re a dingbat.
The Maghreban - Revenge (feat. Rutendo Machiridza)
Let’s get cooking. I’m leading you into the bazaar now. Can you taste the eastern flava? The Maghreban, 45, is a very dear social media friend of mine, but I’m only friendly with him because he has an eastern sounding DJ name with an eastern looking logo.
Disappointingly, though, he doesn’t make loads of eastern sounding dance music, and I’ve just spent about half an hour going through his Bandcamp page trying to find something I can crowbar into this article. Revenge is the best I could come up with. It’s Grrrrrilliant and it sounds a bit eastern. Mmm.
The original Xumba Xumba by Spanish dance experts, Magic Mainline Orchestra, is one of the most uplifting and fun pieces of music to have ever come out of Europe in 2021, so I feel a bit bad for choosing the Eden Burns remix. I’ve chosen it for two good reasons, though: 1) it’s a couple of minutes longer than the original, and 2) it’s got a church organ in it.
I go to church every Sunday morning (big up to Father Michael at St. Paul’s in Ruislip Manor), and whenever Jean cranks up the organ, my feet begin to tap and I’m transported, in my head, to a far away land where manic munchkins chant “Xumba Xumba” over and over again on top of a funky beat and an even funkier eastern sounding top line that nobody in the congregation except for me and the Sunday School children would realistically appreciate.
Niv Ast - Tutto Bene (feat. Ruty Klein)
Is this cheesy or is this brilliant? This is the new one on Disco Halal, so if it’s not brilliant…I’ll eat my t-shirt.
I’ve just had a re-listen and it is brilliant. I’ve opened all the windows at Best Promos HQ, taken my jumper off and turned the volume up to full whack. Everyone in my street is dancing and singing along to the lyrics in their living rooms: I can see them through the net curtains with my binoculars. It’s bin day today in Eastcote and all the bin men and bin women are skipping, high fiving each other and laughing as they empty my food waste into their enormous, four-wheeled mega bins. Postman Pat has just delivered this week’s copy of The Quietus and given me a thumbs up and an OK sign whilst nodding his head and whistling along to Tutto Bene. There goes Noel in his massive Audi Q4 e-tron with a face like thunder. I absolutely love living in Ruislip.
DJ Zigi - Dancing On A Ceiling (Tony De Vit X-Tended Mix)
Okey doke. We’re at the end, but as I said earlier, we’re not finishing on a floppy downer, we’re climaxing with a hydraulic jackhammer that will leave everyone involved feeling satisfied, stretched, used, drained, and with a deeper understanding of eastern sounding dance music.
This track, for me, has everything; it’s hard, it’s fast, it’s eastern sounding and I first heard it on the Tony De Vit Elements CD when I was a teenager, so it’s very evocative. Academically speaking, Dancing On A Ceiling by DJ Zigi is a no-nonsense 90s hard house composition that TDV has cleverly reshaped and distilled for the drugged-up thickos in Birmingham to get them gurning even more, and that’s what it’s all about at the end of the day.
It’s also got the most OTT, comically sounding eastern melody out of all of the tracks on this list, so it gets a WHOPPING 10/10 from me.
I think that’s me done now. I’ve had quite enough of listening to eastern sounding dance music for today, thank you very much…
…I’m off to listen to some eastern sounding rock ‘n’ roll now! LOL
When I first heard that a shed was remixing a Sven Von Thülen track, I said, "hang on a minute, how the cowin' hell is a shed going to know its way around a bleedin' DAW! It couldn't even keep vertical in the middle of Storm Dudley!"
(My ego had taken over. I naturally assumed it was MY shed that was remixing Sven Von Thülen. I'm such a big head.)
I hollered at the team in a deep American accent, which caught their attention, "since when is my muthaflippin' shed being allowed to do remixes?!"
Pottsy being Pottsy, he took his trousers down, which made everyone laugh, and then excitedly screeched that it was Shed, not a shed, who was doing the remix! I felt like a right dingbat.
To be honest, though, Body Music (Shed Remix) by Sven Von Thülen does actually sound like it's been remixed by my shed! It's a right bloody racket. It's distorted beat after distorted bleep for about five minutes. There's no melody whatsoever and because I had it on full whack when I listened to it on the Best Promos office Funktion-One rig behind my desk, it's given me a headache. The original has at least got a bit of top line in it, but even that is just looped over and over and over again, like a circle.
