Last week on Best Promos, I quite rightly called out Chromeo for only having one (admittedly brilliant) song that they just redo over and over again in different keys. I called them out because I've been watching social media trends quite closely over the last week, and the best way to get "traction" nowadays is to be absolutely flipping horrible about people.
Being horrible about people, being anti-foreign DJs, loads of racialism, loads of men queuing up to have it off with women on the telly and loads of making things up is what gets you places in 2025, so I've made the editorial decision, rightly or wrongly, to go full on HHHHHATEFUL with Best Promos.
I'm going to litter today's post with negativity to see if it gets me any more followers/shares/clout/money.
So, watch out Resident Advisor, Look-In and Ran$om Note, you are about to be exposed for harbouring nasty, nasty (sub) "humans" in your offices. You are, and always have been, on the wrong side of history. Especially the tropical Scottish one at Ran$om Note.
Do you know what I hate? It's when DJs play in English clubs who aren't English or male, so I'm really glad to see there's a working class Englishman doing so well for himself these days. Mankind, I mean, Man Power, is probably the best English DJ going these day, along with Danny Rampling, Allister Whitehead, Kerry Chandler, Surgeon, Regis and Kathie Lee.
If you ask me, I'd even go as far as saying...
...err.
...did you read that our "Prime" Minister, "Sir" Keir Starmer, is now making all of our little kiddies watch that depressing drama, Adolescence? When I was a kid, if we had a free lesson, our teacher (Mrs. Powell) would let us watch Rosie and Jim or Trapdoor. Can you imagine being in Year 3 and the headmaster drags you all into the hall to watch four hours of Stephen Graham and that kid kicking off in a police station? It'll definitely turn all of our young 'uns into lunatics who will then definitely end up in a looney bin. I'm telling ya.
Hmm. That bit was horrible, crap AND unfunny. Not sure how long I'll be able to keep this up. Let's have a look through my promo emails to see what music I can slag off instead...
...I've got an email from HYPE Filter with a link to a promo copy of Pure Brown Energy by...Brown Angel...?
And it's on a label called...Dark Entries?!
Can I do this? Bloody hell. Ok, think of the clout and cash I can grift on this...
Pure Brown Energy by Brown Angel? I'm not being funny, but if I want to listen to that CONTENT REMOVED BY BEST PROMOS LAWYERS music, I'd pop down CONTENT REMOVED BY BEST PROMOS LAWYERS if it wasn't infested with CONTENT REMOVED BY BEST PROMOS LAWYERS. Between you and me, this kind of CONTENT REMOVED BY BEST PROMOS LAWYERS stuff only makes sense to CONTENT REMOVED BY BEST PROMOS LAWYERS in the CONTENT REMOVED BY BEST PROMOS LAWYERS, and when Farage gets in, we won't have to worry about tripping over this CONTENT REMOVED BY BEST PROMOS LAWYERS kind of CONTENT REMOVED BY BEST PROMOS LAWYERS anyway. By the looks of it, Brown Angel is not only CONTENT REMOVED BY BEST PROMOS LAWYERS, but is also a massive CONTENT REMOVED BY BEST PROMOS LAWYERS, so this unticks all the boxes for me and my mates.
And don't get me started on the record label it's on. Dark Entries? No thanks, the only CONTENT REMOVED BY BEST PROMOS LAWYERS entry I can live with is when I wipe my big, CONTENT REMOVED BY THE BEST PROMOS TASTE AND DECENCY SPECIALISTS on a copy of the Socialist Worker, and I know that doesn't make any sense, so don't bother pointing it out 😡
Will I be buying Pure Brown Energy by Brown Angel on Dark Entries? No, because I've already got a free copy of it now from HYPE Filter, but despite everything I said in the previous paragraph, I would highly recommend buying it. It's great!
Why? Well, we had a vote in the office and it gets a woke 10/10 from the majority loony left faction here, so I have to recommend it, apparently.
