Best Promos: Pre Christmas Post

I was all set to jack this blog in last week. It all felt so futile and pointless...and futile. I was about to press the big red 'DELETE BLOG' button on the blogger site when I had a wake up and smell the tea moment and shook myself out of it. I said, "come on, mate, get back on the horse. Not heroin, an actual horse. Not an actual horse, a metaphorical horse and ride it back to glory, not to actual glory, a metaphorical glory, no not metaphorical, an actual one, sorry." My stirring words to myself stirred me up to log back in and grind out some more of THIS for NO reason.

Thank you.

It's now Christmastime, which is lovely, because we all get to enjoy the old Christmas songs again, don't we ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls? Christmas songs is all I have at the moment, too, because I've not been sent anything decent to listen to on the dance music front for ages. Who took over Melissa Maouris' clients? Her PR portal used to be fucki..ooh, almost swore then! Melissa Maouris' promos used to be flipping brilliant, but I don't know who took on her artists after she jacked in PR for the spiritual yoga stuff. For Best Promos to survive long term, we need to get on some more promo lists. I'll work on that in the new year, it's all a bit of a wind down now...let's look at some Christmas songs, and I'll do a proper feature on the BRILLIANT new Man2.0 release next week.

So, let's get stuck into...

THE BEST CHRISTMAS SONGS EVER!

NUMBER 1

Another Rock and Roll Christmas by Gary Glitter

Rock n Roll bad boy, Gary Glitter, released Another Rock and Roll Christmas a full 13 years before he became a notorious celebrity paedophile, so it's ok to like it, I think? Correct me if I'm wrong.

Another Rock and Roll Christmas was taken from the critically acclaimed and multi Grammy award nominated LP, Boys Will Be Boys, which is celebrated for it's rousing music and spine-chilling cover; depicting the larger-than-life, child-abusing mega-villain, Gary Glitter, as the larger-than-life, child-abusing mega-villain, Freddy Kruger; a full 8 months before A Nightmare On Elm Street was released.

Boys Will Be Boys was released on 10 March 1984

A Nightmare on Elm Street was released on 9 November 1984

YOU DO THE MATH!

Another Rock and Roll Christmas is simply a wonderful Christmas song. Give it a go. The church bells at the beginning literally make your cheeks glow and it puts you in the mood for Gary's singing. Before he comes in, though, Gary's backing singers start shouting the word, "Christmas!" again and again and again. After that it's just minute after minute after minute of the kind of good old fashioned rock n roll pop that you don't get in the charts these days. It's all "bling" this and "chav" that in 2022. Music was much, much better when I was young. This cheery, upbeat tune by GG gets a SOLID 10/10 from everyone here in Eastcote.

NUMBER 2

Sleigh Ride by S Club Juniors

Back when it was illegal to say you fancied Frankie out of The Saturdays, S Club Juniors melted our snowy, wholesome hearts with this incredible rendition of the TLC smash hit Christmas song, Sleigh Ride, in 2002; a full 3 years before you could legally say you fancied Frankie. Hmm. Not sure I like the way this post is going today, it's a bit creepy. Sorry everyone. Maybe I should talk about the upcoming Man2.0 release instead. Lighten things up a bit.

My dance music celebrity chum, Man2.0, has got a Christmas EP coming out in time for Christmas on Thursday 22 December (Christmastime) 2022. It's called Heathers, and let me tell you now, folks, it's got everyone here at Best Promos HQ a jingling and a belling. Ho ho ho. There are three original tracks on it plus a couple of remixes, and all of them are really, really, r-r-r-r-r-r-r-really good.

The first song is called Heathers, and I reckon Perc would play this, but pitched up to +9 or something. It's got a non-stop beat, loads of bass and toms, and some weird bleeping noises every now and again. No idea what it's got to do with Christmas, but I'm not in charge.

After Heathers, it's a song called Blam Blam. This song would sound great in the middle of a Posthuman set (or whoever else plays acid music these days) because it's got bits of acid scattered all over it like seeds in Worzel Gummidge's field on a nice summer's day. For a bit of fun, I took acid before listening to Blam Blam, waited for the acid to kick in and then pressed play on my MP3 player. Before I knew it, I was seeing Worzel Gummidge everywhere, and he was scattering seeds all over my living room! It might sound like something out of a horror film, but having Worzel Gummidge's laughing face pulsating through my walls, wherever I looked, was actually quite funny. He was even in the shower when I unsuccessfully tried to scrub and clean the acid out of me, bless him. He couldn't stop laughing at me.

Breaking the ‘don’t post unreleased stuff’ rule. pic.twitter.com/osr1vUrxnD
— MAN2.0 (blue tick) (@manmachine201) December 12, 2022

Software Cracked is the next song on the EP and I can see why he's called it that. It sounds like he made this on crack! LOL. It's a right weird racket. I played it to my in-laws over the phone and they said it was a load of rubbish. I disagree with them, but it's all a bit demented. There's no melody, no proper singing on it. It's the kind of thing you could play at 5.45am in the club and then watch everyone start to march on the spot very seriously, pulling faces that you didn't think anyone could ever really pull in real life. Pouting like mad, smacking their lips and rolling their eyes up a lot. It's obvious what demographic this song is aimed at.

The two remixes by Fear-E and Black Light Smoke are both...ssssmokin'! LOL. Ch-check them out, etc.

I don't think there are any previews yet or pre-order pages open for Heathers yet, but I'll keep plugging it on here over the next few weeks because I am a firm believer in giving. Give to the community and the community will give back. I'm still waiting for what I'm owed after all the giving I've done this year, but it'll come. I'm tellin' ya. It'll come.

Like Gary Glitter, Man2.0 gets a jolly yuletide 10/10 gift from the team here at Best Promos for Heathers!

Heathers by Man2.0 is out on Death Decay Magic on Thursday 22 December.

Pre-order it here: Heathers | Man 2.0 | Death Decay Magic

Follow Man2.0 on Twitter and Instagram

Follow Death Decay Magic on Instagram

Follow Fear-E on Instagram

Follow Black Light Smoke on Instagram

State Of The Heart instrumentals. I was going to do a big thing about this album, but I think it's best I just let it speak for itself. Have a listen:

Nice, isn't it? The other end of the scale is the new/old Slade album that's out this month. It's called Crackers, and it's proper working class party music, and I can say that without feeling like a polished penis because I grew up on the YEW TREE ESTATE in WALSALL, I left school at SIXTEEN and then worked in a FACTORY in WEST BROMWICH - and if you think I'm joking, or trying to make myself sound hard, come to Eastcote and we'll see who's hard. Ok? Just come down to Eastcote and we'll see.

This is an absolutely brilliant album. especially their version of Okey Cokey: