I was watching a documentary last night about Luciano...no, not THAT Luciano! LOL. Sorry, mid-00s Latin-American minimal techno fans! I was watching a programme about Luciano Pavarotti; that big, fat Italian opera singer. Do you know why he was so fat? They said that before every opera concert, he wouldn't go on unless he'd had fourteen large Big Mac meals (with full fat cola and BBQ sauce) delivered to his dressing room along with a six pack of Guinness. Once he'd washed his Big Mac meals down with the Guinness, he then had seven puddings. He'd mix it up every night. One night he'd have a big bowl of bread pudding, an apple crumble with custard, some spotted dick, a whole Viennetta, a whole Swiss roll, a whole Battenberg and a strawberry trifle! The next night he might just have seven bowls of spotted dick. He was a right greedy get, but he was happy. After his puddings, he'd have a big mug of tea, a double pack of custard creams and a split pot yoghurt. Only then, would he go on and sing Nessun Dorma to the posh nerds out front. Absolute legend.
They said that when he died in 2007, they couldn't find a coffin big enough, so they had to customise a wooden rowing boat and bury him in that. It's unbelievable. And instead of laying flowers and wreaths on the coffin, mourners were encouraged to leave things like American-style cheddar cheese slices, fried bread and pickled onions on it. Elton John apparently broke down in tears as he carried a Yorkshire leg of lamb down the aisle. Sheryl Crow said it was the saddest thing she'd ever seen.
Bono had to pick him up, but he was a nervous wreck himself because he'd volunteered to sing In My Life by The Beatles as a video montage of Pavarotti was played on a portable projection screen behind him whilst the coffin was lowered into the ground. The trouble was, the pall bearers weren't strong enough to lift the coffin with all of that food on top of it, so they had to go and find a forklift truck from somewhere. When they finally had one delivered to the church, the only person at the funeral with a fork lift truck training accreditation from the ITSSAR was Kevin Rowland out of Dexys Midnight Runners. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It sounded like a right royal cock up.
(Now, watch how I do this...)
What doesn't sound like a right royal cock up is the latest EP by Ost & Kjex (pronounced Ost and Kurjecks). It's called Remixes From The End Of The World and let me tell you know, it's Grrrrrrrrilliant!
(I'm the best in the business)
There are three tracks, one called The Gallery, one called Dickie's Pix and the last one is called Mountain Girl. I've just had a proper read of the PR letter and this EP is a remix EP of their recent album, Songs From The End Of The World. Ahh, I get it now. Ok.
Ivan Smagghe's mate, Chloé Thévenin, remixes The Gallery. It's really cool. It's got one of them basslines that sounds like a buzzing bee and some whispery vocals that sound mysterious, but she could be singing about anything, to be honest. For all we know, it could be a song about making some sandwiches. It's a really, really cool song.
Avery Baker from EastEnders's (RIP) mate, The Maghreban, 44, is the remix maestro on the second track. It's called Dickie's Pix, and I don't know what this one is about, either. There is a vocal on it, but like The Gallery, it's whispered and has wishy washy effects on it that make it difficult to make out, which is disappointing, if truth be told.
The music is good, though. It's got a bassline that sounds like it got out the wrong side of the bed and a sample of Sir Patrick Moore playing the xylophone on GamesMaster. Another bit of it is good, too. It's them little stabby, breathy chord things. I think if you're listening to this on illegal high drugs, it'll make you feel like you're walking down some stone stairs to a dungeon, but in a good way.
Circo Loco's mate, Thomas Melchior, rounds things up with a STOMPING remix of Mountain Girl. This one will have you throwing your hands up in the air, whooping and demanding a rewind from whoever you hear playing it. In fact, the Hillingdon bin men outside have just been lobbing pebbles at my window and screaming at me to "play it again!" Did I oblige? Hell yes I obliged. Mountain Girl (Thomas Melchior Remix) has got the words "dancefloor melter" stamped all over it. It's a certified heater and a guaranteed 2024 Grammy award winner of the BOOMING BEAST award in the dance category. I feel sorry for the poor PA systems and Funktion-One speakers that are going to struggle with the ferocity this banger bomb is packing.
Let's get down, let's get down to business. Remixes From The End Of The World by Ost & Kjex is brilliant, so I can't give it any less than a 10/10. Congratulations!
Remixes From The End Of The World by Ost & Kjex is OUT NOW on Snick Snack Music.
BUY IT HERE: Remixes From The End Of The World
Follow Snick Snack Music on Instagram
Follow Ost & Kjex on Instagram
Follow Chloé on Instagram
Follow The Maghreban on Twitter and on Instagram
Follow Thomas Melchior on Instagram
Hmm. A lot of things to follow, there. If I had a gun to my head and had to recommend just one of them, I'd go with The Maghreban because he sometimes "Likes" things I Tweet about on Twitter.
Up next is an album I've been listening to a lot lately. It's called WOMAN, LIFE, FREEDOM, and it's a compilation of dance songs by Iranian women. I don't do much politics or serious stuff on here because it's always a bit embarrassing when thick people in dance music put their activism shades on and strut about social media giving it the big 'un.
One is reminded of Jarvis Cocker on Question Time. LOL. One is.
Anyway, I'm thick, but I read this last week and thought it was an interesting article, so I bought the album: bbc.co.uk/newsbeat
It's all been put together by Nesa Azadikhah and DJ Aida, who are making the point that the capers we take for granted in Great Britain (necking eight or nine pingers, sniffing charlie chalk, marching on the spot and gurning all night in a flashy nightclub) are actually considered illegal, indecent acts in Iran.
Some of the techno on WOMAN, LIFE, FREEDOM is hard and a bit mad, which I love, and some of it is moody, beatless chill-out room padding, which I can't be bothered with, but the album will hopefully raise awareness of the protest movements in Iran and get some money heading that way to help organisations that help women in Iran. Never let it be said that we at Best Promos don't support good causes. Please don't let that ever be said.
Yeah, man. I feel so, like, politically charged now, that I'm going to award this compilation a well-earned score of 10/10!! Right on!
WOMAN, LIFE, FREEDOM is OUT NOW on Apranik Records.
BUY IT HERE: VA - WOMAN, LIFE, FREEDOM
Follow Nesa Azadikhah on Twitter and on Instagram
Follow DJ Aida on Instagram
Follow Apranik Records on Instagram
I'm going to chuck my political air horn in the bin now and shine a light on an event that, whilst nowhere near as important as an uprising in Iran is on a global scale, is probably, to a small group of well-to-do hippies and geriatric liberals in east London, quite a significant occasion in itself. Ransom Note drag their massive light-box and their even bigger website to The Social on Friday night where they'll be starting a new monthly party in the famous underground basement AND the bar upstairs on the ground floor.
I think I'm free that night, so I might go down for a beer and a little spy on what it's all like. I wonder what it'll be like?! I wonder if it'll be a 10/10 night?!?!?!
Find out by buying tickets here: PLEASURE POOL AT THE SOCIAL
Follow The Ransom Note on Twitter and on Instagram
Follow The Social on Twitter and on Instagram
Well, that was another terrific blog post from the team here. Well done, guys. Have the rest of the week off! LOL.
We'll be back next week with either an interview with Robotek Reagan or some more Hilarious Lookalikes. It'll be one or the other, trust me.
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