Do I like this release?
Hell no...
...I love it! LOL
Body Music by Sven Von Thülen - the original and the Shed remix - is just the type of music you want to dance to in a nightclub. When you're buzzing your boobs off in a warehouse on pingers and poppers, the last thing you want to hear is Kings of Tomorrow or Don't Call Me Baby, you want the type of stuff that is going to make you bow your head, purse your lips, frown, close your eyes and stomp aggressively on the spot like a drugged up 2-year old girl as stranger massages the crown of your head.
Do you know what I mean?
So, with all that said, I can only award this release a STOMPIN' 10/10. Well done, guys.
Body Music by Sven Von Thülen (and Shed Remix) is out on FRIDAY 10 NOVEMBER on Work Them Records
Oooh. I've just heard an email notification alert on my computer. A ping. I'm waiting for an email back from The Quietus, you see. I applied to be their senior dance music correspondent executive last week. I sent my cover letter and CV off, so this is probably from them to say that they'd be delighted to have me on board! I know they're a bunch of clever clogs, but I can hold my own; I left school at 16 with a big, shiny C in my English GCSEs.
Right. I'll be back in a minute, readers. Probably with some good news! I'll need a glass of champers, no doubt! Tee hee!
Oh. It was an email from the Republic of Ireland :-(
:-)
The shadowy CEO of Apartment Records has written to me to keep me in the loop about a new release on their label by a Glaswegian, I mean, Galwegian, called Belacqua. The release is called Dropped Balls, so I was obviously intrigued. Not enough male producers tackle (pardon the pun) the issue of puberty and scrotal plunge, so a big up to Belacqua for having the balls (pardon the pun) to get to grips (pardon the pun) with it (pardon the pun) in such an open and honest way.
And what a way! Dropped Balls kicks off with a low tempo BANGER called Gunnish which sounds a bit like the intro to As Heard on Radio Soulwax Pt. 2, the version of Jack The Ripper by Screamin' Lord Sutch that The White Stripes used to do and that Peter Gunn song.
Maybe that's why he called it Gunnish? Hmm. Anyway, it sounds fab with a couple of red wowies and seven lines of Charlie chalk inside you. Trus' me.
So, we've established that it's a great piece of music, sure, but I'm not sure what it's got to do with the process of physical changes through which a child's body matures into an adult body capable of sexual reproduction. Belacqua - get in touch so we can discuss.
The rest of Dropping Balls is brilliant, but I won't go into too much detail. I suggest you BUY them all on the Apartment Records Bandcamp page and make your own mind up. It's all a bit mad and DIY, though, in a good way. There's also a nice remix of Gunnish by Marshall Applewhite which sounds like he's just added the original to Ableton, changed the Transient Loop Mode to Loop Forward and reduced the Transient Envelope number to about 50.
If I had a gun to my head (don't worry, readers, I haven't! LOL), I'd give Dropped Balls a well hung 10/10
Speaking of non-English dance music people, I watched a nice video this morning whilst I was sat on the bog. It was a new clip on the BBC Scotland Twitter that appeared in my feed of Scottish Ewan McVicar talking about putting on a festival in Scotland, rather than playing in Mia...
...hang on a minute, this video is from June! Twitter is properly crap nowadays, isn't it? LOL
So, actually, this is interesting. We're covering English, Irish and Scottish DJs today on Best Promos which begs the obvious question:
Why aren't there any Welsh DJs?
I might elaborate on this question next week because I just can't be bothered to (elaborate) at the moment. It's definitely food for thought, though. Where are they all?
Speaking of Ewan McVicar, his Geordie pal, Man Power, is playing loads of his records with Erol Alkan on Friday in North Shields, with Tony Y Not in New York on the Saturday and with Club Tularosa the following Friday in Los Angeles. He did a post about it on Instagram and I promised to beef up the ticket sales by promoting it all on Best Promos.
This Friday night, I'm taking my eldest to Scouts in Ruislip, on the Saturday the wife is babysitting for the in-laws, so I'll be staying in with the kids in Ruislip, and the following Friday night I'll be taking my eldest to Scouts in Ruislip.
And finally, our donk remix of that Beatles song is doing better than ever. Almost 100 views in just 4 days is what I call going viral, and unless I'm proved otherwise, it's the ONLY donk remix of any Beatles song ever, so that's something, isn't it?
Have a listen:
It's good, isn't it? If I'm not called up by Madonna to do her next album, I'll be very cowin' surprised.
I was going to do a bit about laughing gas being banned, and that the youth of today will now just start tickling each other in alleyways and street corners instead, but it was r-r-r-r-r-r-r-really crap, so I scrapped it.
Earlier this year I got chummy with a chap in The Beatles (Ringo Starr) and he very kindly hosted the very first Radio Ruislipradio show, which is still the highest rated radio show in Ruislip. We met in a nearby Screwfix, he complimented me on my new trainers and I told him that he was brilliant in Thomas The Tank Engine. We hit it off like a couple of massive lump hammers.
Now, if you've not been living under a rock for the last 24 hours (I love that phrase! LOL) you'll have seen that The Beatles have released a new song called Now And Then. It's a bit boring, and everyone is pretending that they think it's the best thing they've ever heard, and Ringo anticipated this response and sent me the stems of Now And Then ages ago. He emailed them to me in July with a simple message: "Make us a banger, lads. Peace and love. Peace and love."
And thus, and then and there and that is how Best Promos became to be to be the official remixer of The Beatles. Not Erol Alkan, not Four Tet ("4 Tits", I call him) and not Armand Van Helden. Me. Best Promos. Remixing The Beatles.
If John and George were alive today, they'd be so proud of me.
Have a listen and tell me it's not better than the boring original:
It's good, isn't it? I also need to send a big up to Gazza for providing additional vocals and vibes. Cheers Paul. Come on.
Anyway, Best Promos is not all about me, it's about promos. The best ones. Let's have a listen to some.
Last month, DJ Scuba sent me a red record and some stickers and I promised to listen to it and then feature it on Best Promos. And that is what I'm doing now.
Hardcore Heaven II is the follow up to Hardcore Heaven I, also by Scuba, and it's absolutely brilliant.
It's good, isn't it? It's good, and I'm actually rubbing your faces in it because you can't actually buy this in the shops or download it anywhere. It's a vinyl only release and it's all sold out, so get stuffed!
My favourite track is Tru Love because of the high-pitched vocals, but again, you can't get hold of this release anywhere, so me going on about it is only going to make you more angry and resentful of Best Promos for owning this record when you never, ever will.
Ever.
Hardcore Heaven II is everything The Prodigy was trying to be in the early 90s and so much more. It gets a WHOPPING 10/10 from the team here at Best Promos.
50% off everything today only at Hotflush Bandcamp Use code nov50 for digital items!
BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS
Who else do I like? Hmm.
Dispersion PR. They're usually sound people... ... ... ... ...Woah! Say whaaaaa?! Radio Slave has remixed Mouth to Mouth by Audion?? You're joking?!
I’ll always remember the first time I heard Mouth To Mouth. It was September 2006, and I was partying with friends in Berghain at a Cadenza party. Luciano was playing upstairs in the Panorama Bar to a packed dance floor, and I had one of those “what the cowing hell is this” moments when he dropped Mouth to Mouth. It just sounded so unique and absolutely destroyed the dance floor, and I left the club thinking I need this record.
To me, Mouth to Mouth always sounded like a disco record. It’s like Matthew took Funky Town to Detroit, and I think Radio Slave has created a version that has that vibe; modern and with a rich analogue sound. The entire track sounds to me like it was recorded using hardware. I think Radio Slave has added vocals, and I bet it's going to be great fun road-testing this at the club where I first heard Mouth to Mouth 17 years ago. In 2006. In Berghain.
Hang on a minute, after writing that, I had a look at the PR notes and Radio Slave shares almost 100% of my own sentiments on the record! Great minds!
Radio Slave Vs Audion - Mouth to Mouth is so good that I'm going to give it a score of 10/10. Unbelievable record, guys!
Oh. One more thing. Somehow, a live recording of one of our infamous No Requests parties in an unused Ruislip warehouse was leaked onto the Internet last week. I'm not happy that this was recorded and shared because we operate a strict no Dictaphone policy on the door. Someone has obviously snuck one in up their arse because my bouncers are very thorough when it comes to patting down.
This was a really bad post, but I've not done anything for a month, so the first one back is always going to be a bit rubbish. I'll be back next week with MORE and MORE and MORE reviews.