BUY IT HERE: Pure Brown Energy
Follow Brown Angel on Instagram
Follow Dark Entries on Instagram
😡😡😡😡😡😡
I didn't feel very comfortable being THAT racialist and homophobic there, and God knows if it will make it through our legal department, but needs must in the dog-eat-dog social media swamp. It's actually a really good EP, I've had it on loop whilst writing this crap.
Ok. Let's get sensible and do some politics...
...did you read that our "Prime" Minister, "Sir" Keir Starmer, is now making all of our little kiddies watch that depressing drama, Adolescence? When I was a kid, if we had a free lesson, our teacher (Mrs. Powell) would let us watch Rosie and Jim or Trapdoor. Can you imagine being in Year 3 and the headmaster drags you all into the hall to watch four hours of Stephen Graham and that kid kicking off in a police station? It'll definitely turn all of our young 'uns into lunatics who will then definitely end up in a looney bin. I'm telling ya.
So, thank God for Donald Trump and Elon 'DOGE' Trump. They've seen what's happening over here and said, "No, no, no. Not happening here, mate. Stuff that!"
Apparently, whispers from the White House suggest that instead of Adolescence, the Trumps are going to make every English-speaking kid in the world watch On The Buses and Married...with Children. Apparently, Elon Musk was saying on an online Fortnite play-along with Joe Rogan that the only way to reverse the Woke Mind Virus was to make children watch programmes that the lefties think are a bit backwards and sexist, when they're not really sexist or thick; they're just really funny. Literally nobody could watch On The Buses and Married...with Children and not laugh. They're just funny programmes, so after we've brainwashed the next generation into finding things like sexism funny, we can then get them into stuff like Bernard Manning and Charlie Palmer. Then, eventually, we can all start laughing again. They're making comedy legal, and that's only a good thing.
Right. Enough politics, this isn't Newsnight or Question Time!! LOL.
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| I don't know what N.A.S.A. means |
I read yesterday that Corsica Studios is closing down. I didn't read the article, I only read the headline, so I'm just assuming that it's closing down due to multiple E deaths and because of the number of illegal asylum seekers now flooding into Elephant and Castle. I imagine an Albanian or Muslim drug cartel has taken over the club and is using it to either launder money via an in-house barber shop and vape counter or it's become a training hub for an illegal trans grooming gang from up north. I'm really upset about this, actually, because I went there once in about 2013 for an I Love Acid party and I really liked it.
Hopefully, the Ministry of Sound can keep south London dancing, but how long before that one gets taken over? When was the last time you saw an English DJ on the line up at MoS?
Makes you think, doesn't it?
Right, I'm getting proper wound up now, so let's take a break. Go and make a cup of English tea and come back in a couple of minutes for p-p-p-p-p-part 2.
Please.
The end.
Is that really the end?
I wrote a whole bit about a grassroots movement affiliated with Tommy Robinson and Danny Rampling called Make English Dance Music Great Again (MEDMGA), but it was so CRAP and aggressively anti-everybody that I had to delete it and wonder what on earth I was thinking by even writing and publishing this post. It was even worse - and even less funny - than the Donald Trump / On The Buses section. Then I had to make a work call because I actually have quite an important, incredibly well-paid and responsible job outside of Best Promos for a local government organisation, and I felt a bit immature and stupid for spending time on a dance blog that nobody reads when I could be tweaking a spreadsheet. After my massive work promotion in July 2024, I've hardly had any time or mental space to be creative and immature, but maybe I should get back into regular dance blogging because, despite the undeniable low quality of this particular post, the rest of this blog is absolutely brilliant.
Plus, I watched a programme about Francis "Biffa" Bacon last night and he was drawing all sorts of nonsense right into his old age, and he became a Sir out of it! What do you say, Charles? Not my King? You will be if you knight me. What do you say?
Anyway, I've just checked; and out of the 103 posts on Best Promos, this is the only racist, sexist and homophobic one, and I promise that if I do write again, I'll focus on the positives in life because this style of......discourse (I really hate that word) has a limited shelf life. People generally want to get along, right?
Right?!
The end.