Dimple thy cheeks with laughter and dare not exclaim against thee, by pain of death and snarky online sub-Tweets, I beseech you. For Best Promos is the word and the way. Tread in the wake of me and breathe in perennial Paradise until the batteries run out.
Hmm, it wouldn't be perennial then, would it?
Hang on. Just checked my Collins English Gem Dictionary and I was right the first time, the "batteries" line does work after the use of the word, "perennial". Phew.
Now. Let's listen to some dance music! COME ON!
Space Dimension Controller, when he's not controlling dimensions in space, is ALWAYS making dance music. I think it's his job, poor soul. And this week, he's putting a r-r-r-r-r-really big eight track EP (EP?!) into the shops on the Hypercolour label.
Is it good?
Hell yes it's good!
It's called Na Púcaí and it's definitely good.
I can't find any videos or streams of any of this release anywhere yet, so I've taken the initiative and videoed a bit of my favourite track from my emails:
It's alright, isn't it? That one's called Continuate and I think it's about flying through space or something. I love it. It goes on for six minutes, and I promise you won't get bored by the fourth (minute).
The rest of the album, I mean, EP, sounds a bit similar to Continuate, except some tracks are faster than others and others are a bit slower. Weirdly, some of the tracks don't have any kick drums on, which is ok if you're into Brian Eno and that lot, but not ok if you only like dance music with kick drums in.
Me and all my mates prefer dance music with kick drums in it, but I won't let that get in the way of a MASSIVE 10/10 for Na Púcaí. It's a splendid release and Space Dimension Controller should be feeling extremely proud of himself. Well done, mate * double thumbs up emoji *
Na Púcaí is out on Friday 6 October (I can't believe it's October already!) on Hypercolour Records.
Now, we don't just listen to moronic dance music at Best Promos, we are also a gang of culture vultures who are constantly on the lookout for enriching things to do to enrich our lives. Mmm, enrichment.
Do we love the theatre?
Hell yes we love the theatre!
On Saturday night I treated the team here to a trip to Stratford-upon-Avon to see a play by the disgraced Canadian sprinter, Ben Johnson. It was called Every Man out of His Humour and it was being performed at a place called The Bear Pit by a company called Sweet Sorrow. I did have a look for Ben Johnson in the foyer, but I didn't see him...maybe he was in the changing room swallowing a load of performance enhancing drug pills. I don't know.
I also don't know what his play was about. I sat through about two hours of it, but I didn't have a clue what they were all going on about, and for a really clever bloke like me, that was a, that was a, that was a...I don't know what it was, but none of this is to say I didn't enjoy what I wasn't understanding. The acting was brilliant, and if everyone in that cast aren't Academy Award winners in Hollywood by 2030, I'll eat Jamiroquai's hat!
So, Every Man out of His Humour by the druggy runner, Ben Johnson, gets an enhanced 10/10 by the whole team here at Best Promos
I think they've finished the run now, so you can't go and see it and then tell me that you understood it to try and make me feel thick.
Listening to dance music at home is great, right? Right. Listening to dance music in a nightclub is even better, right? Hell yes!
Ok.
How about this: listening to dance music in a nightclub for only five pounds plus a one pound fee to Resident Advisor to cover the cost of providing their ticketing service? Sounds perfect, right? Right. So what's the catch, I can hear you saying. Let me tell you something, readers...there is no catch. Six pounds will get you a ticket to a nightclub in London to hear dance music being played all night long (from 8pm to 1am).
Man Power (real name, Powerful Mann) and Megan Leo (real name, Megan Leo) will be playing at my favourite central London nightspot, The Social, on Saturday 21 October for a party called SWIRL. Unfortunately, I'm in Essex that weekend, so can't make it. I need to organise my life better. There's no point in keeping on writing about clubbing if you're not going to a club more than once every five years.
If you've never heard Megan Leo play before, have a toot on this recent mix by her and her mate:
It's good, isn't it? It's a bit like the set I played at The Woodman in Ruislip last weekend. I'm trying to foster the Ruislip scene, but it's difficult when all anyone wants to listen to around here is Whitney Houston and Sean Paul.
Anyway, SWIRL at The Social. It'll be a lorra, lorra fun because of the venue and the DJs, and I hope the SWIRL people let me know asap when the next party is so I can sort my calendar out and come down.
iT'S TIME NOW FOR A NEW FEA...WHOOPS, SORRY. GOT MY CAPS LOCK ON. That's better.
It's time now for a new feature on Best Promos. It's called Interesting Pictures, and what it is is that every week I'm going to scavage around through the bins of the Internet for days on end, looking for the most interesting picture I can find. And it's got to be dance music related. I can't stress that enough. Has to be dance.
This week's Interesting Picture is of top dance writer, Joe Bloggs, I mean, Muggs. Joe Muggs. It's Joe Muggs and Steve "Interesting 147" Davis, the top snooker player and DJ.
I copied and pasted this picture from Joe's Instagram page and enhanced it in Microsoft Paint with some Best Promos corporate branding, and I haven't just invented this new feature to do a retro "interesting" joke about Steve Davis.
Hell no!
LOL! 😂
That new feature stunk, didn't it, readers? Let's have a listen to a bit more dance music and then I'll turn the blog off.
Moody looking baked beans super fans, Ivy Lab, released a couple of new songs the other week and one of them was with Manni Dee. I've liked Manni Dee for years now, so I'm really pleased to see him doing well for himself - even though he's from Wolverhampton (boing boing). That Adidas thing was ace. Ivy Lab have been around for years now, and all, and whenever I put their music on full blast, the boring old lady next door always sends her 7-stone husband around to ask me to turn it down. After laughing in his face, and blowing ganja smoke in his face, I turn his wheelchair around and give him a push to the end of the driveway, still laughing.
They do make me laugh, old people. Have a listen to this:
I had this one on at about 3am the other night, full blast, and I think that's the optimum time to listen to it. It's proper evil sounding, and at that time of night the neighbours are usually too scared to come knocking. Especially if I've got about twenty or thirty Ruislip Hells Angels pepped up on Charlie Chalk and steroids fighting with each other on the driveway, and that's as good a reason as any to whack a big fat 10/10 on top of it. Super stuff, guys.
Ghost x Dead Signal by Ivy Lab / Manni Dee is OUT NOW on Twenty Twenty London.
I'm knackered now. I'll be back next week with Radio Ruislip. I've been having a few problems with the guest host, Eminem. He keeps swearing, so I might have to ask Ringo Starr if he can step in again.
Today's post is a no intro post. There is to be no intro on today's post. Just straight in with the content. No messing about. Also, this is not the intro, by the way, it's just a message to say that there'll be no intro on this one. Please don't mistake this for the intro, or try and catch me out by saying that this is the intro. It's not. There is no intro today.
Saoirse is not only a brilliant DJ, she is not only a terrific producer and she is not only Irish; she is also a lover of hamburgers. In the olden days, when I wrote a proper blog, with a proper following, and I wrote for loads of other websites, I was invited to the opening of a hamburger restaurant in Hackney (see, readers, I used to be trendy) with the ginger CEO of Ran$om Note. It was a lovely evening, but I'm still annoyed at how tiny the hamburgers were. I'm glad I didn't have to pay for anything that night, but I remember that the hamburgers were expensive when I looked at the menu. You could fit one on the palm of your hand and still have room for a box of medium fries, I mean, chips.
I think Saoirse is a lover of hamburgers. I'm doubting myself now, I can't remember if she went for the vegetarian options. Hmm.
Saoirse - get in touch with Best Promos if you want to clear up the confusion on this. Do you love hamburgers or are you one of them vegetarian vegans?
Anyway, I'm not here to talk about hamburgers, I'm hear, I mean, here, to talk about dance music and Saorise playing dance music, not eating hamburgers. Or not eating hamburgers - I really can't remember if she did or not. Anyway, she played at Club Fabric on Saturday night from the beginning until the end. She must be knackered now. It looked really good, though, and the feedback I got from the people I spoke to who went was extremely positive. It was all in aid of having some fun and getting the good news out there about her terrific new fabric mix.
Have a listen to this snippet:
It's good, isn't it? I just wanted to plug it on Best Promos because I remember thinking she was a sound person at the hamburger restaurant and it's been years since I've been to Fabric. I don't know what I'm going on about now, but fabric Presents SAOIRSE is brilliant. If you put it on full blast, drink a couple of cans of lager, take some magic mushrooms, close your eyes and double-drop a couple of ecstasy E tablets, it's like you're right there on the Room 1 dance floor marching your socks off with a club full of beautiful strangers. Just - whatever you do - keep your eyes closed. Don't open them because when you realise you're in the living room by yourself and the wife and kids are due back in the next half an hour, it'll completely ruin your escapade. Trus' me.
fabric Presents SAOIRSE gets a WHOPPING 10/10 from the team here at BP.
South Martian dance music producer, Galaxy Brain, has not only got a brain the size of a galaxy, she is also a r-r-r-r-r-r-really good dance music producer. If you want proof, listen to this:
It's good, isn't it? That track is my favourite from the brilliant Technology EP (Remixes) by LDLDN. I don't know who LDLDN is, but they do a very nice t-shirt. My colleague, Pottsy, had a birthday in August, so I bought him a LDLDN t-shirts as a gift. I bought it into the office on the day and gave him the LDLDN t-shirt with a card. We all sang Happy Birthday and when he opened up the LDLDN t-shirt, he went bloody mad. He went mad!
And it's funny because when he gets angry, his stutter gets even worse.
LOL. It's a fantastic EP, though, jokes aside. I've played all of the tracks on this EP at least a dozen times and I'm still not bored. I used to hhhhhhhhhhate drum and bass, but that Drumskull remix has got me skanking all over the shop.
So, with that in mind, I hereby grant the Technology EP (Remixes) by LDLDN an out of this world 10/10 !
One last BIG UP goes to my new best friends: Carly Foxx and Daisybelle from the Only Fans House Party thing. They went above and beyond when I was searching for a brilliantly uplifting dance track they posted from an Ibizan plastic ball pool bathroom party. Shazam was less than useless, so I shamefacedly messaged them both on Instagram to BEG for information. They could have told me to clear off or, even worse, ghosted me to Kingdom Come, but they immediately racked their brains and told me what the track was. I then bought it off of Amazon.
Only Fans House Party are a lorra lorra fun, and they have a spooky party coming up in central London next month for Halloween. It's at Neon 194, which is one of those rare birds: a decent central London venue. The flyer (above) is quite scary, so don't show it to any minors or vulnerable relatives. If I can get down there with the missus, I will, but only if they promise to play Samba de Howa Howa...
...Only Fans House Party get a 10/10 for everything they ever do from now on.
And finally, I'm currently in the studio with none other than sweary rapper, Eminem! He's flown all the way from Detroit to Eastcote International Airport to cut this week's episode of Radio Ruislip, and let me tell you something, the language on him is appalling. He's got a mouth like an open sewer.
It's going to be a NSFW corker!
Whilst you wait for that, have a listen to the previous couple of episodes with Ringo Starr and Sylvester Stallone...
Does Best Promos stand WITH Róisín Murphy or do we stand AGAINST her? That question has been burning at BPHQ over the last week whilst I've been at Butlin's.
Our Head of People Services and Equalities, Scott MacDonald-Berger, has loved Róisín Murphy for years, and used to buy all of her stuff and would gush very loudly and proudly about how fabulous she is online, but now he absolutely flippin' hhhhhhates her. Our Head of Communications, Nathan "Pottsy" Potter, thinks we should cut her some slack and have a sensible discussion about it without all of the predictable cyber-aggro and name-calling.
It is now down to me, as editor and Managing Director of Best Promos, to adjudicate and pass judgement on this massive matter.
Here we go.
Kev: the editor and MD
Romans 12:9-21
A reading from the letter of Kev at Best Promos to the Romans.
Let love be genuine. Hate what is evil; hold fast to what is good; love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honour. Do not lag in zeal, be ardent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer.
Contribute to the needs of the saints; extend hospitality to strangers. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.
Live in harmony with one another; do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly; do not claim to be wiser than you are.
Do not repay evil for evil, but take thought for what is noble in the sight of it all. If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.
On the contrary:
“If your enemy is hungry, feed her/him/them; if he/she/they is thirsty, give her/him/them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on her/his/they're head.”
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Have a look at the Ninja Tune website and buy some stuff off it NOW: ninjatune.net
Bloody hell, readers, bear with me whilst I find the tweezers. I've got loads of massive splinters in my arse after sitting on that fence! LOL
So, whilst I'm pulling wood out of my bum (oo-er, missus!), have a listen to this song by Screaming Lord Sutch and thank all the Gods and science that you're alive to rejoice in this thing called life.
Before you know it, you'll be dead.
I'll be back soon with a proper blog and some more Radio Ruislip. I think Vince McMahon might be hosting it, so that'll be good, won't it?
It's Rambo. It's Rocky. It's the bloke out of Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot. It's Sylvester Stallone. My favourite film star by a mile. Sly made his way to Eastcote from Los Angeles last Tuesday and we had the show "in the can" by Wednesday lunchtime - he's a true professional and a great bloke.
Here's the SoundCloud link for Radio Ruislip: Episode 2:
1. Tom Jones and Mousse T. - Sex Bomb [Gut - V2] 2. Amor Fati - JAILBIRD (RED AXES EDIT) [Unreleased] 3. Lil Nas X feat. Billy Ray Cyrus - Old Town Road [Columbia] 4. Van Morrison - Brown Eyed Girl [London Recordings]
< ADVERTS >
5. Roman Flügel - Whatever That Is [Running Back] CLICK THIS TO BUY IT 6. Pharrell Williams - Happy [Columbia] 7. Julio Bashmore & T. Williams - ZP Dub [Local Action] CLICK THIS TO BUY IT 8. Wet Wet Wet - Love Is All Around [London Recordings]
< ADVERTS >
9. Man Power - Pick A Number Choose A Colour [Sound As Records] CLICK THIS TO BUY IT 10. Megan Leo - Golden Eclipse [Me Me Me] CLICK THIS TO BUY IT 11. Guns N Roses - Sweet Child o' Mine [Geffen] 12. Matt Redman - 10,000 Reasons [sixsteps]
Here's the Mixcloud link:
What a show. He said that he's not much of a DJ after train-wrecking that Megan Leo transition, but I thought he was wonderful. A great bloke.
If you like the show, please help us out by sharing it with all your friends and neighbours. Ta x
I'm not sure who's hosting next week's show. I need to put some feelers out...
I know what the world needs: another Internet-based radio show or podcast with a diverse range of trendy musical genres, but rooted firmly on the dancefloor, presented by an earnest (usually bored) host linking the tunes together...
...NOT!
I was struck with the idea of doing a radio show because writing this blog is bloody BORING, and I needed a new creative outlet. With a stroke of luck, I bumped into Ringo Starr in a chat room, and after a dirty back and forth, he agreed to host the first ever Best Promos radio show: Radio Ruislip. I was thrilled. My only criticism of him is that - like anybody who's lived abroad for so long - he's forgotten how to pronounce, "Ruislip", but that's ok - he's an absolute totes ledge, and his enthusiasm for the tunes is infectious.
So, budge up NTS, the RA podcast, Soho Radio, Craig Charles, errr, and all the other ones, and make some room for Best Promos and Radio Ruislip...we've got our pyjamas on!
Sylvester Stallone will be hosting next week.
Here's the SoundCloud link for Radio Ruislip: Episode 1:
1. Kevin feat. Ringo Starr on drums - Best Promos Theme 2. Ice Cube - A Gangster's Fairytale 3. Mike & Rich - Winner Takes All 4. The Maghreban - All Of UUU 5. Fun Boy Three - Our Lips Are Sealed
< ADVERTS >
6. Radio Slave feat. Cagedbaby - Amnesia (Instrumental Mix) 7. Dave Brubeck - Camptown Races 8. Taggy Matcher - Big Fun 9. Raul Orellana - The Real Wild House (Only Fans House Party Edit)
< ADVERTS >
10. The Gun Club - Preaching The Blues 11. Sweatson Klank feat. Girls On The Internet - Not Alone 12. Beastie Boys - Sure Shot (European B-Boy Mix) 13. Beastie Boys - Sure Shot 14. Dave Aju & The Invisible Art Trio - Next 2 You 15. Untidy Dubs - To The Beat 16. Caroline Marie Noel - At The Name Of Jesus
Here's an advert:
Here's the Mixcloud link:
Thanks for listening. Please, if you have a heart, please, please, please share Radio Ruislip on your social media things because I know it's good, you know it's good, but The World Won't Listen.
Until next time. Enjoy your week :-) xxx
If you want Sylvester Stallone to talk all over YOUR promos or tunes next week, get in touch...
